Need Us (9 page)

It’s my turn to growl at him. “Just shut up about it! I did something horrible and it makes me sick to my stomach that you can’t see that. I know you aren’t stupid. I don’t know how you can even look at me.”

He brings his hands up to cup my cheeks. I want to close my eyes but I don’t. There’s nothing more peaceful than the green that shines out of his eyes. “I know you too, Rach. I’m telling you, everyone is telling you, that he drugged you. You have to wake up and see we don’t blame you. Hell, everyone should blame me. I’m the reason he did it in the first place.”

“How can you think that?” I ask, wrapping my hands around his wrists. My eyes are glued to his and I swear I’ll never look away. “What happened between you and Annabella was over five years ago. Why would he wait until now to get back at you? You’ve changed, Court, you are a better man than you were then. You made me a better person and we made that little boy in there. We made the baby inside of me. How could you blame yourself?”

A tear snakes out of his eye and I want to chase it with my hand but I don’t. I stay connected to him like this. “Because it’s true, Rach. You believe in me, the same way I believe in you. That’s the problem. We have undying faith in the other. It’s clouding your judgment while I know what I’m talking about.”

“No it’s clouding your judgment.” I’m getting mad now. I don’t know why. I should be happy he thinks the best of me, but it’s wrong. I’m a horrible person.

“Just shut up about it Rach. I’m going over to Van’s and I’m going to find proof that he did this to you. He’ll get what’s coming to him, babe. I swear that to you and our entire family. No one makes you feel this way about yourself. No one gets to hurt you like that and get away with it.” He wipes his thumb across my face, back and forth. “You are the light that holds me together, Rachel. He broke you down and made you doubt yourself. That hurts so much, makes me incredibly angry. I have to prove it to you. It’ll make you stop this nonsense and make me feel a tiny bit better.”

“I want to come,” I whisper.

“Why?”

“Because you seem so sure. Maybe I’m wrong.” I don’t think I am, but I still want to look. I still want to be there when Court figures out I did this. I made this happen and it’s really going to rip us apart.

Court sighs and lets his hands drop. “G, everyone knows it. If you could just look around you, see the things we see. You wouldn’t ever do this to me, not ever. And I wouldn’t do it to you. Believe in that, Rach. Our entire family wants Van’s blood. Even Annabella knows it’s true. Why can’t you?”

I stare at the wall behind his shoulders and I feel a tear fall. “Because that means it’s worse then it is right now. It means he tried to rape me.” I feel my lips tremble. “If Channing hadn’t showed up, it would have happened. I don’t want to believe Donovan had that in him. He’s been around my child and he’s out there right now. Around other women, he could hurt them, if it’s true.”

“Rachel, it is true. I can’t even begin to understand what that means to you. But I want justice and revenge. It’s like he wants to die. Messing with you means certain death. Just be glad we told Ash to keep it from Damien. We’d have a motorcycle club after his ass and Royal and I wouldn’t get to deliver any blows.” He wraps his arms around me and puts his nose in my hair. “Faith is the best medicine in the world Rachel. At first I know I wasn’t on the boat I am now, but it didn’t take me but five seconds after you left to figure it out. But I felt like I got knifed in the chest, I didn’t understand it. But I also knew, deep inside, that you wouldn’t ever do that to me.”

I’m sobbing now. I block out the images in my head but I can’t do it any longer. He’s in there. Touching me when I don’t want him too. Getting mad because I didn’t like it. The angry way he took my pants off.

I hate him.

Channing comes into the kitchen a while later and we head over to Donovan’s. He lives in a single story about three blocks from our house. It’s nice and looks like every other house on the block. Court finds the key to the door and we enter.

It looks like a man lives here and only a man. There are brown couches with beer cans on the coffee table. Flies circle us as we walk around. He hasn’t been in here in weeks.

“What are we looking for?” I ask, trying to figure out in my head what could prove this. It’s not like he would leave drugs lying around. He knows Court would figure it out, even if I didn’t. And believe me, I’m still not one hundred percent sure it’s not all in their heads.

“Anything. A journal, little plastic baggies, things that scream ‘I hate Pierce and I want him to die’. You know things like that,” Channing tells me as he knocks books off a shelf.

“And you need to destroy the place to do this?” I put my hands on my hips and sneer at him.

“Yup. Having to pick up a destroyed house is the least of his worries, believe me.” Then he pulls the TV off the wall stand and throws it on the floor, cracking the screen.

I roll my eyes at him and move through the house. Court is in the kitchen making a lot of noise, so he must be doing the same thing Channing is. I climb the stairs slowly. He doesn’t have any family pictures anywhere. The pictures I see are all of his friends from college, I presume anyway. I don’t know any of them.

He doesn’t even have any of Asher. I furrow my brows once I enter his bedroom. This is where I find the pictures of his family. Only it’s worse than that, as in he has a dartboard where Court’s face is. Then I find one that makes me fucking sick. It’s me with my pants off. It has to be the night I don’t want to think about. I was wearing that red shirt and black panties. This one is taped to the wall over his computer desk. I open some drawers in the desk and find even more. I can only imagine what he planned to do with them.

I kick something under the desk. I bend down to find a notebook hidden under the rolling desk. There are actually five down there. I pull one out and open it to the first page.

Reading it makes me so sick; I hunch over and throw up. Then I realize I’m crying because I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t know what it all means.

When Court and Channing run up the stairs I’m rocking in the corner, trying to block out the dark, vile thoughts of Donovan Pierce.

“What does it say?” Channing asks while Court reads over the page I was reading.

“
I know Rachel will never willingly sleep with me. Maybe that’s what draws me to her. She’s so in love with Courtney, just like Annabella. Annabella only thought she loved me, but in reality she couldn’t face that Courtney was who she wanted. She only wanted to hurt and being with me hurt her. He was in reach but she couldn’t have him. I shouldn’t have ever touched that bitch.

Now though, I’ll get my revenge on both of them when I take what I want from Rachel. I guess I’m just drawn to those who want my brother.”

He stops reading because that’s all the proof any of us need. Things start crashing around me. Something picks me up and carries me away. I look up into smoky blue eyes and I cry harder. The tears leaking out of our eyes are for the days when things weren’t this fucked. I don’t know if Court will ever be the same again.

I know I never will be.

Four

Royal

I keep a close eye on my sister. It’s gotten to the point where I kind of stalk her, but only when no one else can stalk her. It’s not that she’s actually in any danger but I still have this horrible feeling in my gut. I’ve had it for a month, ever since I got back from my honeymoon with Wesley.

I don’t think Rach will hurt herself, that’s not what this is. She’s still not living with Pierce and she’s different now. Haunted you could say since I lack a better word. I can’t even begin to understand what she’s going through.

I wonder most days if maybe we should have let her think what she wanted, instead of proving the truth to her. Rachel isn’t the same girl anymore. She hasn’t been for months but after she told Pierce it seemed she’d gained some of herself back again. Now though, it’s like she’s walking through life without a path to follow. She barely smiles and when she does it’s only for Asher. She doesn’t have the same smart-ass mouth that I love so much. When before she was sassy and had attitude, now it’s like she’s a brick wall.

She’s my twin sister, a part of me in every way. She’s been by my side my entire life. This girl isn’t my sister and I feel like someone stole half my soul. I know that might sound crazy to you, but it’s how I feel. Yes, Wesley is the love of my life and my soul mate but I believe we have more than one soul mate. Those soul mates don’t have to be a lover they could be anybody. Channing being another one. I just feel it stronger towards Rachel and that’s because we came from the same person and you can’t just cut that connection. It’s lifelong and everlasting.

Channing shifts in the passenger seat of my car. I turn away from the place I was staring at. My honeymoon trip was three weeks long and I’ve been back for a week. Channing has changed a whole hell of a lot himself while I was gone. Except he went the opposite direction from Rachel. The light is back in his eyes and where he’d lost weight, he’s gained it back. He’s even built some of his muscles back up.

While he hasn’t said anything, I know he’s sexing someone up. And that someone is Paisley. I’d been around the two of them for five years; I know what it’s like when they are fucking. For example, Channing is shifting around because it hurts to press his fresh scratch marks against the seat. These scratches are probably bad enough to scar. Another example would be the way he’s super quiet. He’s been super quiet since I got back. This means he didn’t stay away from Paisley like I asked him to. He doesn’t know what to say to me about it because this is unknown territory. In his head he doesn’t know whether they are together or just fucking. If he’d open his mouth and talk to me, I’d tell him they are just fucking. How do I know this? Well, simply for the fact I haven’t seen Paisley once since I got back. If they were together Channing would have invited her around to hang out. Regardless of what the rest of us think.

“Back hurting you?” I ask, turning my head back to the building we’ve been watching.

Channing grunts and I just laugh and shake my head. Surly bastard.

“You can talk to me about it. I’m not going to rag you about it,” I state, hoping he’ll open up. I don’t want secrets between us. He’s always been honest with me and talked things out. So this silence is bugging the shit out of me. “I honestly don’t care if you’re fucking her.”

I look at him out of the corner of my eye and see him glare at me. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

I laugh and lean over to punch him in the arm. “It’s like high school, bro. Friends with benefits and all that shit. In fact, it’s probably what the Redhead deserves.”

I watch him roll his eyes before he frowns. “It feels right. Just using her like that. It also feels horrible. I don’t know what to do with her. I hate her and I love her.”

“How does she feel about all of it?” I pick up my oversized coffee and take a sip. Rach’s doctor’s appointment was way too early this morning.

He shifts around again and then takes the coffee out of my hands. I ignore that and turn back to watch the building. “She doesn’t say anything about it. She just opens the door when I knock at night. Then she watches me leave in the morning with this small smile on her face. It’s actually freaking me out. It’s like she knows something I don’t.”

I turn my head to look at him, slowly. “You spend every night at her house?”

Channing sighs and takes a huge gulp of my coffee. “Yes. I don’t even mean to. I go over there for sex, and when it’s time for me to leave I just can’t bring myself to. I just fall asleep next to her like this past year hasn’t happened.”

I reach over and slap him on the back of the head. “You’re an idiot.”

“I know. She’s a fucking addiction. She’s always been an addiction. It’s not healthy.” He smoothes a hand over his face. Then a surprised look comes over his face. I turn my head to look at what he sees when I see her. Her blonde hair shines in the sun like a beacon and I almost open my car door and get out. “That’s Wes right? I’m not seeing things right?”

“That is Wesley,” I mumble, watching as she enters the doctor’s office Rachel is currently in. The doctor she came to see this morning is the baby doctor. Or gynecologist for those of you who might think I’m an idiot. I just hate that word.

I don’t say anything to Channing as I get out of the car and rush into the building. This early in the morning it’s not very busy and the only person sitting in the waiting room is Wes. Her mouth pops open as I stalk towards her.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” she asks, getting out of her seat and backing away from me.

“I think that’s a question I should be asking you. And since you’re being defensive about it, I doubt you’re here for a vagina check up.” I stand, staring down at her with my arms crossed over my chest.

She lets out a huge sigh and sinks down into the chair behind her. “I took a pregnancy test the other day. It was positive. I didn’t want to get everyone’s hopes up until I got the doctor to confirm it.” I sit down next to her, suddenly unable to stand on my feet. She reaches over and touches my hand. “You know how Dad is. He’d have me in his office checking me over. And that would just be fucking weird, so I asked Rach about her doctor and made an appointment. I was going to call you when I got out of here.” She leans over the seat and kisses my cheek. “They wouldn’t have done an ultrasound or anything today. I’d just pee in a cup and get my vag looked at. You wouldn’t have missed anything.”

I open my mouth to reply but I can’t seem to form any words. It’s like my brain has shut off and I can’t think of anything to say.

It doesn’t matter though because Rachel comes out a door to my left and stops dead when she sees us. She looked unbearably sad when she came out but she lights up when she sees my face. “Oh my god! You are pregnant!” Then she does a little dance.

Rachel rushes over and sits on my other side. She slaps my cheek bringing me out of my stupor. “No need to be all weird about it Royal. It’s just a baby; you’ve been around Asher. Only now you have to change the diaper instead of making Wes do it all.”

I ignore her and look at Wes. Her green eyes are bright and I know she’s on the verge of tears. I grab her face and smash my lips against hers. “I’m sorry, I got shell shocked for a second. I’m so fucking happy right now,” I say when I pull away from her lips.

“Wesley Sanders.” A woman in scrubs calls out from the door Rach exited from.

I go to stand up but Wes stops me. “I don’t need you for this, babe. Talk to Rach please. I figure that’s how you knew I was here.” Then she heads towards the nurse. She turns around before she goes through the door. She beams at me and blows me a kiss.

“See ya later, Duchess,” I whisper, so happy I might burst out of my skin. I mean I knew this was going to happen, since the two of us have been screwing like rabbits. I just thought it would take longer. Wes and I have been talking about having kids since I asked her to marry me three years ago. We just wanted to finish school and get settled into our jobs before we really started a family.

“Did you follow me?” Rachel asks. I blink a few times since I’ve been staring at the door for like five minutes. “That’s kind of weird, that you followed me.”

I turn to look at her and I smile softly. “When I see you being the woman I grew up with, until you become the sister I know again, I’m going to follow you.”

She makes a face at me and crosses her arms over her chest. “I’m just sad, okay? I’ll get over it, especially when they find Donovan. Plus, I feel incredibly stupid that I let it happen in the first place.”

I stand up and turn towards her. Then I pull her out of her seat. I wrap my arms around her shoulders and smash her against me. “We are all sad. And I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t overly worried about you. Plus, you’re growing my new niece or nephew. So that just makes it worse.” I lean away a little bit and look down at her. “I love you, Rach. And you’re hurting so I’m hurting.”

“I love you too, you big oaf.” She raises her hand to wipe away a tear. “One day I won’t hurt. One day I’ll be fine and I hope the same is for Court.”

“He’s going to be fine as long as you are. I can’t imagine what he’s going through. His brother hurt you and he can’t do anything about it. And he couldn’t do anything about it when it happened. It hurt the place he holds the closest.” I help her wipe away some of the tears. “His family, and it’ll take awhile for everyone to be clear of it.”

“Make You Feel My Love” the Adele version plays from Rach’s phone and she backs away to answer. “Hey.”

I start to pace around the waiting room while she talks on the phone. I want to tell you I’m not nervous or scared to death but I am. I’m a big guy and Wes is a tiny thing. The first few times we had sex I was scared to death I was going to hurt her. But she’s tough and can take anything. She just had to show me that.

I’m just worried our kid is going to be too big for her and there will be complications. I probably wouldn’t have wanted kids if she hadn’t wanted it so bad. My first thought is to protect my wife, not hurt her. And now she has to grow a human being for nine months and then go through hours of labor and pain to give birth. This shit is going to give me acid reflux.

“Everything’s fine. It was just a check up, I told you that this morning.”

Now I have to worry about Wes and my sister. I wasn’t so worried last time Rach was pregnant, but then again I was a teenager and I had no idea about having a kid. Then I had to listen to Pierce talk about it. He told me the things that could go wrong and I seemed to focus on that instead of the happiness of it all.

“Listen, I have some more good news.”

The one thing I’m worried about the most is Channing. This should have been him a year ago. Getting married and finding out he’s going to have a kid. I hope this doesn’t hit him too hard, especially with him fucking Paisley all the time. I don’t know whether to be mad at him for that or be a little happy. I know them though. They aren’t working it out like they should. They’re letting their bodies do the talking. But one day it’s all going to blow up in their faces.

“Wesley is here too. She just went in to have it confirmed. So yeah she’s most definitely pregnant too.”

I hope Pierce doesn’t hit me like I hit him. Though it would serve me right. At least I waited until we were married to knock up his cousin. I know he thinks of her as a sister and she feels the same. Now I feel bad for spitting in his face, but in my defense I was fucking pissed. Pissed at Rach for getting pregnant in the first place before she even graduated high school. Then I was pissed at her for sleeping around with Pierce while she had attachments to Kellan. Pierce isn’t the enemy anymore but he was at the time. Well, to me anyway. But he didn’t deserve what I did to him. What I said to him. I should probably apologize again.

“He’s pacing. Knowing him he’s worried about the baby being too big for Wesley, how Channing is going to handle us being preggers while he’s on the outs with Paisley, and he’s probably worried you’re going to hit him since he hit you when I got pregnant with Asher. Then again he’s the worrier out of all of us.”

I stop pacing and glare at her. Sometimes I swear she can read my mind. I remember when we were little we used to sit in front of each other and try to hear the other’s thoughts. We watched some dumb movie where some twins could communicate telepathically. We thought we could do it since we were twins ourselves. It’s amazing the things you come up with when you’re a child.

“He’s glaring at me now.” She covers up the phone and says to me, “Court isn’t going to hit you. He said you did it right and not to worry.”

I roll my eyes and finally sit down next to her. She gets off the phone with Pierce after a few more minutes. She grabs my hand and holds it in hers while we wait on Wes to get done. My heart beats erratically and I can’t seem to stop sweating. This might be way too much stress for me.

Another twenty minutes later Wes walks out of the door with a huge smile on her face. She’s holding a little picture in her hands and I swear I stop breathing. That has to be a picture of our baby. Oh my god we are going to have a baby.

Wes stops in front of me and turns the picture over. I have no idea what I’m looking at but Rach gasps and her grip tightens on my hand.

“The doctor said I’m nine weeks. I just thought I missed my period because of the stress of the wedding. I asked for an ultrasound since Dad will most likely give me one anyway.” She pauses and takes a deep breath. “We’re having twins, Royal.”