My Cousin Wendy (9 page)

Beth grabbed the key from my hand and they took off like a shot. I heard some arguing from Wendy but Beth gave it right back. I heard Kathi yell "Then miss out, you stupid idiot!" then the two of them came out to the parking lot.

Wendy came out looking pissed, holding her shoes and socks. "Did you go to the bathroom?"

"Yes."

"Good. Get in the car. No, up front."

She got in and buckled up. The girls were in the back. "Everybody ready?"

"Yes."

6:47. Better than I'd hoped.

I gave Wendy the Styrofoam container with her breakfast and the plastic wrapped fork, knife and napkin. "Here. You're lucky I didn't let you starve."

I got a subdued "Thank you."

There was nothing wrong with Wendy's appetite. She reminded me of a Golden Retriever I used to have. I swear Bear was always trying to empty his dog food bowl before it hit the ground. The eggs took more than one gulp but not much. The ham took a little longer but it was gone before we turned onto the main road. Like she hadn't eaten in months.

I heard Kathi say "Damn." As if she was in awe.

Wendy covered her mouth as she burped. "Excuse me."

I drove a couple of miles and turned left. I went down a bit and made a right.

Kathi was the first to notice. "Oh, my God."

They all looked and then the excitement spread throughout the car.

Yes, we're all going up in the same balloon. No it won't crash because there are so many of us. Yes they know how to steer them.

We pulled onto the lot and a guy with a backwards baseball cap walked up to me with his hand out.

"I'm Joseph. You must be Pete."

I took his hand, assured him I was and introduced the girls.

"Well, you've got quite a crowd here. Looks like we'll have a fun trip."

He pointed to the balloon we were going to take. It was probably about half full.

Wendy said "I can't wait for it to be hard."

Beth shot back "You never can, Wendy" and got a laugh from the other two. It took about five seconds for Wendy to get it and turn red.

It took a while to get everything set up. At 7:20 Wendy complained she could have gotten more sleep. She shut up when I offered to let her drive back to the motel if she wanted to go back to bed.

Despite her rush to get out, she looked pretty good. She had a pair of khaki shorts with a crease down the front and back. They came down 2/3 of the way to her knees. A white sweatshirt with smurfs on it but it worked for her. And of course her (almost) MOTHER hat, her hair hanging out the hole in the back.

Kathi had jeans and a Fullerton sweatshirt, Beth had shorts and a flannel shirt. All four of them had rosy cheeks due to the brisk weather. It would warm up soon but it was nice while it lasted.

The time came for us to board the balloon. The basket was sitting on the ground but the entry door's bottom was a couple of feet up. The floor was just below the door, so there must be some kind of storage beneath the floor. There were a couple of portable steps next to the balloon for us to get in. June and Kathi went right in. Beth and Wendy had to be coaxed when it came time to actually get on the thing.

Joe piloted the balloon. That had been one of Beth's questions. I'd told her that I'd read about ballooning and was going to steer us. She took me seriously and asked if I was sure I could fly it safely and I said I was pretty sure I could steer it but getting back down was worrying me a bit. The others were cracking up before she caught on and turned red. And then she hugged me and told me to quit.

There were five other balloons there, each with it's own pilot and passengers. I saw a couple of couples and two families with kids. There was one guy whose job it was to release the ropes that held the balloon to the ground and help as needed with takeoffs and landings.

There were four ropes holding us down. Joe told us to hang on just before the third one was released. The floor definitely tilted. Not as much as I thought it might but there were a few breaths sucked in despite Joe's warning. The fourth rope was untied and we straightened out and jolted as the whole thing shot up.

I'm sure all four of them were wondering what they'd gotten themselves into. Both Wendy and Beth had their knees bent, their arms over the top of the basket, pulling it into their chests.

Joe stood free in the middle of the platform. "OK folks. The worst is over. From now on it should be smooth sailing."

June had one hand on the rail and was pointing at something out in the distance. "Look at that."

There was a hawk soaring about a quarter mile from us. Swooping in circles, looking as if he was totally enjoying his flight. All of a sudden he seemed to almost stop, then went into a dive. We all rushed to the side and looked down to see him almost run into the earth. He definitely had something in his talons as he climbed back up and off into the distance.

I think we all realized that we were together on the same side of the basket at the same time. Wendy, Beth and Kathi grabbed on tighter, expecting the basket to tip sideways. The fact that it didn't did more than all the reassurance Joe or I could have given them. The rest of the trip was fairly relaxed. We all kept one hand on the rail for the most part but there wasn't any more frantic grabbing.

It never did get hot. It was warmer than it had been on the ground and we were able to take off our sweatshirts but it never to the hundred degree level that was expected today. The sky was a deep blue with some wispy clouds scattered throughout. Wendy's shirt exclaimed she was PREGGERS.

The Coachella Valley spread out from us in all directions. There are populated areas here and there, housing developments that have spread up over the last ten years or so. Palm Springs in the distance is more established. We could see the tram going up to the mountain near Palm Springs.

Most of what we could see was not developed. Interstate 10 looked like a black snake, making its way across the sand. Homes, trailers, even rusty shacks dotted the landscape but it was mostly sand and cactus.

We just spent the better part of the day floating as the wind took us. Not that it was windy. We felt a gentle breeze, very pleasant. We drifted back west. We saw the windmills in the pass and the casino where we'd eaten last night. There were a lot of cars in both the casino and the Hadley's parking lots.

We had a couple of emergencies, both having to do with Wendy.

About an hour after we were up and everyone was convinced we weren't going to crash and finally relaxed, Wendy hugged me. "I don't feel very well, Pete."

"Are you going to be sick?" I had visions of Wendy leaning over the edge, spewing her eggs onto whoever was unlucky enough to be below us on the ground.

"No. I've got this heartburn. I've gotten it a few times lately. Usually when I eat too fast."

"Well, today would be the day to get it, then."

"Stop it. It hurts. I feel miserable."

"What can I do?"

"Just hold me tight."

I held her to me and she tightened her arms around my back. She would swallow ocassionally in an attempt to stop it.

June came over holding out a tube of Tums. "Here, Wendy. Try a couple of these."

Wendy looked. "I don't want to take anything. The baby."

"It's OK. They're mostly calcium and some flavor. The baby will be fine. All the contortions the heartburn's causing can't be any good for her."

Wendy took one, June convinced her to take three of them. Wendy continued to hold on tight.

After a couple of minutes she relaxed a bit, laid her cheek against my chest and sighed. I kept holding on.

We continued to float, taking in the sights. Beth pointed out what must have been a coyote going after something, probably a jackrabbit.

Shortly after 11, Wendy came up to me and whispered in my ear. "Pete. I have to pee."

"OK. I'll tell Joe to stop at the next gas station."

"I mean it. I have to go. Bad."

"Damn it Wendy, I told you to go before we left."

She was near tears. "I can't help it. I have to pee more now that I'm pregnant."

"OK. I'll do what I can. Joe. We have a problem. Wendy has to pee. Do we hold her over the side or what?" Wendy sucked air and grabbed on tighter. I don't think she liked that idea.

Joe had been through this before. "We don't have to go that far. But most women find it almost as embarrassing." He stuck a finger in a hole I hadn't noticed in the platform and lifted up a door about a foot square. He pulled out a contraption that could only be made for a woman.

It had a plastic hose that went into a container that looked like it could hold several gallons. The end he pulled out had something like a funnel. The usual funnel will sit flat on a table. This one was curved so it would fit fairly snuggly over a woman's pee apparatus.

Wendy looked at it and backed away. Joe smiled. He opened another door and pulled out a short stool and a large towel. He put the stool down and looked at Wendy.

"Welcome to my Ladies Room."

Wendy made me and Joe get on the other side of the balloon. Beth and Kathi held up the towel as Wendy took off her shorts and panties. She sat on the edge of the stool and June handed her the business end of the "potty." Embarrassed as she was, I think it was worse when all of us could hear the trickle of piss hitting the container. It grew in volume as she got into it. She must have peed a minute or more. When she was finally done, Kathi said "Damn."

June pulled a couple of Kleenex out of her purse and gave them to Wendy to wipe herself off. I said "Damn, what else have you got in that bag?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

Wendy got dressed while June held the funnel between two fingers, an arm's length away, over the edge of the basket.

The girls finally dropped the towel. Joe took the funnel and asked If anybody else needed to go. All three of them backed away from him and shook their heads.

Joe put the funnel in it's spot and closed the door. The stool and towel went next. There was no evidence of the incident when he was done. I wondered if the helper on the ground got to take care of the pee bucket.

My father loved to tell us a story of his honeymoon. My grandfather had a brother named Bill who lived in Maryland. I realized when I was about 18 or so that my parents' anniversary was four months prior to my birthday. I'm sure they didn't plan on getting married, much less a honeymoon.

Anyway, they went down to Maryland and met Bill and his wife. I don't know if he'd ever seen his uncle before. I never met the man and I have an idea he and my grandfather didn't get along. He had another brother he just tolerated. I never met Bill.

So, they get to Bill's place and my father is sick. I guess it was the flu. He spent the first few days of his honeymoon in bed, alone, making frequent trips to the bathroom. Mom may have slept in the bed but I doubt they did anything else. After about three days he felt good enough to get out of bed and do something.

Bill had a crab boat. He did some serious crabbing. I'm not sure if that's how he made his living but I got the impression he made some decent money selling what he caught. He would lay out traps, big cages actually. They sat on the bottom, had ropes attached to them and buoys at the other end of the rope. My uncle went out every day and just lifted them up. The sides would seal with the bottom and whatever was inside got a free ride to the surface.

The three of them went out together. I guess Bill pulled up the traps and emptied the crabs into a holding tank of some kind, then re-set the traps. Anyway, they rowed back to shore and Bill took off. Mom and Dad were in the boat and rowed out into the water. They were somewhere within sight of the shore when my father discovered that his diarrhea had not totally disappeared. I guess it was a case of so near yet so far. There was no time to row into the shore and make it up to the bathroom, outhouse, whatever they had.

Dad dropped trou and sat over the edge of the boat. One of the crabs got out and started crawling along the bottom of the boat, its claws out front, snapping, heading directly at Mom. She screamed. A short time later, here come Bill and his wife, running as fast as they can down to the shore to see what the emergency is. Dad was in the middle of emptying his bowels.

The crab was eventually put back where he belonged and Dad got his pants on. That's the most exciting thing that ever happened to them that I ever heard about.

I told the story and it seemed to make things easier for Wendy. The girls laughed when I told it. I shouldn't have been surprised when Wendy said she heard her uncle tell it when she was a kid.

Joe enjoyed the story too. He said "I don't have any crab but I did bring some lunch. Is anybody hungry?"

Everyone agreed we were. I was surprised. I didn't realize the day included lunch.

Joe opened one of the compartments he'd opened before and pulled out four stools. He opened another and got a couple more, then opened a huge Thermos container. He had KFC chicken, potato salad, fresh grapes, watermelon, apples and oranges and sodas. We even got red and white checkered cloth napkins, big enough to use as bibs.