My Only Regret (Twisted Fate Book 1) (36 page)

One day I had confessed to Tyler that I was going to ask her to marry me. I'd watched the love my parents had for each other, and had been there to watch as Tyler and Stef had finally admitted they were crazy about one another and started dating. When they were married I had been the best man and I knew that I wanted that same commitment one day. The love and trust that is shared between a husband and wife is a beautiful thing. I loved Amber, and I trusted her with every fiber of my being.

That was my first mistake.

The second had been when we went out of town for a show that we'd been invited to perform at, thanks to Stefani's determination and thirty-five phone calls to the event manager. The Portland Rock Fest was sure to rocket us to fame. Big name producers and labels would be there and I had every intention of our band putting on the best performance of our lives. I'd written a new song just for the event and I couldn't wait to share it with Amber. Then, after the show, I was going to take her back to the hotel and propose. The way I saw it, it would be the most amazing night of our lives.

Turns out I was wrong.

We checked into the hotel and spent the next hour having sex on every surface in the room. That's how I prepared for a show. I found that sex with the woman you love helps center you. To keep my nerves from getting too amped up I focused that nervous energy getting lost in her silkiness. I could stay there for hours, days even. Nothing felt better than when we reached that crescendo together.

Everything was perfect. The sex before the show, the rowdy crowd, the song I performed just for her. Everything. I should have known something was up when she didn't come find me after our set was finished. I looked all over, finally finding her back in our hotel room, sitting on the edge of the bed with her suitcase by the door.

"What's up?" I'd asked her, probably with a look of confusion on my face. I could see that she had been crying so I went to her, wanting to hold her, but she held up her arm to stop me.

"No, don't. Baby, we need to talk," she'd started. "Sit down." She had pointed toward the chair across the room, rather than the space beside her on the bed. Looking back, I knew things were about to change, but my dumb ass was too stubborn to believe that she would dump me.

"Babe, you're scaring me. Let me touch you." I'd made and attempt to stand but she had shaken her head and just blew out a long breath.

"We can't do this any longer. It's not working for me."

"What's not working?" I had asked, stupidly, clearly not catching on fast enough.

"Us, Jesse. We're not working! I can't keep chasing after you just to watch you play on one more rickety ass stage. And did you see that crowd? I mean, no class at all. I thought you said you were going to be a star. You promised me that one day you would make it big. I've got to be honest with you, I don't see that happening anytime soon. I can't wait around any longer hoping to get noticed. I need to go off and make my own fame, I can't wait around for yours to get me anywhere." Her words had been sharp, like razors, and the warmth in her eyes was nowhere to be found. Hell, maybe I'd only imagined warmth, maybe her eyes were always hard and cold.

"Wait, baby, don't leave. Things will get better, you just need to give it a little more time. Look, I have something for you." I remember reaching into my pocket and pulling out the loose silver band with a small diamond. I'd scrimped and saved every extra dollar to buy that, knowing that it was small, but hoping that it would be enough because of how much I loved her.

"What is that?" She had pulled away from my outstretched hand as if it were covered in toxic chemicals. "What are you doing?"

"I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy."

"If that's your way of proposing it needs a lot of work and a much bigger diamond." She stood and headed for the door. In the four strides it had taken her to reach it I had been hit with the cold, hard truth. This woman never loved me. In the year that we had been dating she had never once said the words. Never. I'd always believed that she did by the way she always stood beside me, and the way she touched me and responded to me. I'd stuck my neck out and made myself vulnerable, only to have her laugh at me and cut out my heart in the process.

"You know something, you're a heartless bitch. I can't believe that I've put up with you for this long. Why can't you just admit that you love me? Or was it all a lie?" By this point I was pissed, and pacing the floor, something I had a bad habit of doing when things got tense.

"Jesse, you know that I care for you, a lot. This past year has been amazing, but I need to move forward. I thought by now things would have happened for you and your band. I can't sit around hoping, I need to take charge while I still have my looks. I want to be a model, and the time for that is now, not two years from now."

"Amber, you're beautiful, nothing is going to change that. Today, tomorrow, two years from now, you'll always turn heads. Stay with me because we love each other, not because of what I can give you." I tried pulling her body against mine, knowing that if she felt how hard my heart was beating she would surely understand. My heart beat for her. If she left me I would be lost.

"I'm sorry, Jesse, but I can't. I wish you all the luck in the world. I will miss all of you, but I have to do this for me. Goodbye." And with that she'd untangled herself from my embrace and, without looking back, walked out the door, taking my love and reason for living with her.

Fuuuuck!

At some point during the night I must have dozed off and allowed my mind to continue playing out the sordid details of my breakup. It wasn't as if it was only yesterday. It was fucking two years ago and my sorry ass still kept dredging it up. It didn't help that she had wormed her way back into my life six months ago, not as my girlfriend, but when she was around she still acted as if nothing had ever happened. For some reason I couldn't say no to her. My best friend, and bass player, David, just laughs his ass off every time she shows up. He knows my sad sack can't let go, believe me, I've tried. Amber was my one weakness. You could even say she was my Achilles heel. I kept telling myself that one day I would find someone to replace her, but that day still hasn't come, and if and when it does I have to ask myself if I will ever be ready to fully let go and move on.
 

Losing her caused my emotions to spiral out of control. I was young and full of pent up rage that needed to be released. I dealt with it the only way I knew how, sex, and lots of it. Sex with random strangers can be a pretty great distraction. You get all of the pleasure and none of the pain. In order to make it work, and so that I don't become attached because I never want that to fucking happen again, I've devised three simple rules that I follow very strictly when seeking out a new partner. I'm also very careful to stress every rule before we hook-up for the evening.

Rule #1 Never Break Eye Contact. This one is important because while I like the spontaneity of the hook-up, I still like to feel a connection, even if it's only for the night.

Rule #2 You Both Need to Be a Willing Partner. If I'm not feeling it, it ain't happening, no matter how hard she strokes her hand over my cock.

Rule #3, and this is the most important one. One Night Only. No Strings. We have our fun and go our separate ways. Hence, why I kicked the brunette out earlier. I'm not in it for the long haul. No attachments. So far it seems to be working just fine, at least it does for me. After our night together I don't give these girls another thought. Cruel? Maybe. Heartless? Pretty much. Worth stopping because of those facts? Not a chance.

I
opened my eyes and groaned at the sunlight streaming through the crack in the blinds. I closed my eyes again and silently prayed for a quiet morning. I heard voices in the next room and knew that Tyler and Stef were probably up cooking breakfast. Those two were the epitome of a happy couple. They'd been friends since middle school and started dated after Stef had been hanging out in our garage for nearly seven months just to watch us practice. When Tyler had finally worked up the courage to kiss her behind the garage we all teased them mercilessly. That didn't deter Stef, she'd had her sights set on my older brother and nothing was going to stop her from getting him to ask her to their junior prom. I was only fourteen so none of that shit meant anything to me, but I had just recently lost my virginity so I knew a thing or two about longing, and I could see it in both of their eyes. Turns out they slept together the night of their junior prom. They've been sleeping together ever since so he must have said or done something right.

I danced through the shower and made my way out to the kitchen, finding them making pancakes and dancing in front of the stove.

"Good morning, loverboy." Stef chimed in her brightest sing-song voice. That girl had a set of pipes on her, too bad she was too shy to get on stage or I would have had her singing a duet with me a long time ago.

"Hey," I mumbled, reaching around them for the pot of coffee.

"Why so glum this morning? I would have thought for sure you'd be smiling after last night's performance. I've gotta give you a 9.9 on that one, she was really into it." Stef giggled.

"You going to see this one again? What was her name again?" Tyler asked, with a huge ass smirk on his handsome face. My brother and I have both been extremely blessed in the looks department. Our parents are both good looking, and those genes seemed to multiply when passed onto us. I'm not trying to be arrogant, it's just a simple fact. We turn heads.

"Based on what I heard I would have to say her name was 'Oh Baby', but I could be wrong." Stefani laughed, dodging the wedge of toast I threw at her head. "She must have been doing something right."

"Knock it off." I growled, catching the slice in mid-air as she threw it right back at me. "I don't remember what her name was, and I don't give a shit." I took a big bite and washed it down with some strong coffee.

"That's too bad, this one was entertaining. I do believe I'm going to have to burn that mattress when your ass finally moves out." Tyler gave me a shit-eating grin and sat down across from me.

I'd been living with them for the past year and a half. After Amber dumped me I had moved back in with Mom and Dad but living there put a damper on me bringing home women. I wasn't about to try and explain my philandering ways to my Mom over scrambled eggs and bacon the morning after a loud round of sex. When Stef offered me their spare bedroom I’d happily accepted, and had only planned to stay for six months, tops, but after awhile staying here just became easier. Besides, I liked the company. I don't really like being alone. When I'm alone I get lost in my own head and swallow a lot of whiskey, and that ain't good for no one, especially my liver.

"Actually, I've been thinking about asking if I could take it with me when I move out next week. I've kinda grown attached to it, if you know what I mean." I reached for a slice of bacon and gave a jaunty wink to Stef before she finished placing the plate on the table.

"Easy, Casanova, I need that bed for out of town guests." She smacked playfully at my hand.

"What guests? You two never have out of town guests." I bite down on the crispy slice and take a moment to savor the rich flavor.

"Yeah, well we never could because your sorry ass was camped out in there." Tyler cuffed me on the back of the head as he sat back down with the platter of pancakes.

"Hey, I resent that. I know for a fact that I've made this apartment much more interesting with my presence. Face it brother, this place has never seen that much action. I'm sure your sad sack can't keep up. Ain't that right, Stef? What's it like being married to this old dude?" I teased.

"Shut the fuck up." Tyler gave me a look of warning, though the shit-eating grin still remained on his face.
 

"Boys," Stef said, calmly. Ever the mediator, Stef was always level-headed. "Jesse, we've loved having you stay with us." She began, with Tyler grumbling softly under his breath. "We will miss having you around, and you've definitely brought a certain Je ne sais quoi to our little apartment."

"Aw, thanks Stef. Bringing out the big French words huh? Is that your subtle way of telling me that my being here brought a little excitement to an otherwise dull environment?" I smirked, puffing my chest out just a touch.

"That's it!" Tyler leapt up and tackled me to the floor. While we playfully rolled around, making a half-assed attempt to out-do the other, Stef went right on stuffing her face with blueberry pancakes. She'd been around the Montgomery boys long enough to know that we were just blowing off steam. Hell, this is how many nights of long rehearsals and too many shots of whiskey have ended up. She just rolls with it, knowing that it will never go too far, and that it's all in good fun.

I had just pinned Tyler, and was about to give him a severe case of sore nipples, when Stef dealt a low blow.

"Bacon's almost gone, Jesse." She stated, around a mouthful of my favorite food.

"Wh--?" I started, but my words were cut off as Tyler's elbow caught me in the throat.

So much for a quiet morning.

CHAPTER ONE

"You want a beer?" I called to David from the kitchen in my new apartment.

I'd been living here for a month, and it was finally starting to grow on me. The thing I hated most was that it was clear across town from Tyler and Stef, which meant, depending on traffic, that it took at least thirty minutes to get from one place to the other. I hated being alone, I think I already mentioned that, and I soon found that if I didn't want my fuel bill to top two hundred bucks a month I had better start adjusting to spending a few nights on my own.
 

The band had been really busy these last few weeks, which was really cool, but it also meant that I hadn't made time for any extra curricular activities, if you know what I mean. I'll be honest, I was starting to get a little antsy about it. I'd have to remedy that situation pronto or else I'd become friends with Rosie Palm and her five friends pretty damn quickly. Don't get me wrong, I don't have any qualms about self-pleasuring, but I'd much prefer to have a warm body beneath me when the climax occurs.