None of the Regular Rules (12 page)

We’d reached the outer edge of campus. Other students milled on the front lawn, and I could see the Red Line crowd off to our left. I didn’t even know what my point was, but I wanted to keep yelling. I was pissed about the way we seemed to be drifting apart when the list was supposed to be something that would bring us together. Instead, Ella was picking on Grace—and now on me, too. I was annoyed by Ella’s whining and lack of self-confidence, and hurt by Grace’s distance. And I was sure Grace was pissed about something, too. I hoped she was pissed about Ian, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I was afraid he was here to stay.

“Why are we all attacking each other?” I asked, finally. “We don’t fight like this. We’ve never fought like this. Maybe we need to talk about stuff, but it’s stupid that we’re jumping on each other.”

Grace nodded. “You’re right.” Her arms were folded across her chest, so I knew she was still hurt by what Ella had said.

“Ella, you need to tell Grace you’re sorry.”

“I’m sorry,” Ella muttered. “But I don’t like Ian.” She shrugged, her eyes focused on her left sleeve, where she’d stitched a little owl onto her otherwise boring blue shirt. “I’m not going to pretend I like him. You’re not yourself when you’re with him, Grace—and you hardly have time for us anymore, because you’re always with him. He’s a controlling twat. Sophie, don’t pretend I’m the only one that thinks this.”

“I don’t want to talk about Ian!” Grace shouted, startling us both. “He’s none of your business—and I’m sorry that I’m happy and in a good relationship that takes me away from you. I thought you guys would at least be happy about me hanging out with you today, because I’ve been spending so much time with Ian. But I guess I was wrong.”

“Oh, yes,” Ella said acidly. “We’re truly honored that you’ve decided to spend some time with us, Grace. Please thank Ian for the gift of
you
, if only for the afternoon. We promise to return you to him by the end of lunch hour. Do you need to text him to let him know that you’re still safe and sound? I’m sure he’s very worried.” Her voice was coated in sarcasm. I knew this was one of those times when Ella would just push on, attacking until someone fell over from the exhaustion of fighting with her. But it was also clear that Grace wasn’t going to back down.

I lifted my hands in the air, then threw them down—like I was starting a drag race or something. “Stop! I don’t want to hear another word from either one of you. You’re both obviously in horrible moods, and it’s going to suck if you keep pushing at one another. Can we please just stop?”

I could feel angry waves rolling off both of them. Neither of them said anything. Ella stared at Grace through squinted eyes, and Grace stared at the ground. “It’s enough,” I said, reiterating my point. “Maybe we should just take some time off, cool down—do something to distract ourselves.”

“Is this when you’re going to suggest we unite over your dead aunt’s list?” Ella said, her mood not getting any better. “Maybe if we all hunker down over a couple of stupid dares together, we’ll bond and be merry and all that?”

Really nasty words rolled around in my mouth, but I closed it before I could let them spill out and say something I’d regret. “If you don’t want to do the stuff on the list, then don’t. Quit the play, ignore Peter Martinson forever, for all I care. But no, I wasn’t going to bring up the list right now anyway.” I actually had been planning to suggest that we do something on the list, but I surely wasn’t going to admit that
now
. “I was just going to say that we’ve been friends for way too long to stand outside school and fight, just because we’re all a little stressed out.”

“Sophie’s right,” Grace said sadly. “I don’t want to fight with you guys.”

Ella smiled slightly and kicked her boots against the dead grass that covered the school grounds. “Me either,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

We all looked at each other, and it was clear that the fight was over—for now. But none of us had ever said things like that to one another, so I knew it wasn’t
over
over. There’s only so much you can say to a friend before stuff starts to stick and linger, leaving a filmy layer of hurt behind. We’d all crossed the line, saying things I knew we’d regret later. But it was too late for us to go back and start over, and now those things were out there and we’d have to find a way to move on.

There had always been a certain comfort level we had around each other that made our friendship continue to work, even after all these years, even after we’d all turned into our own people and become about as different as can be. I hoped that wouldn’t all fall apart before graduation, but I could feel it shaking and quivering, close to the edge, as we stood there at the outskirts of the school lawn.

“Maybe we could all go out after school?” I suggested lamely. “Like Grace suggested.”

“I forgot,” Grace said, biting at her thumbnail. “I have student council stuff after school. Then practice.”

“Of course,” I said, unwilling to give up. I wasn’t ready to just give up on us. “Tonight? Or this weekend?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Grace said, sticking her hand in her pocket to keep herself from chewing. “Ian and I are going to a movie on Friday, but you guys could come? Oh, and I promised my parents we’d do family time on Saturday.” She pulled out her planner, then looked up meekly. “Next Saturday? The weekend before winter break?”

“Should we sneak out of Grace’s house? Number seven on Suzy’s list?” I suggested. I caught Ella and Grace give each other a look, but I wasn’t going to read into it. “Or we could just watch a movie or something. But I was thinking it might be fun to sneak in to the planetarium? It won’t be that hard. It’s not like we’re the first people to ever sneak into the planetarium. The risk is almost nonexistent. And it is
the
next
thing on the list
.”

I knew I was pushing harder than I needed to, that I was coming across as desperate and obsessed. But I was convinced that the list was the perfect thing to hold us together. Suzy had obviously thought doing the things on her list would change her life for the better, so why shouldn’t her bucket list work the same way for us, too? There was no way we could fight when we were united in a
goal
. We all believed in it, right? I swallowed. “Come on, you guys. You promised. We made a pact.”

Grace bit her lip, then nodded. “Yeah, we did promise you. Okay, Sophie.”

Ella nodded, too. “Fine. We’ll sneak out. For you.”

I could tell neither of them was excited about it, but I knew that once we were back on track with the list, they’d get into it again. I just
knew
. “Okay then,” I said happily.

Finally, Ella reached forward to pull us both into an awkward hug. I knew that didn’t make everything perfect yet, but at least it was a start.

CHAPTER
FOURTEEN

To prepare for the next weekend’s adventure, I went to the dollar store and bought three black knit ski masks. You know, those hats that come down over your face with holes for eyes and a mouth? I thought it would make the whole adventure a lot more interesting if we really got into it.

On the Saturday before Christmas, I put the hats in a big paper grocery bag, along with snacks and a rope and two flashlights. It couldn’t hurt to be prepared, even though my preparations felt a little more Berenstain Bears than Bond. I also knew it was sort of overkill, but I had committed myself to the list, and I was going to make myself—and Suzy—proud. When I’d found it, I had vowed to take her list and make it fit my life. And I guess ski masks made this whole sneaking thing feel a little more me.

“You’re kidding, right?” Ella said when I pulled up outside her house to pick her up. The bag of supplies was sitting in the passenger seat, and she set it in her lap as we drove to Grace’s house. She ri
ff
led through the bag with a suspicious look on her face, then pulled out one of the masks. “This isn’t real.”

“It’s very real,” I said seriously. “Why not go all out?”

“You’re obsessed.”

“I’m not obsessed,” I argued. “Just committed.”

“We’re going to have to
get
you committed after this. Remember, Soph, this list is supposed to be about having fun—a starting point for new adventures, not something you’re allowed to freak out about and get all crazy over.”

“Yes, exactly,” I agreed. “The list was a starting point. I layered on some spy masks and a few flashlights. How is that crazy?”

Ella sighed. “Just be careful,” she said. “Don’t let it take over.”

“Don’t be so melodramatic,” I spat back. “I’m not letting anything take over.”

She shook her head and laughed, but it wasn’t a pleasant sound. Something between us felt forced. Actually, everything had felt a little off since our fight on the school lawn. I was excited that we were going to do the next thing on the list tonight, since I really was sure that it would be exactly the kind of thing we needed to pull us together.

I pulled my car into the driveway at Grace’s house, and pushed the door open quickly, somehow forgetting to put the car in park first. It rolled forward slowly as I stepped out, inching closer to Grace’s mom’s car parked in front of me. I dove back into the driver’s seat and threw it into park before anything bad happened. My car let out a groan in protest.

Ella stared at me, and I shrugged. “Oops,” I said. “Distracted, I guess.” I reached across the seat and grabbed my bag of supplies.

“Hi, you guys,” Grace called from the front door. She held it open. A construction paper jack-o
’
-lantern taped to the outside of the front door blew around in the cool air. Suddenly, Ian poked his head around Grace’s body and looked at us from inside her house. “Ian was just getting ready to leave,” she said apologetically.

“I might hang out for a while,” Ian said, wrapping his hand around Grace’s arm protectively. “Make sure you’re not getting into any trouble.” He winked, which made me think he was trying to make us think he was making a joke, but it was so clearly not a joke that no one laughed. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“Of course they don’t mind,” Grace said sweetly. “It will be nice for the three of you to get to know each other better.” She gave us both a pointed look that told us we better behave. “We never hang out as a group.”

She was right, of course. We never did hang out as a group, which
wa
s part of the reason that Ella and I had such a low opinion of Ian. He never seemed to want to combine his time with Grace with anything else outside their little universe. But she had obviously said something to him after our fight, and now he was trying to make us like him. That had to be worth something.

But at the same time, I was a little frustrated he was there, because we’d talked about this being a night for us. A chance for us to spend quality time together, without all the distractions of regular life, and if I was being honest…I’d have to say that Ian was a distraction. There was no way he was going to get on board
with
a plan to sneak out and sneak into the planetarium, and I couldn’t help but wonder how long he was going to stay. I guess we’d have to bide our time until he left.

“So…” I said, setting the bag of props just inside the front door. “What’s the plan?”

“Well,” Ian said, looking at all of us. “Grace and I have been dying to see
Survivor’s Dilemma
—that new PBS documentary about the arctic explorers? It sounds like it’s really inspiring—and it just came out on On Demand. We could watch that.”

I seriously hoped he was trying to be boring. I had a feeling he must be. Who would suggest something so unfun
?
(
O
kay, I was really trying hard not to judge the guy, but he made it impossible. A documentary about six men who ate their own dogs to survive? I mean, seriously.) Ella and I glanced at each other. “No offense, but I’m not really into watching dog cannibals tonight,” I said, knowing Ella the vegetarian would back me up. I’d never known Grace to be big on depressing movies. When had that happened?

“No offense taken,” Ian said. “I assume you have another plan?” His tone was mocking, like I’d shot down the best suggestion ever made on a Saturday night. His condescending attitude made me want to hurt him. Just a little bit. Like, a tiny flick on the cheek or something.

“Actually,” I said, glancing quickly at Grace before I said anything I shouldn’t. She was chewing her thumb and gave me no sign of anything whatsoever. “We were going to try to sneak out of here later—then bust into the planetarium. You know about the list, so I guess I can tell you about it.” I yammered on, excitedly, hoping if I showed a lot of enthusiasm that maybe Ian would get into the spirit. “The roof is apparently a great place to see the stars. If you climb up the fire escape, you can get up there—and then there’s a trick door you can jimm
y
to get into the building.” I grinned, proud of the recon I’d done in preparation for the night.

Grace stared at me, twisting her blond curls into tight spirals. “How do you know all of that?”

“Johnny told me,” I said, settling into a seat on the couch in the formal living room. This was the room we weren’t allowed to eat in, or put our feet up on the couch, or even look at the pillows wrong. Grace’s mom spent most of her time cleaning and making sure everything was perfect, so no one was ever allowed to mess anything up. But Grace’s parents were in the family room, watching educational TV with her little brother
,
so we made ourselves as comfortable as possible on the white sofas in the living room. I continued, “I’ve got everything worked out. It’s going to be super
fun. The moon is full tonight, and it’s clear
,
so we should have a good view of the stars from up there. It will be worth it.”

“Worth getting arrested?” Ian asked, slipping his hand into Grace’s.

“We’re not going to get arrested,” I countered. “How many people have broken into the planetarium? Like, a million.”

“Seriously? You think a million people have broken into the planetarium?” Ian asked haughtily. “That might be a bit of a stretch.”

“So I’m exaggerating,” I said. I wanted him to stop talking. I had psyched myself up for this, and gotten over the fear of breaking the law—we were going to go for it, no matter what. I wasn’t going to let something like fear of possible punishment stop me from doing this. “Maybe it’s more like a few hundred. This has been the breaking-in tradition forever at East
Central.”

“I’m not so sure I’m comfortable with this,” Grace said reluctantly. “Maybe we should break into something else. Like, the movie theater or something?” Ian nodded supportively.

“You’re just as likely to get in trouble for breaking into the movies as you are for breaking into the planetarium,” I argued. “It’s not the size of the crime that matters—it’s whether or not you get caught. Remember when Rob Prescott got arrested for shoplifting a Cadbury Crème Egg? He got in just as much trouble as Janna Franklin did the time she tried to steal hundreds of dollars
’
worth of clothes from Target.”

Both of those were cautionary examples I’d thought about a million times. Rob and Janna had both been sentenced to community service, and had to wear these horrible glow-in-the-dark yellow vests and pick up trash from the side of the highway right by the mall. Everyone at school would drive by and honk at them when they were out there working, and it just seemed so mortifying.

But Johnny had assured me that breaking into the planetarium was practically risk-free. Simple. Almost an allowable offense. That seemed safe enough for me. If everyone else had done it and gotten away with it, how hard could it be?

“Grace, I’ll stay here with you,” Ian said. “You’re certainly not going with Sophie and Ella when they do this, are you?”

“Of course she is!” Ella said, saving me from having to say any more. “We’re doing this together.”

“I was going to…” Grace said uncertainly. “But maybe I should just stay here?” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “What if my parents wake up and find us missing? They’ll be worried.”

“That’s part of the deal,” I said, exasperated. “It’s a risk. That’s why it’s called a dare. Come on, Grace. Nothing’s going to happen. We’ll be there and back in no time, and it’s a fun adventure.” I felt bad for pressuring, but I knew she was only backing down because of Ian. It made me feel competitive, like I had to prove that Ian’s way wasn’t the only way.

“I don’t know
,
” Grace said. “I know I agreed to do it, but now I’m just not sure.”

“You’re not sure about it because Ian is making you feel bad about it!” I said, a little more angrily than I’d intended.

“Grace,” Ian said levelly. “If this is something you want to do, by all means, do it. Don’t stay back because of me.”

Grace looked at me, then at Ella, and finally her gaze landed on Ian. “I do kind of want to go,” she said quietly. “For Sophie.”

“Have fun, then,” Ian said, and began to stand up. It was obvious to us all that he was pissed she’d made the choice she had. Grace looked like she might cry. “We’re studying tomorrow afternoon, right?” Ian asked as he put on his jacket.

“Yeah,” Grace said. “Is that still okay?”

“If you’re not incarcerated,” Ian said, and smiled. “I’m kidding,” he said, to me. “Enjoy the stars. I hope it’s worth all the trouble.” He pecked Grace lightly on the cheek and made his way to the door. Just as he put his hand on the doorknob, he stopped and turned back. “Call me if you change your mind, Grace. But don’t waste your one call from the police station on me. I’m not bailing you out.”

After he’d gone, we all sat in silence for a few long moments. “Well,” I said finally. “
Now
I get what you see in him.”

“Don’t be like that, Sophie.” Grace stood up and stormed off toward her room.

“What?” I whispered to Ella. “He’s so not fun.”

“I know,” she agreed. “But I think we’ve made our opinion about him fairly clear now. Maybe it’s time to lay off?”

I sighed. “You’re right. It’s not like we’re going to change her mind about him.” Ella nodded. “And he does seem to make her happy, so maybe we’re really wrong about him? Do you think he hates us as much as we hate him?”

“Yes,” Ella said.

“What did we do to him?”

“Same thing he did to us,” she said, standing up to follow Grace up to her room. “We compete for Grace’s attention. It’s like a turf war.”

As I followed Ella up the stairs to Grace’s room, I muttered, “I wish we could all just get along.”