Nightmares of Caitlin Lockyer (Nightmares Trilogy) (2 page)

Caitlin neither replied nor moved
, she was so deeply asleep.

"I never wanted to see you hurt. I'm sorry I d
idn't help you sooner," I began hesitantly. No, that wasn't the first thing I wanted her to hear – reminding her of what had happened to her. I stared into space, my eyes focussing on her untouched meal tray. "Do you want your ice cream?"

When she didn't respond, I helped myself to the little cardboard tub, lifting the lid with a slight sucking sound. The ice cream had already started to melt in the warm room.

In between bites, I voiced the things I could say to her when she woke.

"Hi, remember me? I was oblivious to you getting hurt,
so you're in hospital now." No. Could I sound more callous if I tried?

"I'm
Nathan, I stole a shirt from a corpse and stuck it on you." Lovely.

"I wish I'd never seen you and then neither of us would be here. I wish none of this had ever happened." True, but still not something I should say to her. If I hadn't seen her, she might be dead now instead of in hospital.

I scraped the bottom of the cardboard container for the last melted drops. "I'm sorry – I finished your ice cream. When you wake up, I'll owe you one." I stood up and took the empty container to my meal tray.

All that I'd said should have been funny, given my dark humour, but I had no laughter left. I only felt empty. Not even my stolen ice cream could help to fill that void. What kind of person
stole a sleeping girl's ice cream?

I made it to our shared bathroom before I threw up – her ice cream, mine and probably most of the lunch I hadn't tasted. When I was done, I rinsed my mouth and left the bathroom, closing the door hard behind me.

I returned to my own bed and stretched out on top of the covers. I folded my arms behind my head and stared at the ceiling for a moment, before I spoke again.

"I'm sorry, Caitlin. I'm so sorry."

My eyes started to water, probably from staring at the room light, so I closed them.

Dark. Pain. Cold. Tears.

Screaming for them to let me go until my throat hurt and my voice was almost gone.

No one.

No reply, no light.

More pain.

Bitter tears.

Alone in the dark when I needed HELP.

I remember lying down, sobbing.

Cold, rough, hard concrete.

Dusty.
Made me cough but no one heard.

Cold and alone and hurting in the dark.

Pain.

Relief that no one had heard me, that there was no reply.

Not alone was worse. Oh hell
...

"Go away – leave me alone!" Caitlin cried in panic.

I woke with a shock in the middle of the night. She was screaming and struggling to get away from someone – but there was no one else here.

I sat on the edge of her bed and shook her gently, but she didn't wake up. She was locked in a deadly struggle with the people in her nightmare.

She screamed abuse at me as I panicked and let go of her. There was nothing I could do.

Gradually, her struggles gave way to helpless tears. "Please help me... you promised..." she whimpered.

I tried to tell her I was here, that she was safe now, that there was nothing to worry about, because she was in the very best of care, but she kept going like she never heard a word of it. Her whispered, desperate pleas continued as I pressed the button to bring a nurse. It felt like forever before a nurse arrived.

I heard her in the corridor, talking to another nurse. "You go on down to tea, Judith. I'll just see to this one and I'll join you. It's that girl who came in last night – the one with the police guard. I heard one of them's pretty hot."

The other nurse thought this was funny. "You mean the young one who looks like Matt Damon? I heard he's her boyfriend. If she needs a nurse, it's probably because he isn't there to help her. Have fun, Carol."

Sick of waiting, I spoke. "If you're the nurse, come here."

The nurse entered the room and sized me up, her look openly curious.

At another time, I might have found her obvious approval gratifying. I know I would have liked what I saw. I would have responded by verbalising the invitation in her eyes. Maybe I should have. I know I wanted to.

Later.

All those fleeting thoughts dissolved in my irritation that her attention was on me instead of Caitlin, whose sobs made my chest ache in sympathy.

"She's having nightmares and she won't wake up. Is there anything you can give her to help her?"

"I can't," she told me flatly. "What she's on, and the condition she's in – hell, she's so sedated she shouldn't be able to have nightmares. She won't be waking up for a while."

"I see." I kept my voice equally flat.

"Please. You promised," Caitlin sobbed. "No, don't let them
..."

"Who's she talking to?" the nurse asked.

"Me. She wants me to help her." It came out bitter. Because I couldn't stop her nightmares.

The nurse looked like she wanted to ask something else, but I didn't want to explore this any further. I let my eyes wander over her body. When I lifted my eyes to her face, I gave her a look that plainly said, "Damn, not bad." I hated myself for raising her expectations, knowing I was only going to dash them again in moments. She looked flustered, and I took the opportunity to get rid of her.

"If there's nothing you can do for her, then I guess you're better off going back to the nurses' station, or wherever else you're needed." I flashed her my most charming smile, feeling cheap for not following it up with anything else. "Go to tea, Carol." Which Carol did, without hesitation.

I stayed by Caitlin, where I promised I'd be, Nurse Carol's words running through my head
. She won't be waking up for a while.
Caitlin wouldn't miss me if I went downstairs for a few minutes. Not if she wasn't waking up for a while.

I'd be back before she woke up. Perhaps I could make up for my curt dismissal of Nurse Carol and offer to pay for her tea.

Caitlin was weeping quietly now, oblivious to me. I stood up and moved away from her toward the door, thinking of joining Nurse Carol for tea, coffee or anything else she cared to name. Maybe getting to know the shapely Singaporean girl better...

"No
... please... don't leave me!" Caitlin's voice grew louder and more panicked with each word. "You promised!" Swearing softly, I sat down beside her again and she was silent.

Swearing a bit more, I realised there was only one way I was going to get any more sleep tonight.

I grabbed a sheet and pillow from my bed and carefully cocooned her body in her own sheet. I squeezed in behind her, so I was half under her pillow and up against the headboard. If she hadn't been so small, I wouldn't have fitted.

So, I
didn't get to have a drink with Nurse Carol, but I got the consolation of sleeping with Caitlin.

I stuck my pillow behind me to cushion my head from the cold, laminated surface of the headboard and spread my sheet over myself as best I could. My last thought before I fell asleep was that, under better circumstances, with a bigger bed and less clothes, I'd be happy to climb into bed with Caitlin, so maybe this wasn't so bad after all
...

Ah, who was I kidding? It was a bloody nightmare.

Hold her for me.

No...

Hold her still.

No...

Don't touch me!

Hold her down, I said.

Touch me and I'll kick your face in!

How are you going to do that with him holding you down?

I said
...

No!

Movement and sound in the room startled me awake. I mumbled something vaguely threatening and opened my eyes.

Nurse Carol was smiling, standing beside the bed, reaching toward my lap.

Wow. The hot nurse was back.
Yes, please!

But of course she wasn't here for me. She brushed aside Caitlin's hair and checked her temperature. When she was done, she smoothed Caitlin's hair back down over her ear, just as it was before. Her fingers rested on the pillow beside Caitlin's head for a moment before she pulled them away. Caitlin's pillow lay across my lap, hiding my eagerness.
Thank God.

Nurse Carol walked
away from me to pick up the clipboard that held Caitlin's medical chart. She started flipping through it, carefully writing down her observations, her lips moving soundlessly.

More than disappointed, I opened my mouth to say something to draw the nurse's attention to me.

I closed my mouth quickly when Carol's eyes shifted from the medical chart in her hands to my face. "It's good that you care about her so much. She'll need all your help and support when she wakes up."

What the hell
could I say to that? I'd be a callous, lying scumbag if I said I didn't care whether Caitlin recovered or not, but she made me sound like the girl's boyfriend if I didn't say it. So I said nothing.

She tucked Caitlin's chart back into its pocket at the end of the bed. "You shouldn't be in her bed with her, though. One of the other nurses will kick you out if I don't."

Hey, if she had a better offer for me, I'd be there. I looked up at her and thought about saying it, but decided I couldn't. Not yet.

I cleared my throat. "She sleeps better when I'm here." I smiled ruefully. "So do
I, because she's quieter, too."

Carol smiled at me. "Well, you can't say I didn't warn you. I hope you get some sleep, for the rest of the night." She took a deep breath. "Take good care of her. We all want to see her make a full recovery."

"So do I," I admitted, wanting to say more.

While I was working out how to ask her out for later, she left.

My chances with Nurse Carol crashed and burned. All because I got into bed with Caitlin.

I shrugged and settled back to sleep, Caitlin's head still pillowed in my lap.

Maybe later, when this job was over, I'd ask Nurse Carol to come join me for a drink. Maybe if I asked nicely, she'd even wear a nurse's uniform, one heaps sexier than the one she wore to work... hell yeah! Sweet dreams, here I come.

Breathing in the dark.

Not just mine.

Help me. Get me out of here.

Holding my breath.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Approaching, closer.

Too dark to see.

Breathing faster.

Are you going to hurt me?

Sharp intake of breath.

ARE YOU GOING TO HURT ME?

Almost panting.

Too close.

No...

"You're mad," my sister told me, handing me the bag of clothes I'd asked for. "You find some random girl left for dead on a beach, promise you'll protect her from someone who hurt her who's already dead, only to find out he has mates, so you're going to stick around to protect her from all of them, too? It could be years before the police put them away – if they ever find them! What are you going to do, stay with her for the rest of her life? Marry her?" She snorted with laughter.

I shook my head, rubbing at my bleary eyes in the hope that it would wake me up. Caitlin had woken me with her screaming more than once last night. "I promised I'd be here when she wakes up. She's been out for longer than I expected, is all. She's been through more than anyone should ever have to and I'm not going to do that to her – just go home and let her wake up alone."

Chris was quick to notice the gaps in my explanation. "How do you know what she's been through? She's barely been conscious since you found her!"

"I don't," I admitted. "But
... she has nightmares... even with the drugs they're giving her, and they sound pretty bad. And... I saw what she looked like when I found her. It wasn't pretty." I suppressed a shudder, but she noticed anyway.

"How bad is it? Can I see her?"

We were in the lounge at the end of the ward. It was only a short walk back to Caitlin's room, but still I hesitated. "Don't touch her," I warned. If she touched her, she'd scream again and I couldn't handle it. I just couldn't.

"Wh
..." She started to ask a question, but she looked like she was having trouble deciding which to ask first. Why she'd want to touch her, why she couldn't, or even what in hell I was thinking. Instead, she shrugged and followed me back to the hospital room.

She
thought I was crazy. She could be right.

The guard outside the door looked askance at Chris. I nodded to him and he let her pass unchallenged. Chris didn't acknowledge the police officer at all.

She stopped just inside the door and stared, looking puzzled.