Never Let Me Go (43 page)

I let you into my life, and you let me into yours, and I fell in love with you and the way you see the world. I fell in love with the way you cock your eyebrow when you’re amused at something I’ve said or done. I fell in love with the way that you gnaw your lip bloody when you’re nervous or upset. I fell in love with the way you treat your daughter and the way that you love her like I wish my father had always loved me. I fell in love with the way you love your family even though they drive you insane.

But more than that, I fell in love with the way you love me. And I fell in love with the way you let me love you.

I know this isn’t going to be easy. Distance is the one test that most couples fail. But we won’t. I know we won’t. I once heard that faith is the action of believing when there’s nothing else you can do.

I have faith in us Hayden, and if you’re honest with yourself, I know you do, too. But if you don’t, I’ve got enough for the both of us until you come to your senses.

It’s okay to be upset. It’s okay to hurt. Because I’ll be doing all the same things. But don’t do it for too long. It’ll get better.

Pour yourself a glass of whiskey—or another, because I’m pretty sure you’re halfway through the first one now. Go upstairs and hug your daughter, then invite her down for a bowl of ice cream and a Disney movie with Summer. Cuddle on the floor with Sadie and Maggie. Laugh so hard you’re afraid you’re going to cry, or piss yourself, or both at the same time. Cry so hard you’re afraid you’re going to spontaneously combust. And think of me always.

I know this is the hardest thing either of us will have to go through, but I have faith that we’ll get through it together. As a family.

Kiss our girls for me. But most importantly, keep your promise, baby.

Never let me go.

Love always,

Michele

I didn’t realize that I was finally crying until I put the letter on the table and downed the rest of my glass of whiskey. I let the liquor burn my throat, and then I closed my eyes and looked up at the ceiling. Swiping my hands down my face, I smiled.

“I won’t, love. I promise.” I vowed.

Playlist

You Can’t Break a Broken Heart-
Kate Voegele

All For Love-
Lady Antebellum

Battlefield-
Lea Michele

By The Grace Of God-
Katy Perry

Drive-
Miley Cyrus

Never Let Me Go-
Florence and the Machine

Everything Has Changed-
Taylor Swift ft. Ed Sheeran

Halo
-Bethany Joy Lenz

How Could I Want More-
Jamie Lynn Spears

Like You Do-
Danni Rosner

Fallout-
Marianas Trench

Who You Are Without Me-
Kate Voegele

Never Should Have-
Ashanti

Now You Tell Me-
Jordin Sparks

Let Her Go-
Passenger

Sometimes You Leave-
Carrie Underwood

Last Kiss-
Boyce Avenue ft. Megan and Liz Cover

Where You Are
-Gavin DeGraw

I Don’t Want To Love Somebody Else-
A Great Big World

Burn With You-
Lea Michele

Beside You-
Marianas Trench

Acknowledgments

First of all, I’d like to thank my wonderful Beta readers. I have the best group of ladies as Betas and I wouldn’t make it very far without their support and guidance while writing this novel. In no particular order, thank you to Yarida Aguina, Danielle Nance, Maria Munoz, Kelsey Spriet, and Sandra Vessels. Thank you Maria for loving Brody from the very first word, and never faltering from that love. I promise, all his heartache will be worth it. Thank you Sandra, Danie, Kelsey, and Yari for assuring me that
no
, Michele isn’t just being a bitch, and that her reactions and heartache in response to Brody aren’t too over the top. I needed to hear that.

To the truly
amazing
Melissa Angelski of MKA Creative Studio Photography: I could write 100,000 words or a million or an infinite amount, and they
still
wouldn’t quite thank you enough for all that you’ve done. Your photography, the artistic vision behind your images, and your hard work and dedication is truly unmatched. You brought my characters to life before you even knew them, and I’ll never be able to express enough gratitude for that.

To my best friend Katelyn, thank you so much for modeling for the cover of
Never Let Me Go
even when you didn’t know that you were. I knew this was the photo for my novel the minute I saw it, and I’ll thank you forever for allowing me to use it.

To my
best
best friend Elizabeth, after whom one of Hayden’s sisters is named, thank you for all that you’ve done for me over the years. You have been my motivation, my strength, and my shoulder to cry on for so long, and I wouldn’t have been able to make it this far without your support. Thank you for all you
have
done and all that you
will
do in the future. I love you.

Thank you to my family for sharing every link and photo even when I haven’t asked you to.

Thank you to my sister Jade, for telling me when a date sounded cheesy or
too
perfect, for being my random name generator, and for giving me uncensored feedback when it came to the cover of this novel.

To the bloggers who assisted with my blog tour, you know who you are.

Thank you to the Indie authors who embraced me with open arms: Jamie Canosa, Kyla Grabowski, Tasha Gwartney, Jon Bradbury, and Greg Lamb.

Thank you specifically to Cassandra Janey, my long-lost twin, and my soul’s doppelganger. You’ve been an amazing mentor, and an even better friend. After countless hours talking, laughing, and sharing all our characters’ antics with each other, I’ve come to realize that you’re irreplaceable and I wouldn’t know what to do without you. You’re the sweetest, funniest person I’ve ever met, and I value you much more than you will ever know.

And finally, thank
you,
whoever it may be that’s reading this. Thank you for supporting me and taking a chance on me. I sincerely hope that I haven’t let you down.

About The Author

Jasmine Carolina is a twenty year old college student who has been passionately writing from the age of ten. It was the love of the Harry Potter series and the Chronicles of Narnia that sparked her love for writing and all things involving creativity. She currently resides in Los Angeles, California with her family and two dogs. Along with writing, Jasmine has an enthusiasm for books, musicals, travel, makeup, and doing hair, however, she’s not afraid to get her hair messed up or her nails broken. She is the author of two novels,
Losing Me,
and
Never Let Me Go
. She’s currently working full-time on three new novels, coming soon!

You can follow Jasmine on Facebook
HERE!

Follow on Twitter
HERE!

View Jasmine’s Blog
HERE!

Reaching For You

Coming October 2014

Book two in the Nickayla Quinn Trilogy

Nickayla hasn’t gotten her happy ever after yet…
After the most turbulent year of her life, Nickayla is finally starting to feel what real happiness is like. In the summer before her senior year, her parents agree to let her move in with her boyfriend, Colin. Their relationship is comfortable, passionate, and trusting—they’re in love. She’s certain that Colin is going to propose to her before the year is up, and she’s excited to start on the journey with him that will shape the rest of her life.

After banishing Colin’s father from their lives, her relationship is starting to blossom in ways that she never expected. But when Mr. Westwick suddenly dies, it’s Colin who needs saving as his destructive downward spiral threatens to break the pieces of Nickayla that he worked so hard to repair. Colin is pushing her away in a way she never thought possible, and her heart couldn’t bear it if she lost him.

When an old friend shows up wanting to help Colin through his grief, Nickayla is unsure where life is going to take them.

All she wants is to save him—the question is, does he want to be saved?

…

I lay in our bed, a trash can beside me and a cup of ginger ale on the bedside table. I want to be in silence, especially after the day’s events.

I close my eyes, rolling onto my side and curling into a ball. I can hear my Support Group friend Dixon talking to Colin outside of our bedroom door, but I’m not concerned with what’s happening out there. I grab my stuffed monkey, hugging it tightly.

“What were you doing in our bedroom?” Colin asks. “What are you doing here?”

“She passed out in the parking lot,” Dixon replies. “She’s been throwing up all day and she’s dehydrated but she didn’t want me to take her to see a doctor. I just brought her home and gave her some ginger ale and saltines.” He pauses. “If you want to know the truth, though, she hasn’t been taking care of herself since your dad passed away. She’s thin…she wears less makeup, she’s got bags under her eyes, she’s pulling away from her friends, and she asked to transfer out of the senior planning board. Instead of questioning me about why I was in
your
bedroom taking care of
your
girlfriend, maybe you should look inward and ask why
you
aren’t doing those things yourself.”

I will not cry. I will not cry.

His words strike a chord. I haven’t noticed that I’ve gotten thin, or that there’ve been physical changes I’ve gone through since Mr. Westwick’s passing—and even more since I realized that Madilyn isn’t leaving any time soon. I’ve been more tired than usual, sure, but I haven’t known that everyone, including Dixon—who’s only known me for a matter of weeks—can notice that there’s something wrong with me.

I hear the front door close, and then I hear the door to our bedroom open. I close my eyes tightly, hoping that Colin won’t try to talk to me. I’m not ready to talk to him yet.

I feel the bed dip and know that he’s climbed in beside me. He touches my hand, grabbing it and twining our fingers together. I choke back a sob as he pulls my hand away from my side and plants a kiss on it. “Are you asleep, Nickayla?”

“No.” I turn to face him, tucking my arm under my head and gazing into his eyes. His face has slimmed down and his eyes have dark circles under then. He looks about as exhausted as I feel. “Did you come in here to fight some more? I don’t think I have it in me to do that today.”

He closes his eyes, wincing at my words. They reopen slowly and then his hand reaches up to push my hair out of my face.

“No, I didn’t come in here to fight.” He leans over, kissing my forehead. “I came here to talk.”

I shake my head. I’m drowsy, falling asleep due to the ZQuil Dixon gave me. I can barely keep my eyes open. “Can’t talk. I don’t feel well.”

He snakes his hand around my waist, pulling me up against him. He places his other hand behind my head, and against my better judgment, I nestle my head on his chest. “Okay. Sleep, then. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

I try to fight the sleep threatening to pull me under. This is the closest I’ve been to Colin in over a month, and I want to cherish it. I’m afraid that if I go to sleep, he’ll be gone when I wake up. I have to cherish the moment. “I still love you.”

He sighs, squeezing my side as he buries his face in my hair. “Thank God. I was afraid that…I’ve been afraid that maybe you’ve stopped.”

I look up, mustering all the energy that’s left inside me to move my head so that I can look him in the eyes.

“Could never stop.”

Within seconds, I’m fast asleep.

When I wake up in the morning, I find out that my fears from the night before were unnecessary. My arm is draped over Colin’s stomach and his arm is wrapped around my waist as his face nuzzles my hair. I realize that he hasn’t gotten up since he climbed in bed with me last night, because he’s still in his black t-shirt, jeans, and Vans that he wore to work yesterday.

I don’t dare sit up, because my head is still pounding and I’m still a bit queasy. Besides that, I’m not ready to let go of Colin yet and have the both of us return to the way we were before I got sick. I’m not ready to return to stolen glances in the kitchen over morning coffee, hushed arguments because Madilyn’s still around, and walking on eggshells because I never know when I’m going to say something that’ll send him over the edge again.