Oceans Submerged: Book Two, the Oceans Series (4 page)

I heard Law snicker behind me and it warmed my heart.

“For therapy, Livie, you will have to go to a facility called Shiloh’s Rehabilitation Facility located in the city. Have you heard of it?” I blinked twice.

“It is an extremely well developed program and Law has done an extensive background check on the entire staff, even the janitors I believe, so you’ll be safe and well taken care of.”

Wait…safe…taken care of. Were they sending me away?

I still had on the heart rate monitor and it was beeping a million beeps a minute. The machine flashed red with lights and Layla jumped up off the bed, turning it off immediately. She reached down my gown removing the adhesive patches from my skin under my breast.

“Livie, I’m sorry but it’s the only way we could get you to stay out of the psych-ward. You have to stay for a minimum of thirty days. We will all visit every Tuesday and Sunday. Livie, it’s the only way.”

I shook my head, violently kicking the covers off me.

“Livie calm down, please.”

I refused. Why would she tell me they all loved me then plan to send me away?! I pulled my bandaged arm up and let it fall against the side rail. I cried out in the worst pain I’d ever felt in my entire life. This was the mother load of all pain. I felt as if my arm was being sliced open repeatedly by a torch. I let my back fall against the propped up bed and cried to myself. They were going to send me away!

Layla stood up, grabbing her brother on the way out. I noticed he had tears streaming down his face and he looked just as hurt and pained as everyone else.

Law bent down again placing a long kiss on my tear-streaked cheek. He pulled back the hair covering my face and ear. “You can do this Sunshine, you won’t be alone. I love you; see you in a little bit.” He kissed me again and then left after his mother and uncle.

Chapter Six

Ocean

I promised my aunt and dad that I would stay calm while she talked to Liv, but I didn’t promise I’d stay away from her.

When I saw the panic in her beautiful brown eyes, I couldn’t stay back a second longer. I pushed Law’s punk ass out of my way, grabbed the chair and gave her the support she needed. When she immediately started running her fingers through my hair, I smiled against her leg.

Liv was mine and there is nothing I would ever deny her, no matter how much I hated her right now for trying to leave me.

I already knew what my aunt had to say, so I tuned her out until Liv grabbed a handful of my hair.

Fuck!

You’d think she’d be weak from nearly being dead, but the girl had a firm grip on me. I wanted to throw everyone out of the room but knew I couldn’t. Not just yet anyway.

I put my arm around her tiny frame when I felt myself starting to unravel again. I hated this as much as she did and I knew that she wasn’t seeing it the way we did.

We were letting her go to get help because we loved her. She saw it as us sending her away because we didn’t want her. It took a fucked up individual to understand another fucked up individual. The way I understood Livie wasn’t just by coincidence.

When she started screaming and kicking around, I wanted to jump up and physically throw everybody out. It took all the power I knew I didn’t have not to. The mere fact that she was holding onto me for dear life and I was doing the same was the only will power I had to stay in my seat and wait until everyone left.

Hearing the door close behind Law, I finally raised my head to look at my defeated Livie. She had her eyes closed as she cried. The fight in the woman I loved was torn out of her and annihilated. I could feel it. There was no more fight left in her, she was ready to give it up…hell she had already given up.

Her hand fell away from my head as I looked up at her. I grabbed her dangling hand from behind me and held it to my chest.

I stood from my seat, settling in with her on the narrow bed. I brought my arm over her and she moved into me, curling up as best she could with her damaged arm.

“You know baby, it’s not what you’re thinking. You do know if it wasn’t what you need I wouldn’t let you go, right.” I tilted her head back by the chin.

“Liv, look at me.”

I could see her eyeballs rolling around behind her eyelids and it was aggravating. She was too fucking stubborn!

“Livie open you fucking eyes! I’ve been sitting here for two god damn weeks waiting for you wake up, so open your eyes!” She opened them, narrowing her eyes as they settled on my face.

“Thank you.” I said kissing the side of her head. “We’re not getting rid of you Liv. You need this. For one, you need to start rehab for your hand and two; you really do need to speak to a therapist. I know I’m not the one who should be telling you what you need but its true baby. I love you too much not to tell you the truth.”

She blinked twice and I laughed out loud.

I couldn’t remember the last time I laughed. “No what? You can’t stay here, unless you want to go to zombie land where they pump you full of mind numbing meds all damn day.”

She frowned at me and then looked down at her bandaged arm.

“You know Liv, I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but I have to say it.”

She closed her eyes again.

“Come on Liv look at me, please.”

I waited for her to open her eyes that were now full of unshed tears.

“I’m sorry about your dad baby, I really am. I never really got over Stormie’s death so I do know how it feels. But, Liv what you did… it hurt like hell. I would have been there for you. I wanted to be there for you and you wouldn’t let me. That fucking hurt more than anything I’ve had to face in my life. I’m sorry I couldn’t be enough for you to stop. I’m sorry that my love for you wasn’t strong enough for you to reach out to me…I’m sorry for all those things.”

I pulled her closer as her tears sprang free.

“I shouldn’t have let you go so easy and for that I’m sorry Liv, but I still love you. I still want to be the only one you ever want and need. Baby, I still want to be everything to you because you’ve never stopped being mine. I’ll always be here for you no matter what happens between us. I’ll always love you. I can’t promise you that I’ll be good, but I can promise that you will always and forever be the only woman my heart belongs to.” I looked down at her sad face.

“You understand that Livie, you understand that I’ll always love you. Do you understand that you will be the only woman my heart will ever belong to?”

She blinked once, making big fat tears roll down her caramel colored cheeks. I wiped them away, slouching down some more to kiss her puffy lips.

I kissed her lips gently and the rush that shot down my spine had me craving more. I tipped my tongue out outlining her lips and when she parted her mouth for me, I couldn’t help but dive in and explore what was mine. I took my time tasting her again and sucking on her tongue.

When I felt her breathing starting to get heavy I pulled away slowly, giving her lips on last kiss. I would have moved down to her throat for my sweet spot, but it wasn’t what we needed right now.

I laid my head above hers. “Get some sleep baby. Tomorrow’s going to be a bitch of a long day.”

She nestled closer to me. When she looked over her shoulder at her bandaged arm, I reached over and gently brought it over so she could lie down sideways comfortably. She reached up and kissed the side of my neck before she laid her head down and closed her eyes.

As I watched her fall asleep, the realization that I would never last a month without her sunk in deep. I could already see myself spiraling out of control again. Doing shit I had no business doing, messing around with meaningless woman just to fill that void.

I was fucked!

My only hope was that she could bring me back from my hell because I was falling fast and she was the only one who could drag me out, kicking and screaming.

Chapter Seven

Livie

I woke up to the rumbling of what felt like a helicopter landing on the roof of the hospital. The sound felt familiar to me as I stretched in place.

Ocean was still lying next to me sound asleep. Knowing him, this was probably the first time in the two weeks since I turned into sleeping beauty that he’s actually fallen asleep willingly, or at all. I snuggled my head closer to his chest listening to his strong and steady heartbeat.

Thinking about the conversation he had with me earlier, I had to admit that I was scared. Not scared that I was going to be sent away anymore because obviously I needed the therapy, but I was scared of losing him now more than ever.

His speech felt like a confession and a plea for me to come out of this stronger than he was because he would need me to save him this time around. I could not imagine the pain and desperation I put him through along with the rest of my new family. A family that has seemed to have adopted me and from what Law told me about his past, Ocean hasn’t been stable since before his sister died and I just added to the madness that still haunted him.

I looked at the blinking monitors next to us and the time was only midnight. My arm was throbbing something wicked but I wouldn’t dare complain in front of him or anyone else for that matter. The amount of pain and torture that I put them through could not compare to the physical pain I was feeling, so I promised myself to suck it up as best I could. I would have to mud through this because I had to be strong; I had to be strong to save Ocean. The pain in my arm and hand started to spike as I lay still so I started shaking my legs to try to take the edge of the pain off.

Ocean moved next to me, propping himself up on his elbow to face me. “Hey baby, what’s wrong?”

I cleared my throat as best as I could before speaking. My voice came out in a whisper, which was much better than the squawking I was doing earlier. “I can’t go back to sleep.”

Even though the room was relatively dark, I could still see the frown on his face. “You want me to go get Aunt Layla for some pain meds.”

“No!” I said in a harsh creepy whisper. “I don’t need pain pills. I just want to go back to sleep.”

He shook his head at me while reaching into his back pocket. He pulled out his phone and flipped through screens until the sound of music streamed through the phones speakers. I didn’t remember knowing the songs but as soon as the lyrics started, I knew them immediately and I smiled.

“You know this song?” He asked me with an amused smirk on his face.

“Uh, yes and no I guess. I don’t remember hearing this song before, I’m pretty good with remembering songs, but I know the lyrics somehow, weird huh?”

“No baby. Not weird, just us.”

He placed the phone on the side table near the bed. When he turned back around, he slid down lower in the narrow bed, pulling my good arm over his head. He shifted his body weight around until we were both comfortable enough to relax.

Finally, he rested his head on me and it wasn’t until his lips touched my sweet spot that I understood what all the movement was about.

My legs gradually stopped shaking as the feeling of his warm breath on my neck soothed and dulled the pain in my arm a little.

I took in a deep and shaky breath as I closed my eyes while my good hand moved within his hair curling the longer strands around my fingertips. “Ocean?”

“Yeah.”

I pressed my neck closer to his lips for comfort. “I know you probably don’t believe me anymore and I probably don’t deserve your trust anymore either, but I do love you. I never stopped loving you. Not even when I felt like I had nothing to live for. It wasn’t because I didn’t love you. I did it because I thought you would be better off without me. I drowned for the both of us so that you wouldn’t have to.”

As stupid as I sounded, it was the truth and he had to hear it. I swallowed hard to keep my throat wet because the breathing tube really jacked up my throat.

“Shh, baby the only thing I hate is you being stuck in this hospital. Just go back to sleep. You need to get through this stronger than... just go to sleep Liv.” He kissed me while licking his spot.

A tear slid down my face. In my stupid and selfishness, I had almost taken away the comfort he found in me forever. I closed my eyes and prayed.

All right Livie, I can do this. If not for myself, then for my daddy, mom, the baby brother I never got to hold in my arms and the one man still here on earth that deserves the best parts of me, not the damaged and pitiful parts. Tomorrow will be a day to start over. Angels in heaven, I’m not sure if I deserve a second chance in life, or anything else, but I’m going to ask you anyway. Angels please don’t abandon me; give me the courage I lack and the strength I’ve lost.

Goodnight daddy, I am sorry I could not say goodbye like a good daughter would have. I hope that in your heart, you knew that I loved you more than I loved myself. This one’s for you Clooney. I will always love you and never forget what a perfect father you were in my imperfect world. Oh and if it’s true what they say about angels, tell mom and baby Antonio Jr. I said I love and miss them both.

More tears slid down my face as I let myself fall back to sleep with Ocean beside me as my life vest.

***

“Wake up sleeping beauty! Gross man, you couldn’t wait for Sunshine to get home first before climbing into bed with her.” Law burst into my hospital room and yanked me out of my semi comfortable sleep.