Never Let Me Go (41 page)

“Oh, my God!” I exclaimed when I finally found my breath.

My heart was somewhere down at my feet, and my stomach was filled with butterflies as I bounced up and down in my seat.

To any other person, the property likely seemed like something that needed to be bulldozed over and have something new built in its place, but the rustic, romantic feel of where Hayden had brought me to was unlike any other I’d seen.

I climbed out of the car, and after unbuckling Skylar from her car seat, I propped her up on my hip and gave Hayden a wicked grin. He cocked an eyebrow at my expression, the right side of his mouth curving into a crooked smile that just about stole my breath.

“You wanna go get on the swing, don’t you?” Hayden asked.

I nodded, but I didn’t wait for his permission. Skylar in tow, I took off toward the swing and plopped myself down on it. I turned Skylar around so that she was sitting with her back to my front, and I wrapped one arm around her middle.

“Push us, Daddy!” Skylar exclaimed.

Grinning, I wrapped my other hand around the archaic rope that held the swing to the tree. “Yeah, push us!”

I kicked off my wedge heels—I’d have opted for different shoes if I’d known where we were going—and closed my eyes. Hayden strolled toward us and walked around the swing until he was right behind me. I felt his hand at the small of my back and I tensed up, recalling the amazing night we had last night.

Skylar let her head tilt backward, her blonde curls tickling my face. “Daddy! You’re supposed to be pushing us!”

“Yeah,” I said, tickling her side lightly. “I don’t feel you pushing us!”

Hayden grabbed both ropes and pushed us forward, and I clutched onto Sky, making sure that she didn’t go flying. I pumped my legs backward and forward, closing my eyes as my hair blew and the breeze whooshed past us. I inhaled a breath of the fresh summer air, letting my head fall backward as I pumped my legs some more.

I felt his hands at the small of my back once more, and he gave us a firmer push. Skylar squealed with glee as we continued to swing back and forth. Hayden gave us one final push, and then he let me continue to do all the work with my legs. Propelling us higher by working my legs harder, I tapped Sky and pointed toward Hayden, who had his camera out and was snapping away at the two of us.

Sky raised her hands into the sky, a giant smile on her face. “Woohooooooo!” Her tiny voice echoed, and that seemed to make her laugh. “Hi, Daddy! Look, we’re
flying!
”

Unable to contain myself, tears spilled from my eyes. If it weren’t for the fact that I was holding on to Sky for dear life, I likely would have slapped my hand over my mouth to keep from crying.

Instead, I extended my legs and dug my heels into the ground, abruptly stopping the swing. I wrapped both of my arms around the most adorable little girl I knew and I buried my face in her hair. I gasped, a long, desperate cry emerging from my mouth. I couldn’t hold back. I knew that we were supposed to be celebrating our last day together, but I couldn’t shake the overwhelming sadness and despondence that’d taken over me since last night.

I was sobbing and shaking uncontrollably, and Skylar wiggled and wriggled until she finally succeeded in turning around and wrapping her arms around me. She snuggled her head in the crook of my neck, twirling a lock of my hair with her tiny fingers.

“Don’t cry, Michele,” she whispered. “I’m gonna miss you, too.”

It amazed me how perceptive she was, and how easily she was able to pinpoint my unfathomable grief. But somehow, her sweet, soothing words only made me cry harder. I held her tighter, crying into her hair, sad and ashamed at the fact that I couldn’t even hold myself together for a four year old. How the Hell was I going to convince Hayden that I could handle being apart from him, when I was already a hot ass mess and I hadn’t left yet?

I felt Hayden’s hand on my knee, and I looked up. Skylar looked up with me, and she smiled.

“Michele, you should let Daddy hold you. He knows how to kiss the boo-boos and make them
all
better!”

I shook my head, but I complied, getting to my knees—Skylar still wrapped up in my arms—in front of him. “I don’t know if Daddy can fix this boo-boo, Skylar.”

She looked up at me questioningly. “Why not?”

I met Hayden’s piercing amber gaze. “Because. My boo-boo is on my heart.”

Sky smiled, opening her arms to welcome her dad into our embrace. “It’s okay. Daddy knows how to fix those, too!”

Hayden inched forward and wrapped the both of us in his arms. He shook right along with me, and for the first time, I felt that it was okay to break down, and it was okay to be sad over the prospect of leaving them behind. Even though it felt okay, I knew I’d never be able to fully convince myself that I’d be okay back in Harlow.

“I love you, Michele,” Hayden whispered, his voice thick with all his emotions. “I love you so much.”

Skylar sighed, burying her face against the both of us. “I love you, too, Michele!”

I smiled. “I love you guys more than you will ever know. It’s gonna kill me to say goodbye.”

Hayden looked up, his hair disheveled as he raked his fingers through it. “Then don’t.”

I raised an eyebrow, not sure exactly what he meant.

“What?”

“Don’t say goodbye.” He paused, pulling away from the embrace we were just in, “Goodbye is what you say to someone you’re likely never going to see again. But you’ll be back. We’ll be together, and you, me, Sky, Sadie, and Maggie will all be a family. So don’t say goodbye. Say…say ‘
hasta luego
’.”

I grinned, shoving his chest playfully. “
Hasta luego
?”

Hayden nodded, looking at Skylar, who was headed back for the swing. He turned back to me and met my gaze once more. “Yeah. It means ‘see you later’.”

I grabbed his shirt in between my two fists, pulling him toward me for a quick kiss. His arms came around and encircled my waist, and then without warning, he threw himself backward, pulling me down so quickly that I toppled on top of him.

I laughed as he rolled over and tucked me into his side. One of his arms came up to wrap around my middle and his lips descended, claiming my lips quickly and hungrily. His other arm came up behind my head and cradled it. I leaned my head upward, deepening the kiss and running my tongue along the outer edge of his upper lip.

“Ew!” Skylar exclaimed, a light laugh escaping from her lips.

I giggled into Hayden’s mouth, bringing my hand up to the back of his head. I broke our kiss, pulling away and placing my other hand on one of his cheeks. Tears filled my eyes once more as I bit my lip.

There it was. I was looking into his eyes and all that I could see in them was sadness, love, and longing, and all that I could think about was how much sadder they were going to get once I boarded that plane the following day.

Unable to keep them at bay, I blinked and the telltale tears fell, streaming seamlessly down my cheeks. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against Hayden’s. I watched as he sucked his lower lip in between his teeth and started gnawing on it.

“Oh, baby,” Hayden whispered, his eyes glazing over with unshed tears.

I brought my index finger up to his lips, effectively stopping him from saying anything more. I shook my head, hiccupping and gasping as I tried to gather my breath. “Do you have any idea how happy I am that we found each other?” I asked through my sobs. “Do you know how you make me feel? No one has ever made me feel this way. No one makes me feel the way that you do. I don’t know how I ever went through this life without you, Hayden. I don’t ever want to again. I love you so much. And no matter what happens tomorrow, no matter what happens when I board that plane, I’ll love you always.”

Hayden reached in his pocket, nodding at my words. He pulled out a small black velvet box, and I started crying harder as I looked at what was in his hand. He held it out in his palm, and he gave a somber smile.

“This isn’t an engagement ring.” He sounded uncertain.

As many questions as were running through my head, I didn’t dare voice them and ruin the moment. I kept quiet as Hayden chewed on his bottom lip, and his eyes darted up to meet mine.

“This isn’t an engagement ring,” he said, sounding surer of those five words than any other words he’d ever spoken. “It isn’t an engagement ring. But it is a promise. It’s a promise of an engagement ring. It’s a promise of forever. It’s a promise of loyalty and faithfulness and unconditional love. It’s a promise of
more
. It’s a promise that…a promise that I’m going to hold on to this summer, and all our kisses, and last night and all the other nights and all the memories that I’ve made with you, that my daughter has made with you. It’s a promise that I’m going to hold on to you while you’re away. It’s a promise that I am going to never let you go. I love you.”

He flipped the lid of the velvet box, revealing a white gold band with three stones: one princess cut white diamond, and two small, ornate blue sapphires flanking the diamond. There was intricate detailing on the band, and with shaky hands, he plucked it from the box. He took my tiny left hand into one of his, and placed the promise ring on my ring finger. Bringing my hand up to his lips, he kissed my ring finger, and then kissed the ring that now sat perfectly upon it, and for the first time that summer, I watched Hayden Jax shed a tear.

…

“I don’t wanna go,” I sobbed, my arms wrapped around Hayden’s waist as we walked toward the sliding doors of the airport.

He stopped short, his daughter in one of the Smarte Carte’s that held all of my luggage. The cart skittered to a stop beside him, and Skylar looked up at us. I had to give her some credit. She hadn’t cried at all since we piled my suitcases into Hayden’s car after locking up the beach house for the last time, whereas I’d been a complete blubbering mess the entire ride to the airport.

“I don’t want you to go any more than you want to go,” Hayden said, pulling me into an embrace. He rested his chin on top of my head and sighed. “But we’re going to get through this. Just remember my promise, Michele. I’m never going to let you go.”

I nodded, swiping the heel of my palm under my eyes and wiping my tears away. That didn’t help much, because it didn’t stop fresh tears from falling. We turned toward the sliding doors where Nickayla, Colin, and Brody were waiting for me.

I felt him hesitate, and I almost did too, just for a moment, because every step we took toward those doors was a step out of Heaven, and a step toward Hell.

The worst part about Hayden and Skylar coming with me to the airport was that he wouldn’t be able to walk me to the gate. We had to say goodbye at TSA in front of everyone, sloppy kisses, longing embraces, tears, and all. It wasn’t fair.

I pulled Hayden into a small corner once we’d entered the building, away from my friends and my ex. The minute I did, I saw tears forming in his eyes. I pulled him in for an embrace, not bothering to let my mind wander to the fact that it would be the last embrace we’d have together for a long time. Hayden pulled Skylar out of the basket seat of the luggage cart, setting her on the ground.

She walked over to me, wrapping her arms around my legs and squeezing tightly. I went down into a crouch, pulling her in her our last hug.

“I love you, cutie,” I whispered, my voice breaking on the nickname that I’d been calling her all summer long.

She squeezed me tightly, and it was then that she started crying. We were both sobbing messes, and I knew that if it was hard for me to listen to Sky cry, it was even harder for Hayden.

“Will you—
hic
—will you call me?”

“Every single day, Skylar. I promise.”

I buried my face in her hair, inhaling her sweet little girl scent as we both continued to cry.

“I don’t—
hic
—want you—
hic
—to go!”

I nodded, pulling away from her, and smoothing her hair down. I reached forward, resting my hands against her face and wiping her tears away.

“I don’t want to leave you, baby.” God, it was nearly impossible to keep my emotions in check. “I promise that I don’t. If I could stay here with you forever, I would. But I
will
be back, Skylar. I
will
!”

She stepped back, and she turned away, hugging Hayden’s legs.

I stood up, and seeing the devastation etched in his features, I stumbled over to him. I nearly collapsed in his arms, and uncontrollable sobs shook throughout my body. I could feel Hayden’s defenses crumbling as tremors overtook him too, and I could feel that it was taking every ounce of strength inside him to keep him from breaking down completely in front of his daughter like I had. He cradled my head with his hands, lacing his fingers in my blonde hair and kissing the top of my head. I felt my throat tighten and my entire body tensed.

“Look at me, love,” he urged, releasing me from his hold only slightly. My head tilted upward until my tear-filled blue eyes met his amber ones. He used the pads of his thumbs to wipe my tears away carefully. “Michele, this isn’t goodbye.” His words were a whispered vow, an almost silent promise. “We’ll see each other again soon, and all of this…all of this pain and all of these tears will be worth it. This isn’t goodbye.”