My Cousin Wendy (5 page)

I called my guys, starting with the foremen and found two that agreed to work. The plan was to start at 5 tonight and take out the old system and the phones we could get to. Then we'll meet near the new place at 7 tomorrow morning for breakfast, then start work at 8 installing the system. It shouldn't take long with the three of us. One to mount the equipment, the other two to tone out the existing cables, then I start putting extensions on the jacks and they go around with phones, making sure they work. I figured we'd be out of there by noon at the latest.

My weekend plans were for Sunday and Monday, which meant we had to leave late Saturday afternoon. I figured if I planned on leaving at 4, the job could go over till 3 and I'd still make it.

I called the girls and told them to be over to my place by 3:30 on Saturday, giving each of them the secret to getting in if I wasn't home yet. Since Wendy didn't know what was going on, I told them not to use my driveway. Wendy didn't know their cars, so they could park anywhere there was room on the block.

I called Wendy at work. She must have been on the phone with a client because I got her voice mail. I left a message and she called back about five minutes later.

She wasn't happy we weren't going to do anything until Saturday afternoon.

"I was real good. I didn't complain once since I talked to you. I even picked up a pregnant lady exercise video and have been working out."

"Wendy, I'm proud of you. But I made arrangements for us to drive out late Saturday and then do stuff on Sunday and Monday. You sure don't want to be on the roads Friday afternoon or evening on a three day weekend. It's more like a parking lot. Tomorrow will be a much better time to drive."

"Alright. Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

"You're no fun. I'm sure there's nothing I can do to get you to tell me, is there?"

"Nope."

"You sure can be a fuddy duddy."

"Hey. You wouldn't tell me where we were going for my birthday. It's the same thing."

"It is not. I knew where we were going for my birthday. I don't know where we're going tomorrow."

"I'll tell you what. I call up and cancel all the reservations and we can go to Denny's. You'll know where we're going and you can be happy."

"I don't wanna go to Denny's. I just want to know where we're going."

"OK. But don't tell anyone. Tomorrow night we're driving to a Motel 6."

"That doesn't do me any good. There are Motel 6s all over the place."

"OK. It's not too far from a Walmart."

"That doesn't do me any good. Tell me."

"You've seen both the Motel 6 and the Walmart."

"That doesn't help me. You're no fun."

"Sure I am. One of the reasons you love me so much is because I keep giving you good surprises. The thing we're going to do Sunday is something you wanted to do. Monday will be brand new for both of us."

"Alright. Let me come over tonight."

"No. I have to work tonight. I don't know when I'll get home. I'm going to have to drive in the holiday traffic when I'm coming home."

"But I could just stay there and sleep in your bed and you could wake me up when you got home. I'll even give you a blowjob."

"Wendy, I'd love you to give me a blowjob but I need to get in and out of this job as quick as possible. I need to get right to bed so I can get up in time to shower and meet the guys for breakfast at 7. That was part of the deal we made so they'd work over the weekend. When you decide you're ready to be with me all the time, we'll figure things out. But right now, tonight and tomorrow, you'd be a distraction. And then we'd miss the weekend I've got planned because my guys would take off and I'd have to work the whole weekend myself. Is that what you want?"

"No. How about if I come over early tomorrow. I can wait for you. I'll be fine."

"No. I've told you what I want. You said you behaved all week and now you're acting like a brat. Do your laundry. Go out and get your nails done. Spend all morning taking a bath. I'm sure there are plenty of things you can do to keep yourself occupied. I'll see you at 4 tomorrow and we'll have a real fun two days."

"OK. I still think you're a dweeb. What clothes should I bring?"

"Well, it's going to be warm this weekend. Probably some shorts and some of your new shirts. You can bring sandals but you may want to bring some shoes that are a little more comfortable. I don't think we'll do much walking on Monday but we may do some standing. Do you have any folding chairs like you take to the beach?"

"I don't but Josie does. Maybe I can borrow some. How many will I need?"

"I only need one. How fat have you gotten?"

"Ha Ha. Very funny. Dweeb. Isn't anybody else coming?"

"Oh, and bring something you wouldn't mind wearing to a very nice restaurant. I'm going to wear a pair of Dockers and a nice long sleeve shirt and I'll take the leather jacket you got for my birthday. Maybe something you can move around in in case somebody asks you to dance."

"Really? Dancing?"

"You never know. It could happen."

"OK. I'll see you at 3:00 tomorrow."

"When?"

"3:30."

"There must be a bad connection on this phone. When?"

"I'll see you at 4. Dweeb."

"OK. Love you."

"I love you too, even if you are a dweeb."

I had some time and needed a couple of things so I went to Sam's Club. Walmart is primarily there for trailer trash. Sam's Club costs money for a membership and I think one of their unwritten requirements is you have to have at least a double sized trailer or a house. Just kidding. But there did tend to be a better class of people there.

I put my coffee, Spaghetti Os, a new DVD and a couple of pairs of shorts on the counter. It was my turn and I noticed the cashier had SAM on her name tag. I'm sure she got kidded about it being her club until she was sick of it.

"Sam. Is that short for Samantha?"

"Yes. My brothers started calling me that when I was a kid and it stuck."

"I've got a character named Sam in a couple of my stories. We call her St. Sam because she's always doing good things for people."

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and had to look down. There was a very short, very cute young woman behind me in line, balancing a young boy on her hip.

"Yes?"

"Are you Old Fart?"

"Yes. How did you know?"

"I'm Sara.  From the emails?"

"My God. Then this must be Ronnie."  I'd gotten dozens of emails from her about stories I wrote and put up on a free website and had even written a couple based on our communication.

"Ronnie, this is Pete. Say hello to him." Ronnie tried to bury his face in his mother's chest. "He's pretty shy."

"I guess so."

Sam had run my stuff through and it was time to pay. I told her to put it on the card.

"What kind of stories do you write?"

"Dirty ones."

"Come on. Really."

"Well that's the most common term. They could be called adult stories or erotica but dirty stories seems to communicate pretty well."

Sara interrupted. "Don't believe him They're love stories. I cry every time I read his stuff."

Sam wouldn't let me get away without giving her the name of the website so she could check out my stories. I told her to email me at the link at the end of one of them and tell me what she thought.

"And make sure you vote 10," Sara pitched in.

Sam's sells hot dogs, pizza slices, ice cream cones and other stuff at the front of the store. They have some tables where people can sit down and eat or just wait for the people in line. I've seen several teenagers banished to the tables while their parents go through the line in my various shopping excursions. I know which teens belong to which parents because a teenager can't sit and wait like a normal person. He has to ask dumb questions every minute or two while they're in line, just so his parents don't forget him.

I got us all ice cream and Sara and I had a coke as well. Ronnie got most of her coke and his face and shirt got most of his ice cream. We talked about my stories and she asked what was going to happen with Leslie, where did I get my ideas and then she got quiet.

"It's not the same as email, is it."

"No, it's not. There's just so much we can talk about face to face and still be safe."

She took Ronnie into the rest room for a hose down and I left, showing my receipt to the guy at the exit.

Glendale's usually a 30 minute drive. I left at 3 and got there at 4:45. Half the time the speedometer needle was resting on the post.

I beat everybody else so I went inside and checked out the system. It wasn't that tough a job. At 6 I unplugged it. I'd already loosened the screws on the blocks. I actually had the whole thing off the wall when my guys showed up at 6:10.

We got all the phones we could by 6:25. Traffic was still going to be a bitch.

"How about getting started at the new place? We can get the system mounted, carry in all the phones and do some toning till 8:00. Traffic should be lighter by then and tomorrow will be a piece of cake."

It was a little tight with me mounting the system and one of my guys looking for tone on the cables but it went OK. We used to use walkie talkies. Now we all had cell phones on the same family plan. Free calling to each other and a pool of minutes to share. It worked out fine.

I thought about staying and finishing the whole thing but one of the guys wanted to see his kids before they had to go to bed. We cut out at 8. I was home by 8:30.

Saturday went great. The place we went to made great omelets. We had everything in and tested by 9:30. There were some phones that we hadn't been able to get but they were all being moved over the weekend. I don't know how much rent he was saving, but he sure was paying a lot for me and the movers.

I was out of there by 10 with a check in my hands. I'd given each of the guys a twenty for helping me out. You would have thought it was a hundred from the smiles.

Traffic was light, especially heading east. I got home and emptied out the Aerostar. What the hell. Before I put the seat in I decided to get it washed.

There was a place on Route 66 that had just opened. I went over and got the standard wash and vacuum. I gave the guy with the hose a couple of bucks before I went in to pay. I'm sure he just about filled their vacuum with loose screws.

The wipe down guy did a good job of catching the missed spots and making sure it looked good. There was a lot of glass for him to clean. He spent a good 15 minutes on it after it came out of the car wash. He called me to pick it up. I gave him my ticket and a five.

I headed west on Rt 66. I saw a motorcycle cop from the Glendora PD turn onto my street heading east. I continued on home.

About a minute after I saw the cop, he was behind me with his lights flashing. I pulled over and he told me it was national seatbelt week and I didn't have my seatbelt on. I gave him my license, registration and insurance. He went back to his radio to see if I was wanted for any other horrendous crimes. He wrote me a ticket and told me I could get it taken off my record by going to traffic school and I could even do it on the internet.

I drove home feeling good that Glendora was going to be safe for another day.

I looked at the seat and decided to wait. It was almost 1 PM. I went in and set the alarm for 3.

Somebody was kissing me as the alarm went off. I opened my eyes to see Beth smiling down at me. I reached up to turn off the alarm.

"Hi, Beth."

"Hi. Are you going to get up or are we going to spend the weekend here?"

"If we spent the weekend here my bed would collapse from all the rocking. And then I'd have to buy a new bed, new carpet and a new floor. I think we'll go somewhere else."

I heard another voice from the living room.

"Hello?"

And another.

"Anybody home?"

Beth yelled out "In here, girls."

Kathi and June came into the room. Kathi's eyes lit up when she saw the waterbed. She put her arms together over her head and dove into the middle of the bed as if it were a pool.

"Hey. This thing isn't meant for that." I got up from the bed and swatted her on the ass.

June was just standing there, a kinda smile on her face, her eyes bright.

"Hi Pete."

"Hi June. How are you?"

"I'm good. And you?"

"Couldn't be better."

She took a step toward me and slowly wrapped her arms around my neck. When June kisses you, you know damn well you've been kissed. She knows exactly what she's doing.

We both stepped back. I'm sure my eyes were bright after that kiss.

"Where's Wendy?"

"I told her not to get here till 4. I want you guys to go in the back yard when she comes, then we'll surprise her."

Kathi looked up at the alarm clock. "She won't be here for another 45 minutes."