Never Look Back (Coming Home Book 2) (17 page)

According to the introductions, I’m going to be working with Connie Parker. Ms. Parker is probably five foot seven; I couldn’t tell if she was wearing heels or not since she is on the opposite side of the table from me when she stood to shake my hand. He chestnut brown hair is long and almost to her waist. She has on a fair amount of make-up that accentuates her outfit of tan slacks and a simple white button up shirt. I notice her shirt is stretched tight across her breasts and I can’t help but take in the cleavage that shows from the top two buttons being undone. I wonder if she had any idea she was going to be working with a twenty-two year old who’s been sexually deprived since his wife bailed out on him weeks ago. I need to stop but I can’t help it when I’m face to face with an attractive woman. 

Ms. Parker appears to be in her late twenties maybe, but there’s no way she could be more than thirty-one or thirty-two. She doesn’t have on any jewelry, wedding band included, other than a silver banded watch. I wonder if she’s single or did she have one of those mornings where she walked out of the house without her jewelry and now feels naked? I’ve heard women make that statement many times. Her nails appear to be well taken care of but they are completely natural, no nail polish or artificial tips.

Once we are beyond the hand shake and name exchanges, we both sit down across from each other and waste no time getting down business. Ms. Parker begins to ask me a series of questions similar to those of the officer from last night. There’s no sense in lying about anything so I tell her everything as truthfully as I can. She explains to me that I was arrested due to a warrant being issued for me. The management of the apartment complex filed charges against me due to all of the damages made inside the apartment. Honestly, I feel they probably carried this a little too far, but I guess if I were the owners I’m sure I would feel the same if I walked into the mess I had left behind. They feel I am responsible for having the repair work done and with all due respect, I should be held liable. I really don’t have any ground to stand on and don’t dispute that I did indeed do the damage.

Ms. Parker listens to everything I have to say and sounds genuinely concerned about everything I’ve been through. I glance at the clock above the door frame and see she and I have been talking for over an hour now. She’s been steadily taking notes on her legal pad only asking for clarification on a few things.

“Well, Brian, if you don’t have any more you would like to add, I’ll say this about does it for the day. I’ll be back in touch with you soon.” She says to me.

“Wait, there is one more thing.” I say to her. I wasn’t able to sleep once they brought me in here so I had a lot of time to do some serious thinking. I’m tired of making things hard on me and everyone else.”

I pause for a moment, almost shocked to hear the words I’m saying.

“As I mentioned to you earlier, I was recently served divorce papers. Looking back at my relationship, I know neither of us were ready for marriage or even a relationship for that matter, especially me. Look at me. I don’t have a damn thing to offer anyone, including myself. I can’t keep a job. My parents don’t want me coming back. I’m a failure and can blame no one but myself. Can you see to it that I get another copy of those divorce papers? I don’t want to make this a long drawn out legal battle with Jennifer. She didn’t deserve any of this. I never should have put her through this hell in the first place. I’m paying the price right now for being an idiot and there’s no sense in dragging her down too. I want to sign the papers and let her be free to live her life.”

“Mr. Collins, I’ll do my best to see about getting those papers for you.” She stands up and shakes my hand again. “I’ll be in touch.” And with that, she turns towards the doorway, mashes the buzzer on the wall, and the door is opened by an officer who escorts her out.

I sit back down in the chair and place my elbows on the table. I lean my chin down into the palms of my hands and let out a deep breath. I know in my heart that I’m doing the right thing. I don’t deserve to be a husband or a father.

Two months later …

So much has happened in my life these last few weeks. My baby girl Chloe has been home with me for three weeks now and I’m still adjusting to this sleep pattern we are on. For the first few nights she was home, I couldn’t leave her side, afraid she may stop breathing or I might not hear her cry. The first six weeks of her life she stayed in the hospital until she was healthy enough to come home. She was behind on a few things since she decided to enter the world earlier than planned, but in the meantime, staying in the hospital got her around the clock support from all of the nurses and hospital staff. She began to gradually put on weight and the doctors assured me she would be just fine. A year from now, no one would ever know she was born early.

Of course, being a new mother, I absorbed every word they told me and tried to make sure I did everything correctly so that Chloe would be fine. My mother told me not to worry so much that she was receiving the best of care. Lots of babies are born premature, but once they are older, you’ll never be able to tell the difference. And so far, everything my mother told me has been true. Now that we are home, Chloe has started to grow into her newborn clothes and has even moved up to the next size in diapers. My mother and Beth have been angels.

My parents parked their camper a week earlier than they had anticipated but it’s not like they are really on a schedule anyway. Dad and Rick Williams seemed to hit it off really well and spent a lot of time together playing golf and even doing some fishing when Rick’s schedule would allow it. I could tell from the time he was able to spend with my dad that he was seriously considering retiring from the pharmacy instead of just cutting back on his hours. He just needed Todd to finish with his classes and pass the state test so he could take over full-time.

Since there was very little I could do in the beginning because my body was still healing from just giving birth, I mostly hung out at the hospital as much as they would allow me. Both my mom and Beth took turns staying with me as well just so I wouldn’t go crazy. There’s only so much you can do every day and there was very little time I could actually spend holding Chloe. I finally gained the confidence I needed to put my trust with the hospital staff and cut my visits down to only an hour or two each day.

I started coming home more, and when I was up to it, my mom would take me shopping and started helping me get the bedroom ready because Chloe would be home soon. Before Chloe was born, I really hadn’t prepared my bedroom for her at all.

I came home one afternoon and found a rather large object left on my front porch covered by a sheet. Whatever it was appeared to be rectangular in shape and was three to four feet high. I lifted the sheet and discovered the most beautiful crib I had ever seen. It was obvious the crib had been stripped of its original coloring and now was a beautiful chestnut color. On top of the mattress inside the crib, I found a small card with a note from Todd’s grandfather. I should have known he had been up to something. The work he did to refinish the crib was stunning and I can’t believe he would go to such trouble to do this for me. He is truly a special grandfather.

My mom and Beth rearranged the bedroom furniture so that Chloe’s bed would be within a few steps of mine. And now that we are both home together, I can stand beside her bed and watch her for hours at a time and never grow tired of looking at her.

My mom told me that I needed to get on a routine—when Chloe was sleeping, I needed to also be sleeping. I should take advantage of a nap anytime I could. I just hated I might miss something if I did doze off. Eventually, I became so exhausted I could barely hold my head up. Thank goodness my mom was here because there was one night I slept for over nine hours straight. I woke in a panic because I hadn’t fed Chloe or heard her cry when she needed changing. I looked over and saw mom holding her while they both rocked in the recliner. I was instantly relieved to see my mom tending to her, but it’s like my mom said, “It’s eventually going to catch up with you and your body needs its rest too. You are still healing yourself Jenn. If Chloe cries out, it’s just fine. She’s only strengthening her lungs.”

I keep forgetting my mom had three of us to tend to and Beth had Todd—they definitely know more than me when it comes to motherhood.

Chloe has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I look back at my life and everything I’ve been through this past year, and while I would change some things, I would never change anything about her at all. There are no words to describe how becoming a mother makes you feel. I stare down at Chloe while she sleeps and it’s the most perfect site you will ever lay your eyes upon. Babies are so pure and innocent. They are so perfect.

Chloe still doesn’t have much hair and what little bit she does have appears to be very dark. My hair has always had darker tones so hopefully she will keep her dark color as well so that when people see me and Chloe together, I can smile and agree when they tell me, “Oh, she looks just like you.” I have to say there are some features about her that do resemble Brian but I try not to think about it. Chloe will go through many changes with her looks before she develops her own unique appearance.

Brian doesn’t know what he is missing out on. Maybe he does but I don’t regret a single moment of leaving him when I did. If he could have only changed things may have worked out differently for the two of us, but there is no way I would ever consider going back to him now.

Ever since the night I went into labor and my dad had called to tell me about the damage Brian had done to the apartment, I have not heard anything more from him. After I filed for divorce I had my name changed back as well. My maiden name was used on the birth certificate for Chloe and Brian’s name was left off purposely. I didn’t feel he was deserving to have any rights to her and he definitely is not worthy of being a father given the path he’s chosen to live his life. All has been quiet and I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.

I step out of the shower and glance over at the crib. Chloe is still sound asleep. Sometimes I place my finger underneath her nose just to feel her tiny breaths. I’m pretty sure all mothers do this at some point; it’s just an instinct we have about us.

I’m not sure if the dress I have laid out on the bed is really what I want to wear this evening, but, if I don’t like the way it looks when I see myself in the mirror, then I’ll change into something else. You see, Todd is graduating pharmacy school in a couple of hours. While I was happy he invited me to attend the ceremony, I’m extremely nervous and not sure if I’m doing the right thing by leaving Chloe behind with my mom for such a long period of time even though I know she’ll be fine.

I can’t begin to tell you how much help Todd has been. From the night he first took me to the emergency room to just this past weekend when he stopped by to see if I needed him to pick up anything from the store, I have felt this bond between us. He and I have developed an even stronger friendship since that day back in the restaurant, but lately, I’ve been feeling that there could possibly be something else in the works for us. Although neither of us have ever crossed the line with our friendship, one would think just by how much time he spends stopping by and calling that there is surely something more in the making.