Nothing Stays In Vegas (24 page)

But you're not my husband, I thought. "It's okay. Honestly it is."

"When I saw you in my hotel again," he said. "I thought I was dreaming."

"I can't believe you remembered me."

"I haven't stopped thinking about you." Leo's gaze was so intense I believed him. 

"Excuse me," the waiter said, breaking our connection. 

Leo released my hand and we waited while two glasses were poured and the waiter retreated leaving us alone again. 

"Tell me, Lexi, are you happy?"

I took a sip of my wine, letting it warm my throat as it slid down. I couldn't answer him.

"I can see the answer. You don't have to say it," he said. "But if you tell me I'm wrong, that you're happy, I'll leave you alone."

"It's not that easy, Leo."

"It is. You deserve to be happy, you deserve everything. Does he make you happy?"

His eyes were full of question and something else, was it hope? I could've lied to him. Maybe I would have if I thought he'd believe me.

"No," I said. 

He picked up his glass of water, leaving his wine untouched. "Then leave him."

"It's not that simple, Leo."

"It can be. Life is to short to be unhappy. You deserve so much-"

"We have a child," I said quietly. "His name is Ben."  

I held my breath, waiting for his reaction. Would he remember how badly I'd wanted a family? What it meant to me? I couldn't read his expression. I waited.

Finally, Leo said, "A son. You have a family."

I nodded and tried to smile. "Yes."

"I remember," he said to my unspoken question. "That's why you were here, besides Nicole's birthday of course," he added.

"We were separated. Andrew didn't want children."

"I guess he changed his mind," Leo said with a tinge of regret.

"When I went home. He was there, waiting. He wanted to-"

Leo shook his head. "You don't have to explain. I get it. I was just a fling. A diversion while you were in Vegas. I get it, Lexi."

Hurt marred his features. I could see the struggle on his face, but he didn't look away from me. My heart felt like it was cracking in two; the ache in my chest was so real I had to fight back tears. I reached for him across the table and cupped his strong hands in mine. I held them tight feeling the heat from him. 

"No," I said. I stared straight into his eyes, willing him to understand. "It wasn't like that and you know it. I can't explain it any more than you can. But do you really think I'd be sitting here with you right now if all you were six years ago, was a fling?"

He didn't answer and when he tried to look away, I squeezed his hands again.

"So that's why you stay? For your son."

I swallowed hard. "He's the only father Ben knows," I said. "I was trying to keep my family together, but..."

"What?"

"He's not the father I imagined for my son. That's the problem, he's not-"

I broke off when Leo turned away from me again.

 "Leo?"

"Can I see him?" he asked. "Do you have a picture?"

I pulled my hands back and twisted them in my lap. "I do," I said cautiously. "Why do you want to see a picture?"

"I want to see this little man who has captivated your heart to such an extent that you would sacrifice your own happiness," Leo said with a sad smile. "He must be pretty special and...well, he's yours." 

My heart hammered in my chest. I could feel the beads of sweat on my forehead and I dabbed at my face with the napkin. My hand was shaking and it slipped from my grasp back to my lap. 

"Lexi, are you okay?"

I reached for my glass of wine and took a long swallow. When I replaced it to the table, the glass bobbled and sloshed onto the white linen cloth. I watched the stain spread, bleeding into the fabric. 

"I'm fine," I said after a moment. 

I reached for my clutch that was sitting on the table and in slow motion, withdrew the photo of Ben from its sleeve in my wallet. It was a school picture taken in Kindergarten a few months ago. He was smiling a wide, toothy smile. His dark eyes sparkled with mischief. 

I slid the picture across the table where Leo picked it up and stared directly at his five-year-old self.

Chapter Twenty-Two

"How old is he?" Leo asked. His thumb slid over the photo absently.

"Five."

Leo looked away from the picture to meet my eyes. "Five," he repeated. 

I nodded. 

"When's his birthday?"

"November 24," I said. 

I couldn't look away as he lowered his gaze, concentrating. Fine lines appeared on his temple as he did the math in his head. I knew the exact moment he realized the truth. He shot straight up in his seat, his dark eyes shone and they burned a hole straight into my heart when he looked at me. 

"Ben," Leo said. "Ben is his name?" 

"Yes." I squeezed my hands together under the table to keep them from shaking.

"You've always known." It wasn't a question. 

"Not for sure, but...yes, I always knew," I admitted. 

"Does he know?" With the emphasis on 'he', I knew he was talking about Andrew, but couldn't bring himself to say the name.

"No." I could feel the sting of hot tears as they started to build. I blinked hard. "Nobody knows. What was I going to say?"

Leo didn't answer; he just looked down at the picture again. A smile grew on his face illuminating his features. The silence built, but still he didn't speak.

"Leo, I'm sorry. By the time I realized, it was too late. There was nothing I could do. My child needed a father and Andrew, well...I didn't know what to do." The tears that threatened spilled onto my cheeks. "I was scared. And you didn't want me, you stood me up, left me waiting. I know I should have told you, found you somehow...but there didn't seem to be any point. There hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't thought about you. Every time I look at Ben, I see you. I think about you and wonder..." 

I couldn't finish. Instead I gave myself over to sobbing. I couldn't look at him anymore. I closed my eyes and let myself cry. I didn't care who saw. I'd made such a mess of everything, it didn't matter anymore. 

When I felt the heat of Leo's strong hands on my shoulder, and then his arms as they wrapped around me, I let myself fall into his embrace. He held me and rubbed my back but didn't say a word while I exhausted the pent up emotion. When I'd pulled myself together enough to look up, he handed me a napkin and I wiped my eyes. Leo stood from his crouch and pulled his chair around the table so we were sitting side by side. 

"I can't imagine how you must have felt," he said when I had regained my composure. 

"You're not mad?"

"I'm feeling a lot of things right now." He scrubbed his hand over his face. "But I don't think anger is one of them. I'm confused though."

"Why?"

"You said I didn't want you." He took my hand and held it so gently I thought I might start crying again. "Nothing could have been further from the truth, Lexi. I left you a message with my number but you never called."

"You didn't leave me a message."

"I did. With the same girl that you gave my phone to. I told...Dammit!" He dropped my hands and I had to stop myself from reaching for them. "I'm so stupid," he said and pushed up from his chair. "I left the note with Tamara," he said as he paced in front of the table. "How could I be so dumb? Of course she wouldn't have given it to you. Oh, God, Lexi. I'm so sorry. I couldn't meet you that day, the chance of a lifetime came up with work. I had to take it...I thought you would understand...I...I should've turned it down." He stopped pacing and sank back into the chair dropping his head into his hands. 

"Leo." I reached out, touching his shoulder. He had wanted me. He'd tried. My stomach flipped and for a minute I was afraid I might be sick. It could have been different. 

It should have been different.

As if he read my mind, Leo sat up and turned to me. "This shouldn't be happening. This...us...it should have-"

"I know," I whispered. "I know." 

He pulled me into his arms and this time instead of letting him comfort me, his body shook with sobs of his own, our tears falling on each other's shoulders.

When I pulled back, seeing the tears in his eyes and on his cheeks created a physical ache in my chest for all he'd missed. 

"I have a son," he said.

I didn't bother to wipe the tears that continued to stream down my cheeks.  "You have a son."

###

I have a son. 

I couldn't stop saying the words over and over in my head and out loud. It was exhilarating, and unbelievable. A son. 

Lexi's son. 

Thinking about the time we'd lost was making me crazy. Things should have been different. I was so stupid to think that Tamara would help me. But I didn't know then how self centered she could be. That wasn't until later, when she was my wife.

I couldn't change the past and get that time back. "Tell me everything," I said to Lexi. I needed to focus on the future, on this child I didn't know yet. If I didn't, the regret and anger would consume me. "Does he like sports? Is he smart? What's his favorite color? I want to know everything." 

She laughed her sweet smile, but there was sadness in her eyes too. "I'll tell you everything I can and I'll show you pictures too."

"Do you have more with you?" I knew I sounded eager but dammit, I was.

She shook her head. "No, not with me. This is just my evening bag. I didn't expect..."

"To tell me." I finished for her, then asked, "Were you ever going to tell me about him, Lexi?"

It was the wrong question. Her smile faded and she looked as if she might cry again. For a split second I wanted to take back the question. But I needed to know. I deserved to know.

"Were you?" I prodded.

She shook her head. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again. I didn't see how. It's been almost six years and Andrew-"

"Don't say it." That man had my life, the woman I'd always loved and now, my son. I couldn't bear to hear her tell me that Andrew was Ben's father. "For now," I said and held her hand, "just tell me everything you can about Ben. I want to know it all." 

A tentative smile returned to her face and she said, "Where should I begin?"

For the next hour, Lexi told me what Ben was like as a baby. How he started walking at ten months and refused to nap after his first birthday.

I nodded and smiled. He sounded just like the stories Grandma used to tell about me as a toddler. Getting into everything, never sitting still. When Lexi started telling me about Ben in preschool, and in his junior soccer league, I couldn't relate. I didn't have either experience. 

"Does he play baseball?" I asked, interrupting her story of Ben's first goal. 

She turned her head and raised an eyebrow.

"I've never played soccer," I explained. "To be honest, I've only ever watched a few games. Baseball was my sport. Has he tried it?"

"No. He's never tried it."

"We'll have to fix that," I said. "Maybe I can teach him how to throw a ball." 

After the words left my mouth I could feel Lexi's hand tense. It was the question we'd both been avoiding. What would happen now? What part would I have in Ben's life? In Lexi's?

We sat in silence for a moment until she let go of my hand to take a sip of her water, the wine had been abandoned long ago. The unanswered questions burned in my mind. 

A waiter walked by with a platter of steaming food. The aroma of rich cream sauces mingled with roasted garlic floated through the air and my stomach growled. 

"You're hungry," Lexi said. She looked relived for a distraction.

"I didn't get a chance to eat earlier. It's been a crazy weekend. Should we order?" 

Lexi's face took on a mischievous grin and her eyes flashed brighter. "Not here," she said. "You know where I want to go?"

I shook my head although I had an idea.

"Does that burger place still exist?"

"Our burger place?" I smiled. "Absolutely. Let's go."

###

Sitting across from Lexi, still in her bridesmaid dress, in the vinyl booth with two big baskets of oversized burgers and greasy fries in front of us, I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I should've been upset, or angry, or, well, a million emotions besides deliriously happy, but I couldn't help it. I knew there were so many questions to ask her, so much we had to figure out still, but right then, at that moment, I was just happy in a way that I hadn't been for years. 

"Why are you staring at me?" she asked. I wasn't aware I was. 

"I'm not."

"You are. You've been holding that burger for so long it may decide to make a break for it before you get a chance to eat it. Now cut it out."

"If I'm staring at you, it's because you're so beautiful and I can't help that."

She blushed and the flush in her cheeks reminded me of what she looked like laying in my arms after we'd made love. 

"Stop it," she said and waved a french fry at me before taking a bite. 

"I'll try." I took a mouthful of burger and chewed slowly. Making a point not to look in her direction, I turned to stare at the pictures on the walls instead. They hadn't changed in six years. 

"Leo?" 

I turned back to her. "I can look at you now?" I teased. 

"Stop it," she said laughing, then her voice grew more serious. "Tell me about you. You know what I've been up to in the last few years with Ben. It's your turn. Tell me what your life has been like."

I swallowed hard. I couldn't tell her. 

"I've been working," I said after a long sip of coke. 

"Obviously. But what else? You must have left the hotel. Had a life. Done something."

"Nope." I took another large bite and busied myself chewing. I sent a silent prayer that she would drop it. She didn't know it, but she didn't want to push me for details. She didn't want to hear what I would say. But looking at her pretty face, hard with determination, I knew she wasn't going to drop it.