My Only (21 page)

“We were having a perfectly fine time and then out of the clear blue, she just . . .” While I wanted to know what the argument was about, I reminded myself that I didn’t real y want to be involved in whatever it was they had going on. I let Aaron vent some more until he made an offhanded comment about her “weird little quirks.” I hadn’t noticed anything strange, so I asked, “What quirks?”

He looked at me for a moment, as if debating whether or not to confide in me. Final y, he sat up and shook his head. “Nothing. Never mind.” He stood. “I’m going to bed.”

“Are you going to be able to sleep?” I asked, knowing the answer already.

“Not likely.” He let out a deep, tired breath as he ran his hands down his face. “This is just so stupid. I mean,” he said before pausing, and flicking his gaze toward the window before looking down at his feet. “I mean, it’s
not
stupid. It’s . . . What the hel am I supposed to do?” I’d never seen Aaron upset like this over a girl. He wasn’t crying or anything, but he seemed on the verge of panic as he paced back and forth.

He paced for almost five minutes before stopping, pushing his fingers into the slats of the blinds and spreading them, and peering over at the Cartwrights’ house.

He shook his head. “Whatever.” Trudging over to my door, he mumbled, “Valentine’s Day is a stupid holiday anyway.”

“I agree.”

He turned to look at me. “I wish life could just be simple again. You know, like fifth grade simple? You like a girl. You ask her out, which real y just means holding hands at lunchtime and maybe a weekend trip to the mal .”

What in his life had gotten so complicated? I didn’t understand because I thought his life was fairly simple. He was perfect by everyone’s standards, so what in the world was so complicated? “Aaron, what’s going on?”

It looked like he had tears in his eyes. He must have seen that I noticed because his expression shifted to one of anger. “I’m not going to date her anymore. She’s . . . she’s . . . she’s a bitch.”

Aaron said nothing else. The only thing I heard the rest of the night was him slamming around the house.

I had no clue what had happened between them, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know, but I knew two things for sure: Aaron never cal ed girls

“bitches”, and Olivia certainly
wasn’t
one.

What I was supposed to do. I was torn between happiness that they’d broken up, and complete bewilderment that something so devastating happening that Aaron was upset enough to cal her a bitch.

As I stared up at my ceiling, what I had to do smacked down on me like a ton of bricks.

I had to final y talk to Olivia.

Olivia wasn’t in school the next day. Or the day after that. She must have been sick again. I went to her house to see her, but her grandmother wouldn’t let me in. “Olivia needs rest, not visitors.”

It was Friday when she came back to school. Aaron didn’t talk to her. He didn’t look at her. In fact, he spent most of Current Events leaning back on Maya’s desk, laughing and carrying on as if he hadn’t spent the past three months attached to Olivia. Mr. Bel man had to stop class twice to address Aaron’s obvious disregard for the lesson and the classroom code of conduct.

It’d been long weeks since I al owed myself to real y look at her and to actively think about her. She must’ve been real y sick after standing outside arguing with Aaron. Her hair seemed too dark today. It was pul ed back into a ponytail, but it was a mess—not neat like she usual y wore it.

Maybe it wasn’t her hair that was too dark. Maybe it was her complexion that was too light. Yes, that was it. Her coloring was off.

She watched Aaron make an ass out of himself the entire period. I thought maybe she’d dart out of the chair once the bel rang to avoid him, but she didn’t. She sat in her chair until almost everyone left. As I was putting my notebook away as slowly as possible, I debated if I should walk to her next class with her.

Olivia sluggishly rose from her chair and hoisted her bag onto her shoulder. If she turned around, I’d wave at her and throw her a comforting look.

But she didn’t. She took measured steps to Mr. Bel man’s desk. Before I left, I could just make out their quiet conversation about homework she had to complete because of her absence.

I didn’t see her at lunch. It was probably a good thing she didn’t come to the cafeteria. Aaron was hanging al over Kel y Volk for half the period and then literal y chasing after Maya before the bel rang. I didn’t know what happened between them, but if my brother’s actions were any indication, it was something big. There were times in the past that he’d acted like this—like an idiot male—after relationships ended, but it wasn’t this exaggerated. It was like he wanted to hurt Olivia.

No matter how different he was from me, my brother wasn’t usual y this much of a jerk. I didn’t know why he would want to hurt Olivia. She was the nicest girl he’d ever dated.

Olivia didn’t work Friday night, but I did. My mind was on her. So much of my time since meeting Olivia was spent thinking about how badly I wanted to be her boyfriend, or how much I hated that she was dating my brother. But tonight, I was genuinely worried for her. She looked so sick today and Aaron was being such an ass. I ran through list after list of things that could’ve possibly happened between them, but nothing I came up with would justify my brother’s cruelty.

Wel , I didn’t know if she was real y sad or if she was just sick. I was going to find out, though. The decision not to be her friend was the wrong one and I wanted to make it up. I didn’t care anymore if she liked me the way I liked her.

As usual, I made breakfast for my family on Saturday. My dad had worked a bit of overtime, so it was after ten in the morning when we al sat down at the table. Although my dad and I had never been incredibly close, there were a lot of things I admired about him. One of those things was the way he could just look at either me or my brother and just
know
something was going on. It could’ve been that he’d been in our shoes once or it could have been a complicated mind reading ability. But whatever it was, he did it again.

“You boys are too quiet.”

He looked to Aaron first, but then to me. I shrugged. I was usual y quiet.

“Where’s Olivia been lately?”

When Aaron didn’t respond, he turned back to me, obviously hoping that I knew and would share what was going on with my twin. “I think they broke up.”

To my brother, my dad asked, “What was wrong with her?” The way he asked it left no mystery about how he felt about my brother’s love life. He obviously disapproved of how many girls he went through. Maybe he real y liked Olivia, too.

“Nothing was wrong with her. I just don’t want to be with her anymore. Maya’s cuter, anyway.” I snorted as I shook my head. My brother was an ass.

“Shut up, Adam.”

I looked up from my pancakes and faced him. His angry glare was a chal enge. “You shut up, Aaron. Olivia’s a good person and she’s definitely prettier than Maya Conway.”

Aaron let out an irritated breath as he dropped his fork onto his plate. It landed with a loud clank. “You think every girl’s pretty. And just because you’re a little puppy—”

Just then the doorbel rang. I was grateful for the break in conversation. This wasn’t how I wanted to spend my Saturday, and I didn’t think I wanted to hear exactly what he thought of me again. Aaron was a very external person. When he was upset, he let everyone know it. Throughout our lives, he’d say stupid comment after stupid comment, just to get the intense feeling or emotion out. I knew most of what he said he didn’t mean, but I also knew there was truth behind every offhanded statement he made.

We sat there glaring at each other, forcing my father to be the one to get up and open the door. A moment passed. Then Dad said. “Aaron. You have a visitor.”

We both looked up and saw Olivia standing next to my father. She was stil pale, but her eyes were a little brighter today. She gave me a smal smile, but then turned her entire focus onto Aaron. “Can we talk for a minute?”

My brother’s response was less than polite. I could tel just by the set of his shoulders that he had little interest in talking to her, but then he looked at Dad’s expression and it left no doubt that Aaron would be talking to Olivia.

My brother stood, his chair scraping against the linoleum floor, and he strode past Olivia as if she wasn’t even there. She fol owed him. As my dad sat back down, I could hear her soft voice coming from the foyer. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear any of their conversation, but I didn’t have any choice.

The only thing I could make out was Olivia asking, “Why did you do that?”

Then she asked, “Why didn’t you just break up with me before you messed around with her?” My fingers tightened around my fork the picture of what Aaron had done completed itself in my mind. I heard the door slam, then Aaron cursing in the foyer. Dad got up, calmly took his plate to the sink, and then moved out to the foyer. Another thing I admired about my father was that he knew how to handle situations delicately. I could hear him talking to Aaron. He wasn’t using kid gloves, but he wasn’t outright yel ing at him either.

As Aaron raised his voice in responded, “I don’t want to talk about it,” to whatever my father said, my thoughts were on Olivia and what she must be going through. I didn’t give a damn about Aaron. As far as I was concerned right now, he was scum. I cleaned up the table—leaving Aaron’s plate for him to clean up himself. By the time the kitchen was clean again, Dad and Aaron had moved into the front room. On my way to the stairs, I peered inside and saw Dad pacing while Aaron stood stock-stil , arms crossed over his chest, annoyed expression on his face.

I wanted to punch him.

But I didn’t. I took the stairs up to my room two-by-two and shut my bedroom door behind me. Once at the window, I looked over to Olivia’s bedroom window. The curtains were parted and I could just see the top of her head. She must have been sitting on her bed. I didn’t even think about my next action. I went to my bedside table and picked up my phone.

Are you okay?
I texted her as I stood back in my window.

It took a moment, but I got a text back.
Fantastic.

It was hard to impart sarcasm into a text—especial y a one-word text—but she managed to do it.
Come to the window.
Again, it took a moment, but then she appeared. The distance made it hard to see the details of her face, but I didn’t need to see them to know she wasn’t feeling fantastic.

What now?
she asked. I could see by the set of her shoulders and hips she was upset.

My fingers moved fast on the keys.
Can I come over?

When I looked up, Olivia was gone from the window. The curtains weren’t closed, but they were swaying as if threatening to close me out of her world. I sighed and tossed the phone on my bed. I wasn’t sure how to feel about anything anymore.

Before my mood had sunk completely, my phone beeped.
Yes.

Now that I had her permission, I felt unprepared. Looking down, I was stil in my night clothes, and I hadn’t showered or even brushed my teeth. I didn’t want to waste time, so I skipped the shower but I cleaned up a bit and brushed my teeth. After I was dressed, I looked at myself in the mirror. I could’ve looked nicer, but this would have to do. I reminded myself that I wasn’t going over there to impress her. I was going over there to let her know I was concerned for her.

I pul ed on my shoes and coat then darted across the street. Mr. Cartwright opened the door. His quiet stare unnerved me, but seeing Olivia was more important than my nervousness.

When I asked if I could come in, he hesitated but then he moved out of the way. I dried my feet on the rug, kicked my shoes off and took the stairs up to her room. I knocked softly and waited.

When the door opened, Olivia cocked her head to the side and rol ed her eyes. “I swear I’m not usual y this stupid.” I furrowed my brow as I entered the room. “What do you mean? I don’t think you’re stupid.” Olivia looked up at the ceiling and shook her head. Slow tears rol ed down her cheeks. Damn, she was crying. I felt so bad—as if I was the one who’d hurt her.

She wiped her eyes with her bal ed hands and then looked at me. “It’s so stupid. I’m sorry. I’m not usual y like this. Especial y over a boy.” I knew this wasn’t like her. That was why I was so concerned. “Were you out of school because of Aaron?”

“Oh, God,” she said, flopping down onto her bed and covering her eyes with her arm. “That’s what it looks like. That’s what everyone thinks, isn’t it?” She sat up, legs folded, and swiped her nose with the back of her hand. “I was sick.
Really
sick, not just stupid-girl-who-got-dumped sick.”

“Stop saying you’re stupid,” I said as I took a seat next to her.

“Fine. I’m an idiot.”

I real y didn’t like that she was putting herself down. She was usual y so upbeat. I’d never heard her be so negative before. “You’re an idiot?

Why?” She gave me a look like I was stupid. “Because you took a chance on someone you liked? It’s not who you are to think you’re stupid because you opened yourself up, Liv.”