My Only Regret (Twisted Fate Book 1) (30 page)

“I don’t think so, and it's not because I don’t love you. I was so stuck on the fact that I couldn’t trust you I forgot that trust is a two way street. I needed to trust that you would be devoted only to me, and you needed to trust that I wouldn’t leave you. The fact is, we both failed miserably, but in the end we still won. I am curious to know why you ran back to her? Where was the logic in that?”

“It wasn’t like that. I didn’t run back to Amber. She was just in Los Angeles and heard we were going to be playing a show, but you already knew that. She was the only woman I had ever loved, until you. I was hurting and I didn’t know what to do. You walked out on me. I didn’t know what you were doing, or who you were with.”
 

“But I haven’t been with anyone else. I saw those entertainment shows and they said that you were back with her.”

“That’s not true,” he looked away and then locked his eyes with mine. “Not exactly. We did go to an event together, but nothing really happened. I was lonely and you didn't want me.”

“You didn't want me!” I protested.

“That's not true at all. You’re the one that told me it was over. What was I supposed to do, beg? I couldn’t do that. I thought for sure you would come back to me, but you didn’t. I didn’t know how to handle any of that. I’ve never been so scared. I thought I'd lost you forever.” He pulled me closer and I clung tightly to him, trying to hug away the hurt that I had caused. “I didn’t sleep with her, in case you were wondering.” I breathed a silent breath of relief.

“I’m so sorry I caused you that much pain. I just need to know if you can forgive me for walking out, for not trusting you, and for not telling you about our baby. I know this baby comes as a surprise, and the timing really sucks, but when you weren’t there for me,” I wiped the tears from my face before continuing, “this little one was.”

“Rhyann, I am so sorry I wasn't there when you found out, for not being there to prevent that asshole from hurting you, for so many things. Of course I forgive you. I love you, and I don’t ever want to lose you again. There is a lot about marriage I haven’t fully grasped, but I know for a fact that I can’t do life without you,” he pleaded, “and I don’t want to.”

“I don’t want to either,” I whispered, pulling him in for a kiss.

“This little baby is going to be a good thing." He rested his hand on my belly and his lips soon followed, pressing a soft kiss to the flat of my stomach. "I love babies, I’m not sure if you knew that.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” I kissed him once more.

"I'll do my best to take care of both of you. You'll never want for anything, I can promise you that much."

"All I want, all I need, is you. You're all I've ever needed."

We spent the rest of the morning talking about our future, and how we were going to work on communicating with words rather than always falling back on sex. I'd come to realize that this was the downfall of the way our relationship had begin. We never had a beginning, we'd started in the middle and had been struggling to find our way ever since.

T
wo days later I was in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on dinner. We had invited everyone over to celebrate our decision to work things out, and share the news that we were expecting a baby. We had done a lot of talking since I'd been home and we were slowly getting back to where we were before everything fell apart.
 

Jesse had been helping me clean the house for most of the morning, and was on the sofa watching television when the doorbell rang.

“Babe,” he called out. “You want me to get that?”

“If you can,” I yelled back, placing the last appetizer on a baking sheet and throwing it in the oven. “Thanks sweetie.” I reached over, adding the last chocolate curl to the top of the cake I'd made, and placed it in the refrigerator, before calling out to him. “Who's at the door?”
 

No reply.
 

“Jesse?” I walked around the kitchen island and was only a few feet from the door when I heard hushed voices on the front porch. “Babe,” I called out curiously. That's when I saw her. Amber Sky was on my front porch. The nerve of that bitch. I quickly ducked behind the door and listened to their conversation.

“Come on baby. I’m only here for a few hours and I wanted to see how you were doing. Let me take you upstairs and say hello properly,” she whispered, seductively. My body instantly tensed.

“Amber, stop. I can’t go inside. We can’t do this anymore,” he spoke so softly I could barely hear him. “Rhyann is inside.”

“She’s here? You took her back? Does she know about us?”

“There is no us,” he growled.
 

“Did you tell her about that night in L.A.?” I watched her arms wrap around his neck as she leaned in close to his ear. “Does she know that you took me to your bed?”
 

I opened the door and interrupted their little reunion. I looked to Jesse with questioning eyes. My heart thumped loudly in my chest and venom was building in my throat.

“Amber wanted to stop by and say hello, but now she was just leaving.” He disentangled himself from her grasp and approached me hesitantly.
 
I assumed it was due to the hard set of my jaw and the cold look in my eyes. I hated this woman with a fierce passion. I hated her because she had his heart first and crushed it repeatedly, making it hard for him to love anyone else. I also hated her because he ran to her after our fight. I was afraid that he still loved her. I wanted to ask him but was afraid of the answer. Seeing her here today only deepened my suspicions that something had been rekindled during our time apart.

“It’s lovely to see you again, Rhyann." Hatred dripped from her vice as she spoke my name. "The last time we saw each other was under unfortunate circumstances.” She held out her hand to me, expecting me to accept it.

No fucking way.

“You bitch." I moved closer to her, fists already forming at my sides. My lips were pursed together as hot air blew in puffs out of my flaring nostrils. I must have looked like a bull ready to pounce because her eyes grew large and she tried to turn and move off the porch. My right hand caught her just as she reached the first step and I dove onto her, causing us both to tumble down the cement stairs. Amber screamed as I pulled at her hair, my left fist swung and made contact with her eye. She swung in response and it grazed my lower jaw, barely causing me to flinch. I was on top of her, straddling her waist with my hands inching toward her neck. I was going to strangle the life out of her, then she would never return and cause pain in my life again. I felt Jesse’s hands pulling me back, away from Amber, and away from making the worst decision of my life. I hated her, but I didn’t need to kill her to keep her away.

“Rhyann! Calm down, it’s okay baby. It’s over. You don’t have to prove anything. I don’t love her. I haven’t loved her in a long time. I love you, only you.” His arms wrapped around me, doing their best to calm me and absorb my pain. I fell against him, all of the hurt that had pent up inside me had been unleashed on that unsuspecting woman who now lay on my sidewalk, with blood dripping from her lip. She was going to have one doozy of a black eye in the morning.

“Goodbye Amber. Our relationship, whatever it may have been, it’s completely over. We can no longer be friends; I won’t allow you to cause any more trouble in my marriage. I love my wife and she’s pregnant with my child, we’re a family now. There’s no room in my life for you anymore. I’m sorry, but that’s the way it has to be.”

“I can’t believe you are choosing her over me. Look at her, Jesse, I mean it’s obvious who is the right woman for you.” She flipped her hair over her shoulder and wiped the blood from her lip.

“Yeah, it’s completely obvious. It’s no contest, Rhyann wins hands down.” He turned and guided me up the stairs and into the house, closing the door on Amber and his past. He gave me an uneasy look, unsure of what to say.

“Are you okay? Did you get hurt when you launched yourself down the stairs? Is the baby okay?”

“I’m fine,” I snapped at him. “What was she doing here? She obviously thought you were going to be alone. What was she expecting?" I started down the hallway.

“How is this my fault? She knows where I live. For crying out loud, will you stop walking away from me!” he sighed heavily. “I don’t love her. I love you.”

I opened and closed my fists at my sides and tried counting to ten. Then I threw in another ten, just for good measure. I exhaled dramatically. “I left you that night because of her, because of your twisted attachment to her.” I clenched my fists again. “You were with her. We were still married,” I was breathing hard. I turned my body towards him. I saw his face and the fight left me.

“No! Shit. Okay. Yes. I wanted to have sex with her, okay.” He dug his fingers into his hair and pulled at it hard. “I was confused and fucked up and a bit drunk. I’m sorry Rhyann. You walked out and wouldn’t talk to me.” He paced back and forth on the living room floor. “Fuck, she was supposed to be my wife. I loved her and she didn’t feel the same. I spent years thinking that over time she would fall in love with me. I kept waiting and hoping that maybe one day she would feel the same, but she never did. She didn’t want me until she knew I had someone else in my life. When she came to me in L.A. that night I had every intention of being with her." He started pacing across the living room.
 

“Why did you want to sleep with her?” I asked, calmly.

He groaned low and sat down, resting his elbows on his knees and dropping his face into his hands. “You were gone, and I missed you. I wanted to make the pain go away and forget everything. I wanted to be numb and go through the motions like I used to, and I tried, but I couldn’t go through with it. She was lying there willing, but in my mind all I saw was your face. I never even got undressed; I just left her there. I know it sounds crazy, and I don’t know if you can ever forgive me.”
 

He slowly reached for my hands and I allowed him to take them. He placed my hand over his heart. “When you came into my life you stole this. From the very first moment we kissed you've owned me. Did you know that? I didn’t think I had anything left to give, but you brought me back to life. I know I fucked up, but she means nothing to me.” He pulled me to him and I smashed my face into his chest. I had missed being here like this. “Rhyann,” he said, softly, lifting my chin with two fingers. “Do you believe me?”

“Yes, I believe you. I'm so sorry that I left like that. I was just so hurt. I was afraid I would never be enough for you. I get scared sometimes. I will never be like her, and I worry that some day you will feel like you settled. I mean look at me, there is no comparison. She's a gorgeous model and I’m just plain old Rhyann. I’m insanely jealous, and don’t want her around you, period."

“You’re right, there is absolutely no comparison between you two. She is conceited and heartless. You, on the other hand, are loving, kind, insanely gorgeous, and the mother of my unborn child. I’m not sure who put it in your head that you are plain but to me you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I'm lucky to have you. I’m sorry you had to hear all of that, but I am glad you finally know. I was an ass and I was hurting. I know that I’ve hurt you, that I’ve hurt us. If you want her out of my life consider it done,” he said, pulling out his phone and deleting her contact information. “I don’t want her in my life. I only want you, Mrs. Montgomery.” He rubbed his nose against mine then kissed me.

“I like the sound of that, you know.”

“What’s that?” he smirked.

“Mrs. Montgomery. I love being your wife,” I smiled, as I snuggled against him. “I don’t ever want to doubt our marriage again.”

“Well, I like being your husband, and I’m going to love being a father. You’ve made me the happiest man in the world.” He placed a finger under my chin. “Kiss me wife.”

“Anytime,” I said, pressing my lips to his.
 

“Are we okay?”

“We’re okay. But I don’t want her coming between us ever again. I can forgive you, but if you ever touch her again we won’t be having this conversation. I will be gone for good. Oh, and I can promise you that if she lays a finger on you again her career in modeling will be over. I’ll fuck her up.”
 

“Duly noted, but I don’t think she’ll be coming around anytime soon. I think you scared the shit out of her today,” he chuckled. “Thank you for loving me, even with all of my faults.”

“I think you mean in spite of,” I mumbled, before he kissed me silly.

I
t had turned colder outside, winter was officially upon us, but I didn’t mind, I preferred the cooler weather. I enjoyed wearing sweaters and hooded sweatshirts. We spent a great deal of time taking walks in the woods behind our property, and sitting on the sofa in front of the fireplace. We were finally acting like a married couple, and I loved every minute of it.
 

One morning I bundled up in my favorite hoodie and threw on a pair of Uggs before heading out to sit on the front porch swing. Jesse was still upstairs in bed. I sipped on my coffee and watched as the first few snowflakes of winter began to fall. Soon after, Jesse joined me on the porch, wearing grey sweats and a black hoodie. He had pillow hair sticking up in various places. On most men it would look ridiculous, on him it looked downright sexy.

“There you are,” he said, wrapping me in a warm hug and yawning. “I was lonely upstairs without you. What are you doing outside? Aren’t you freezing?”

“I didn’t notice. I came out here to think about stuff.” I pulled up his hand and kissed the tip of each finger. “I miss you,” I whispered, taking one of his fingers in my mouth and covering it suggestively with my lips.

“I miss you too,” he replied, removing his finger and replacing it with his mouth. I felt the tip of his tongue graze over my top teeth as I opened my lips further. Soon, we were a hot mess of tangled tongues and gnashing teeth. Breathing ceased to be necessary, I only needed his kisses. I leaned back and moaned openly as his lips moved along my jaw and down my neck.