More Than This: A More Novella (6 page)

W
here the hell is Roar
?

The bell had rung for lunch and I didn’t see him anywhere. He’d agreed to sit with me at lunch, but I was currently occupying a table with only Iselin for company.

Iselin poured over her religion book. “We’ve got a two-hour test after lunch,” she explained at my raised eyebrows. “And I hardly got to read last night.”

“What were you so busy with?”

Iselin lived for school, to get good grades. She wanted to be a veterinarian and thus needed near-perfect grades to get in.

“Mum and Dad had a row, and Mum had a complete meltdown.” She shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal. Which, considering how often it happen lately, it wasn’t anymore.

“Are they… okay?” They’d been on the edge of divorce before, but had always managed to stick together through it.

Iselin only shrugged again and bent back over her book.

“Hi, Maria.” Jakob sat down next to me.

Iselin’s head shot up and she stared at him with wide eyes.

“Hi.” Jakob smiled shyly at her, which caused Iselin to blush and look back down at her book.

“Don’t mind her, she’s stressed about a test she’s got after lunch.” I turned to him. “So I had a run-in with Hedda earlier.”

“What did she have to say?” he asked in trepidation. “She didn’t attack you again, did she?”

I shook my head. “I think she just wanted answers.”

“To what?” He honestly seemed confused.

“Well, she asked me what I had that she didn’t.”

He blinked. “Uhh…”

“I didn’t say anything. Well, not about
that
. But I did tell her we haven’t slept together.” I saw Iselin glance up at me from the corner of my eye, but I kept my focus on Jakob.

He bit his lip guiltily. “I kind of told her we had, to get her off my back.”

I snorted a laugh. “Jesus.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay—” Something drew my attention. Several people were standing at the windows, clearly looking at something down in the schoolyard. “What’s going on over there?”

“Don’t know.” Jakob leant forwards so he could look past me.

Voices filtered over to us, broken words that I couldn’t make out to full sentences.

“A fight?” He rose halfway. “Someone’s fighting outside.”

Something heavy settled in my stomach.

Roar had said we’d see each other at lunch, but he wasn’t here. He was known for getting in trouble, known for fighting, and now there was a fight outside—

“Shit.” I was up off my chair and out of the cafeteria before the other two could blink.

I ran down the stairs, trying my best not to trip and fall down them, then jumped the last two. Once I pushed the doors open, I saw a gang of lads gathered out there.

I couldn’t see what they were gathered around, but I had a sick feeling in my stomach.

They yelled, words I couldn’t make out in my panic as I hurried forwards. I pushed past them, and many of them gave me odd looks, but I got into the ring.

And I was right.

It was Roar.

And some other arsehole—one of Jakob’s friends.

“Roar!”

His head whipped around to stare at me—but I shouldn’t have yelled, because the other guy’s fist connected with Roar’s face, bringing him to his knees.

Roar glanced up at me briefly, jaw set, and eyes dark, then he turned and tackled the other guy to the ground.

“Roar, no!”

Why was he fighting one of Jakob’s friends?

I wanted to stop them, but I had nothing on two grown-up lads in a fistfight. I didn’t want to see Roar hurt, and the fist he’d taken to the face earlier had seemed to
really hurt
.

Other people moved into the circle now too—and finally broke the two of them apart.

Jakob was there, pushing his friend back and talking to him in a low voice.

Someone I didn’t know held Roar back, but he struggled in the guy’s grip, eyes only for the one he’d been fighting.

“Roar?” I stepped up in front of him, not quite blocking his view over to Jakob and his friend, but I got his attention.

His expression softened the tiniest bit and he stopped struggling against the guy who held him back. The guy slowly let him go, seemingly unsure if it was wise or not.

I stepped up closer to Roar to look at his face. He still had the black eye his stepfather had given him, and I could see some red swelling on his cheekbone on the other side.

“Shit.” Not only did he have to endure violence at home, but he had to at school too. “What happened?”

He pressed his lips together and glared over my shoulder. “He said something I disagreed with.”

I glanced over my shoulder too, but there was no answers there, so I turned back to frown up at Roar. “You can’t go around and hit everyone you disagree with—”

He turned dark eyes on me. “He said some pretty nasty shit about
you
.”

That brought me up short. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up.

I looked over my shoulder again. Jakob was still conversing in low tones to his friend, who seemed to be arguing his case.

The circle of people that had been gathered when the fight was ongoing now slowly dissipated. I could see Iselin hovering near the doors, but Roar was more important right now.

“Are you, like, defending my honour?” I tried for teasing, but it didn’t seem to lighten his mood any.

“I’m not going to stand by and listen while some arsehole call you a slag.” He clenched his teeth so hard a muscle in his jaw ticked.

That was a kick to the gut.

A slag? Really?

I didn’t bother looking behind me again. It was all probably because of Saturday night, and then because Jakob had told a small lie to Hedda to get her off her back.

“I’m not, you know.” I couldn’t care less about anyone else, but what he thought about me was the most important thing in the world right now.

“I know.” His gaze was inscrutable as he looked down at me. “People just like to talk shit. They do about me all the time.”

And I’d heard a lot of it and taken it to heart. That he was dangerous…

He wasn’t! He could’ve simply walked away, not got involved, but he’d heard someone say something bad about me and he’d dealt with it. Perhaps not in the right way, but he’d dealt with it the only way he knew how.

The bell rang.

“Damn bell,” I murmured. “It always ruins my conversations lately.” I took another step closer to him. If I took just one more, our bodies would be so close we’d press up together. As it was, I only reached out to splay my hand over his stomach. “When are you done with your last class today?”

“At three.”

“Do you have any plans afterwards?”

Please don’t have any plans!

He shook his head, gaze searching my face.

“I’ll wait for you, then. We can talk? Spend time together?”

He nodded now. “That sounds good.”

“Great.” I smiled at him, my gaze zeroing in on his lips. I’d kissed those lips last night and I wanted to do it again—but not in a schoolyard that was still full of people. They were slowly trickling inside, though.

Iselin still stood by the doors, jumping slightly up and down on her feet. She had one rucksack dangling from both of her shoulders.

“I have to go.” I took his hand in mine and squeezed. His knuckles were red and sore. “See you later then?”

He only nodded, but kept hold of my hand as I stepped back. Our arms rose, stretched out, and then we had to let go.

I cast him one last, longing look before I turned to Iselin and relieved her of my bag.

She glanced at Roar, who still hadn’t moved from the spot he’d been standing in. “You and Roar?”

“Yeah,” I said as I held the door open for her.

She slipped inside and I followed close behind her.

“
Roar
, of all people.” She seemed shocked, like she couldn’t believe I’d ever be interested in someone like him.

I didn’t have time to say anything else, to correct her skewered opinion of him. “See you tomorrow, okay?” I didn’t want her to wait for me after school, not when I was seeing Roar after.

As for the rest of the evening… I didn’t know what that would entail, but I hoped there’d be a lot of Roar in it.

I
had
two hours to kill until Roar finished for the day, and I found an empty room to practice in. Since the room belonged to us in music, dance, and drama department, it had a stereo—and I plugged in my phone.

Once the music reverberated through the room, I started moving to it.

Our last class of the day had been dance, so I was still in my gear. A tight leotard and knee-short tights today. I didn’t bother with the shoes, as it was easier to keep my footing when I was barefoot.

Dancing on my own—or with Nik—was always what I preferred. I didn’t have to focus on other people, on having perfect technique, I could simply lose myself in the music and in the dance.

And I did.

I didn’t know how long I was immersed in my own world. All I knew was that the songs ended and blended into a new one, and I danced exactly like how I wanted, without incorporating anyone else’s choreography into it.

At one point, I spun around in a pirouette, and my gaze passed over the door— and Roar stood there.

I spun to a halt, almost losing my balance in surprise.

“It’s not been two hours yet,” I said dumbly.

He chuckled and came further into the room. “The teacher had to leave. Something about a sick child.”

“Oh.” I watched him come closer, nervous and excited all at once. The kiss from last night flashed through my mind—and I wanted it again.

“You’re a great dancer.” His gaze travelled down my body, and his eyes were intense as they took me in.

I should feel self-conscious, considering my tight dancing gear didn’t hide much, but I
didn’t
.

It only made me feel more confident—knowing that he liked what he saw.

“Do you know anything about dance?”

He gave a guilty laugh. “No. But the way you move—”

I took the few steps separating us, hooked my arms around his neck, and leaned up to press my lips to his, effectively shutting him up.

His arms slid around my waist, tightening and pulling me up close. He wore jeans and his leather jacket open over a hoodie almost identical to the one he’d given me.

He felt so good against me, all warm and hard and strong.

If we hadn’t been in school, I would’ve dragged him off to the nearest bed. That’s how much I wanted him—and it was weird, because I didn’t actually
know
him.

Last year, it had taken me months to put out for my ex, and after insistent pouting from him, I eventually did. Roar hadn’t even hinted at sex and here I was, craving it.

“Do you have to work tonight?” I asked eventually, drawing back from our kiss.

“I’ve got Tuesday’s off.”

I slid one hand up his neck, over his jaw, ear, and into his hair. “Can you go home?”

He shook his head.

“Come home with me then.” I stared into his eyes, willing him to say yes.

“You sure?” He stared just as intently back.

“Yeah.” I pressed another kiss to his lips. “I think my uncle’s at work, so we can order take-away. Get it delivered straight to my front door.” I toyed with a few strands of his hair.

He bowed his head a little. “That does sound nice.”

“All right then.” I stepped out of his arms and went over to unplug my phone and shrug into his hoodie. I pulled a pair of joggers from my rucksack over my tights, because otherwise I’d freeze to death when I got outside. Then I grabbed my rucksack, put it over one shoulder, and turned to look at him. “You coming?”

He smiled slightly, nodded, and we walked out side by side. He had a bag thrown over his shoulder.

“Has your step-dad always been a mean bastard?” I asked, then cursed myself for using such crass words. Maybe Roar cared for him, even if he hit him.

“Pretty much.” He glanced briefly at me. “He wasn’t so bad before Mum died though. It was after he started drinking excessively—and got more violent the more he drank.”

“Doesn’t he work?” He had to get money for alcohol from someplace.

“He’s on welfare.” Roar sighed. “So he’s always home, and he use all his money on beer and Vodka. Ever since this year started I’ve contemplating dropping out.” He swallowed audibly. “That way I could get a better job, a full-time one, and move out on my own. But I don’t want to work in a bloody gas station for the rest of my life, so I decided to stick it out another year.”

“You want to do higher education?” I could see how it’d be hard to find a job that paid for a flat and all the bills that brought with it, when he spent every single day at school.

He nodded. “Not quite sure what I want to do. All I know is I don’t want to be stuck in this town, working at the gas station or the supermarket. Still got over a month to think about it, though, so I’ve got time.”

“You’ll figure it out.” I sounded confident. “And if you don’t, you’ve got time to try and fail a little.”

He cast me a wry look. “Do you know what you’re going to do?”

“Yep. I’m going to Trondheim to study psychology. I’ve got a good enough average to get in, as long as I don’t completely mess up my exams so they pull my average down.”

“I figured you’d do more with your dancing.”

“Why does everyone say that?” I exclaimed, but I laughed as I did.

“Isn’t that what you people want? If you take music, dance, or drama during upper secondary, you tend to want to pursue a career in it?”

“Well, I don’t. I love to dance, I do, but I want it to stay fun. I don’t want it to be my job. I don’t want to struggle for the rest of my life. I want a job that pays well, where I know I can get a full-time position. One that I don’t have to worry about.”

He nodded. “That’s a good choice.”

“I know.” I smiled to myself.

All Ben had ever wanted was to live off music, but he currently worked as a bartender. Nik was down in Oslo, studying dance at the Bårdar Academy—and I didn’t doubt he’d succeed, but he had to work hard for it.

I didn’t want dance to be a job. Dance was fun. And it wouldn’t be if I was required to do it to be able to live and pay my bills.

“What do you do all day when you can’t go home?” I asked, wanting to change the subject back to him. I wanted to know
everything
about him.

“Whatever I can.” He tilted his head back to stare up at the cloudy sky. “I stay back at school to do homework. I go out to eat, either at BK or one of the many take-away places around town. I go in early to work, spend some time in the back room. I go for walks. Whatever I can to avoid him.”

I frowned down at the ground. It wasn’t fair that he should live like that. “That’s messed up, Roar.”

“I know. But there’s only a few months left now until school’s over, and as soon as I get in somewhere, I’m gone.”

That made me feel bad, even though it shouldn’t. I didn’t know him—I didn’t have any right to him. And considering how his life was, of course he’d want to get away. I would’ve too.

The house was locked when we came there, which meant Thomas was indeed at work. If Ben was in or not was a guessing game, but he wasn’t on the ground floor anyway.

“What does your uncle do?” He looked around with interest.

“He’s a doctor. Works at the hospital.”

“Has he got any children?” He stopped to look at our school pictures that hung on the walls in the staircase.

“No, none of his own. He’s taken care of my cousin Ben for most of his life. His mum’s dead. And then when our dad… died… he took us in too.”

“Who’s
us
?” He looked at me with interest.

“Me, I’m the youngest, and my older brother and sister. Andreas and Christina.” I pointed them out in each their picture. “Christina’s moved out with her boyfriend. Andreas’ in the army, but his boyfriend Alex comes back here during the weekends.” I couldn’t show him a picture of Alex, because he wasn’t in any of them. He hadn’t been in Andreas’ class.

“You’re lucky to have someone who takes all of you in.” He gazed at my school picture from seventh grade.

“That’s Thomas. He took Alex in too, last year. His parents are shitty. And after his brother celebrated Christmas with us, he comes back here most weekends too with Alex.”

He looked like he couldn’t quite believe it. “And your uncle doesn’t mind? All those people…”

“No, I think he likes it.” I smiled. “Uncle’s great. He’s done so much for all of us. He’s the only one in the family—in his generation and above, anyway—who we keep in contact with.”

“The rest of your family’s bad?”

“Well… yeah. Grandma’s okay, but she lives in Spain, so it’s not often we get to see her. My dad’s dead, Ben’s mum’s dead, and my uncle’s oldest brother… he’s not around. No one wants him around either.” I didn’t like to think about him and how Jo and Jørgen had suffered through their entire childhood.

If Thomas had known what had been going on there, I was pretty sure he would’ve taken them both in too. But they’d kept themselves separated from the rest of the family, so Jo and Jørgen had suffered without anyone being the wiser.

“So it’s not all good in my family either. In fact, some things are pretty bad.” I led him up the stairs. “That’s my uncle’s bedroom.” It was the door to the right. “There’s the bathroom, and that’s Christina’s old room that’s usually Leo’s now, and at the end of the hall… my room.” I opened the door and preceded him inside.

I wished I’d cleaned it better that morning, because clothes and books were scattered around.

Then again, I hadn’t known I’d bring Roar home earlier today.

I dropped my rucksack next to my desk. He tentatively took a seat on the chair, whereas I sat on the edge of my bed.

His foot kept tapping now he sat down, like he was nervous.

Maybe he is
.

“Are you hungry now?” Considering he’d been outside fighting during lunch, I didn’t reckon he’d had anything to eat then.

He shrugged.

“Have you had anything to eat today?” I raised both eyebrows questioningly.

“No,” he admitted, voice low.

“Right then.” I dragged my laptop over and opened it. Once I typed in my password, my browser with all its tabs came up on the screen.

I typed in the URL for my favourite take-away shop, then turned it around to hand him the laptop. “Figure out what you want and I’ll ring and order.”

He took the laptop almost hesitantly, but did as I said.

As he went through the menu I took my phone up from my pocket. Or his, considering the hoodie was technically his.

I had several messages.

I smiled as I scrolled through and read all of her six texts. She did deserve an explanation though, she was my best friend after all, but not by text and not
now
.

Right now I had other, more important things on my mind.

I glanced up at Roar, whose gaze was trained on my laptop. His thumb traced his bottom lip as he read.

Yeah, I’ve definitely got more important things going on right now
.