My Soul Cries Out (30 page)

A
fter Kevin got settled at David's and Nakia got settled in her own apartment, we all spent every waking moment we weren't working having fun. We had picnics, went to concerts, to the movies, shopping, everywhere. After a few months, Alaysia decided to have a pool party for the six of us one Saturday afternoon in August. We all suited up, then went up to the rooftop pool.

We barely got up there good and the guys peeled off their shirts and jumped in the pool. Nakia, Alaysia, and I sat on the side, dangling our feet in the icy water.

“I can't believe we finally get to spend some time with our men. I move down here thinking I'm gonna get to spend more time with David, and he's always off with Khalil and Kevin.” Nakia held her hands up to keep the water the guys splashed from getting on her hair.

“I know. Ever since Kevin moved here, I don't get any time with Khalil.” Alaysia pouted. “If they're not playing basketball, they're working out in the gym, or going to the movies or something that doesn't include us.”

“Oh, and don't forget men's Bible study.” I splashed Kevin as he, David, and Khalil swam up.

“What are you guys looking so sour about?” Kevin splashed me back. I gave him a warning glare not to get my hair wet.

“We were talking about how you men are neglecting us.” Alaysia pulled her feet away from Khalil, who was tickling her toes.

“Neglecting you? How you figure?” David said.

“When you guys should be spending time with us, y'all are always off doing something together. We feel left out,” Nakia answered.

“Do we complain when you all go shopping or to your veggie restaurants or to get your spa treatments?” David shielded his eyes from the bright summer sun.

“And we invite you out to eat with us every Thursday night when we go,” Khalil said.

Alaysia sucked her teeth. “Yeah, to eat steak. You know me and Monnie don't eat steak.”

“Yeah, but we do, so y'all go eat y'all's little bean sprouts, and we men folk will go and eat steak,” David said.

“And what's up with the men-only Bible study? Help me understand how that's fair,” I said.

“We have to discuss men issues—sensitive issues you guys couldn't deal with. You better be glad we do or y'all virtuous women might be in trouble.” David and Khalil slapped hands. “I know that's right.”

Nakia kicked some water at David. “And when I call you in the afternoon, you're 'sleep. What's that about?”

“Me and Kevin are up all night playing and writing music. Wait 'til you hear the new stuff we're pumping out. It is divinely inspired. I have to get a nap after work otherwise I'll be no good.” David taught music at a local high school to supplement the small salary he got from the church.

I wasn't going to complain about the late-night jam sessions. I got serenaded with phone calls on a regular basis so Kevin could show off his new music.

Kevin hooked his arms around my legs. He looked good. Real good. Between me feeding him, his going out to eat with his boys, and all the working out he was doing, he had gained some weight and his muscles were bulking up again. He saw a therapist and went to his Lifelines classes once a week, so he was sleeping much better. The bags under his eyes were almost completely gone.

His eyes . . . They held a calm sereneness I hadn't seen in them before. Ever. He seemed happier than he was when I first married him.

“Are y'all gonna swim or just sit by the side of the pool and look cute?” David tried to pull Nakia into the water.

“Don't even play, boy.” Nakia edged away. “There's no way I can wash, blow dry, and curl my hair in time for church in the morning.”

“I know that's right, girl. Don't nobody feel like all that.” I pulled my legs from Kevin, just in case he was getting any ideas about pulling me in.

“You two are such slaves to your hair. It's such bondage.” Alaysia eased herself down into the water, flinching at the cold.

“Just 'cause we ain't got that wash-and-wear white girl hair you got. We got true African-American hair we can't just wash and shake,” Nakia said, holding David at bay with her feet as he kept splashing her.

“Truth be told, my hair is more African-American than you two,” Alaysia said.

“Whatever, girl. You ain't got no naps like this.” Nakia turned and pointed to her kitchen, badly overdue for a perm.

“My dad was African, my mom was American. That makes me more African-American than anybody here. So there.” Alaysia stuck out her tongue.

Khalil dunked her and held her down for a while.

“Hey!” she sputtered when she came up, wiping her face. “What are you doing?”

Khalil raised a hand up toward heaven. “In the name of Jesus, I baptize thee.” He dunked her again.

She came up, lunged toward him, and dunked him. “Before you start manhandling me, remember I lift weights every day. And you can't baptize me yet. I'm not saved.”

“And why
is
that?” Nakia hadn't been privy to the conversations we'd all had, answering Alaysia's multitudes of questions about God, Christianity, and the Bible.

“Oh, please don't get her started.” Khalil rolled his eyes.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Alaysia splashed him.

“That means that question sends you on a tirade of mind-boggling questions that will take us the rest of the afternoon to answer,” Khalil replied. “Today is Minister Khalil's day off.”

“Day off? You're supposed to always be ready to preach the Word in season and out of season. You gets no day off,” Alaysia said.

Nakia shook her head. “See, this is what I don't understand. You can quote scripture better than most Christians, go to church more than most Christians, live holier than most Christians . . . I don't understand why you're not a Christian.”

Alaysia stood there, making waves with her arms. She started to say something then stopped, started again, then stopped, and finally said, “I don't either.” She dove under the water, mermaid style, then took long strokes to the other end of the pool.

“Oops. I hope I didn't upset her,” Nakia said.

Khalil watched Alaysia swimming away with a determined look in his eye. “No, she's okay. She's right there at the edge. We're all praying, and I know God is gonna do it in His perfect time. She has fewer and fewer questions, her prayer life is stronger and stronger, and she reads the Word almost as much as I do.”

“And last month, she made this big ritual of cleaning out all her crystals and figurines and New Age books and stuff,” I added. “She put it all in a big box and carried it out to the Dumpster.”

“Yeah, she's almost there.” Khalil pushed himself off the side of the pool and swam after Alaysia.

The rippling water parting as they both swam beckoned me. “Forget it. I'll wear a ponytail to church tomorrow.” I dove in and swam toward the other end of the pool. When I flipped to do a lap, I saw Kevin swimming past me, back toward the shallow end. We swam laps for a while, leaving Nakia maintaining her straw set at the end of the pool, blocking David's splashes. I guess he figured if he got her hair wet, she'd relent and get in the pool.

When we got tired of swimming, we played in the water until we were two shades darker and wrinkled like raisins. Hunger hit me. We toweled off and went back down to the condo to change.

We all met at the dining table when we were dry and dressed. Alaysia had picked up food from Sevanandah's earlier.

“Okay, before we eat, what is this stuff? I swear I'm gonna sneak some meat in here one day.” Khalil frowned at the food Alaysia put on the table.

“We have jerk tempeh and curry tofu, both with stir-fried vegetables. There's Moroccan couscous with raisins and almonds, brown rice, grilled spinach and wheat rolls, and a chocolate silk pie for dessert.”

“You mean a tofu pie for dessert.” Khalil grimaced.

“Don't act like you don't like this food.” Alaysia twirled the towel she was holding and zapped Khalil's legs.

“I like your food better, baby.” He rubbed his leg where she popped him.

“Good answer.” Alaysia kissed his cheek.

We held hands and Kevin asked the blessing. We ate like we had just been starving on a deserted island rather than at the pool. After we finished eating, we took our pie to the living room.

“Nakia, how are the wedding plans going?” I asked.

Nakia crossed her eyes. “Driving me crazy. My mom is trying to run the show, and we can't agree on anything. She wants this huge wedding that neither David or I want. She wants a sit-down dinner when we'd prefer a simple reception. She wants me to have both my sisters, three of my cousins, and you guys as bridesmaids, and I'd rather keep it simple with you two. Worst part is, she doesn't have any money, so basically she's making plans she expects me and David to pay for. I refuse to go into a marriage bankrupt over a wedding.”

David intertwined his fingers with hers. “I'm telling you the answer. We should elope. Get a license, grab up the crew here and go do it.”

“I don't want no Justice of the Peace wedding. I want to say my vows before a man of God.” Nakia poked her lips out.

David leaned over and kissed them. “I'm agreeing with you. Don't make no sense to me either to spend all that money for one day. They say the wedding is for the mother of the bride anyway.”

“Then she needs to pay for it.” Nakia curled her upper lip.

“Don't worry about it, babe.” David squeezed Nakia's knee. “The important thing is that you're here and we can finally get married.”

“Yeah, but when?” Nakia lamented. “At this rate, it'll be another year. I don't think I can make it that long.”

“Me either, baby.”

David turned to Khalil. “What about y'all, man? When y'all gon' tie the knot?”

Khalil's cheeks turned red. “How you gon' call me out like that, man? In God's time.”

Alaysia looked at her feet when Khalil said that. I guess we were all wondering about it—including Alaysia—but no one was bold enough to ask.

We sat around the living room, joking, laughing and eating pie. It was cool to see Kevin so close to David and Khalil. He seemed comfortable and at ease. I hadn't seen him like that before. Even with Aaron, Ricky, and the rest of the band, he was jovial, but still reserved.

“When do we get to hear the new music?” Nakia asked.

“Yeah, when do we get to hear it?” I pretended I hadn't heard most of the new songs on midnight phone calls.

Kevin winked at me. “We'll give you guys a little taste.” He went to the front closet and pulled out his guitar.

“Do you take that thing everywhere?” Khalil asked.

Kevin said, “Pretty much. Me and my first love can't be separated.” He kissed the case.

I feigned a look of jealousy.

Kevin sat in the armchair and started playing some chords. He and David harmonized on a song.

They sang the chorus a few times and indicated for us to join in. Nakia added a sweet soprano, I added my alto, and Kevin jumped down to tenor. We would have been in perfect harmony if Khalil weren't completely tone deaf. Alaysia sat and watched us.

Khalil reached over to take her hand as tears slipped down her face. He pulled her closer to him, kissed her forehead, and whispered in her ear, wiping her tears. David and Kevin kept playing and singing, doing that thing they did that invoked the pure presence of God.

They finished the words, but Kevin kept playing softly.

Khalil tickled Alaysia's toes. “I take it you like the song?”

She nodded and mumbled something none of us could understand.

“What's that, baby?” Khalil asked.

“I . . . I want to get saved.”

Khalil sat up and looked at her. He and I said it at the same time, “What?”

Kevin stopped playing.

Alaysia held her hands out to Khalil. “I want to get saved. I don't have to wait 'til church on Sunday, do I?”

Khalil kissed her hands. “No, baby, you can get saved right here, right now.”

She nodded. “Okay, let's do it.”

We all scooted closer in a circle and held hands. Khalil led Alaysia through the sinner's prayer, and she accepted Christ into her life. We cried with her and hugged her.

Alaysia wiped her eyes. “Do I have to get baptized at the church?”

“Where do you want to get baptized?” Khalil cupped Alaysia's face in his hands.

Alaysia's eyes sparkled. “At the beach. I want to go to Tybee Island and get baptized in the ocean.”

A
few nights later, I was in a good, deep sleep when the doorbell rang. I looked over at the clock. It was 11:52
PM
—too late for someone to be coming over. I knew not to expect Alaysia to get it. That girl slept like the dead.

When I opened the door, Kevin was standing there, eyes bloodshot red. He grabbed me and held on to me real tight.

“Kevin, what's wrong?”

“Nothing, Monnie. I just needed to give you a big hug and kiss and tell you how much I love you.”

“At midnight? What prompted this?”

He looked at his watch like he didn't realize what time it was. “I couldn't sleep. I needed to let you know I love you.”

“Okay.” I led him back to my room. “Did something special happen to bring on this sudden overwhelming love, or were you just thinking about how wonderful I am?”

My little joke was lost on Kevin.

He sat down on the chaise and I sat on the bed opposite him. “Me and David and Khalil had Bible study earlier. We opened with prayer, and before we got into the Word, Khalil said he felt like God knitted our hearts together for a purpose. That there was destiny in Him bringing us together. He went on and on about how he was grateful for having such strong men of God in his life, and how God had given him the brothers he never had, but in a better way than he ever imagined. Then he asked us to pray for him. He's been struggling in his relationship with Alaysia.”

I must have looked worried because he said, “Not like that. I mean, they're happy and he wants to marry her.”

I must have looked excited because he said, “And if you tell her, I'll have to kill you. I mean it, Monnie, this was said in confidence in our men's meeting, so I shouldn't have even told you.”

“I won't tell, I promise.” I clenched my fists like I was holding on to the secret.

“He said he's struggling because he's a broke grad student with only the promise of being a broke minister when he finishes school. He's afraid of not being able to provide for her like she's used to. Said it made him feel like less than a man, but at the same time, he can't deny the call of God on his life. He can't imagine doing anything other than preaching the Word of God, but doesn't know how he's going to support a family doing so. He said he hadn't been able to talk to anybody about it, but it was really getting him down, and he was glad he could come to us.”

Kevin got up and paced around my bedroom. “Then David talked about how he had met so many brothers who weren't about anything, but he was glad God brought him true spiritual brothers he could trust and be honest and transparent with. He asked us to cover him in the Spirit because he and Nakia are really struggling with the whole sex thing. He said he was glad he had us to come to and be accountable to, and knew if we were praying for him, they'd be able to make it. He said he was glad God brought us together as covenant brothers.

“I felt like the biggest hypocrite. Here they were opening their hearts to me, talking about how great it was to have best friends they could be completely honest with, and I felt like a big fake. What could I do? I told them. Everything. Everything about my past, everything about what happened with our marriage. I told them about the classes and the therapist.”

I leaned forward on the bed, hardly breathing. “What'd they say?”

“They were upset. Real upset.”

My heart fell.

“They couldn't understand why I hadn't told them before. They said I had been carrying too much by myself all this time, and that God made us brothers so we could carry each other's spiritual burdens. They said I should have trusted them enough to tell them. I told 'em I was worried they'd change up on me.”

Kevin stopped. His voice got choked up. “And they said, ‘Never that, dawg. We brothers for life, up or down, ride or die. We got your back, man. All the way.' I told them I was sorry for not trusting them, but I could never say how grateful I was for having friends like them in my life.”

Kevin shook his head. “Then they both laid hands on me and prayed for me. Monnie, nobody's ever prayed for me like that in my life. They went back to my childhood and rebuked every spirit that had ever attacked my manhood. They prayed for our marriage and for our future together. They prayed I'd be able to stand as a healed, whole, complete man of God and be a leader to my family. I never felt anything so strong in my life.”

“Oh, Kevin.”

“And then they hugged me. Both of 'em. And they weren't scared of me. And for the first time in my life, I wasn't scared of them. And I didn't feel anything. I mean, I felt their friendship, but I didn't feel anything . . . you know, like I shouldn't have been feeling. I just felt washed and whole and strong and new and . . . I . . . I felt delivered.”

“Wow, Kevin. I don't know what to say. Except God is more faithful than I could have ever imagined. I'm glad you were able to tell them and glad they were the men of God I knew them to be.”

“Monnie, I . . . I can't thank you enough for believing in me and believing in God for me. When you left me, I thought my life was over. I thought Satan had beat me for good and I'd never be delivered. I felt like I woke up from the best dream back into the nightmare my life had always been and that things would never be good again. And now . . .”

“Now, what?”

“God is good. That's all I can say.”

I smiled and took his hand. He pulled me into his arms and we held each other. I felt more love for Kevin than I ever felt before, and I felt more love coming from him than I ever felt before. I felt like God was standing there hugging both of us and melding our hearts even closer together.

Kevin pulled back and looked me in the eye. “There's one more thing. I need . . . I want you to go to my therapy appointment with me next week. Dr. Farley says I'm doing great, but there's one big issue I want to deal with, and I need you there to do it.”

“What is it?”

“We'll talk about it when we get there. A'ight?”

“Okay, Kevin. Is everything all right?”

He grinned that crooked little-boy grin I so loved. “Yeah. Better than all right.”