My Only Regret (Twisted Fate Book 1) (5 page)

W
e went for an early dinner and made small talk. When the subject of my firing came up I brushed it off and told him I didn’t want to focus on anything negative. I tried to keep the conversation flirty and upbeat, hopefully giving him some indication of where this night was going. In my head I told myself that it was now or never, no regrets and all that nonsense. I moved my chair closer to his and slowly ran my foot up the length of his calf. He cleared his throat and arched his brow, clearly understanding my innuendo. I leaned in and planted soft kisses along his jawline before lowering my hand, making my intentions perfectly clear.
 

“Are you sure about this?” he let out a shaky breath.
 

I know it must have been hard for him each time I'd left him hanging. It's not that I wasn't attracted to him, because I truly was. My hesitation had nothing to do with Trevor, and everything to do with me. The last time I'd given myself freely to another man I'd walked away thoroughly pleasured, yet I'd left a big piece of myself in his bed. I'm sure Jesse had no idea that he owned my heart, because he certainly hadn't been looking for that type of connection, but that hadn't stopped me from falling for him.
 

One night was all it had taken.

I kissed Trevor tenderly on the lips, making sure he felt the true depth of my desire. I was feeling love starved and right now I didn’t care that we were in a public place or that he might be leaving me tomorrow. I just needed an escape, and he was my island. I was tired of being lonely, tired of missing the touch of a man. No one had held me since the night I'd spent with Jesse Montgomery. I was tired of looking at men, expecting them to live up to his legendary status.
 

Since that night, two years ago, his band had taken the music world by storm. Their albums shot to number one, and their concerts sold out all over the world. Jesse had been photographed with countless women, and stories online reported that he was known for having numerous lovers and never settling down. I often laughed at myself for foolishly thinking that I could have been the one to make him happy. I know now that one woman would never be enough for him. Even though we only had one night, that one night has been forever etched in my memory as the one that all other men have to live up to, knowing in my heart that they never will. It was time for me to move on, if only for tonight.
 

“Yes, I'm sure. Let’s go home.”
 

T
wo minutes after the apartment door closed we were on the living room floor, locked in a kiss. This was not intended to be an act of love or desire; it was pure desperation on my part. The kiss deepened as he cradled my face in his hands, moaning softly against my lips. I pushed away gently, pulling my sweater over my head, and sat before him in only my bra and skirt. My lips found his and I eased him back against the sofa, straddling his body. His hands moved slowly back and forth over my waist, the tip of his thumbs barely brushing under my breasts. My hips rocked against him, as my fingers fumbled with his zipper, freeing his erection. My breathing quickened as I wrapped my fingers around the hardened flesh, thick and hot with arousal. He pushed me back on the cushions as I buried my hands in his hair and moved my mouth against his, desperate for more, but not finding it. My lips froze in place, my eyes were closed tight, lashes tickling my cheekbones. He'd stopped kissing me and pulled back. I knew then that this night wasn’t going to end as I had planned. I had just put myself out there and made a fool of myself. My eyes opened slowly and found his staring back at me. His dark brown eyes were sad and void of passion, not what I would have expected from someone that had my hand wrapped around his dick. Trevor couldn't go through with this if his heart wasn't in it. He wasn't a love 'em and leave 'em kind of guy, that honor could only go to one man.
 

Funny thing was, even though I had known that about Jesse, I still longed for him, maybe more now than ever before.

“When do you start?” My question cut across the awkward silence.

“Next week,” he said, softly. “I wanted to tell you earlier, but I didn’t want to ruin our night.” He reached over to grab my hand but I instinctively pulled back, and his eyes squeezed shut in response. “I really didn’t want to do it this way. I need to head down there tomorrow and find a place to live and get settled.” He said, clearing his throat softly before continuing. “See Rhyann, the thing is, I think we should end this. I’m really sorry, but I just need to focus on my new job, and a long distance relationship would just be a distraction I don’t need. I know the timing sucks with you losing your job. I’m sorry it has to be this way.”
 

I had grown accustomed to disappointment, because of that I was a person that needed control, and right now I was grasping for it, but there was no lifeline in sight. I had walked into this knowing how it would end, but that didn’t make the news any easier.

“No, no that’s fine Trevor. I understand. Honest I do. This is what you have worked so hard for. I just wish that you wouldn't have let me make a complete fool of myself.” I replied, sounding much calmer and supportive than I actually felt. I was really good at placing others needs before my own. “You have to focus on what’s important. Congratulations on the new job. I’m very proud of you.”

“That’s exactly my point. I can’t let a fledgling relationship stand in the way of my future.” He leaned over, attempting to kiss my neck but I moved out of reach. "Sweetheart, you didn't make a fool of yourself. You are a beautiful woman, and I know that I'm going to kick the shit out of myself for turning you down." His eyes fell to the front of his pants, where his arousal was still evident. "But, I didn't want it to end like that between us." He brushed a thumb over my bottom lip. "It would have made it too hard for me to leave you. I have to do what I think is best for me."

“Yeah, me too.” I offered him a smile.

“Wait.” He leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the lips, looking like he wanted to say more but couldn’t find the words. “You’re special Rhyann. Don’t ever let anybody tell you any different okay? You deserve a nice guy.”
 

It's funny, because the guy I longed for probably wasn't a nice guy at all, but that didn't stop me from wanting him.

“Thanks, I’ll try to remember that. Well, have a nice life in Portland.”

“Good luck Rhyann.” He gave my hand a light squeeze. I nodded and closed the door, leaning my back against it sighing.
 

Men, who needed them? They demanded too much of your time. Your focus went to crap when you were in a relationship. Sex was complicated and messy. Too many emotions were involved. And then there was the whole love aspect. Love was not something I truly believed in anyhow. I certainly had never found it. To love, you have to trust, and that was not an easy task for me. I longed to have someone tell me that they loved me and mean it, but even then I wasn’t quite sure I would know now to receive it.
 

W
hen I finally opened the front door I was beyond frustrated, mostly with myself. I walked straight to my bedroom, pausing only a moment to drop my purse onto a chair, before plopping face first into my mattress.
 

“
What a shitty day,
”
I muttered into the pillow.
 

First, I lost my job and then my boyfriend.
Wait, could I even call him that?
The tears came on hard as I gave in to the grief that overwhelmed me. Soon, I drifted off, dreaming of the one man who had haunted my dreams for the past two years. A certain rockstar with dark hair, a hard body, and the most beautiful hazel eyes I'd ever gazed into.
 

Later that evening, my roommate Melonie entered the apartment to find me curled up on the sofa with a blanket and a bottle of wine.

CHAPTER TWO

“
Something
’
s wrong,
”
Mel stated immediately, taking in my puffy face and the nearly empty bottle. I had known Mel for six years and during that time we rarely called one another by our full names. She had been offered a job at an advertising agency right after graduation and, unlike me, she loved her job because they treated her well. Over the years she'd become more like family to me than a best friend. In fact, since I rarely speak to my mother, and I don't know the whereabouts of my father, Mel is the closest thing to family I have.

“Sucky day.
I crushed Steve’s junk this morning and got fired. Then, Trevor dumped me for a new job in Portland.
”

“
Whoa! Back up the damage truck. What happened with Steve?
” she asked, tackling the meat of the matter first.

“
Same crap I always put up with." I told her all about what had happened. "I should have seen it coming. He tried to tell me that I had been leading him on.
I almost puked on him. I swear there wasn’t enough hot water in the shower to wash off the stain of him.”

“
What an ass. I
’
ll bet it felt great to cause him pain.
”
She said with a determined smile.
 

“
Yeah, you should have seen the look on his face.
”
I laughed for a few moments before my laughter turned back into tears.

She put her coat and purse by the door and sat down on the sofa, wrapping her arms around me.
“
It
’
ll be okay Rhy. We
'll
figure something out. You have to report him sweetie. He’s going to do this to someone else.
”

“No. I can’t do that,” I replied shaking my head firmly. “It wouldn’t do any good. Besides, the other partners in the firm would cover for him. I would just humiliate myself for nothing. It’s not worth it.”

“Okay then.” She shrugged her shoulders and played her tongue against her cheek, clearly not happy with my decision. “What happened with Trevor?”

"What do you think?"

“He got the job?" She guesses correctly, and I nod while polishing off my wine.

“Yep. It's probably for the best. It never would have worked out between us--”

“Because he isn’t
t
he one.
” She finished my sentence. "Sweetie, you have to stop comparing every guy you meet to a one night stand. Yes, I know it was the best sex of your life, but you are young. If you allowed yourself to get back out there you would see that there are many Jesse Montgomery's in this world. He's not the only man that knows how to please you." It was an easy statement for Mel to make; moving on had never been a problem for her. She was petite, athletic, and confident,
the exact opposite of me
. She was smart, high-spirited, and fiercely loyal. I could always count on her to have my back, regardless of the circumstances. She was the first, and only, person I fully trusted.

“Yeah, well not everyone is a sex addict like you.” I smirked, and then let out an exasperated sigh. “I was stupid. I went out tonight fully intending to sleep with him. I knew he was leaving, I could hear it in his voice. I just wanted to connect with someone you know, and be touched. He was kissing me, and when I looked into his eyes they were sad, almost as if he pitied me.” I shivered just thinking about how he had looked. “Neither one of us could go through with it."

 
“I'm quite sure he didn't pity you. Trevor's not a bad guy. He probably did you a favor. As far as
Steve goes, he was an ass, I
’
m glad you put him in his place.
 

“I can’t believe I allowed that behavior to continue for so long. I put up with it because I was afraid of losing my job. I’m such an idiot!” I exclaimed, throwing my head back against the cushion.

“Stop it right now. Do not beat yourself up over this. You are not to blame for his sexual advances. You're a smart, sexy, beautiful woman and he took advantage of you. He was an older man in a position of power and he abused it. He was aware that you feared losing your job. In fact, I'm sure he counted on that. You took a stand today and therefore took back that power. Screw him and his job. You don’t need it.”

“
I know, but what if I can
’
t find another one? That job had a good salary and benefits. I was with that company for five years.
That job was all I knew. I didn’t get to finish college like you. Who’s going to hire me when they have so many more qualified applicants?”

“You have a lot to offer and any company would be lucky to have you on their team.
Starting tomorrow, we will scour the job listings and I will talk to some friends. Something will come up, just you wait and see.
”
I just nodded and said a silent prayer.

“So, how are things with Barry?” I asked, trying to change the subject and get my mind off my troubles. Mel had been dating a guy from work who had pursued her for nearly six months before she finally decided to put him out of his misery and agree to a date. Several weeks later they were still going strong, which was a record for her. Mel’s hobby was men. Not just meeting them or dating them. Her hobby was sleeping with them. During the five years that we had lived together I had lost count of the men that had frequented her bed. On the flip side, you could count on one hand how many had shared mine.
 

Her face lit up and her nose crinkled a touch at the mention of Barry’s name. “Things are great,” she said in a dreamy voice. “I really think I like this one, Rhy. He’s a great guy, sexy as hell, and he definitely knows what he's doing in the bedroom,” she replied with a wink and a nudge to my shoulder.

“So, there’s hope for this one,” I smirked. It was easy to tell if her men were suitable bed partners by how many dates they lasted. This one had made it past the elusive tenth date. Celebrations were in order.
 

“I think so. He deserves at least ten more dates,” she smiled. I just rolled my eyes in mock disgust.