Ode to the Queen (11 page)

I touched my mouth in surprise, replaying the moment over again in my head. All I could remember was how much I wanted to make him hurt for all the times he had hurt me. Why had I needed retribution so bad? Had that been Hera controlling me?

Sinking to the ground I pressed my back against the wall. Only then could I feel how badly my heart was racing now, how my hands were shaking and my stomach had been reduced to nothing but a bundle of nerves. I didn’t mean half the things she had forced me to say, let alone bear any knowledge toward their accuracy.

There was a crash from behind the door and I heard something shatter but I didn’t move, fear gripped me. Obviously wherever Hera had managed to draw those words from they had been the right thing to say, just as what Aidan – or was it Zeus – had said to me had had the same reaction. Had we both lost ourselves to our passionate Gods? I could only hope he regretted the things he had said as much as I did.

Pushing myself back onto my feet I went into the kitchen and leant over the counter, bracing myself on its edge while my body continued to convulse lightly. I needed something to steady my nerves if I was going to still go out and meet Griffin tonight. But suddenly it didn’t seem like such a good idea.

As much as I wanted to put all this behind me for one night and forget about it, I was too worked up. I needed to get a grip on myself first before I went out and acted like everything in the last 12 hours hadn’t affected me as much as it had.

Besides, could I see Aidan after everything I had just said? I didn’t know if I could face the guilt of it all.

I didn’t even know anything about his father or his family life but something in me had told me to say those things and they had worked. I wasn’t the only one with daddy issues it would appear but I knew how bad it felt to have someone else stir up those feelings. To do that to someone else was cruel and manipulative.

I think Hera knew that. I shuddered to think how she could so easily be that way toward someone she was supposed to love.

Thinking about my favourite wine I opened the fridge, which revealed to me an endless supply of bottles. It was exactly the right thing I needed to dive into right now to get myself together and push the events of the last 24 hours away out of my mind completely.

A couple bottles had turned out to not be enough. By the seventh bottle I wasn’t feeling any pain. I also couldn’t explain to anyone why it had taken seven bottles to get to this point when my normal limit was a bottle and a half on a good night.

Some half-conscious part of me recalled that perhaps being a Goddess also entailed a higher tolerance for alcohol. So I didn’t question the thought any further. Miraculously, I had managed to dress appropriately in order to impress the “Prince of Darkness”. I had even gotten my hair and makeup to look somewhat professional despite the happy buzz I was feeling.

The more I drank the more I convinced myself that what Aidan said hadn’t mattered. I didn’t care because even if he didn’t want to be my ally I had a friend in Griffin. I didn’t need Aidan, and I’d certainly proven that by standing up to him and defending myself.

He would be hard pressed to tell me I needed him to fight my battles anymore when I had put him in his place as no one else had ever done, or at least this is what I told myself repeatedly, all the while wagging the mascara wand at my own reflection.

I took one last lingering look at myself in the mirror, appraising the beautiful grey silk wrap dress the closet had conjured. It gathered at my waist with layers of gauzy sheer material wrapping up over my shoulder where a bow rested to complete the look. Despite being monochromatic, accented with a dark smoky eye, I certainly thought I looked like the Queen I wanted to be.

I finished it off with jewelled accessories and swept my hair over one shoulder before heading out, already half an hour later than intended to meet Griffin at the club.

It was unnerving how quickly time could both pass and take its time in this place. It seemed to have a mind of it’s own and functioned exactly how you needed it to. When it felt like you needed more time it would drag on, and when you just needed time to pass it would fly by. Gone were the days when Saturday would come and I’d wonder where the week had gone because now I had exactly every bit of the 24 hours a day that I wanted.

Being mostly drunk had its benefits as I found myself navigating the hallways a bit better than usual. I had the amusing thought that perhaps Mount Olympus had been built by Dionysus after a weeklong bender just as my hand pushed open the door that walked me straight into the club.

It was surprising to see how many people were actually there when I had certainly not been aware that there were this many people even in the mountain. With only 12 Olympians I had assumed there was maybe a total of thirty people within our rock castle but there was definitely more than thirty people packed in this club, enjoying the benefits of no identification system and free flowing booze.

The first thing I did was move to the bar, wanting to get a few more shots in me before I sought out Griffin who might see how intoxicated I was and want to regulate me. But then again that might be my paranoia talking since I got the distinct impression that Griffin himself was drunk most of the time.

Signalling the bartender, I was taken aback to see Dana behind the counter as she came over to me.

“Hey Savannah, what can I get you?” I stared at her, trying to understand how she had managed to find out she was a Goddess and in turn end up just being the major Gods’ slave.

“You work here?” I stupidly blurted out.

She laughed, not taking any offence and nodded, “on busy nights like this, yes. Can I get you something?” She tried again but I wasn’t going to let it go.

“But aren’t you a Goddess?” I said, wagging my finger at her in an accusatory fashion. It seemed ludicrous to me that she would find out she was immortal and then agree to be a worker bee for the rest of eternity. Who would do that?

“Well, I guess technically I am… But they call my kind the muses. We inspire the world with song, dance, and poetry… But we’re also the handmaidens of the Gods, well - to the King and Queen of the Gods.”

I turned my finger on myself and gaped at her, “you’re my servant?”

She laughed again and shrugged slightly, “if you’re the Queen of the Gods then yes, I would say so. Now, is there something I can get you?”

Atlas really was trying to repopulate the world with mythical creatures from the days of old. I doubted that Zeus had meant for the Titans to be released from their prison when the Gods awoke and yet Atlas had ensured the freedom of his brethren. Vaguely my numbed mind wondered if he had a game plan, if there was a plot bigger than all this that only the weight bearing Titan knew about.

Dana was still staring at me; no doubt that infallible patience had to be wavering slightly with drunk me.

“Oh, uh… right.” I smiled dopily at her, losing my train of thought to place my order: “Can I have two shots of something strong and fruity?” She turned away and set to work as I turned, my eyes scanning the room taking in as much as I could of the darkened club. It wasn’t anything different from any other club I’d been to but it certainly reflected the namesake from which it drew its inspiration.

The walls were uneven rock edges as though we were in a cave, the music echoed off their wet sides. I could hear the distinct trickle of water over the pounding music but couldn’t see its source through the bodies crowding the dance floor. Lights without sources hung about the room giving the cave the dim lighting necessary to see only a foot in front of you.

The music that played was unusual to me; it certainly wasn’t typical club music. It sounded like it belonged to a ritual of some kind. But there was a definite trance beat underlying the otherwise folk like noises that persuaded everyone to dance along to the beat. It was different but it wasn’t offsetting. So it was easy to fall into its rhythm and dance along. Maybe it was supposed to be a rave-like atmosphere, I wondered to myself.

Dana returned with two shot glasses larger than normal and held them out to me.

“Enjoy!” She shouted over the beat of the music before turning away and heading for the next patron. I picked up the shot glass, scrutinising it for a moment before throwing my head back and tossing the liquid down my throat. It certainly didn’t taste like there was alcohol in it, but it did have all the fruity notes I had asked for.

Licking my lips I set it down, reaching for the second when I heard a voice above the crowd, far too close for comfort and definitely recognisable.

“So there we were: half fumbling to get undressed, her hand down my pants when the door opened and her father, the headmaster, enters. She froze, hand still buried down the front of my dress pants and I turned to him and calmly said: ‘Sir, this isn’t what it looks like. She was just looking for my Balzac.’”

I rolled my eyes, suppressing the urge to gag at his story, but the girls he was with no doubt thought it was hilarious as their shrill laughs made their way to my ears.

I grabbed the second shot and pounded it back quicker than the first one before signalling to Dana I wanted two more. It was inevitable that I would end up liking Aidan; we were so much alike.

Here he was: surrounded by young, gorgeous women wooing them all with his pompous stories of glory because he needed the reinforcement that someone liked him, even if it wasn’t me. He needed to prove to himself once more that he was irresistible and even if I thought so little of him, no one else did.

I knew exactly how he felt too; it was the same thing I had done for years with my ex-boyfriends. It was easy to run into the arms of another to escape what was right in front of you, using them to justify yourself and elate yourself out of your own pity party.

But tonight Aidan’s choice of company were lacking in most categories I imagined he required be ticked for true companionship.

And these girls were genuinely stupid: “uh Aidan,” the petite blonde at his side was cautious, no doubt afraid of upsetting him or making him dislike her, “who is Balzac?”

The table instantly quieted and another girl piped up, probably for solidarity, saying: “yeah, I don’t know either…”

Aidan was quiet, giving me a moment to turn and look over my shoulder to see what he was thinking. They might not be able to read his face but I could. I just wasn’t expecting him to make eye contact when I did turn around. He must have known I was there all along; maybe that’s why he told the story in the first place.

We held each other’s gaze for a good moment, giving me the opportunity to see how disappointed he was that his joke had gone over most of their heads. Finally, he looked away giving them that charming cocky grin of his and saying, “no worries doll, he’s no one important.”

He deliberately swung his arm over her shoulder and pulled her close, leaning in to make a show of kissing her while I could still see. I turned back around quickly and scowled at the bar top just as Dana replenished the two shots.

“I bet he never even went to a private school.” I muttered aloud to no one as I grabbed both shots and did them back-to-back.

My mood wasn’t helped by the fact that I could still hear the air headed laughter of his companions and I found myself scowling more and more while Dana continued to bring me drinks.

I couldn’t pinpoint why I was so bothered by Aidan and his pre-pubescent girlfriends considering the fact that only a few hours earlier I’d lost control of myself and made it absolutely clear exactly what I thought of him. Even if I was certain that most of the things I’d say had been Hera’s opinion and not mine.

After a few more rounds of shots I realised that although I might be sick and tired of Aidan’s antics he still embodied Zeus and he was someone my Goddess would always love. No matter how much I tried to fight it, if this was what fate wanted; this was what fate would get. I would always struggle with my desire to hate him and her desire to love him – or was it the other way around?

Another round of shots after that I decided I was brilliant and needed to celebrate this brilliance. So, I took to the dance floor. It wasn’t hard to fall into the rhythm of the music, at least not as hard as I had first imagined when I got here. Being surrounded by other bodies made the movements feel more natural.

The more time I spent letting my thoughts run wild the more I realised that my mind was constantly split between two trains of thought: Hera’s and mine. I didn’t like the idea of being seemingly schizophrenic but certainly this “union” Charlotte had spoken about still hadn’t happened. Surely in being united we could co-exist and not jump between two different states of consciousness.

Now that I had finally managed to consume enough alcohol to kill myself three times over, I was drunk in the way I used to be able to get on a bottle of wine or two. It was enough to silence Hera for a little bit and let me get back to Savannah whom I had been struggling with for the last 24 hours to remember who she was. Not that I had ever really known. Soul-searching wasn’t something I had ever given the time of day. Perhaps though, it should’ve been.

Now that I was in possession of two souls I felt more lost than I had ever. Hera was far too volatile for my tastes, but then again, I had always had a tendency to be as hot and cold as her.

Was Atlas right? Were the details of my past nothing more than a reflection of which Goddess I was, history repeating itself in order to mold the perfect vessel for the Queen of the Gods?

I was tired of everything already and the idea that this had only been 4 days frightened me. I was starting to feel exhaustion in my bones, the tug of fatigue in my brain and impatience for the answers I was supposedly to learn by myself. How would I feel in a week, a month, or a year? Was I cut out for this sort of existence? In only 4 days the world of these newly reincarnated Gods consisted mainly of drama and parties, what happened when the real trouble began and we had to start leading as the Gods the world needed? Although not so far, eventually the time would come when the real reason Atlas felt the Gods needed to be awakened would come.

Then what would happen? Would we continue with this frivolity that my generation felt belonged to them, driven by their egos and entitlement? Surely that was a dangerous path, and yet, what a generation to choose as the one which would lead the world into newly restored order and peace. Perhaps Atlas did have a game plan after all.

Before I could get into a deep debate with myself Griffin appeared at my side, smelling like cologne and whiskey. I threw my arms around him to give him a hug.

“Hey! You’re here! I’ve been looking for you.” I shouted over the noise of the music.

He nodded, “yeah, I’ve been around, I’m not big on dancing.” I couldn’t help but laugh at this idea when Club Styx, I assumed, had been his idea. Not to mention he’d offered to come here with me to get my mind off everything. Seemed a bit funny to do all these things if he didn’t in fact like dancing to begin with.

“Oh, well I’ve been at the bar making good use of the free booze.” He laughed at that and nodded in agreement. I held out my drink to offer him some but he countered with a drink of his own. I should’ve known he’d have his own, probably had a flask on him somewhere too no doubt.

“You look incredible by the way.” He said, leaning his face close against my ear. I could feel the warmth of his breath on my neck and it sent pleasurable shivers down my spine. I flushed, grateful for the compliment and knew that he meant it.

“C’mon, lets do a couple shots. Maybe it’ll loosen up your dancing feet.” I reached out, slipping my hand into Griffin’s and led him back to the bar where I flagged down Dana again. I half expected her to cut me off at this point but she was all smiles when she appeared, her eyes quickly giving Griffin a once over before going back to me.

“Another two?” I glanced at Griffin and then shook my head. He probably wasn’t the sweet and fruity type so it was best to go with something hard and dirty.

“Tequila?” I asked generally, both looking for Griffin’s agreement and Dana’s confirmation that she had some. Both of them said sure at the same time and Dana left to go get the bottle. I turned back to face Griffin, the hand in his sliding out and up his arm drawing him closer to me.