Never Me (5 page)

We heard the music in the tiki hut before we entered. It sounded like a mix of Stevie Ray Vaughn and Dire Straits—my dad’s favorites. I immediately felt at ease. I nabbed a candlelit table as Rory went to the bar to get our first set of drinks. I never got carded. I looked older than my age because of my build. Tonight I kept it casual with a sundress and flip flops while Rory rocked her famous Gwen Stefani look—complete with ridiculous platforms and a leather skirt—and her hair in cute, pink streaked pig tails. She was into the rough and gruff men. I could always tell when it had been a while for her, she brought ‘The Look’ out. I am sure we must have looked a little strangely dressed in comparison. Oh, how I loved my best friend. I heard the now familiar sound of the ocean waves and studied the foam they left behind while letting the music move me back and forth, the song filling my senses. The day’s earlier euphoria hadn’t left me and I let myself go with it.

“Big Head Todd and the Monsters,
Bittersweet
,” a voice sounded behind me at the next table.

I turned to see a pair of brown eyes, lips twitching in amusement at me. I felt my whole being shudder as I recognized him. It was the same guy who saw me jump fully clothed into the ocean and now had busted me swaying a little too enthusiastically to the music. I knew for the second time today I looked like an idiot, but smiled and thanked him.

“Thank you. I love it. It’s beautiful.” I turned back around in my seat, giving him a clear indication I wasn’t interested in conversation.

“Soooo … today was your first time in the ocean, huh?”

Shit, where are you Rory? I turned to answer him and found him with a shit eating grin on his face. It annoyed me.

“Yeah,” I replied quickly without enthusiasm. Short answer means go away dude, I thought as I glanced at Rory at the bar. He was with friends who were talking amongst themselves but had turned around in his chair, staring directly at me, either oblivious or completely uncaring about my brush off. I laughed at his boldness. Guys rarely, if ever, approached me without invitation.

“This song is a little old for you, isn’t it?” I asked, truly interested.

“My dad loves this song.”

“That’s a nice coincidence. I was thinking the same thing. My dad would love it.”

Rory approached with shots and beers and I again dismissed my intrusive new friend as I turned to her.

“Where are you from?” Damn it, dude! I gave Rory the wide eyed ‘I don’t want to be bothered, why won’t he fuck off?’ look and she nodded.

“Oklahoma,” she answered, taking a look at him behind me, her eyes widening as she got a better look at him, then hitting mine as if to say ‘are you crazy?’

“Not on this trip,” I mouthed out loud, cutting myself off without realizing it. Wow. I was in recovery already, I thought to myself with a mental pat on the back. I laughed a little and felt his chair move across the floor closer to our table.

“What are you not doing on this trip?” he asked curiously.

“Getting into trouble,” I said openly and with contempt. He wasn’t taking the hint and Rory didn’t care. I could detect the small amount of drool on the side of her mouth.

“Rory, shot?” I prompted, lifting my shot glass.

“Give me a sec, ladies. I’d like to join you in this toast.”

“You weren’t invited.” I turned around, fully delivering the words harshly.

“May I pleaseee take a shot with you ladies?” He smiled now and I couldn’t help but notice the dimples on either side of his cheeks, or how his long dark hair feathered around his face. I again hesitated drinking him in and instantly felt a pang of want. He lowered his eyes to meet mine, already halfway off of his chair to head to the bar. I took a sharp intake of breath at the intensity of his gaze. No, no, Nadine. No, no, no, no.

“Sure.” Shit, I meant to say no.

“I’ll be right back. What’s our poison?”

“A slow comfortable screw,” Rory replied, more flirtatious than I had ever seen her. When he got up, we both strained to check out the rest of him. Tall, dark, and hellishly built. That was the second time I had overlooked this man’s good looks. He was the complete package with unfortunate brown eyes.

“Fuck me,” Rory said under her breath.

“He’s not even close to your type,” I replied, taking in his broad shoulders and ass that sat perfectly in his tattered jeans.

“It could change. And why are you acting so weird? Normally you’d jump on it.”

“That’s where you're wrong. Do you see a girlfriend around?”

“We’re on vacation, Nadine. Can’t you make one exception? What’s the deal with unavailable men again anyway? It’s a sick fetish and you know it.”

“It’s safer for me, the way I like it.”

“The way you like what?” he asked in my ear as he brought his chair to our table, taking a seat closer to me than socially acceptable.

“My best friend only screws unavailable men. It’s a game to her. She uses them for sex and discards them like toilet paper.” I saw Rory gasp at her admission and my eyes widened. I turned to see our new friend amused at Rory who had her hand clamped over her mouth and quickly began apologizing. I should have been furious. I should have thrown my shot at her. Instead I let out a huge laugh and lifted my shot glass.

“Well, here’s to my best friend, the stripper,” I added dryly.

Rory narrowed her eyes at me then smiled sheepishly and brought her glass up to mine. I turned to our company and clinked his glass before giving him my eyes, seeing nothing but curiosity in his stare. We downed our shots and I felt his arm drape around my chair casually as he leaned back.

“So you fuck for sport?”

“Wow, I never thought of it that way. Yes, I absolutely do,” I said, picking up my beer and taking a sip.

“Wow, I’ve never had a woman come out and say that.” His tone wasn’t incredulous, but it was definitely surprised. I ignored his eyes on me.

“Technically, I didn’t,” I said, shooting small daggers at Rory who sunk a little in her seat.

“What’s your name?”

“I am Nadine, and mouth over here is Rory. Yours?”

“Spencer.”

“Cheers, Spencer,” I said, grabbing the second shot he brought us from the bar.

“Let’s drink.”

We spent hours at the bar listening to their immaculate music, laughing, drinking and talking. Eventually we joined tables with his friends and all became acquainted quickly. He had come with a couple and another girl whose names escaped me. They were in refuge from Philadelphia and had decided on a whim, just like Rory and I, to escape. Why we had all chosen family oriented Pensacola beach was beyond us. We were all young and there were more than a few other beaches suitable for our age according to Spencer, who eyed me constantly over the table. I gave him small smiles here and there, but mostly ignored them.

Our night ended with a unanimous decision to skinny dip in the ocean, in honor of my first time. We laughed at each other as we all got naked, running full blast into the ocean, only the moon giving us a very small amount of light.

“This is kind of dangerous,” I stated, but it was more of a question when a naked Spencer got within earshot.

“We follow the rules at home. Here we do whatever the hell we want.” His tone was forced and I couldn’t see his face, but I knew the venom was not for me.

“Agreed. Sorry about earlier. I didn’t want to be rude. I didn’t know you would be so…”

“So?” I could hear a hint of a smile.

“Easy to talk to?”

“Good enough. Were you afraid of me?” he asked, inching toward me. It was too dark out for me to read any expression on his face. I hated it.

“Well, hell no. Of course not. I'm not afraid of men,” I said dismissively.

“No, not you.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You use men for sport, sooo it’s obvious you’re not afraid of them.”

“It’s not like that. Screw it, it is like that. I give them an escape.”

“You give them the most intimate part of you for nothing,” he said in a whisper.

“I lied. You aren’t easy to talk to and you’re a total judgmental ass. You wouldn't say a damn word about this or even be interested if it was one of your friends. I came here to escape life, not be judged by a complete stranger who knows nothing about me.” It was ridiculous. We were drunk and naked in the ocean and talking about my sexual habits. I splashed him in the face with as much water as possible and felt him grab me and pull me to him. It was awkward to say the least. He held me at arm’s length and began quickly apologizing. I heard everyone screaming and splashing around but couldn’t quite make out their faces. A small wave of panic shot through me.

“RORY?”

“I’m good,” I heard her in the distance.

“Let go of me, Spencer,” I said, trying to wade my way toward her voice.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to piss you off. You were open about it. I didn’t think you would take offense.”

“It’s all true, whatever you think of me. It’s true, Spencer, okay? Just think it, and don’t say it.”

“You could never know what I was thinking.”

“I know that you just slipped up already. If you do it again, we can part ways. I came with my best friend and want nothing to do with my ‘sport’.”

“Understood and look, I really didn’t mean anything by it. I don’t know why I said that. Truly, I am sorry. You’ve got to be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

“You can’t see shit right now.”

I felt something besides a human limb swim past me and immediately screamed bloody murder and made my way to shore. I saw four naked bodies come running toward me as I made it safe on the sand. I couldn’t help but to burst out laughing at the flailing body parts as they got closer. I looked up to see Spencer standing directly above me, his shorts already on. I stifled the disappointment as he pulled me to my feet and quickly asked, “What the hell was that?”

“I don’t know. I felt something swim past me. It wasn’t big or anything, but it freaked me out.”

“Jesus you scared the shit—” I saw a flashlight globe hit his chest and heard the boom of a megaphone.

“Nobody move!”

He might as well have fired a gun because we all scattered like roaches, fully naked and running for our lives while beach patrol on a golf cart chased us as we laughed hysterically. We yelled the names of our hotels to each other as Spencer screamed “every man for himself,” and grabbed my hand as he found a small hole in between hotels for us to hide. We were panting heavily as I sucked in as much air as I could to calm down. Still laughing, I let it consume me. I had never felt so alive.

I leaned back against the wall of the hotel and saw there was a street light a block over fully illuminating me. I looked up to see Spencer more breathless than he was after we ran. I felt heat invade my body as he stood close to me, taking me in. I felt my breathing escalate as I did the same. He walked slowly toward me and placed his hands on either side of my head, peering into my eyes with a hunger that I was all too familiar with.

“There isn’t a man alive who wouldn’t take advantage of this situation,” he whispered, inching toward me.

“Except for you right?” I shot back, hearing the fear in my voice.

“Fuck no. I was justifying it to myself.” He was wrapped around me in seconds. I went limp when his lips came crashing down on mine and forced my mouth open with his tongue. His kiss was fierce and possessive.

His hands roamed every single inch of my flesh, my stomach, my bare ass, my nipples. His tongue caressed me like his hands did, slowly and thoroughly. He grasped my chin with his hand and tilted my head back, taking our kiss deeper. His tongue tangled with mine so smoothly and I felt the tingle between my thighs and moaned for him. He took the cue and pushed my back against the wall, bringing my middle to him. Stroking my face with the pad of his thumb, he let his other hand drift between my thighs. I sucked in a lung full of air when he reached my center while he plunged his tongue back in my mouth until I was dizzy and breathless. He stroked me gently, taking a single finger and rubbing it back and forth over the top of my sex, never going further. I heard his gasp when my moisture reached his fingertip, but still he didn’t reach past. I readied myself for him and opened up wide, taking all he wanted to give before the realization washed over me.

He wasn’t invited.

I was completely out of my element, surprised, aroused, infuriated and not in control. I pushed him away from me, gasping and needing space between us.

“Not cool,” I panted, holding my hand up in a vain attempt to keep him away. I was panicking.

He brushed his lips with the finger with my scent and closed them briefly. I felt my body awakening at his gesture. My nipples were aching and my lower half begged for release. He opened his eyes and they bore into mine. Perfect. This would be exactly what I wanted to see. I was about to make a move toward him when he backed away.

“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t… And you’re so fucking beautiful, I had to touch you. God, that was wrong. I know that was wrong.” He turned away from me and couldn’t see my disappointment. I lashed out, still reeling.

“And you did, without my fucking permission.” I was furious with myself for stopping him. I clearly wanted him, every inch of me was screaming for him. Still, I was more furious that it wasn’t on my terms.