My Sweet Demise (Demise #1) (32 page)

“Or I can give you something to cry about,” he says playfully.

“Like a tattoo?”

“Think of it as a freeing experience. You can get anything you want on your body forever. When’s the last time you made a commitment like that?”

I like the way he describes it. I try not to smile, because I don’t want him to think I’m down for this, but I can’t help it. He sounds so excited for me. “Anything I want anywhere I want it?”

“Anything and anywhere,” he promises, bouncing with excitement. “Let’s live a little.” He holds out his hand to me.

I stare at his large thick fingers. Really, they’re a baseball mitt. Finally, I place my hand in his and he leads me around to his passenger side. Once he’s in the driver’s seat and pulling out he looks at me.

“The girls only told me you were bummed about something. What are you so upset about?”

I look out the window. “Kent Nicholson.”

“Oh, a boy. Do you love him?”

“I don’t know…”

“Love isn’t unsure. You either love someone or you don’t. Hurry, quick. If you could never see him again how would that make you feel?”

I picture it. No more Kent. I grip my chest and glare at Max. “Why would you do that to me?”

“Does that answer your question?” He sounds so sure of himself. “Does he love you too?”

“I don’t know anything,” I admit. “We never got that far.”

“Is he abusive?”

“No!”

He peeks at me. “You sure? You can tell me. I promise.”

“No. He’d never hurt me.”
Not physically
.

“Then why is Becca so against him?”

“Because he’s not a prince. That’s why.”

“I like to think I’m Claire’s prince. I didn’t start out that way. Her family couldn’t stand me. They disowned her when she chose me. It was me and her against the world. I tried to get her to stay with her family, thinking I wasn’t worth it. I couldn’t be the man she deserved.” He shakes his head at himself. “But she risked everything she knew for me. Sometimes you have to risk everything now to get everything you want later on in life. Claire took a chance on me and I’m going to spend the rest of my life proving she made the right choice. Imagine if she listened to me. If she let my fears win I’d be in jail, or with someone I didn’t love, or doped up. I don’t know, but it wouldn’t be where I am now. You know what I’ve learned?”

“What?” I ask, my breath nearly gone.

“Love is worth it. It’s worth the pain, the sadness, and the uncertainty. It’s worth all of that. Because I get to wake up next to the person I want to be with forever every morning. When things get tough I look at Claire and know as long as I have that woman, I have everything. Do you think Kent wants that from you?’

“I don’t know.”

“We’ll, answer me this. Do you want that from him?”

“Yes. I want that. But he’s so untrustworthy.”

“Have you given him a shot to be trustworthy? Sometimes all men need is a shot. We’re not all low-down dirty bastards, you know?” He smiles hugely at me. “We’re not psychic either. We don’t know what you’re thinking. All we know is what you tell us. Does he know you love him? Come on. It’s not that hard to admit. You either love him or you don’t.”

“I love him. There, are you happy? I am in love with Kent Nicholson. But I can’t trust him and he’s in love with his ex.”

“Is he? What happened? Tell me everything.”

I sit in the front seat of Max’s truck and spill my guts. It isn’t something I’ve ever done, trusting a man with my secrets, but as I tell Max everything that happened between Kent and me, I feel a tiny sense of relief I’m no longer the only person who knows the truth. “That’s it. Now Becca and I are living with you and I’m going to go get a tattoo.” I roll my eyes at myself.

Common sense? You there?

“That’s some heavy stuff. Sounds to me like Kent is trying to do the right thing.”

“No. I’m like everyone else to him.”

“You ever think you want to be, so you can be right? You’ve been living like this for so long and then Kent comes along and all of a sudden everything you thought you knew is wrong. You might be wrong and it’s driving you crazy. Life isn’t what you envisioned, but something else. I’d be pissed too, Raina. I wouldn’t let that ruin something this perfect for me, though.”

I wipe my eyes. “We’re terrible for each other.”

“Not every relationship is perfect and easy. Sometimes it’s hard. You both have terrible trust issues. I can imagine how scary that might be. Wouldn’t it be scarier to be without him forever because you’re too afraid to be wrong? What if he’s your Claire?”

I don’t answer and take a deep, unsteady, painful, torturous breath.

“Poor thing. You’re so afraid.”

I pull down the visor and start fixing Becca’s makeup job. Thankfully my tears ran down the side of my face. “No, Max. I’m terrified.”

When we arrive at the tattoo shop I follow Max hesitantly. For such a big man he’s quite sweet and intuitive. No wonder Becca likes him. He’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before in a man. He’s the protective brother we never had. The tattoo shop embraces Max with open arms. He’s charismatic and confident. I watch a few girls swoon over him, but they keep their distance and I think I know why. Becca doesn’t pick, as she would put it, pansy-ass friends. Claire must’ve pressed her hand.

“Who’s this?” someone demands. His black hair is shaved on one side and he’s covered in colorful tattoos, staring at me from the register. “She’s a little homegrown to be in here, ain’t she?”

I step closer to Max and glare at him. Max slings his brawny arm over my shoulder. “This is Raina. She’s my friend. We treat my friends with the utmost respect, don’t we, Break?” For the first time Max isn’t smiling.

Break nods unwillingly. “I want to tat her if she’s down.” He winks as his eyes slide over me. “Cute and sweet. I’d love to cover that body in my ink.”

Max reaches over and smacks Break in the back of his head. “You can tat her if you show her some respect.”

“Damn, Max. Ouch.” He rubs his head angrily, but he’s not dumb enough to cross a man as big as Max.

Max raises his eyebrow at him threateningly.

“I’m sorry, Raina. I respect you.”

I hug Max’s arm. “How respectful of you, Break. Maybe if you keep it up I’ll let you give me a tattoo. It’s the only way you’ll ever touch my body.”

Max and a few others guffaw at my comment. Break grins at me. “Not as homegrown as I thought. I like her. Come to the back. You have your ID on you?”

“Go on. Break won’t bite,” Max assures me, nudging me toward him.

“Yes…”

“Let me have it and I’ll get you your paperwork.”

I extract my ID from my wallet and hand it to him. He leads me into a small room with a tattoo table and a large glass-framed wall with pictures of past tattoos. They’re extremely well-done. I stare in awe until Break returns.

“Is this your work?”

“It is. You like it?” He smiles hopefully as his eyes slide over my body a second time. “You sure you don’t want more than my ink?”

He reeks of bad boy and sex. His gorgeous face and tattoos cement his persona. His eyes promise me naughty heartache. He’s not like Kent. Kent warned me. This guy doesn’t even have the decency to stop at my chest. “I’m sure.”

It only seems to spur him on. He tilts his head to the side. “How sure are you? Because I could fall for that sweetness.”

I’m falling for you, Rain
. I take a deep breath and force a smile. “Pretty sure, because I already fell for a bad boy and he didn’t catch me.”

“Who says I’m bad?” He smiles cockily at me. “I could be not good.”

“Just do my tattoo.”

He surrenders, but not before checking out my legs once more. “Fill this out real quick. Here’s your ID.” He hands me a form and my ID. “So what do you want to get?”

I bite my lip as I fill out the liability form and shove my ID back in my wallet. “I don’t know…”

“You don’t know?” He frowns. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

“Max sprung this on me.”

He rubs his chin. “Well, what do you want? If you could have anything on your body for the rest of your life, what would it be?”

Kent. And in that moment I know exactly what I want. “Falling.”

“Falling?”

“Yeah. I want
falling
on my body for the rest of my life so I can remember I fell once and to never do it again.”

He nods slowly. “I can see it on you. Feminine script with a bit of a shadowed backdrop. Maybe on your right shoulder blade? How does that sound?”

“Cool.”

“Let me sketch it real quick and I’ll show it to you. What colors do you want?”

“What do you think?”

“Pink for the script and black shadows around the edges, kind of like it’s dragging you down. How does that sound?”

“Like you’re describing my life, Break.”

He nods with a smile. “That’s tattoos. Telling a story only you know. They get a bad rep, but they’re really one of the most expressive forms of art there is. It’s a commitment to your emotions. That’s why you have to make sure you want it before you get it. You sure you’re not done falling yet?”

I can’t fall anymore. It hurts too much. “I’m done.”

“This good?” He holds up an absolutely astonishing rendition of my thoughts.

The word
‘Falling’
drops and black shadows reach up to swallow the letters, but they stand there, not ready to fall. It’s exactly how I feel. “That’s perfect, Break. Thank you.”

“Take your shirt off and lie down with your right shoulder to the light. I’ll get the needles and ink.” He pushes away and leaves the room.

I take my shirt off and do as he says, lying on my stomach. When he comes in he takes a seat and swings his chair around to me, getting things ready.

Suddenly his warm hands smooth something down on my shoulder. “Check it out. Is the placement right?”

I peek over my shoulder at a mirror and eye where the tattoo will be. “I love it.”

“Good.” He pats my lower back. “Lie down. This is going to hurt. There’s no way around it. Be still. Don’t jerk or breathe hard or I might mess up. If it hurts too much, let me know and I’ll stop. Got it?”

“Got it.” I can’t stand pain. I lay with my head on my hands.

“So who is he?” he asks as a buzzing starts up.

I hiss when the needle touches my skin, biting my lip and refraining from moving. “Who?”

“Who else do girls get tattoos for?”

“I’m see-through, aren’t I?”

“No, you’re falling. We’ve all fallen, or will fall. Hell, I’m kind of falling for you.”

“You’re the only one,” I reply bitterly.

He chuckles. “Show him your tattoo. If he’s a real man it’ll turn him on.”

“The whole point is never seeing him again.”

“Is that the point or the game?” He doesn’t wait for me to reply. “You women love to play games. Wind us up and watch us go. And then when we go, you get mad. You can’t hold that against us.”

We’re quiet for some time. I bite my lip when he starts filling the tattoo in. As I lie there going through this pain, I blame Kent for every single ache. I want to show him,
look, you’re killing me too.

When Break is done with my tattoo I scrutinize it in the mirror. The word
‘Falling’
slowly cascades in elegant pink letters that curl in on themselves across my right shoulder blade. Dark swathes of shadows reach up to devour it, but the word hangs in the balance, not completely ready to give in.

“Don’t you like it?” Break asks, eyeing my glossy eyes.

“I love it.”

“Hang out with me.” He pauses in the middle of putting away his gear and looks at my body in the mirror. I’m standing in my shorts, bra, and wedges. I’ve never been this naked in front of another man except for Kent. I don’t feel that buzzing attraction at all. “Let’s go get a drink.”

“We’re not having sex.”

He smiles. “Challenge accepted.”

“I mean it.”

“Uh-huh.”

I laugh despite myself. “Whatever. You’ll see when you’re begging for it.”

“I don’t have to beg, baby. You’ll do enough begging for both of us.” He gives me a naughty smile. “Come let me put some ointment on it. You might want to wear a tank top. I can get one from the back.”

“Sure.”

He ducks out of the room and returns with a black tank top. He holds it out and I carefully fit my body inside so it doesn’t touch my tattoo. He turns me around and then rubs some ointment on it. “You should wash this with soap and water for a few days. Don’t scratch it.”

“Yes, boss.”

“I can be your boss.” His breath is on my shoulder.

I pretend it’s Kent’s breath. It makes me shiver. “What’s your first order?”

“You’re going to have a drink with me.”

I’d love one, Kent
. I close my eyes so I can’t see his tattoos in the mirror. “And then what?”