More Than Her (11 page)

I sat up in bed and looked at my phone, trying to play out the words I was going to use when I told her all this. Except nothing came to me. Nothing at all. Not. one. single. fucking. word.

I didn't call her that night, or the night after. Or any of the nights after that.

Logan

I went back into the party, and drank. Because really? What the hell else was I going to do?

I was drunk.

Girls approached me but I made it clear I wasn't interested. I could still smell her fruity perfume on me and I didn't want another girls scent to cause it to fade.

If you asked me where my balls were right now, I'd tell you she has them. Probably in her pockets while that asshole was making his move on her. I'd say to that asshole, 'Suck it, dude. She has
my
balls.'

"What?" Lucy laughed from next to me. She was as wasted as I was.

"Huh?" We were laying in a trampoline in the back yard. I have no fucking idea why Jake and Micky have a trampoline.

Lucy laughed again. "You just said something about an asshole sucking a dude with my balls."

"What!" I laughed out. "You made no sense! Also, I don't think I was meant to say that out loud."

Then we both laughed.

Once we settled, Lucy sighed, "Are you thinking about her, Logan?"

"Who?"

"Amanda."

"Pshh." I knew she knew something. "Amanda who?" I played dumb.

"Cam told me about the diner
—
how you paid Lachlan to force her to go out with you." She giggled.

"Cam has a big mouth."

She sat up abruptly, gasping, her eyes huge. She was staring at me with her mouth hanging open. She whisper yelled, "Dude! Cam says the same thing about me!"

"What?" I got out through a chuckle.

"Yeah," she said, nodding her head frantically. "He says I have a big mouth, too. You know? When he puts his-"

"Lucy!" I shouted, stopping her from saying what I think she was about to say. I pulled her back down. She laid her head on the crook my arm. "Way too much information," I told her.

"I love Cameron," she informed dreamily, her head getting more comfortable.

"I know you do. He loves you, too."

"No Logan. I mean I
love
him." She sat back up and looked down at me. "I love him so fucking much it hurts sometimes." Her voice broke. "The good hurt, you know?"

I didn't.

"Seriously, if he asked me to marry him right now and have his babies, I'd do it. Instantly. I love him that fucking much."

I smiled at her.

She went back to lying on my arm.

"Also," she continued, "this girl in one of my classes keeps wanting me to warn you that her brother's after you."

I rolled me eyes, "What girl? What do you tell her?"

"I tell her to fuck off. And that she needs to learn to control her hormones. Get it, Logan? WHORE-MOANS? Oh my god. I'm so fucking funny!"

Her laughter made me laugh. "You're my favorite people, Luce." I held on to her tighter.

"Yeah yeah. I have a boyfriend. Don't even try it."

***

An hour or so later, the party died down. Cam came out looking for us. We spent the rest of the time mainly in silence. We stopped drinking though, so we were a bit more clear headed now.

"Hey, babe. We're crashing here. You ready for bed?" he asked.

She didn't move from next to me. She'd fallen asleep. I nudged her. "Lucy, your boyfriend's here."

She slowly woke up, confused, and then saw Cam. "Hey, baby," she cooed. She started to get up but swayed from the motion of the trampoline, or maybe the one too many beers we had.

"How drunk are you, Luce? You drunk enough to let me do that thing you never let me do to you?" I could tell he was only half joking.

She snorted and got off the trampoline and onto his back. He piggybacked her towards the house. "Yo!" Cam yelled out, "You crashing here too?"

I nodded.

What else was I going to do?

***

I was outside on the back deck having a smoke when Lucy walked out. I don't smoke often. Actually, I barely do. Just when I drink. I don't even know why I do it; it's a shitty habit.

Lucy walked out in her pajamas. Purple with pink hearts, like she's 10 or something.

She waved her hand in front of her face to clear the smoke and exaggerated a cough. She pulled the cigarette out from between my fingers and put it out on the railing, then threw it in the bushes in front of us.

"Smoking kills, you know that right?" she said.

I looked away. Lucy's mom died of lung cancer a few years back. I stayed quiet.

"You know how Cam and I met?" she asked out of nowhere.

I leaned my elbows on the rail and looked out to the yard. "Kind of." I shrugged.

She stood next to me and copied my position.

"Cam used to help coach Lincoln and Liam's little league team."

"Yeah." I knew that much.

"Yeah, it was a few years back, before Mom died." Her voice ended in a whisper.

She sniffed once. I don't know if she was crying, or about to, but I didn't look at her. "After Mom died, Cam just started coming around to the house. Every day after school he was there, helping out however he could. I mean, he must've known that we'd be struggling. The first few months without Mom were devastating. Dad
—
he could barely get up in the mornings. I don't know how Cam knew, but he was just there. He pretty much raised the boys the first few months. I mean, I was there too, but so was he..." She stopped to catch her breath and wipe the tears that had developed. "To this day, I don't know why he was. I've asked him a couple times. He just shrugs, and says he just wanted to help. I don't even know when we became a couple. One night we were washing the dishes and he just kissed me, and that was it. For the first few months he was there
every night
, helping me with the boys. Eventually Dad snapped out of the funk and became a dad again...and Cameron and I... we became an
us
."

"Cameron's good people, huh?"

"The best," she agreed.

"So what's up? Why are you telling me this?"

"Because. I don't
—
I just think you should know, that even though he acts like an asshole, and he's crude and obnoxious sometimes, he really is a good guy, and I love him. He's kind of like you, Logan. And one day, you'll find someone that loves you as much as I love him."

I faced her, our eyes locked for the longest time. Then I shook my head, thinking about what happened with Amanda. "I don't think that's going to happen, Luce."

She was quiet for what seemed like years, staring at me. Then a smile broke through. "You don't remember me, do you?"

I looked at her and panicked. This wasn't the first time this had happened. I blew out a breath and looked away from her. I was too embarrassed to face her when we talked about this shit.

"Lucy, I'm sorry. Did I promise to call you? I didn't pop your cherry did I?" I grimaced.

"WHAT!" she gasped. "Ew, that's gross. Yuck, Logan!" She pushed my chest with both her hands.

I fell back a step. "Shit, Lucy. Don't be
that
disgusted. I'm not the worst guy in the world to take your V card." I smirked.

"EW!" she screamed again.

I was all out laughing.

She exaggerated a shudder then calmed herself down. "When we were freshman, I was reading a book under a tree in the quad," she said. "I was a loner back then. These juniors
—
they came up and started picking on me. Two girls and two guys. They grabbed the book from my hands and were being assholes, throwing it between each other. Like we were in fucking grade school, and they were the bullies. I was mortified, Logan. I felt so stupid and...belittled."

"I'm sorry, Lucy." I told her. It was the truth. I fucking hate bullies and anyone that thought it was okay to treat people like shit.

"I know, Logan. I know because you walked up and stood in front of me, shielding me from them. You started yelling at them to give it back. I didn't even know you and you were there. You were big for a freshman. I mean, you've always been big. You were bigger than both those junior boys combined. They gave it back straight away and you handed it to me. You made them apologize to me before they left. Then you made sure I was okay before you just walked away, like what you did wasn't a big deal."

"Huh." I didn't know else to say.

"You don't remember?"

I shrugged. "Sorry, Lucy...I guess I don't."

She smiled. "That night I baked you cookies and left them on your desk in homeroom the next morning."

It began to come back to me
—
the memory. But I don’t remember that it was Lucy.

She kept talking, "I watched you as you walked into the room and saw them sitting there. This huge smile on your face. You opened them, ate one, and gave the rest to Skinny Pete."

Now I remembered.

"Why did you do that, Logan? Give them to Skinny Pete, I mean?"

I shrugged and turned away from her.

She gripped my upper arm and forced me to face her.

"Why?" she asked again.

"Everyone knows that Skinny Pete's family were poor and he barely ate." I shrugged again.

She laughed once. "I had the biggest crush on you for like, months after that day," she said, shaking her head. "You're not such an asshole, Logan. You're one of the best guys I know. Actually, you're
the
best guy I know that I'm not screwing." She chuckled to herself. "One day, you're going to meet that girl that's going to make you want to be with them. And she's going to be so Goddamn lucky, I swear it."

I stayed silent. Because the thing is, I think I already have.

Lucy sighed, leaned up on her toes and kissed my cheek. "Quit smoking, Logan. I don't want to lose you, too," she said, before turning to go back inside. I grabbed her arm to stop her and pulled her to me. I held her. She held me back. I don't know how long we stood, holding on to each other, when she finally pulled away and looked up at me.

I kissed her on the top of her head. "It's the last one I'll ever have, swear it."

It was.

Logan

I woke up the next morning before everyone else and left Jake and Micky's. I got in my car and drove the short distance to my frat house.

When I got up to my room, all my shit was everywhere.

Clothes were thrown all over the place, my mattress was up against a wall. My computer and stereo system had been smashed to pieces.

What the fuck?

Adam, the president of the house walked into my room.

"You're out," he deadpanned.

"What the fuck?"

"I'm sorry, dude. I like you; you're a good guy. But I don't have any sisters. It's been decided. We had a meeting. You're out."

This had to be a fucking joke. "You're kidding right?" He had to be. "Where the hell am I going to live?"

He shrugged.

Fuck.

It was early enough that the rest of the house was still sleeping. Luckily for me, it wasn't too embarrassing.

Once I was in my car, I just sat there.

Where the fuck was I going to go?

Without me realizing it, I started taking the two-hour drive home.

I needed the stable sanity of my own house at the moment. The events of the last few days had worn me out.

I texted Jake and told him what happened. I asked him to get feelers out, see if anyone knew of anywhere I could live. If anyone had connections, it was Jake Andrews.

By the time I got home, I was beginning to feel the lack of sleep mixed with the hangover and just wanted to crash.

I went into the kitchen where Dad was sitting at the counter, eating. It was rare for him to be home on a weekend.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, surprised.

"Thanks. Nice to see you too," I joked. I got a soda out of the fridge and sat down on the counter with him.

"You look
—
uh...good?" he said, a smile pulling at his lips.

"I had a rough night."

He nodded.

It was silent for a few minutes.

Then I said, "I need to talk to you-" the same time he said, "We need to talk-"

We both laughed.

"You go first," I told him.

"Have you spoken to Nathan?"

I shrugged. "Kind of. You know what's happening?"