None of the Regular Rules (10 page)

“Did you tell Ian about the list?” I asked Grace carefully. I realized I’d never asked either of them to keep Suzy’s list private, but I had thought it was for us only—not to share with dorky, controlling, unibrowed boyfriends.

Grace laughed. “Of course I did. We tell each other everything.” I peeked in the rearview mirror and caught them giving each other this moony look while Ian rubbed Grace’s leg.

“Oh,” I said, unsure of what else I could say.

Ian poked Grace on the nose, then said, “I hope you know Grace isn’t going to be a part of most of your little list game.” He looked at me, looking at him in the mirror. “Grace told me all about it.”

“Yeah?” I said, through clenched teeth.

“She’s not getting a nose ring. Or a tattoo. But you know that.” Ian laughed.

“Why not?” Ella asked. “Don’t you have a wild side, Ian? Secret fantasies of a tattooed rebel? You seem like a fun guy.” The sarcasm was painfully obvious, but Ian didn’t seem to notice. If he did, he didn’t say anything.

I could see Grace biting her thumb nervously. I saw her swipe it on her jeans and guessed it had started to bleed. Ella glanced back and said, “If you can chew your hand apart like that, putting a hole in your body isn’t going to be that big of a deal.”

Grace tucked her hands under her butt and frowned. “I’m not a piercing kind of a girl.”

“Well, I’m not a jumping-off-cliffs kind of girl,” I said. “But I’m going to do it anyway. It’s a dare.”
And it’s for my aunt
,
I thought.
Her dreams, unfulfilled.

“I also don’t know why any of you would want to skip class and go to the Red Line,” Ian continued, oblivious to the tension in the car. He paused, then said, “Most of the stuff on this list of yours is downright stupid. Skipping class and—”

Grace cut him off. “The Red Line does creep me out,” she said quietly. The Red Line was the imaginary line that divided school grounds from
not
school grounds, so smokers and class-cutters would sneak out to that section of the woods in back of school and stand on the other side of the line. Apparently the school couldn’t punish people for getting into trouble if they were off school property. I didn’t really know if it was true, since I wasn’t a smoker and had never had occasion to go to the Red Line. “You guys know it scares me. Those people are dropouts.”

For some reason, this struck me as hilarious. Maybe I was just uncomfortable with the vibe in the car, but all I wanted to do was laugh at this ridiculous conversation. I cracked up and said, “
 
‘Those people?’ Grace, you sound like the biggest prude ever right now. Lots of people go to the Red Line.”

“Lots?” She asked, defensive. “The Red Line is filled with people who are going to have to repeat senior year, like, five times before they get to graduate. Ian said there’s one guy in our class—Trever German—who’s twenty-two! Twenty-two and still in high school.”

Now Ella was laughing, too. “I seriously doubt Trever German is twenty-two. How many times can you flunk a grade before you have to just move on already?”

“Haven’t you heard of No Child Left Behind?” Grace said haughtily. “Trever German is obviously left behind! And he spends his days at the Red Line!” She was getting really upset.

“You’re not even the littlest bit curious?” I asked, trying to ignore Ian’s hairy face in the rearview mirror.

Grace considered that. “Curious, but not enough so to get suspended.”

“Grace…” Ian warned.

I snorted. “You’re not going to get suspended.” I suddenly wondered if that was true. Would we get suspended? Then I realized I was letting my practical side get in the way again. “You can’t get suspended for stepping across the school’s property line. It’s not like you’re going out there to smoke pot.”

Grace’s eyes widened, horrified. “Of course not! I’m in sports.”

“So what’s the problem?” I asked. “I’m sure Trever’s a nice guy. He’ll be happy to show you around, tell you what’s coming up in senior year—since he has, of course, gone through it all before.”

No one laughed. In fact, none of us talked the rest of the way out to Hanging Rock. I could feel the tension in the car. It bugged me that Ian knew about my list, and that he felt it was his place to weigh in on it. Maybe it was the way he seemed to have this control over Grace, but I just worried that he’d get involved in
it
somehow. I had known he’d try to talk her out of participating with us, but I wanted it to be something the three of us did together.

When we got to the parking lot at Hanging Rock, it was filled with cars. It often was on Friday nights and weekends, when people would come up here to hang out and jump and swim. The cliff itself was the biggest draw, but there was also a small, protected pool of water below the jumping area where you could swim. Not that anyone was floating around in the chilly water at this time of year.

We headed down to the pebbled beach next to the stream-fed swimming area. A bunch of people had beat us there, including Peter and Taryn and some of their other friends. Ian suddenly looked uncomfortable, as though he’d only just realized that he was going to be completely out of his element. I noticed him whispering to Grace, and I wondered if he was trying to convince her that they should go off on their own somewhere.

When they first started dating, Grace had told me that Ian only had a few close friends, a random collection of guys he had from student council and remnants of friendships he’d maintained from his one year on the basketball team. He was one of those guys who didn’t really fit in anywhere in high school, she’d said, and I
realized
that
was
what
he’d told her. Even though the first few weeks of their relationship had been a little awkward, I’d almost gotten the sense that she felt like it was her duty to give him a home.

I think part of what attracted Grace to Ian was that he needed her, but also that he was an unknown quantity with the masses at East Central. In many ways, Ian was one of those guys whom everyone knows, but no one really
knows
—the male version of Grace, in some ways. Except that Grace kept herself at a distance as a kind of protection, I think. And I’d begun to get the sense that Ian was somewhat friendless because he was condescending, haughty, and arrogant. So there was that.

“Ten bucks if you can convince Ian to jump.” I half jokingly made this offer to Ella as I watched Grace and Ian walk away and snuggle up close under one of the big birch trees that stood straight and narrow along the edge of the beach.

“Actually, no,” I murmured to Ella. “Let’s just let them be.”

I looked over and saw that Ella hadn’t heard a word I’d said. Every bit of her attention was focused on Peter, who’d already climbed up to the top of Hanging Rock and was preparing to jump. He ripped his shirt off and flung it around, posturing for everyone along with a bunch of the other guys, and Ella sucked in her breath in anticipation. The guys all whooped and made a big show of what they were doing. A few were making animal noises or something equally charming.

Suddenly, someone hollered from behind them and Johnny Rush came barreling through the crowd of guys. He stopped only long enough to yell, “Clear the decks!” and to check to make sure there was no one under the protruding rock. Then he unceremoniously lobbed himself off the edge minus frills and animal calls and without a puffed-up chest.

My stomach flipped nervously when I realized he was there. He seemed to be everywhere lately. Just when he was supposed to disappear forever, as my brother had done, Johnny was suddenly ever present. I held my breath as his body dropped and twisted before landing with a huge splash in the water below. I continued to hold it as I waited for him to pop back up to the surface, to prove that he had survived. I knew Johnny and Peter and a lot of the other guys in the sporty crowd did this all the time, but I couldn’t prevent myself from worrying. There was a reason I’d never jumped off Hanging Rock. The chance of death, specifically.

Johnny’s head popped up, and I could see his huge, silly grin in the middle of the swimming pond. He looked back up at the guys still standing along the edge and yelled, “Come on down. The water’s perfect.”

One by one, they all jumped as Johnny swam to shore and climbed out. He wrapped a towel around his waist and shook his head to dry his hair, like a dog might do—if a dog were like, I don’t know, a completely sexy, blue-eyed guy. He looked around with the confidence of someone who’d never worried about what anyone else was thinking about him—and eventually, his eyes settled on me. It seemed like his grin got wider when he looked my way. But maybe it was just the light.

I swallowed and tried to smile back. I’d never been totally comfortable around guys, and expected that a simple smile at Johnny would be just as daunting as a smile that was directed at any guy would. But instead, I found myself grinning easily and naturally, with no concern about what I might say to him or any worry about whether or not I’d be interesting enough to hold his attention. I hadn’t been that comfortable around a guy since, well…since my brother. Or Peter and the other boys who had lived in my neighborhood—but that was years ago, before boobs and other complications got in the way.

I didn’t know if my comfort was a good sign, or an absolutely terrible one.

Just as he began to make his way toward me, all confident swagger and wet torso, I realized I’d lost Ella altogether. She had walked away from me, like she was in a trance, and stood alongside Taryn at the shoreline awaiting the return of their men from up on high. Taryn had recently started dating Noah Shelton, and he was one of the guys who was up on the rock with Peter.

“Why does it seem like you’re everywhere lately?” I asked when Johnny was close enough to hear me. I smiled again and tried to keep my eyes off his lean body. His tan had only faded slightly, and droplets of water sat temptingly on skin that looked like it was probably warm, despite the chill of the swimming water. “Aren’t you ever at school?” I asked this teasingly, not expecting the answer I got.

“No, I’m not ever at school,” he said, and let his eyes dance across the rest of the crowd that had gathered at the beach. He smiled at me, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m not going.”

“What happened to Madison?” I asked.

“Nothing happened,” he said. “I already told you—it wasn’t a valid choice.” He sat down on the rocks and toweled off his legs. I noticed that he didn’t wipe off his chest, and I was finding it increasingly more difficult not to stare.

“Wait…you’re saying that your parents told you Madison wasn’t good enough? So you decided to go nowhere instead?” I couldn’t keep the disbelief out of my voice. It seemed ridiculous. I mean, that’s taking rebellion to a whole new level. At least, for me it would be.

“I guess that’s sort of it, yeah.” He smiled at me. “So I’m one of those guys.”

“One of what guys?”

“One of the losers that sticks around here, waiting for people to come home from
college
to play with me over winter break and stuff.” He looked down and started to rearrange the rocks between his body and mine. “Admit it, that’s what you’re thinking.”

I stared at him. “Um, it’s not actually. But I am sort of wondering why you didn’t just say you weren’t going to college when we asked you about it last weekend,” I said, trying to think back to our conversation on pizza-and-camping night. “Are you intentionally misleading people?”

He looked at me, and I suddenly saw a little bit of the fear that I thought didn’t exist for people like Johnny Rush. “Yeah, I guess I sort of am.” He shrugged. “Not my good friends, but people like you.”

“People like me?” I wondered.

“Why broadcast my lack of ambition?” he asked, offering no further clarity. “I figure people will eventually realize I haven’t left. Until they do, I’m not going to announce that I’m one of the few sad sacks that didn’t go anywhere.”

“You couldn’t find anywhere else you wanted to go?” I asked, my voice ringing with disbelief. “It just seems so unlikely that your parents would rather you
not
go to college than go to Madison.”

He shrugged, and I could tell he was done talking about it. “Well, it is what it is. And it looks like I’m here for the long haul.” Johnny looked up at Hanging Rock, but no one was jumping. The sky had started to fade into the deep blue of twilight, and wisps of pink lined the edges of the clouds. “Aren’t you going to jump?” he asked. “I thought that was one of your big life goals. One of your dares, right?”

I’d completely forgotten that we’d talked about some of the dares the night of his party. But he hadn’t. Was that significant, or was he just good at making people feel special? I knew it was the latter. “Yeah, it is one of the things I want to do. Sometime.”

“Sometime?” He gave me a funny look. “There’s no better time than now.” Then he hopped up and reached for my hands. I let him take them, because I wanted to touch him, and he pulled me to my feet. I looked over at Ella, but she was too busy talking to Peter to notice me. Grace was off in her own little world, with Ian and no one else.

I’d always thought it was funny how the rest of the world seemed to drop away when guys entered the picture. It was like all clarity got washed away in a wave of lust or something.