Never Let Go (Take My Hand) (20 page)

“What about you, doll? You up for a race?”

“Not a chance. Have you seen these heels Rachel made
me buy?”

Yes
I’ve seen them… and when I get you home I want you wearing
nothing
but those shoes.

“Come on. Race me!” I said, already getting my legs in
a position to start sprinting. “Ready, set go!” I didn’t really expect her to
run with me, so I wasn’t all that surprised when I reached the street lamp
ahead alone. I looked back and saw them all continuing to walk at a snails pace
towards me. “Spoilsport!” I yelled, cupping my hands around my mouth as a
makeshift megaphone. The smiles every one of them wore were priceless, and I
don’t think I had ever felt quite so happy.

Then, it was all ripped away in an instant.

Dexter

The
van mounting the
sidewalk happened so quickly, yet somehow my legs seemed to move in slow
motion. I felt my jaw drop open when I saw it swerve. Emily was in its direct
path and I screamed her name over and over until my throat started to burn.
People followed my cries and then skittered out of the way, screaming and
gasping as they did. The van was just a couple of feet away from Emily when
Chris saw what was happening. Without hesitation he lunged in front of her… but
it was too late.

They’d been hit.

Both of them.

My heart stopped.

I started to cry.

I ran harder and faster than I ever have in my life,
but it wasn’t fast enough.

“An ambulance!” I bellowed as I got nearer. “Somebody
call an ambulance!”

I dropped to my knees in between Chris and Emily.
People started gathering around me and when I felt a hand on my shoulder I
exploded.

“Get the fuck off me!”

“Dex, it’s just me,” Jared said, crouching down beside
me. “Rachel’s on the phone to 999 right now.”

“Emily? Emily?” I whimpered, afraid to touch her and
risk hurting her more. “Emily, talk to me, doll. Please. Emily.”

“I-I-Dex…I-”

“Shh, doll. It’s okay, baby. You’re okay.” I breathed
out a sigh of relief when I heard her weak, stuttering voice. I bent down and
pressed my head gently to hers, terrified to look away from her eyes in case
she slipped away from me.

“Ch-Chris,” she mumbled.

“He’s…” I began, and then I realised I had no idea how
Chris was. I broke her gaze for just a second while I looked over to where he
was lying.
Jesus.
His body was
trapped between the van and a streetlamp, and a shallow pool of blood was
forming around him. “Emily I’m going to check on him. I’m not going far, I
won’t leave you,” I assured, wincing at the pain of my heart being pulled in
two different directions. “You stay with me, Emily. I need you to promise
you’ll stay with me.” She nodded weakly, barely noticeable. “Stay with her,” I
ordered Jared, then I jumped to my feet and took three steps towards Chris’
body.

“St-stay w-with Emmie,” he choked. The blood had
completely drained from his face, so much so that his lips had turned a marbled
shade of blue.

“She’s okay. Jared is with her and the ambulance is on
its way. You’re gonna be okay man. You hang in there for me.”

“No mate,” he replied with a ghost of a smile. Then he
cried out as he moved his arm towards me. I opened my mouth to tell him not to
move but he took hold of my hand and the look of almost relief on his face
rendered me speechless. “This is it for me, Dex. Th-this is my time.”

“Don’t talk like that!” I scolded him, squeezing his
hand a little tighter. “The ambulance will be here any second. You’re gonna get
through this,” I muttered, my determination dissolving along with the strength
of his grip on my hand.

“I’m s-slipping, D-Dex. And i-it’s a blessing,” he
croaked. My lip trembled and tears blocked my nose. “It’s better t-this way. I
don’t w-want to be a c-cabbage. Feels like I’ve w-won. This f-fuck-er didn’t
get to take me down. I’m ready, D-Dex. Go back to Emmie.”

“I’m not leaving you,” I whimpered, lowering my head
down to my knees. When I looked up at him again his eyes were flickering
closed. He was slipping… he was
dying
.
The pool of blood that seemed to be coming from the impact to his abdomen had
grown, spreading around his body and soaking through my jeans. A potent mix of
instinct and love for this guy forced me to wrap my arms around the top half of
his body and I cradled his head into my chest.

“I love you, man,” I sobbed, my tears dripping onto
his bald head and disappearing into the blood collecting around his neck. His
eyes were still closed and his breaths were short and labored. I could’ve sworn
a hint of a smile formed on his lips as he eyes blinked open one last time.

“Y-you…t-too…m-m-mate.” The lump in my throat made it
difficult to breathe and when he closed his eyes again I completely broke down,
rocking back and forth with him in my arms. Rather quickly his short breaths
began to slow, the pause in between each one growing longer. “You take g-good
care of E-Em-Emily.”

“You got it, man,” I snivelled, and the light grip his
hand had on mine tailed off completely as it fell limp by his side. Beyond the
yelling and the screaming going on in the crowd around us, I heard the hum of
sirens in the distance. They were too late for Chris. I clutched his lifeless
body tighter in my arms for a few extra seconds as I wept into the cool air.

Then, laying him down as gently as I could, I kissed
the top of his forehead and prepared to make my way back to Emily.

“Goodnight, brother. Sleep well.”

**********

I practically jumped on the doctor who was
accompanying Emily back from her CT scan. While Chris was dying in my arms she
lost consciousness, most likely due to her hitting her head on the sidewalk
when she went down.

“How is she?” I urged.

“She’s already coming around…”

“Thank God,” I sighed before he could finish.

“The scan showed no injury to the brain so I have no
reason to believe she has anything more than a mild concussion. Someone will be
coming to take her down to orthopaedics soon to address her fractured wrist,
and I’d like to keep her in overnight for observation, but all going well she
can be discharged tomorrow.”

“Can I see her?”

“Of course. Just one person at a time though,” he
added when he saw Rachel and Jared waiting behind me.

“We should go home,” Jared said, turning to Rachel.

“I don’t want to leave her,” she sniffled.

“Rach, you’re
pregnant. Being holed up in here isn’t going to be good for you or the babies.
She’s out of the woods,” I assured. “And I promise to call you if anything
changes.”

“He’s right,
babe. We should leave them alone while she comes to terms with what Dexter has
to tell her.”

Emily still
didn’t know about Chris, and fresh tears formed in the back of my eyes at the
knowledge I would have to break her heart very soon.

“Okay,” Rachel
reluctantly agreed.

“I’ll take care
of her, Rach,” I reassured her.

“I know you
will,” she agreed, forcing a weak smile that was betrayed by the tears
streaming down her cheeks.

“You know where
we are if you need us, mate,” Jared said, patting my shoulder.

“Oh wait, did you
guys call Derek?”

“Yeah,” Jared
answered. “He’s on his way with Sarah.” I nodded, patting his shoulder in
return and then I immediately spun around and headed to Emily’s room.

My heart swelled
when I entered the room and she smiled in recognition at me.

“God you scared
me, doll,” I said, hurrying over to her, pulling up the chair beside her bed
and taking hold of the hand that wasn’t broken. I kissed her knuckles, keeping
her fingers under my nose and inhaling her scent. She was here. She was alive
and she was okay. “I love you so much.”

“I like to keep
you on your toes,” she joked. She attempted to laugh but then winced from the
pain in her ribs. “Chris. The van hit Chris.”
Oh God here it comes. The moment I destroy her.
“How is he?”

I sucked in a
deep, purposeful breath and closed my eyes. When I opened them I leaned closer
to her and squeezed her hand a little tighter. From the tremble of her lower
lip in that moment, I could tell she already knew what I was about to say.

“He’s gone,
Emily. Chris died at the scene.”

I was expecting
tears. Maybe even wails and screaming. I waited for her to break down, to pull
her hand free from mine and sob into it… to cry his name and say she didn’t
believe it. What I didn’t expect… was silence. Complete and utter calm with
only the sound of her slightly jagged breaths filling the air.

“I didn’t get to
say goodbye,” she muttered quietly after what seemed like an eternity of
silence. “Was he alone? Did he suffer?”

“No, doll. I was
with him until the end. I… held him the whole time.” My voice cracked as
emotion swelled in my throat. “He was relieved, Em. He was ready to let go.”

I thought she
might question me further, but she didn’t. She accepted what I told her and
even managed a small smile.

“I’m glad he
doesn’t have to suffer anymore. I know his pain would’ve only got worse… I just
wish I’d told him I loved him one more time.”

“He knew, Emily,”
was all I said. “In fact, you were the last word on his lips. He told me to
take care of you.”

“Really?”

“Really. He
adored you, doll, and he was so proud of the woman you’ve become.”

“Will you hold
me, Dex? I need to feel close to you.”

Without a word or
a moment’s hesitation, I climbed onto the bed and opened my arms for her.
Burying my face in her hair I inhaled her scent again, only this time it smelt
like blood and dirt.

“I feel like if I
cry I might never stop,” she whispered into my chest, and that’s when I noticed
her finger dart out to touch the dried blood covering my jeans –
Chris’
blood. “I don’t know how I feel,
or how I’m supposed to feel. Numb maybe? I think that’s what I feel right now.”

“And that’s okay,
doll. Whatever you feel is okay. You’re not alone. I’m with you, Emily. Don’t
ever forget how much I love you.”

“Miss Barton?” a woman’s
voice interrupted.

“Yes,” Emily
answered, shifting uncomfortably in the bed. I kissed the tip of her nose and
jumped down, making room for the two orderlies flanking the nurse who’d just
come in.

“Time to get your
wrist patched up,” the nurse explained, though we already knew why she was
here.

“I’ll go and wait
outside. See if your dad’s here yet.”

“Does he know?”

“Yes,” I said
solemnly. Emily nodded just once in response, and then the orderlies wheeled
her away.

Aunt Sarah and
Derek were waiting anxiously in the waiting room and as soon as they saw me
coming, Aunt Sarah lunged at me, wrapping her tiny arms around me and squeezing
me tight.

“Oh, honey,” she
cooed. “Are you alright?”

“Not really,” I
answered truthfully, pulling back from her hug. In that moment my eyes caught
Derek’s and my heart ached for him. Usually such a smart and formal man, he
stood in front of me with swollen red eyes, stubble shadowing his jaw, and a
crumpled shirt that he’d clearly thrown on in a moment of panic and mismatched
the buttons.

“I’ve outlived
two of my children,” he said desolately to no one in particular. I’m not even
sure he was aware that he’d said it aloud. Aunt Sarah stepped towards him and
rubbed his arm up and down. The movement seemed to snap him out of whatever
trance he’d fallen into and he looked up at me. “Where’s Emily? Is she handling
things okay?”

“They are casting
her broken wrist, apart from that she’s fine. Physically anyway. Mentally? She
seems to be holding it together but, well I think she’s gotta break at some
point.”

“Can we see her
when she gets back?” Aunt Sarah asked.

“I don’t see why
not. You should go ask at the nurses’ station over there. I’m just heading
outside – need some fresh air.”

“You’re staying
strong
though, yes?” she urged, pressing
her hands into my shoulders. Staying strong – also known as code for
‘you’re not going to use are you?’

“Yes, Aunt Sarah.
I’m the least of my worries right now. All I can think about is Emily.” Seeming
appeased, she raised herself up on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek.

“You need to
grieve too, honey. Don’t neglect how
you’re
feeling.” I offered a forced smile in return, and then she disappeared
across the waiting area towards a nurse who was writing something on a
whiteboard. Derek followed, trailing like a living zombie behind her as he
prepared to see his last remaining child.

When I stepped
through the automatic doors and into the night air I sucked in the deepest
breath of my life. Then I did it again, and again… it felt like I’d not taken a
breath in months and I couldn’t satisfy my lungs’ thirst for oxygen. I had no
idea what time it was although I knew it was likely early some time in the AM.
It was raining, and I welcomed it on my skin, tipping my face towards the sky.

There was a
garbage can just next to me, and unconsciously my foot reached out to kick it.
I repeated the process until the can was dented and my foot hurt, grunting and
spitting and attacking it like I was trying to kill it, until a surge of
emotion, pain and grief forced me to my knees. I collapsed onto the damp
concrete, looked up and let the rain wash over my face – as if it could
somehow cleanse the pain from my soul.

Then I cried into
the sky. I cried for the pain in Emily’s eyes. I cried for the loss in Derek’s
heart. But most of all, I cried for the man I loved like a brother, who died
cradled in my arms just a few hours ago.