Never Look Back (Coming Home Book 2) (14 page)

Me:

As I place the phone down on the table I notice my hands are trembling. I must admit his texts have put a big smile on my face and changed the depressed mood I’ve been in lately. I desperately need to get out of here for a little while because I’m going crazy staying in every single day. The only time I venture away from here is for doctor appointments and quick trips to the grocery store.

I can’t believe Todd just asked me out for dinner. I go back and reread the texts again just to make sure I read them correctly. Todd has turned out to be such a good friend.

I decide to do something for myself that I have not done in quite a long time. I slip on a pair of sandals and grab my purse and keys. I remember seeing a nail salon on one of my trips into town so I do my best to remember the exact location of it. Since my belly has gotten so much bigger, I’ve sort of neglected polishing my toe nails. The only thing missing is my best friend. We always had girl time together getting manicures and pedicures.

I find the nail salon with no problem and grab a parking spot not far from the entrance. Apparently I’ve come in at a good time because the ladies take extra special care of me once they notice my protruding stomach. The massage chair is so relaxing I find myself wanting to fall asleep but I don’t think this is the most appropriate place to take a nap. The staff is super nice and I’m so happy to be having fun conversations for a change. I’ve definitely needed this bit of relaxation time.

When I’m done, I’ve still got a little bit of time left before I need to head back home. So I walk down the side of the street and stop by a little baby boutique shop that I noticed a couple doors down when I was parking the car. I’ve bought just a few things for the baby but I’ve really not done much to be prepared for the baby’s arrival. The last time I spoke to my mom she told me she had started buying baby things for me and she couldn’t wait to share all of them with me. My mom said she would be back in about two weeks and we could do more shopping then. She and my dad have plans to set up temporary residence at an RV park located about ten miles outside of town. They will stay here until after the baby is born, then probably for another six to eight weeks so my mom can help out. Even though I know I’m going to need all the help I can get, Todd’s mom said she would also be able to help as well. I know Beth is looking for excuses to stay home more instead of being at the pharmacy.

Both my mom and dad like this quaint little town and I have to admit, even though it’s smaller than what I’m accustomed to, it seems like a great community to raise a family. I’m hoping to one day meet someone close in age to myself or even someone who has young children. I can’t stay cooped up in the house forever. I believe once I’m able to start making friends, I’ll feel better about everything.

I glance around the little shop and I’m amazed at all the cute baby items. Some items appear to be homemade with their smocking and stitching. I want to buy one of everything but I know that’s not feasible or wise. I remind myself the baby will still be fine wearing normal baby clothes instead of these elegant designer items. Still, it doesn’t hurt to imagine my baby wearing them.

It’s so hard to believe that in a few shorts weeks my life is going to change drastically. I miss spending time with my mom, especially for special occasions like this one, but it’s the way it’s got to be right now. I also hate I won’t be able to enjoy having a baby shower with all of my old high school friends and co-workers, but if it means staying out of harm’s way and from Brian, then I’m willing to sacrifice all of these memorable experiences. This wasn’t the way I would have wanted any of it to happen, but neither was getting married to Brian either.

There are so many precious baby items I would love to have but I settle for one outfit. It’s a simple pink cotton dress that has ducks stitched around the collar. The dress is fancier than anything I’ll probably ever need for the baby, but there’s something about it that causes my heart to flutter. Speaking of fluttering, the baby has been very active these last few days. Once I got used to the sensations the baby was causing throughout my body, it was really neat to watch the little bumps that would form across my belly when I became very still. I try not to think about experiencing all these things alone—I should be sharing them with a husband. But the only thing I want to happen right now is Brian becoming my ex-husband. And the sooner it happens, the better off I will be.

When my dad and I spoke with the attorney, she assured me it would eventually all work out for me, but I should expect a few bumps in the road. I guess Brian taking Rebecca’s phone was one of those bumps. And I’m pretty sure because he had been served the divorce papers, it’s probably what set him off.

I’m still keeping my fingers crossed that Brian will just sign the papers and we can put this marriage behind us. I’m confident with myself that I can raise the child just fine without him. In fact, I’m glad he won’t be in the picture. I would hate for his bad habits to negatively affect the baby and me.

Am I asking for too much for him to sign the papers without a fight?

I have no plans to put his name on the baby’s birth certificate. And by doing this, he will not be part of the baby’s life. I will give up any and all future support he may try to offer, but it’s what I want. He has shown me time and time again how little he cares and someone like him hasn’t earned the right to be called a father. I know my baby didn’t ask for things to be this way, but once she is older, hopefully she will have a better understanding of how things needed to be.

And being a single parent right now doesn’t mean the baby will not have a father later on. But right now, if I can ever get through this failed marriage, I will think long and hard before making this kind of lifelong commitment again.

I glance down at my watch and realize I’ve spent way too much time in the shop. I finish with my transaction and walk back to the car.

I get back home and run upstairs to pick out something to wear tonight. I’m very limited on outfits I can wear, but that’s okay. There was really no sense in buying very many maternity clothes. I’m okay with mixing and matching the ones I do have because, hopefully, I won’t be needing them again for a pretty long time. And I really have not had a need to have more than just a few outfits since I don’t have very many places to go right now. I do try to make sure I wear the nicest outfit for my doctor’s appointments and it’s the outfit I settle on wearing tonight. I’m not sure exactly what Todd has in mind for out date tonight other than dinner, but I think my black legging pants and oversized printed top paired with my favorite pair of sandals will be perfect.

I like the friendship I have with Todd and if my situation were different, it might be nice to pursue something with him, but right now, unfortunately, I’m still married and I’m just not at a place in my life where I need to be worried about finding another man. I’ve got a baby on the way and that is my primary focus right now. I never would have guessed I would be a single parent, but these days, women are raising children on their own and doing a damn good job of it.

After showering, I fill the tub with water and decide to add in some bubble bath. I try to get as comfortable as I can in the tub considering it’s not easy climbing in and out. I soak in the fragranced water for a while allowing my body to relax. When my skin starts to get all wrinkled from being in the water too long, I carefully climb out of the tub. After drying off with my fluffy towel, I grab a bottle of lotion that’s the same scent as the bubble bath and apply it all over my body. I’ve tried to make sure I regularly apply a good moisturizer to my stomach area but I don’t think I’m going to be able to avoid stretch marks. Hopefully, everything will go back in place once the baby arrives, stretch marks included.

I go ahead and get dressed and pick out a necklace to wear. I regret not bringing more of my jewelry along with me, but because I left so suddenly, I really wasn’t concerned about any jewelry at the time. I left some really nice pieces behind that I’m sure I’ll never see again.  I thought about having Rebecca stop by the apartment to get my jewelry box when Brian was out, but now that we’ve reached this point and everything that’s happened, I would never want to put Rebecca at risk.

Once I know Brian is completely gone from the apartment, then I’ll feel better about Rebecca getting a few of my things, but until then, I’m not going to worry about what I left behind. So many things can be replaced but a life can’t.

It shouldn’t be much longer before Brian is gone.  Now that the papers have been delivered, my father notified the leasing office at the apartment, and the process for getting him evicted has begun. It shouldn’t be long now before the locks are changed and Brian will no longer have access to the apartment. I’m thankful I won’t be there to see his outburst once this eventually happens. Now, it’s just a waiting game until he signs the divorce papers. He could sign them right then or he could drag it out for as long as he wants to, but I hope and pray it happens sooner rather than later. I hate it for him but he really screwed up a good thing. I can’t spend my life worrying about him.

I put the finishing touches on my hair and stare at my reflection in the mirror. I turn to the side and pull my top tight around my belly. I’m amazed how much my body has changed in such a short period of time. It’s still hard to believe I have a baby growing inside me and she’s getting bigger every day.

I check the time noting Todd should be arriving any minute now. I glance over to the kitchen table and see the pretty flowers that were delivered earlier. I can’t say enough how thankful I am to have met Todd and his grandfather. Despite that horrible day in the restaurant several months ago when Brian showed just how hot headed and mean he could be, I still came out ahead because I gained a valuable friendship.

I hear my phone ringing and I cringe. Just the ringing sound puts me on edge and I don’t even know who’s calling yet. I force myself to look at the screen and I’m instantly relieved to see my dad’s name. I answer the phone promptly.

“Hey dad. I wasn’t expecting to hear from you. Is everything okay?” I say in the phone.

“Hey baby. Your mom and I are just fine.” He says.

“Okay. Why does your voice sound a little strained?” I inquire further sensing I’m about to hear bad news.

“Jenn….” My dad hesitates before he continues and this sends chills throughout my body. “Something happened today and I feel you need to know.”

I sit down on the couch as I begin feel light headed. I’m almost afraid to hear where this conversation is headed. I take a deep breath and prepare to hear the worst.

“Dad, what’s wrong? What’s going on?”

It doesn’t take long for my dad to detect the quivering in my voice. “Look, baby. Calm down.” He tries to reassure me. “A lady from the apartment complex called me earlier this evening. A situation occurred at the apartment and I feel you need to know. I’ve already spoken with the authorities and your attorney about it.”

“What’s happened? What’s going on?” I quickly interrupt.

“It’s okay now. Just calm down.”

That’s easy for him to say. I’m on the other end of this phone call and I have no idea what he’s about to tell me.

“Apparently, the neighbors who live above the apartment heard a commotion going on downstairs and felt they needed to call the cops. Said something didn’t seem right from all the noises they could hear below. When the cops arrived, they found the apartment was trashed.”

“Oh no.” Barely able to speak, my voice trembles and I do everything I can to hold back the tears. “And they feel Brian was responsible?”

“Brian was nowhere to be found, but the cops feel he hadn’t long been gone upon their arrival. They questioned a few people and they said his car was seen leaving not long before the authorities showed up.”

“On my God!”

“That’s not all.” My dad continues. “Apparently, the electricity had been disconnected a few weeks back and Brian was using a candle to have some light to see by at night. They found a couple of cell phone parts scattered throughout the kitchen as well. The furniture was in disarray, all of the cabinets and drawers were emptied. A few holes were noticed in the walls too. Something obviously set Brian off and he felt this was his way of getting even. I’m so sorry to have to tell you this over the phone but I know you would want to know about it.”

I’m speechless. Although this shouldn’t surprise me at all about Brian’s behavior, I never expected to get this kind of phone call from my dad. I’m pretty sure everything I left behind will be of little to no use now. It’s a shame he’s so messed up that he felt the need to resort to this behavior.

“Baby, you okay? You’re not saying anything.” My dad’s voice is full of concern.

“I just don’t know what to say, dad.”

I hear a noise at the door and quickly look over that way. I see Todd standing outside the screen door and I quickly get up to go unlock it. Worry instantly shows on his face once he sees my smeared makeup. He reaches for my hand and pulls me over to sit on the couch.

Without saying anything out loud since he sees I’m on the phone, he whispers, “Are you okay?”

I nod my head and he continues to hold onto my hand. Todd reaches for a tissue from the box I keep on the end table. He hands it to me and I dab at my eyes, not wanting to mess my makeup up any more than what it already is.

I finish speaking with my dad for another few moments then we end the call. I place my cell phone down on the coffee table and look over towards Todd. I try to hold myself together but one look at him and I completely fall apart. My body feels as though it’s breaking into pieces. Visibly aware that I’m upset, Todd pulls me to him and embraces me with both arms. He doesn’t say anything, just holds me. It’s exactly what I need.