Nightmares of Caitlin Lockyer (Nightmares Trilogy) (6 page)

I knelt down to pull the blanket away from her head, thanking whatever helpful deity had made the linen fall so that it covered most of her.

Caitlin was both angry and frustrated. "I can't walk and I can't get up."

"Here, let me help you." I made good use of the blanket and sheet to keep some separation between her body and mine, tucking the whole mess around her as I picked her up.

"Thank you," she said quickly, biting her lip, still looking a little flustered.

"What happened?"

She hesitated a moment before she spoke. "I got out of bed, tried to take a step and it hurt. Then I fell." She frowned. "I can't walk if it hurts that much."

"Perhaps you should stay in bed and rest then," I suggested.

"But I needed... I was trying to get to the bathroom." She wouldn't look at me as she said it.

Understanding her embarrassment, I offered casually, "I can carry you in there, if you like."

"Thank you." Her gratitude was fervent.

I looked from her to the bathroom. Oh, shit. This time I'd have to do it with just her and the skimpy nightie. She'd scream for sure.

I lifted her up and quickly carried her to the toilet in the ensuite bathroom, conscious of the hospital-issue nightdress she still wore and the amount of skin it didn't cover. I couldn't put her down fast enough, praying with every step that she wouldn't scream.

I almost shuddered with relief when I let go of her, but I tried to control myself so she wouldn't see my reaction and take it the wrong way. Even injured, Caitlin was still one hell of a temptation – pretty in all the right ways.

Wrong ways, I told myself as I turned my back and walked to the bathroom doorway to give her some privacy. She was damn fine in all the wrong ways and it'd be really great if she had some clothes to cover up with so I wouldn't be tempted any more than I had been already.

After a moment's thought, I called back over my shoulder, "If you want, I could ask my sister to drop by your house the next time she comes in to see me and she could pick up some of your own clothes for you to wear."
Please say yes, please say yes...

She was silent for a moment before she replied, "Thank you, but I think with all the dressings and stuff, plus the trouble I'd have putting on or taking off clothes, I'm better off with hospital issue."

Shit. "Fair enough." I nodded, trying not to think of her wearing a backless nightdress with no underwear. Especially once the dressings came off. I'd just have to control my thoughts better. That's it. Not difficult at all. Hesitantly, I added, "Let me know when you're done and need my help again."

"I
... I'm not done, but I may need your help." Her voice faded to a mortified whisper. I glanced over my shoulder and saw her pawing uselessly at the toilet paper dispenser, unable to grasp anything with her bandaged hands. She bit down hard on her lip in an effort to stop herself from crying.

Oh, fuck. This was just painful to watch.

"Did you know," I asked her as I crossed the bathroom quickly, ripping a wad of toilet paper out of the dispenser and pressing it into her upturned hand, "that you looked just like a kitten batting at a new toy just now? It was very cute." I smiled gently, my eyes on her face to gauge her reaction to my poor attempt at a joke. And not look at what she was doing with the toilet paper.

For a second, she looked hurt,
then she looked up and met my eyes. A small smile slowly spread across her face. "Meow," she said, holding up her 'paws'. "I feel about as weak as a kitten, so the comparison is probably right." She sighed. "Now, I would appreciate your help one more time, because I think you're right. I need to rest in bed a bit longer."

"At your service."
I took a deep breath and braced myself. I carried her back to bed and attempted to tuck the sheets around her again. I'd never been so relieved to see a girl covered up. Casually, I mentioned that she could ask the nurses for help when she needed it – after all, that was why she was in hospital. I prayed she'd take the hint and let other women help her. Anyone but me.

She looked down at her lap, not meeting my eyes. "I know, but I feel uncomfortable asking some random stranger to help me with something so personal
... and I don't... like... anyone touching me at the moment." She shuddered.

Shit. I was on bathroom duty indefinitely. Was there any chance I could ask for her to be catheterised so I didn't have to
... fuck, that wasn't something I should think about, either.

I took a breath and let it out. She didn't need me to make her feel worse. She felt bad enough as it was. I tried to be funny. "And the last time you asked a random stranger for help, you ended up in hospital with him and now you can't get rid of him – he even followed you into the bathroom." I smiled, attempting to make light of it.

She looked up but didn't smile. "After you saved my life, got shot and even helped me wipe my..." She blushed, unable to finish. "I don't think you qualify as a random stranger any more. I'd like to think you're a very good friend, even if I don't know you very well."

"And here I thought you were going to call me an arse wipe." I shook my head in mock sadness, feeling nothing but uneasy relief.

"Good morning, here's your breakfast."

The ladies who served the hospital meals always seemed too cheerful to be real. The sleepless nights with Caitlin had meant they usually woke me from an uneasy doze, only serving to heighten the impression that their bright smiles were a hallucination. Yet here was one, smiling first at me, then at Caitlin.

"I heard you were awake, hon." The woman winked at her. "I wasn't sure what you'd like, so I picked out the best of this morning's breakfast menu for you. I'll give you your menu, too, so you can order what you like for tomorrow."

Jokes about bad hospital food aside, I'd soon learned that they didn't apply to this place. I was most of the way through my eggs before I thought to ask Caitlin about her breakfast.

Swallowing the last mouthful of egg, I asked her, "So, what's the best of this morning's breakfast menu?"

When she didn't reply, I looked over at her, only to see her breakfast was still covered. She concentrated on keeping the glass of orange juice between her bandaged hands firmly enough to lift it off the tray. She managed to take a mouthful of juice before slowly and carefully returning the glass to the tray.

"Caitlin? How's your breakfast?" I asked, realising that, aside from the juice, her tray was untouched. She stared down at the tray, her lips pressed firmly together.
She couldn't even feed herself, I realised. And she was trying not to cry about it but she wouldn't ask for help, either.

I took a step toward her, leaned over and pressed her nurse call button.

"Hey!" She turned her tear-filled eyes on me, suddenly angry.

"You need someone to help you with your breakfast," I told her gently.

"I was managing fine!" She reached for the orange juice again, but only succeeded in knocking the glass off the tray and onto the bed. "Oh hell." Her tears spilled over, too, streaking down her cheeks as she tried clumsily to climb onto her pillows without using her hands, to avoid the spreading pool of orange on her sheets.

I hesitated a second before I offered, "Please, let me help." This time I didn't wait for an answer. I lifted her out of her bed and transferred her to mine. I pushed my breakfast tray away from her and dragged her breakfast-laden table over. She turned away from me, reaching for a tissue that she couldn't grasp.

I reached over her for the same tissue with markedly more success. I carefully wiped every trace of tears from her face before I helped her blow her nose. It wasn't until I walked away from her to put the tissues in the bin and wash my hands that she spoke.

"Thank you," she said in a small voice. I didn't say anything.

When I returned, I sat next to her on the bed, pulling my tray onto the table beside hers. I lifted the cover off her plate to find she'd been given the same as me.

"So, do you want those eggs?" I asked her.

"Just the thought of being fed like a baby makes me lose my appetite," she stated in the same small voice, not looking at me.

"Because I wouldn't mind them, if you're not eating them," I continued, as if she hadn't spoken. I picked up her cutlery and started to cut them into bite-sized pieces. I slid one piece onto the fork and waved it in front of her.
"Last chance."

She took it. She chewed thoughtfully with her eyes closed for a moment before she swallowed and looked at me.

"More?" I asked blithely, loading up the fork again.

"Please," she answered with a hesitant, watery smile.

I helped her to eat as much as she could, occasionally taking a bite of the remains of my breakfast. She ate the eggs and some toast, but she wouldn't touch the cereal.

I offered her my orange juice, as yet untouched, in place of her lost one. She threw her arms around me in a hug as unexpected as it was clumsy, considering the orange juice was part of it.

"Thank you so much, Nathan," she murmured in my ear. Then she gasped and pulled away from me, suddenly very interested in her near-empty breakfast tray.

I turned to see what had startled her and saw the now-forgotten nurse I'd summoned with the call button.

"She shouldn't be out of her bed." The nurse glared at me as she spoke. Her name badge read
Judith.

Oh, Nurse Carol's friend, I thought. Who told her I'm Caitlin's boyfriend.
Before she called me a sleazy bastard. Right...

"We had an accident with some orange juice. Until you can get someone to change the sheets, I'm sure she'll be perfectly comfortable in my bed." I gave the nurse a smile that
said, I know there's more than one way you can take that and they're all true.

More than a little flustered, she mumbled something about linen as she bundled up the orange sheets and left in a hurry.

Waking again in the dark.

Hurting.
Hungry.

Cold.

Didn't want him to touch me.

He had food and a blanket.

Blanket was rough, scratched tender skin.

Horrible to be fed by a stranger, my hands tied.

Wouldn't untie me.

Food was dry
, stale cereal, hard to swallow with a dry throat.

Drink spilled and burned.

Fighting it.

Hurting.

Wanting to give up, for it to be over.

NO.

Whatever it takes to stay alive.

Keep fighting. Don't let them win.

I left Caitlin for a couple of hours to get some clothes from home. She'd assured me she wouldn't need me 'til her next meal.

Full of misgivings for leaving her alone, even with one of our guys on guard outside, I resolved to be as quick as I could. My car was in the car park, exactly where Chris said it would be. I didn't know how Chris had gotten home afterwards – I was certain she'd make me pay for it when I saw her next. As I unlocked the car, I said a silent prayer that she'd be at university today instead of at home.

It was like they were watching me.

I parked my bum in the driver's seat and shut the door just as my phone rang. I answered with a hello, but that's all I managed to say before the interrogation began.

"She's awake. Michael called in his report already and you haven't. What has she told you?"

ASIO wasn't omniscient, no matter how much they'd like to be. Michael had probably called the minute I left Caitlin's room, bored of guard duty with nothing to report.

Forgetting my sister, I thought of the pretty girl with the haunted eyes I'd reluctantly left watching TV not fifteen minutes ago. "That she doesn't want anyone touching her, she doesn't like breakfast cereal and her recovery is going to take a while."

A snort. "Breakfast cereal? What kind of fucking help is that? We want intel – we want to know where they are. We want to know who they are and what they did – not her fucking favourite foods! What the hell's wrong with you?"

Where do I start?
I wondered. "I'm trying to build up some trust with her. She's hellishly traumatised. She's only been awake a day and she's had to deal with some pretty crippling injuries. I'm getting what I can but it'll be a few days before I can get anything useful out of her." Just let her recover a bit first.

"We don't have time to wait for her to feel perfect again. We need to know how to find them and soon.
Before the police. Today, Nathan."

I felt uneasy. If I stuffed this up, I'd have to leave and someone else would have to start over. It'd be even harder for anyone else, if Caitlin told them anything at all. And who'd take care of her if I left
? I had to do this. "I'll try," I conceded grudgingly.

An angry grunt.
"Don't forget we broke protocol to allow you in on this one, Nathan. You're in hospital with her because of your special skill set, nothing else. We can easily pull you and get someone else."