Oceans Submerged: Book Two, the Oceans Series (3 page)

My other half was gone, my mother left abandoning me when I needed her the most, and the woman that I finally fucking gave my heart to just tried to kill herself. I wasn’t enough for anyone to stick around for.

“When is she leaving?” I was glad he had all the details because the less I knew about this the better. If it were up to me, I’d take her away and lock her ass up until she got over her shit.

“Mom wants her there as soon as possible. If all her tests turn out well enough, she will leave tomorrow.”

The knife that resided in what was left of my heart twisted and turned as I tried to keep my composure. “I’m going with you, Law. I’ll try not to make a scene but I can’t let her go without me.”

“Yeah man, I know. I wouldn’t have pictured it any other way. I’m really sorry Ocean. You do know that she truly loves you because too seriously pass me up, she’s got to love your sorry ass pretty bad.”

His attempt at humor was lost on me. I shrugged my shoulders unconvinced. If she loved me that much, I should have been enough to keep her from wanting to kill herself. It was that black and white for me.

I understood that she didn’t love herself the way I did, but I still should have been enough for her to stop, to call for help, to call me for help. I would have been there for her.

In the middle of my thoughts, Law grabbed me pulling me into a hug. I wanted to push him off, punch him in the face, and send him to hell along with everyone else, but I couldn’t. I reached out grabbing onto to him and we cried together like the two fucked individuals we were.

Chapter Four

Livie

I wasn’t completely sure if I was dead, alive, or stuck in the in-between lately. It was dark, quiet, and cold most of the time.

Every now and again, I would be conscious enough to hear the husky sound of Ocean’s voice then music. The music was the same every time I was coherent enough to pay attention.

I could also feel it when Ocean touched me. The way he played in my hair or poured what felt like water on me. I could feel all of that, but I just couldn’t wake up completely.

I fought it at first, trying to will myself to wake up and see what was going on. When I realized that Ocean was there every time I was able to make sense of what I heard, I stopped fighting.

This time when I came back around to my consciousness, it felt different. I could feel my surroundings better and hear the beeping of things and air swooshing around me. The left side of my body felt like an elephant was sitting on it, rolling his huge ass over me repeatedly.

My body zapped and tingled with a weird current I wasn’t familiar with. It sort of felt like when your foot or arm falls asleep when you’re sitting or sleeping funny. I felt pricks and needles everywhere; even in places you wouldn’t think you would be able to get that sensation in.

Above all else, the pain I was in haunted me. I was afraid to completely wake up this time. My mind was so groggy, I couldn’t think about much except what was present. Trying to think about anything other than what I was able to feel and hear now would send me back into a deep sleep.

“Hey beautiful, it’s Law your favorite...”

That voice and those words…I recognized them this time. Law! I didn’t care how much it hurt my head anymore. I needed to get back to him; I needed to get back to my body.

His voice soothed me as I fought against the darkness that seemed to permanently reside in my mind. The harder I fought to wake up, the more painful it became. You would think I’d be enjoying the pain I was in considering I craved it at one time.

This pain, however, was deeper than I’d ever wanted for it to feel. It was permanent and irreversible.

A voice that caused my body to go into a frenzy ripped through my concentration. “She’s mine, and I say call her by her fucking name!”

OCEAN!

I made my mind reach out to any part of me that I could feel, even a little. Finally! I’m not sure which hand it was, but I could sense the feeling start to come back to it.

I concentrated on my fingertips willing the feeling to slowly move up my fingers, into my hands, then my wrist. My brain felt like it was going to explode at any moment but I had to try.

Ocean sounded angry and hurt. Law sounded emotional and drained. Of course, I was always the cause of pain and hurt so I didn’t have to think too hard to realize it was me that had caused their pain and anger.

“Just because you took the girls virginity doesn’t make her your fucking property asshole….”

Just a little bit more. I felt my fingers move and brush up against something. The room fell quiet as I kept trying to grip whatever it was my fingers where feeling.

Whoever’s body I was touching moved closer to me and when I finally rested my fingers on what felt like skin. I immediately recognized the shocks stinging my fingertips. It was Ocean’s body I was touching. I tried to rest my unsteady hand on his skin. Ocean’s hand took hold of mine and instantly a wave of familiarity and comfort came over me.

“Come on Livie. Open your eyes, baby. Open them for me, please. I’ve been here with you waiting for this. Baby, open your eyes…”

I’m trying! I’m trying damn it! What I felt next gave my body the electric jolt that it needed to comply with my demands. The familiar heat on my neck was what finally fused my mind back to my body.

My eyes fluttered open and I blinked wildly unable to control them. White lights and blurred spots were all I could make out at first. I tried to clear out the fuzzy spots but my eyes just kept blinking on their own.

I felt a warm sensation on my chin and then heard Ocean’s voice again. “Hey baby. I’m right here. Look at me. Don’t worry about anything else, just look at me.”

When his face finally came into view, I wanted to curl up into a ball, disappear, and then roll off the edge of the earth if there was such a place on this cruel world to do so.

His face looked pained with circles and bags under his beautiful eyes. He had a fully connecting beard growing in covering his strong jaw line.

All I could think was I did this to him. Even though he was smiling, I knew I was the one who caused the pain he was in. That much he couldn’t hide from me, even if I was still nearly unconscious.

I heard other voices and then numerous bodies surrounded us. Suddenly I felt nervous. I felt like they were here to take me away from Ocean and I didn’t want to go.

I tried to hold onto his hand tighter, but my body just didn’t have the strength to comply. Again, he smiled down at me like I’d just said something funny. It must have been a while since he smiled last because it seemed to hurt his face when he did.

“Stop Liv, I’m not leaving. I’ll be here where I’ve always been.”

He let go of my hand and the calm he was providing me left. I felt my body begin to slip back into the dark corner in my mind. I let it because he said he would not leave me and I believed him.

***

“Honey, wake up. It’s Layla. Livie I need you to wake up now.”  

This time when I opened my eyes, I didn’t feel so dazed and drugged; I did however still feel the elephant sitting on the left side of my body.

I looked up at Layla’s face to see Ocean on her left and Law to her right. Behind them, I saw Ocean’s dad. I looked around and I was definitely in a hospital room. The white walls and smell of sanitizing chemicals burned my nose.

When I finally looked down at myself, I confirmed I was lying in a hospital bed with a robe on. What made my head spin for a minute was the huge bandage wrapped around my left hand going all the way up to my shoulder.

The pounding throb became more prominent and I winced as I took in a deep breath. I felt Ocean shift as he stood by his aunt, but she held out her hand to stop him from moving forward.

Oh boy this can’t be good.

At least this time when I looked at Ocean, he was freshly shaven and seemed to have gotten back to his sexy brooding demeanor.

Layla stepped forward with a smile on her face that had hidden behind it bad news. She sat down on the end of my bed, I cleared my throat to say ‘hi’ but what came out sounded more like a duck quack.

Law laughed a little and that resulted in Ocean smacking the back of his head so hard he nearly tripped forward. Law held up is hands towards him while mouthing ‘sorry’ to me. I just shook my head at them and turned my attention back to Layla.

Chapter Five

Livie

“Livie, I’m sure you have a million questions to ask, but if you don’t mind, I want to do most of the talking before you do.”

I looked down nervously at my arm, then into Ocean’s eyes. He gave me a slight nod so I looked back at Layla and nodded for her to continue.

“Okay, I don’t want you to start talking just yet. You had a breathing tube in your throat for about a week and a half so it will not do you any good trying to speak. If I ask you a question just blink once for yes and twice for no. Okay?”

I blinked once for yes and she smiled at me. “Great! Let’s start out with the heavy. Honey, you are here because two and half weeks ago you tried to kill yourself. Ocean and Law found you in your condo bleeding to death, literally. You used a rather large piece of glass from your office table to slice your arm open from your wrist all the way up to your elbow.”

She paused, taking in my expression which probably resembled a deranged person with memory loss being told they had just murdered someone and had no memory of it.

I looked around the cold and intimidating room, trying to find the memory that fit with me doing this to myself but I was coming up blank. I ran my free hand through my hair pulling at the ends trying to remember.

“Livie, do you remember doing this to yourself?” I looked at Layla and blinked twice as I continued to panic.

Ocean walked by Law who tried to stop him, but only got shoved back forcefully. Ocean grabbed the free chair and dragged it to my bedside sitting down bracing his arms on the bed. He laid his forehead on my right leg.

My good hand immediately moved to run through his hair, which provided me the comfort I needed to stay calm.

I looked back at Layla whose eyes were starting to tear up. Oh shit here comes the bad news. “Sweetheart, I’m not one hundred percent sure why you did this but from the exam I had to do on you, you’ve been cutting yourself for some time.”

I blinked once remembering that much about myself.

“You received a call from your father’s accountant on the night you did this Livie. Honey, your father passed away from a heart attack the night you tried to kill yourself.”

My hand automatically gripped a handful of Ocean’s sandy brown locks and he didn’t even flinch. My tears came down uncontrollably. I tried to keep it together, but my dad was gone!

How could I have forgotten about him? My Clooney was everything to me. The only person I had left to remind me I actually had a family…the days when my mother loved me and wanted me. My cries kept coming as I grabbed onto more of Ocean’s hair.

His arm came around my lower back, pulling me closer to him as he continued to rest his head on my leg. I took several long and slow breaths trying to get myself under control.

Law came to the other side of the bed and kissed me on the head. He wiped my tears from my face as I slowly calmed myself down. Layla rested her hand on my lower leg.

“Livie, I’m so sorry. We all are. I know how much your father meant to you, but you have to know that you’ve gained a whole other family here.” She said while pointing to herself, Unk, Ocean and Law.

“Livie, we don’t care what you’ve done in the past. You are one of us now and we are going to see you through this. If we didn’t, I think Ocean would have dragged us to the fighting cages and have all of us put in ICU, if you know what I mean. ”

She smiled towards him, but of course he didn’t budge. He only held on to me tighter. I shook my head in agreement knowing that they really did accept me into their family, even though I felt I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s love anymore. They gave it to me anyway.

“You received a package. I have it in my office; once you’re ready to go through it, just let me know. Your father’s funeral has already taken place. We all attended, minus Ocean. He has been here the whole time watching over you. Your father is buried next your mother, Livie. He wanted to be close to you and he made sure it happened.”

More tears slid down my face, but this time I was numbed a bit, so I wasn’t so hysterical.

“Now about your arm honey, you did quite a number on yourself. I don’t even know how you pulled through the surgery. You are one tough cookie, let me tell you Livie.” She smiled at me and I tried to return the smile, but wasn’t sure if my face was up to the task right now.

“Even though we were able to repair the severed tendons, muscles and arteries, there will be some irreversible nerve damage. The only way to see how extensive the damage that has been done, is for you to go to therapy.”

I blinked once to show her that I was following. She gave my leg a squeeze before continuing.

“The therapy you need isn’t provided here at the hospital. Believe me, I tried to make the arrangements but even I can’t work miracles among a bunch of dickless and spineless men.”