Nantucket Romance 3-in-1 Bundle (61 page)

“What my mom did was wrong. I don’t know if she ever apologized, but it’s too late for her to say it now, so I’ll say it for her.” Kate waited until Susan met her gaze. “I’m sorry. It was a terrible thing for a friend to do.”

Kate wondered if it would help for Susan to know the misery her mom had gone on to endure. A failed marriage and a battle with alcoholism. Not to mention a premature death. Kate had dreamed of the kind of childhood Susan had provided her kids.

Kate could’ve sworn she saw a filmy glaze on Susan’s eyes.

“I’m sure Roy regrets it as well,” Kate continued. “And I hope somewhere along the way, he’s found the words to tell you that.”

“Saying you’re sorry doesn’t erase the pain,” Susan choked out.

Boy, can I relate to that.
How many times had Bryan apologized? “I know.” She hoped Susan was remembering that Kate had her own heart broken not long ago. “But at some point you have to forgive the other person. It doesn’t mean what he did was okay. It just means you’re going to stop punishing him for it.”

Susan stood to her full height, her jaws hollowing as she sucked in her pale cheeks.

Kate was treading where she was unwelcome, but the woman had held the mistake over her husband’s head for over thirty years. Kate didn’t know how Roy had endured it.

“Well, that’s all I wanted to say,” Kate said. She knew Susan hadn’t wanted to hear it, especially not from her, but she hoped the woman took it to heart anyway.

Kate reached out and put her arms around Susan, feeling the stiffness of her shoulders, but embracing her regardless. “Thanks for all the walks, Susan. And for your hospitality.”

She felt Susan’s arms unfurl, felt her hands land on Kate’s arms. It was enough.

Kate pulled back and smiled. “I’ll try and catch Brody later. Will you let him know I’m looking for him?”

“Of course,” Susan said.

Kate said good-bye one final time and left the house. Her feet took the uneven porch steps before she cut through the yard to the grassy knoll that separated their houses.

This is the last time you’ll see them. You’ll never sit down to a meal on that insanely high rooftop or listen to Jamie and Brody tease one another again. It’s over.

Somehow, in a few short months, the Wrights had wiggled their way into her heart. And now she was leaving.

The crisp autumn air washed across her face, tugging at the short strands of her hair. She crossed her arms against the coolness and looked toward the ocean, the direction she’d soon go. A movement on the beach below caught her eye.

Brody threw something into the water, walking backwards, then turned toward his house. Kate changed directions, aiming her feet toward him.

When she reached the place where the long grass gave way to the sandy shore, Brody saw her. He stopped at the steps leading up from the beach, waiting for her approach. The wind pulled at his white T-shirt and tousled his blond curls.

“Hi,” Kate said over the sound of the waves lapping the shore-line. “I was just at your house.”

Brody nodded, his guarded smile reminding her of Roy’s.

“I came to say I’m sorry,” she said. “Sorry about deceiving your family. I never meant to hurt anyone, but I realize I have.”

Brody dug his bare feet into the sand. “It wasn’t right.”

“I know,” Kate said. “I’m not going to offer excuses.” A seagull soared above the water and cried out—a lonely, high-pitched squeal. “I also came to tell your family good-bye.”

Brody met her gaze, his eyes flinching for just a second. She watched the emotions dancing across his face. He’d never been good at hiding his feelings. “I didn’t think you’d leave.”

She shrugged, turning her face into the wind, letting her hair blow off her face. “Everyone knows the truth now. There’s no reason for me to stay.”

Brody studied her, his head cocked to the side. “Isn’t there?”

His tone held a challenge, but she wouldn’t take it.
There are things he doesn’t know, doesn’t understand. How can he?

“How are things going this semester?” she said. “If you don’t mind my asking.”

The pause was so long, Kate thought he wasn’t going to answer. When he finally did, she was relieved.

“You were right,” he said. “About my being afraid to fail.” He smiled and she saw a glimpse of the old Brody. “If you tell anyone that I’ll have to come after you.”

Kate held up her right hand, palm out. “I promise.”

Brody sank onto the sandy wooden step, and Kate eased down beside him.

“Teaching is what I want to do,” he said. “I think switching from major to major was a stall tactic because I was afraid I’d get out in the real world and fail. If you hadn’t shown me that, I would have been a college student the rest of my life.”

Kate breathed a laugh. “Nah, you would’ve figured it out.”

“Yeah, when I was thirty and on my tenth major.”

Kate was glad something positive had come from her time here, because everything else was a disaster.

Silence fell again. The seagull flapped its wings, flying away, growing smaller on the horizon.

“I’m still afraid,” Brody said. “I guess that makes me a total wuss.”

Kate traced a dry crevice in the step with her index finger. “It’s fear that makes an act courageous, you know.”

Brody drew in the sand with his big toe. “Huh. Never thought of it like that.”

“You’ll make a great teacher, Brody. I hope we can stay in contact.” Kate huddled against the cool wind, tucking her knees close to her.

“Sure. There’s always e-mail.” He looked at Kate. “What about Lucas?”

Her heart wobbled at the mention of Lucas’s name. “I suppose e-mail is out for him, huh? I guess we can keep in touch by phone.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

He wasn’t playing the part of Kate’s brother-in-law now; he was a little brother watching out for big brother. She envied Lucas having a sibling that looked out for him.

“Lucas will be fine,” Kate said. “It—it wasn’t like that between us.”

The words felt soiled coming out. It may have been true at one time, but not after the night before.

It hasn’t been true for weeks.

“It’s best that I leave.” What would happen to her heart if she stayed? She’d already lost it to Lucas, and what hope did they have for a future together?

Brody nodded thoughtfully.

Kate let silence fill the space between them, let the sound of the surf rushing the shoreline fill the gap.

“Well,” he said, “at least you won’t have to fight your fear of heights anymore.”

Kate smiled, remembering all the rooftop meals they’d shared. She elbowed Brody. “Fear of
falling
,” she corrected.

Brody’s expression changed, growing serious. “You know, a wise person once told me it’s fear that makes an act courageous.”

Kate’s breath caught in her lungs as Brody held her captive with his pointed look. He knew. He knew she cared for Lucas. Thought she was a coward for running.

But sometimes, running was the courageous thing to do. At least, that’s what she told herself.

Lucas was gone by the time Kate returned home. She realized he must’ve gone to his parents’ house while she was on the beach with Brody. Kate made reservations on that evening’s car ferry and packed her belongings. Everything would fit in the car except her treadmill. She’d have to send for it and her things from the apartment when she found a place in Maryland.

For tonight, she’d take the ferry to Hyannis then drive as far as Wareham or New Bedford, then find a hotel. She called her dad and told him she was coming.

By late afternoon, she was wondering if she was going to have to track Lucas down. She had to leave soon if she wanted to make the ferry, but she owed him a good-bye at least.

Kate was packing her laptop and cord when she heard Lucas return. He opened the door, and his eyes landed on her suitcases. He paused for a moment before shutting the door.

Kate wrapped the recharging cord around the battery pack and stowed it in her bag with the laptop, then zipped it shut.

Lucas pocketed his keys and leaned against the sofa back. Rather than focus on him, she looked at the sofa itself. How many nights had they sat on that couch, disagreeing about what program they should watch? Kate had learned it was easier to read in the evenings because they could never settle on a show.

“When do you leave?” he asked.

Bo nudged Lucas’s leg, but when he got no response, he crossed the room and settled on the rug with a loud sigh.

Kate checked her watch. She had to leave soon or take the risk of missing the ferry. “Now.”

He was wearing the black T-shirt that stretched across his broad shoulders, and the faded jeans that made his legs look long and solid.
I’ll miss him.
Kate didn’t want to consider how much. She just needed to get out of there. She could deal with the feelings of loss later, when she was a safe distance away.

Lucas watched Kate hitch the leather strap on her shoulder and turn to him. The moment seemed surreal. It was happening so fast. Last night they’d been closer than ever, and tonight she was leaving.

He wanted to beg her to stay. He swallowed his pride and opened his mouth to do just that. Maybe he could find the words that would change her mind.

But what good would it do to beg? She had to want to stay. She had to want him. He could love her all he wanted, but it had to be her choice.

He closed his mouth, clamping his lips over the words.

“I’m not sure how to say good-bye,” Kate said.

Then don’t. Stay. Stay with me forever.

Kate tucked her silky hair behind her ears. He would miss that simple action.

“Regardless of how this turned out,” she said, “I’m grateful for what you did. I’ve never had anyone go to so much trouble to save my skin.” She tried to smile, but it wobbled on her lips.

It was no trouble. It had been his pleasure. He wished he could save her now, save her career from spiraling out of control. Save their marriage from falling apart.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to help your parents,” Kate said. “I hope they’ll work things out.”

Tell her now. Tell her your parents are fine, that it was all a ruse to conceal the fact that you loved her from the beginning. Tell her you love her now and that if she stays, you’ll spend every day proving it.

But he had shown his love every day for the past three months. And still she was leaving.

“Say something.” Her brown eyes, warm as melted chocolate, pleaded.

He tried to imagine sleeping in an empty bed, waking to a quiet house, making coffee for one again. The thought hollowed his stomach.

“Is there anything I can say to change your mind?” He would say it, whatever it was.
Do you know how much I love you? I’d give anything to call you my own.

Kate looked away, clutching her purse strap. “It’s for the best, Lucas. You’ll see. It’s hard right now, but later . . . later we’ll know it was the right thing.”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself ?”

She checked the time. Her eyes seemed to catch on her fingers. He watched her touch the wedding band he’d bought her, watched her slide it down her finger with the engagement ring. She closed the distance between them, pocketing the engagement ring, and held out the wedding band.

“Keep it,” he said.

She shook her head. “I can’t.”

When he refused to take it, she sighed softly and set the band on the end table. Lucas wanted to snatch it up and force it back on her finger. She was his wife, even if only for a short while longer.

But what good would it do? He couldn’t force her to wear his ring any more than he could force her to stay.
Any more than I can force her to love me.

“I have to go.”

Lucas straightened.
Have it your way, Kate.
“I’ll drive you.”

“You won’t have any way back.”

He opened the door and picked up her bags. “I’ll take a cab.” He carried her suitcases to her car.

“There’ll be too many people there,” she said, her voice sounding like it was being pushed through a sieve.

Lucas loaded her bags in the backseat, then faced Kate. Her eyes glistened like the surface of the ocean on a sunny day. She didn’t want to say good-bye in front of an audience.