Not Alone: Trusting God to Help You Raise Godly Kids in a Spiritually Mismatched Home (2 page)

As we’ve walked the path of motherhood, our appreciation for our own mothers has increased tenfold. These two precious women have spoken words of love, have shed tears of joy and pain, and have prayed over us through the years. Both of us are so grateful to our mothers, each of whom took the negatives of her past and determined to make them positives in her daughter’s future. To our moms, you are such an inspiration to us.

And finally, we save the best for last, because who knows better how to finish things than our precious Lord and Savior Jesus? Lord, thank You for this amazing journey that continues to astonish and astound us. You are truly the beginning and the end. Thank You for allowing us to be an integral part of the middle. We adore You.

Foreword

How ever you got here, here you are. I know this sounds a bit like a Suessism but it is simply truth. At times we all find ourselves wondering,
How did I ever get here?
But the how isn’t the question. The question we should ask ourselves is,
What will I do now that I am here?

How you came to be raising your amazing children in a spiritually mismatched relationship isn’t the issue you need to be most concerned about. Dear friend, simply ask yourself,
Now what will I do?
Or even better,
How now shall I live?

Parents come in all varieties: single, married, blended, adoptive, foster …but all are still parents. And all face the same truth—parenting is hard work! For those who are parenting and missing a spiritual connection with the other parent, the challenge is even greater.

If you are holding this book, I know two things about you already: (1) You are committed to honoring Christ in the way in which you raise your children, and (2) You are much tougher and much more able than you think.

You, friend, are a lot like the two authors of this book.

A few years ago at a writer’s conference I led a workshop on developing great proposals that would cause publishers to sit up and take notice. Later that afternoon I had a fifteen-minute appointment with one of the attendees—one that would change my life forever.

When Lynn Donovan sat down to talk to me about the book she and her coauthor, Dineen Miller, were proposing, I was immediately impressed by their passion for the audience of the book—women just like them who find themselves (for whatever reason) in spiritually mismatched relationships. Long before either of them had thought of or dreamed of writing a book, they had developed a web-based ministry for these women—an already well-established ministry that has continued to flourish over the years since Lynn and I met.

I received the proposal, did my prep work, prayed up a storm and walked into Regal’s publishing board meeting ready to present it. I believe I uttered two sentences from my well-prepared presentation before two of our sales associates—both women, on the phone from other parts of the country—offered their thoughts on what a great need there is in the church to minister to these women, and how many women are in this situation … and on and on they went. Gratefully, our team agreed to offer a contract to Lynn and Dineen for their first Regal book,
Winning Him Without Words.

In the process of working on the first book, I learned that Lynn and Dineen had never actually met in person! So I arranged for them to come to my hometown, meet me, some of our team, some of my friends and each other!

After meeting Dineen I saw the same passion in her for ministry that I had seen in Lynn. These two are “cut from the same cloth,” as it were. They don’t write from a place of observation, they write from a place of life experience. Both are married to amazing men who have yet to take up their spiritual journey. However, their marriages, not without challenges, are thriving.

Not only have Lynn and Dineen both journeyed down the path of a spiritually mismatched relationship, they have each raised two children while doing it—children who have encountered life along the way, have had struggles and yet are thriving. You’ll read much more about their children in the pages of this book.

Again, this is not a book written by two field experts or those who have observed women in spiritually mismatched relationships. These two women live life (very well) in the trenches alongside you each and every day.

You will find rich food from the Word of God in these pages and prayers to help your heart as you call out to God for wisdom, but you’ll also find transparency, vulnerability and such practical wisdom that you will close the book knowing you can thrive too!

It is an honor to partner with Lynn and Dineen in their mission to develop a community of support and prayer for women in spiritually mismatched marriages. Since the time we reviewed their first proposal, we have been astounded by the ways God has used them to bless others. Doors have opened before them to reach more and more and God has given them incredible opportunities to share the truth. I feel like we’ve only begun to see what God will do.

Has this all happened because Lynn and Dineen are so special? (And they are.) No, it is because they realized, as you will too, that …

• The first order of life is to be committed to honoring the Lord.
  
• The second is to see that God has equipped you with what you need to do the task at hand.
  
• And, of course, the third is to step out in faith and do it!
  

As close to seven billion of us now journey through life on this tiny planet, I am grateful every day that by God’s grace and plan our three lives intersected. As I mentioned, my first meeting with Lynn changed my life forever. I didn’t know it at the time but I do now. As honored as I am to partner with them to get their messages out in book form, I am much more honored and humbled to call these two amazing legend women of God my friends and fellow prayer warriors.

You dear sister are not alone—never, ever, ever alone. The God who created the universe walks with you each and every day. He will give you what you need to thrive. Wisdom, miracles, friends—all you need He will amply provide.

On this journey, no matter our circumstances, we are truly NOT ALONE!

From one of the seven billion on the journey,

Kim Bangs

Senior Manager, Regal Books

Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he
praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”

PROVERBS 31:28-29

You are joining us for an incomparable journey. We, the authors, are linking arms with you as we walk with our Savior and our children into the Promised Land. We are ordinary women, who love our kids, our unbelieving husbands, and we love Jesus. We are just like you. We are living out our faith in front of the eyes of our family. We are trusting our Lord to bring our spouse and our children home to a vibrant and personal relationship with Jesus.

If you’ve picked up this book, you are likely living in a spiritually mismatched relationship to some degree. Spiritual discord exists between you and your husband or, perhaps for some, an ex-husband; or perhaps you are standing alone in faith as a single mother. We welcome you into an amazing and unique family of God: the spiritually mismatched. There are actually many of us traveling this path. We support each other, pray for one another and love each other. We love one another through the transforming power of Jesus in our lives. We are thrilled you have found us, and we hope you will join this amazing community through our online ministry,
www.MismatchedandThriving.com
.

This ministry was set in motion in 2006, when Lynn followed God’s leading to start the blog
Spiritually Unequal Marriage.
Around this time God brought the same calling to Dineen’s heart and led her to Lynn. God knew what He was doing, as the two of us have become best friends, prayer warriors for one another and ministry partners. We share this ministry with all of you, bringing practical wisdom, hope and God’s truth to wives and mothers. Ultimately, our purpose is to bring honor and glory to the Lord and to His Son, Jesus.

Starting today, find rest in the fact that you no longer have to walk this crazy path of being spiritually mismatched alone. Many have gone before you, and there are more of us a few steps behind. But we all need each other, and through our love and faith in God, we can thrive in our mismatched-dom.

And so can our children.

We have walked where you have walked. With Jesus at our side, we’ve experienced victories in our marriages, and we are witnesses to the triumphs within our children even as we wait for our husbands to come to faith in Christ. In our first book,
Winning Him Without Words: 10 Keys to Thriving in Your Spiritually Mismatched Marriage
, we share our hope for our marriages. If you are struggling in your mismatched marriage, we pray that you will find healing and hope in its pages.

As for the book you now hold,
Not Alone
, it was born out of our great passion for mothers and children.

As women who are married to unbelieving spouses and who are alone in faith in our marriages, it is very much part of our journey to pray and to stress over our spouses’ salvation. But right behind that “Goliath,” we worry a great deal about our children’s faith walk. We ask ourselves, “Will my husband’s lack of faith impact my child’s decision to follow Christ?” Or, “Am I enough to raise my kids to faith all by myself?” We camp on these questions.

A lot.

But, my friends, this journey will prove that a mere woman can be a giant killer. Goliath has nothing on us. We will discover together that ordinary mothers are God’s chosen vessels to bring faith to the generations. In this book we will walk through God’s Word, uncovering His promises to us as mothers as well as His promises for our children. We will view our parenting in a new light and witness God’s faithfulness to us, to our kids and to a world in desperate need of hope.

On this crossing toward the land of promise, we will offer you some practical tips on how to capture teachable moments for eternity. We will share with you some stories of how we taught our kids the value of prayer, and we will give you ideas about how to share God’s Word with your kids. We will talk about some of the pitfalls of parenting—those snakes of doubt or fear that sneak around our houses—and we will cross into the land of milk and honey as we recognize the triumphs that come through the faithfulness of a mother’s love.

Each chapter provides a key principal that will help you pass your faith on to your children. And, at the end of each chapter, we have included a “Discovery” section with questions designed to help you grow closer to Christ and to grow as a parent, a “Prayer” segment to help empower you through the love of Christ in your parenting efforts and, finally, a “Respecting Dad” paragraph.

At the back of the book are additional resources for you to use on this journey: some thoughts on “Rebellion and the Prodigal Adult,” a Scripture index of verses about our identity in Christ, a compilation of prayers that you can pray for your kids, a collection of fun family-faith projects for your family to enjoy, and a leader’s guide for using this book in small-group settings.

At the time of the writing of this book, our children are entering into young adulthood. We have parented our kids in the trenches of mismatched parenting throughout their lives. And we two moms are God’s proof that ordinary women can thrive in a spiritual mismatch as we raise our children to know God in a home in which faith in Jesus is not embraced by two parents.

We greatly desire to come alongside you and share what God has graciously given to us: healing for our marriages and hope for our children. And we pray with fervor that you will discover the power and authority we as believers have through Christ to live a life of purpose, significance and joy. And most of all, we pray that you are the greatest influence upon your children, growing them in faith, hope and love and ultimately into a lifelong relationship with Jesus.

This journey we are taking together is all about raising our children to faith. In this book you will face some of your deepest fears, but you will read much more about the power of a mother’s love. This is a parenting book, but it’s much more. It’s a love letter to all mothers—a message of love that changes our homes, our kids and our lives. It’s about the Father’s love, which impacts those around us and changes ordinary moms into women of extraordinary grace, beauty and wisdom.

Travel with us, because when you reach the end of this book, you will parent with a new confidence and boldness through the love of our Father. You will be mothers who change your world, impact your children for all eternity, and reveal Jesus to those around you. You are the ordinary moms who will bring faith to the generations.

We have prayed for you with an earnest heart. We have asked the Lord to move in your life and in the lives of your children. We have asked for the salvation of everyone in your home. We bring this book to you with the sincere hope that you see Jesus on every page.

With hearts filled with eternal love for you,

Lynn Donovan and Dineen Miller

Lynn’s Story

I’m an ordinary mom and an ordinary wife just like you. I have been a mom for more than 30 years. In fact, I’ve been parenting longer than I have done anything else. I’ve raised kids for more years than I worked in corporate America. I’ve been mothering for more years than I was a child growing up in my parents’ home and even longer than I’ve been married. Yep, I have a crazy and mixed-up story. And I’m finding that I’m not alone. Many of you, like me, have raised or are raising children in a not-so-traditional home. And if you’ve picked up this book, you are likely one of those women. My friend, I know how you feel. I know your doubts, and I’ve felt the pressure and fear that we mothers struggle through when it comes to raising our children.

So sit with me for a while. I am a mom who understands your struggles. I have walked in the parenting trenches for a long time, and I have experienced firsthand the powerful love and faithfulness of our God. My parenting journey has meandered through divorce, single parenting, remarriage, a blended family and several more obstacles, which I will share with you later in this book. God has allowed me the experience of being a single mother who, after paying the bills and having only 25 dollars remaining to my name, was able to stretch it for two weeks until the next paycheck. I’ve experienced the difficulty of grappling with a shared-custody arrangement. But as I look back on all these experiences, I see how the Lord has used them all to shape me and my children for my good and His glory. We serve a God of great redemption and my story is filled with this truth. My past challenges and circumstances of raising a child in today’s culture created in me a heart full of empathy for mothers.