Nothing Stays In Vegas (3 page)

"Sorry, I missed it," I said. I took another bite of my sandwich, which I had to admit, did have a lot of bread in it. 

"I was saying, wouldn't it be awesome if Leo stopped by tonight?" 

I coughed, trying not to choke on my food. If Nicole noticed my reaction, she didn't say anything.

"It was nice of him to get us tickets, wasn't it?"

I nodded and swallowed hard reaching for my glass of water.

"Where did you say he ran into you this morning?" 

I cleared my throat and said, "At the pool. I was doing laps."

"Seriously? You're on vacation," she said and raised her eyebrow. "Not that I'm all that surprised. Your dedication is something to be admired I guess." She rolled her eyes "But anyway, he found you at the pool? How did he know you were there? Did you tell him last night that you had a crazy obsession with swimming?"

"It's not an obsession." I shook my head and took another sip of water. "But I was wondering that myself. It's kind of creepy that he knew where I was, don't you think?"

Nicole laughed and said, "There is nothing creepy about that man. I would be all over that, if he wasn't so clearly into you."

"What?" 

"Oh come on, Lex. You cannot be that oblivious. He is so into you."

I shook my head but I could feel the heat creep up my face. There was something about the way he looked at me. Not even Andrew had looked at me that way. And Nicole was right; there was nothing creepy about Leo. "It doesn't matter," I said after a moment, "even if he was interested, I'm married. Remember?"

"Lex," Nicole said and took my left hand, flipping it so my bare ring finger was exposed. "You and Andrew have been separated for months, remember?" Her voice was soft, but firm. "It's okay to look at other men," she added. "Hell, its okay to do a whole lot more than that if you wanted to."

"I'm still married," I said and pulled away from her grasp. I rubbed my finger and tucked my hand away from view.

"Yes, but for how much longer?"

"Do we have to talk about this now?"

"I think we do," she said leaning back in her chair. "You never want to talk about it, and that's my job as your best friend. So spill."

"It's your birthday. We shouldn't talk about me on your birthday."

"That's exactly why we should. It's my birthday and it's what I want to do." Nicole smirked. She knew she would get her way.

There was no point avoiding it. "Fine. What do you want to know?"

"Anything. You never talk about it, and that's not healthy. So tell me how you feel about all this. It's okay to open up." Nicole put on her best therapist voice and I could see why the teenagers at the high school where she worked opened up to her. Lots of people were surprised to find out that Nicole was a guidance counselor, and I had to admit, if I was meeting her for the first time dressed in her tight party clothes, having a good time, I might have trouble making the connection too. But the truth was, she was fabulous at her job. She connected with the kids, maybe because she could relate so much to what they were going through. When we'd met in college, we were both in the education faculty and despite Nicole's love of a good time, she aced her exams and maintained an impressively high GPA. Opposites in every way, instead of repelling each other, our personalities complimented each other and after our first year, we became roommates. I'd always known I wanted to work with children, so I majored in child development, preferring to work with elementary kids.  Nicole, fueled by her excellent grades, went back for her Masters in Psychology so she could work with troubled teens. 

"Okay, Ms. Lennox," I said now in the highest pitch I could manage. "I'll tell you all of my woes."

She shot me a look and I dropped the act. 

"Honestly," I tried again with more sincerity. "I don't know how to feel about it. I guess it's been a long time coming. A marriage can't work when you want different things, can it?"

She nodded, but didn't say anything allowing me to continue. 

"I can't help the way I feel. And I guess it's my fault. I changed my mind."

I had changed my mind. When Andrew and I met, I had just graduated and accepted a position as a second grade teacher at Willow Brook Elementary School in my hometown of Calgary, right on the edge of the Canadian Rockies. It was my dream job and the last thing on my mind was having a family of my own. I was only twenty-three and having kids wasn't something I could wrap my mind around. Besides, I was young and idealistic and I knew everything. Including the fact that I didn't want to bring children of my own into a world with so many issues when there were thousands of children who could benefit from my guidance as a teacher. I didn't need or want children of my own which was perfect for Andrew. A recent grad himself, he landed a great position as a financial analyst for an oil company downtown and had ambitious plans to work his way up. He was a dedicated man, to his career and to me, and he didn't hesitate to shower me with attention and love; but he'd made it very clear that babies were not part of his future. It wasn't long before I moved out of my shared apartment with Nicole and into a condo with Andrew. Six months later, he looked at me with his sky blue eyes, flipped his sun streaked hair off his forehead in the way he knew made me melt, and asked me to marry him. It happened quickly, maybe too quickly. But Andrew always went after what he wanted without hesitation. He was confident in our love and our future. And our life was great. 

Until I changed my mind.

We'd been married just over two years when everything changed. My period was late. It's not like it was scary late, only two days, but I was never late. I could almost set a clock to my body's schedule. Being two days late was a cause for full out panic. But I didn't tell Andrew. I decided I wouldn't tell him until I was certain. There was no point distracting him with this, at least until there was something to worry about. 

Instead of taking a pregnancy test, I stewed. I could have put my worries to rest by stopping at the pharmacy on the way home from school, but instead I let my imagination run wild. If I was pregnant, what would I do? What would Andrew say? Could we be parents? We never wanted this. But it didn't mean we couldn't do it. Did it? It was a Wednesday; I was going over the week's spelling words at the front of the class, twenty pairs of eyes trained on me when I felt the twinge low in my belly followed a few moments later by the familiar warmth. My period. 

Instead of being relieved, I was inexplicably upset. For the last few days my mind had been consumed with the thought of a child. Of being a mom. Without even realizing it, something changed. In the months that followed, I couldn't walk past a young woman pushing a stroller without rushing to peek inside. Everywhere I looked, there were swollen, pregnant bellies. When I put my hand on my own flat stomach, it was like a gradual ache was building deep inside me. I wanted a child. 

Andrew didn't take the news well. It was our first real fight. 

"No kids. We agreed."

"Andrew, I can't help the way I feel. I want a child."

"You have your students."

"It's not the same. I need a baby of my own."

"You need?" 

I thought for a moment. It was more than want. I nodded and said, "Yes. I need a baby."

That was the first time we went to bed angry. It wasn't the last.

We shared apologies in the morning, but something had shifted between us and we both knew it. When I went to kiss him goodbye, he turned away. I don't even think he realized it.

I couldn't turn off how I felt, and despite my efforts, I couldn't change the way he felt. We fought more until after awhile, almost every conversation led to an argument. Even the intimacy between us, something that came so easily before, was strained until that too stopped. Our marriage was falling apart. It only took six months of arguments to shatter what we'd built together. It became clear to both of us that unless one of us changed our mind, it wasn't going to work. I moved in with Uncle Ray. That was three months ago. 

My marriage had failed.   

"Earth to Lexi." Nicole waved a napkin in front of my face bringing me back to our conversation. "I was asking you if you regret it. Splitting with Andrew?"

I took a sip of water, and spun the straw in my fingers. I remembered the way he kissed me and held me in his arms like I was the most precious person in the world. How we'd take long walks through the park and tell each other about our days. How we laughed and teased each other in the kitchen when we made dinner together. Then I thought about holding a baby in my arms, and that child growing up to call me Mommy. 

I shook my head. "No," I said. "I don't regret it." 

"But you miss him," Nicole stated.

"I miss what we had together. But I can't hold on to something that isn't there anymore. I don't need a therapist to tell me that." I forced a small smile. 

"I'm sorry, Lex," she said. "I really am. Andrew's a good guy and I know how important marriage is to you. But you're right. You can't force a piece that won't fit in the puzzle."

"You know what? I'm okay with things. More okay than I thought I'd be. It's not like I'm sitting around crying, right?"

"Right. Cause you're a toughie," Nicole said. "Just so you know, if you want to cry, that's okay." 

I pushed my mostly uneaten sandwich away. I wasn't hungry anymore. We sat in silence while I watched Nicole pick at her salad. 

"So," she said after a few moments, her counselor persona abandoned. "The way I look at it, you're a free agent and maybe a little Las Vegas fling is just what you need to get a fresh start."

I laughed at her shift. Nicole could always be counted on to lighten the mood. "Right, Nic. I'm not really the fling type."

"Oh, yes. I always forget that your sexual partners can be counted on one hand." She held up three fingers and wiggled them at me before reaching for my sandwich. "Seriously, Lex. You're way too young and gorgeous to miss out on so much fun. And maybe that's just what you need right now." She picked out the turkey and tossed the bread aside.

"Whatever. And I could turn this around. You're getting kind of old now for the single life, aren't you?" 

"Twenty-eight is hardly old. When I meet the right guy, I'll know. He just hasn't come along yet. Besides, we're talking about you and that yummy Leo." She popped the rest of the turkey in her mouth.

"We were talking about Leo?"

"Oh yes. And how a dirty little fling with him is just what you need."

"Well, even if I wanted to, and I'm not saying I do, but even if I did, it's not like I'll ever see him again. Vegas is a big place."

"Not that big, Lexi," Nicole said with a grin on her face. "Not that big."

Chapter Three

"Lexi, stop tugging on your dress, you're going to stretch it."

"That might be a good thing," I said. "I can barely breathe. And don't you think it's a bit short?"

"Are you kidding?" Nicole said as she leaned toward the mirror to apply yet another coat of mascara. "Seriously, if I had your legs instead of these little stumps, my skirts would be a whole lot shorter."

"Whatever, you look fantastic," I said and meant it. She'd chosen a black dress adorned with just enough rhinestones to look classy, but not enough to be tacky. It was a fine line. The dress clung to her in all the right places, showing off the hard work she'd been putting in. 

She turned around and flashed me a brilliant smile. "I do look pretty good, don't I? We are seriously hot. We won't have to buy a drink all night."

I tried to look past her to the mirror. I had settled on the teal halter dress. It was the most modest choice even if it was more revealing than any of the bathing suits I owned. It was short, maybe indecently so, but when I tried it on with the strappy black heels Nicole picked out, even I had to admit the effect was pretty incredible. Nicole was so proud of herself after she pulled my hair out of my usual pony tail and styled it so it hung in waves over my shoulders that I caved and let her do my make-up. It wouldn't hurt to play dress up for one night.

"Before we go, I want you to promise me one thing," Nicole said and zipped up her make-up bag. 

I groaned but said, "What's that?"

"Before I tell you, just remember it
is
my birthday."

I shot her a look.

"Just promise me you'll have a good time."

"Nic--"

"I mean it, Lex," she said. "I know the last few months have sucked for you and you need to have some fun. That's the great thing about Vegas. It's really easy to have fun and the best part is, no one knows you here. You can totally let loose because you'll never see any of these people again. Just try, okay?"

"What're you talking about?" I leaned into the mirror to examine my eyelashes. 

"You know what I mean. Trust me, okay? Consider it a birthday gift."

"Okay, okay." 

"Lex, I mean it."

"I said I would." I stood up and looked at her. 

She air kissed me on the cheek. "Good. Then we're ready." Nicole tossed her lipstick into her purse and took my arm. "Tonight is going to be amazing."

###

The second we stepped off the elevator we were hit with the pulsing life force of the casino floor and I could feel myself starting to get into the spirit of the evening. Nicole had been trying to get me to come to Las Vegas with her for years, but this was the first time I'd given in. At first, I was overwhelmed with the sheer excess of the city, but after two days the crowds, lights, and noise were starting to feel almost normal. 

There was a never-ending stream of people walking around at all hours taking in the wonders, and they definitely were wonders. Where else could you see lions playing with a human trainer in the middle of a hotel? Or a pirate show complete with a sinking ship right on the street? Vegas seemed a world away from my peaceful life in Canada and despite the quiet I was used to, the glitz and glamour had cast a spell over me. It was nice to leave reality behind and forget my real life. Even for a few days. But I was glad to have a return ticket. I would need the rest when the weekend was over.