My Only (26 page)

“Are you okay to drive?” I asked. She didn’t look any more rested than before.

“Yeah. I’m good. Once the heat gets going I’l be perfect.”

Putting the car into drive, she focused on getting back onto the road. I reached over and held her hand. Her fingers were like icicles. Careful not to impede her driving, I brought her hand to my mouth and blew my warm breath on the fingers then rubbed my hands over them and then held them tight.

We didn’t talk on the way to Lakeside, but as soon as she pul ed up into her driveway she turned to me. “Thanks for going to the concert with me.”

Like it was a favor or something. I chuckled. “Thanks for taking me to the concert.” She laughed, but it didn’t sound right. Cupping her face in my hand, I leaned in and kissed her gently. “You need some real sleep, Livie.” She lowered her head to my shoulder and let it rest there for a moment. The porch light by her front door came on. I looked up to see her grandmother standing there in pajamas and an unbuttoned overcoat. “Liv,” I said, raising my shoulder to get her attention.

She looked at me and I motioned toward her house. When she saw her grandmother, she said, “Guess I can’t stay out here al night.”

“That’s a shame, huh? Sleeping in a car is so much fun.”

“Doing anything with you is so much fun,” she said, making my heart leap.

We got out slowly. I walked her up the stairs. Her grandmother’s concern was palpable and she eyed me careful y, but said nothing. I was driven to fil the void. “We had fun. Thanks for letting her go.”

Al I got was a short nod as she wrapped her arms around Olivia. Then she whispered something into Livie’s ear.

Olivia turned to me and said, “I’l see you later, Adam. I had a great time.”

“Me, too,” I said. I wanted to kiss her goodnight, but there was no way it was happening with her grandmother so close. Besides, she was holding Olivia pretty tightly, like she wouldn’t let her go for anything in the world. “Cal you tomorrow,” I said.

“Night, Ad,” Olivia said as her grandma turned her around and herded her into the house.

I ran across the street, eager to get inside my warm house. Not surprisingly, Aaron was stil up. Blue light flickered out of the open door to his room. Peeking my head in, I gave him a nod in greeting. “Hey.”

“What’s up?” he asked. His voice was casual as he eyed me suspiciously. “Just get in?” Even though he already knew the answer, I said, “Yeah. The concert was awesome.”

“Cool.” He leaned back against the headboard of his bed.

“Can’t sleep?”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry,” I said. While things between us were better, they stil weren’t great. Instead of standing there with nothing to say, I gave him a half wave and left.

I wanted to take a shower, but I was beat. In my room, I stood in front of my window. There was a soft glow coming from Olivia’s room. The tiny gap in the lace curtains let a little light out.

Just knowing she was warm inside her room right across the street gave me comfort. I pul ed off my clothes and fel onto my bed. It was only a minute or two after my head hit the pil ow that I fel asleep with the memory of dancing with Olivia running through my mind.

I texted Olivia as soon as I woke up on Sunday. She didn’t text back. I didn’t start to worry until later in the day. I texted her again, but there was no response. After dinner, I threw on my jacket and walked over to the Cartwrights’. Her grandmother opened the door, her arms crossed over her chest as if to brace against the chil in the evening air.

Her pose was a bit intimidating. “Is Liv here?”

When she didn’t say anything, I squirmed. Final y, she said. “Yes, she is, but she’s very tired.”

“Just tired?” I asked. Even if she was tired I thought she’d text me at the very least.

“She’s il ,” she said. “She’s not to have visitors at the moment, but I’l tel her you stopped by.” I took a step back and looked up toward her window. I couldn’t see anything but the little ledge. With a deep sigh, I looked back at Olivia’s grandmother. The way she was talking led me to believe that she wouldn’t be in school tomorrow. I was just getting used to holding hands at school.

Now I’d have to go without. I realized it was a selfish thought. If she was sick, she needed to rest. I wanted her to be healthy and wel . “Should I pick up her schoolwork for her?”

This seemed to please her. “That would be kind of you, Adam.”

“Goodnight, Mrs. Cartwright.” I turned to leave, but then swung back around. She was just closing the door. I took a step forward and gently placed my hand on the door, stopping it. “Excuse me,” I said, wanting to be polite. Her grandmother made me nervous. Actual y, both of her grandparents did. When Mrs. Cartwright opened the door back up, I saw that Mr. Cartwright was coming toward us.

“Uh,” I said. “I was wondering.”

She waited patiently for me to continue.

“Why is she sick so much?”

There was a strange expression that crossed her face, but I wasn’t sure how to read it. She let out a long breath and looked directly into my eyes. “Olivia doesn’t respect the boundaries of her body. She does what she’s been told not to. She goes beyond what she should, and it leads to il ness.”

I glanced behind her at Mr. Cartwright’s face which was usual y made of steel, but tonight it somehow seemed softer. He put a hand on his wife’s shoulder, but stil said nothing. Olivia’s grandma—obviously the spokesman of the two—said, “She values your opinion, Adam. You can be a positive influence on her. Help her make the right decisions.” She paused. “Goodnight.” They closed the door, leaving me confused on the porch. I walked back to my house feeling even more in the dark than before.

Monday night I went to Casey’s for band practice. I was distracted but kept the tempo and did everything I was supposed to do, just nothing extra. I could sense that the rest of the guys were growing annoyed, but I didn’t know what they wanted me to do. It wasn’t like I could turn off the worry.

I heard Mrs. Cartwright’s words over and over again in my head. What were the boundaries of Olivia’s body? What was wrong with her? Why wouldn’t she tel me?

Practice ended around six thirty and then Blake gave me a silent ride home. If my mind hadn’t been on Olivia, I would’ve been concerned. Blake was never silent.

I barely said anything to Aaron or my father when I entered the house. I grabbed my book bag and took out Olivia’s assignments then hurried across the street. I hoped I’d be able to see her today.

My hope vanished when Mr. Cartwright answered the door. He took the books and papers I held out to him. “Is she wel enough that I can see her? I’d like to—”

“Not tonight, son.” His voice was deep, perhaps from underuse. He was a bit frightening, but nowhere near as scary as his wife. I didn’t quite understand why I found them both so unapproachable now especial y since before Olivia had shown up, I used to wave hel o to them al the time.

I texted Olivia when I got home. No reply. She didn’t text me back until Wednesday night. By then I was going crazy.

I was at work when her text came in. I stood in the bathroom in the back to read it and reply.

It was so good to read her name on the display.
Hey, Ad. Sorry. I just got my phone back.

I texted quickly.
U in trouble?

Her reply came thirty seconds later.
No. Sick & Gma didn’t want anything to distract me.

I texted back.
She told me I couldn’t see you. I was getting to the point where I was going to flip out.

I leaned against the wal by the door as I waited for her return text.
She’s so overbearing. I can’t wait until I’m allowed out of this bed!

A hard knock on the other side of the door made me jump. Even though I wanted to stay in here al night and text Olivia, I couldn’t.
At work. Text
later.

It wasn’t until a week after the Violet Plume concert that her grandmother al owed me to see her. Before I entered the house, she let me know I had a half an hour time limit. Even though she was sort of my girlfriend now, I felt the butterflies in my stomach start up again as I ran up the stairs.

I knocked on her bedroom door and waited until she told me I could some in. “Hey!” She greeted with a huge grin.

“Hey,” I said. It was good to see her. She looked fine. I thought she’d be pasty or pale, but she wasn’t. She looked just as pretty as always. I went over and sat on the edge of her bed. She reached out and took my hand.

I chewed the inside of my lip. I hated the little bit of awkwardness that had crept back in. There were questions I wanted to ask, but I wasn’t sure if I should. She let out a nervous laugh.

“Weird, huh?” she asked.

I shrugged, but then shook my head. My brow stitched together as I looked into her eyes. “What’s up, Liv? I mean, do you have mono or something?” I didn’t have much experience with mononucleosis, but I knew that it kept kids out of school for weeks at a time.

“No. I’m fine. Real y.”

I didn’t believe her, but didn’t say anything.

She pointed to the desk. Piles of books and papers were stacked on top. “Thanks for the homework.”

“I thought it’d be more practical than flowers.”

Olivia squeezed my hand and said, “Such a thoughtful boy.”

We both laughed, but awkward silence returned. “Your grandma said something about the limitations of your body. What did she mean?” She groaned and I looked back at her. “She shouldn’t have said anything.” She sounded a tad angry, but mainly resigned.

“She seemed genuinely concerned and wanted me to help you do what she thought was right. But, Livie, I don’t know what she was talking about. What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing.” Her voice was stronger now. I’d said something she didn’t like. She let go of my hand and sat up straight. “There’s nothing
wrong
with me. You know Grandma. She’s overprotective and overbearing. She had no right to—”

“Olivia.” While I knew it was up to her to tel me or not, I felt like I was entitled to something. If Olivia cared about me, then she’d realize that I needed to know about some of this stuff. Now that I was worried, I’d never be able to stop worrying about her until I had more information.

She blew out a breath, turned her eyes from me, and bit down on her lower lip. Because I’d asked her about her health, she was on the verge of crying. I’d never seen her like this. Perhaps it was just because she’d been sick. Sometimes emotions ran higher when people weren’t feeling wel .

I touched her face. She looked down at her lap and took in a deep breath. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s
wrong
,” she repeated. “I’m fine. It’s just that . . .” She looked up at me and saw that I was waiting for an answer, she started again. She probably realized I’d wait al day if I had to. “I was born with a leaky aortic valve.”

“I’m not a super-science guy. It’s not my best subject, remember? I know the aorta is in your heart, but what does a leaky valve mean?” Olivia reached up and took a hold of the hand that was cupping her cheek. She wrapped her fingers tightly around it and brought it to her lap. “It means that a little bit of blood goes back through the aortic valve. It’s real y not that big of a deal,” she said. “It was taken care of when I was smal , but my grandma is a bit of a freak about it. She doesn’t want me to do anything strenuous because she thinks I can’t handle it. But things are
fine
.

I’m
fine.”

While I was glad to have some information, I stil felt uneasy about the whole thing. “Is that why you’ve been sick? I mean—”

“No,” she said. “I’m just sick.” The way she said it left no doubt that she was finished talking about it.

I didn’t want to spend my limited time with her pressing her for information—especial y if it was pissing her off. She leaned back against her headboard and I shifted. Bringing my feet up onto the bed, I lay down on my side. She slid down, too, her position mirroring my own.

I probably should have felt excited, or anxious, or intimidated by the fact that I was lying right next to her in her bed, but I didn’t. It felt natural, as if we’d done this a mil ion times.

Silence overtook the room, but this time it was comfortable. We stared at each other. I was shocked how connected I felt just looking into her eyes. It was like our whole selves were connecting. Like our souls were dancing.

I stayed until the very last minute. Her grandmother hol ered up the stairs. I didn’t want her grandfather to venture up and see me lying with her, so I got up. Leaning down quickly, I kissed her.

“Feel better, Livie.”

“Thanks for coming over.”

“Bye,” I said as I headed out the door.

Olivia wound up missing eight days of school. On Thursday when she returned, I stuck as close to her as I could, doing whatever I could to help her out. While she seemed fine, her legs looked a bit shaky and her body almost sagged under the weight of her bag. I did my best to meet her at each class to carry it for her. I was late to a few of my own, but it was worth it.