Authors: Charlotte Carter
The kitchen, with its long butcher block table that could seat ten and walls of walnut cabinets, was about as big as Paige's whole condo. Which, since cooking and entertaining at home weren't on her list of talents, was perfectly fine with her.
She was preparing a pot of coffee when Bryan strolled into the kitchen, letting the screen door bang shut behind him.
Paige flinched, nearly dumping coffee grounds all over the counter. She recalled there was a locked gun cabinet in the mudroom filled with rifles and shotguns. She'd never gone near those guns and hoped to goodness Grandpa was careful to keep it locked when Bryan was around.
“Jay said you were fixing something to eat.” The boy was nearly as tall as Paige and whip-thin. His blond hair and delicate features made him resemble Krissy. She'd never revealed who Bryan's father wasâmaybe she didn't knowâso there was no way to tell what genes the man had contributed to the boy's appearance.
“Grandpa isn't hungry, but I can fix you a roast beef sandwich, and there are lots of salads crammed in the refrigerator.”
“The same stuff they had at the church?”
“Yes. The ladies were very nice to let us bring the leftovers home.”
He made a gagging noise. “I'll fix my own sandwich.”
“Up to you. Don't you want to wash your hands first?”
He shot her a startled look. “They aren't dirty.”
“You've been out there with the horses, haven't you?”
“Sure, but that's no big deal.” He dragged the plate of sliced roast beef from the refrigerator and plopped it on the counter.
Her career in the hospitality business, particularly at an Elite Hotel property in Seattle, had taught her cleanliness was crucial not only for the health of the staff and guests, but for the hotel's reputation as well.
“Bryan, please. Wash your hands before touching the food.” Who knew what he might have picked up in the barn or stable?
“Mom always said a few germs won't hurt anybody,” he grumbled. He turned on the faucet in the sink, waved his hands under the water and turned it off. “You happy now?”
Not even close. But Paige wasn't Bryan's mother. She needed to give him a break. The poor kid was hurting and likely looking for someone to rail against.
Assuming he had won the battle, Bryan rubbed his hands on his jeans, which looked like he'd worn them to roll around in the dirt. Paige squeezed her eyes shut.
Leave him be. You're not his mother.
Jay chose that moment to saunter in the back door, all long legs and lean body, his old tan-colored cowboy hat perched on the back of his head. He tossed his hat on a peg in the mudroom, then walked into the kitchen. A ring of sweat made his dark hair glisten where his hat had rested.
“What are you doing, kid?” he asked.
“Fixing myself a sandwich.” Bryan found a loaf of bread in the bread box, a jar of mayonnaise in the refrigerator and put them on the counter beside the plate of meat.
“Don't go messing with that stuff until you wash up,” Jay said.
“I did. She saw me.” He cocked his head toward Paige.
“Let me see.” Jay took one of the boy's hands, turning it palm up. “Yeah, right. I've seen cowboys spit and get their hands cleaner than that. Go use some soap in the bathroom.”
“Aw, come on. I'm hungry.”
“You won't starve.” He turned the boy by his shoulders, shoving him gently toward the half bathroom that was just inside the back door.
Bryan stomped away, his boots heavy on the hardwood floor, and slammed the bathroom door.
Paige winced. “I was going to give him a pass on his dirty hands. I know he's upsetâ”
“He's a kid. He needs to be told what to do.”
“I thought this one time, he said his mother neverâ”
“Krissy probably didn't. She wasn't much for discipline.” He helped himself to a couple slices of bread and a big chunk of meat.
“And you think it's okay for
you
to discipline him?”
He slathered mayonnaise on the bread. “Sure. Kids are like horses. They have to learn who's boss. They're happier if they know the rules.”
Paige didn't like the idea of Jay comparing her nephew to a horse. Granted, the boy smelled like one. But he was still a child, not a horse to be broken of his bad habits.
Bryan returned to the kitchen, sullen but with clean hands.
“Get a couple plates down,” Jay ordered, his tone easy and casual. “You can have this sandwich and I'll make another one for myself. Pour us both some milk, would you?”
Without balking, Bryan did as he was told.
Still holding the can of ground coffee, Paige looked on with amazement and a fair amount of admiration. Bryan appeared quite content to follow Jay's orders. Clearly Jay knew more about raising boys than she had ever hoped to learn. Her focus on her career, and her ambition to move up to a position of manager of one of Elite Hotel's European properties didn't leave room for marriage or raising a family. Maybe someday, of course. But not in the foreseeable future.
So far no man had made an effort to tempt her to change her mind.
She watched as they sat down together to eat their sandwiches, then remembered Grandpa and the snack she'd promised him. Hurriedly, she got the coffee going and found a plate for the home-baked cookies.
She was just pouring his mug of coffee when Grandpa came into the kitchen.
“Since everybody is here, guess it's time we all had a talk.” He sat at the head of the table and placed a large manila envelope beside him.
Paige delivered his coffee and cookies.
“Sit down here, child.” Grandpa indicated the seat next to him. “It's important you hear what I got to say.” He glanced down the table. “You, too, boy. Pay attention now.”
An uneasy feeling raised the hair on her nape as Paige slipped onto the chair. Grandpa sounded so serious; something monumental must be on his mind. Could his health be failing? He seemed especially tired and stooped, which wasn't like the grandpa she knew. Maybe he was going to sell the outfitting business and retire?
“Now then, we all know that Krissy could be reckless sometimes, but she did do some planning ahead. I'll give her credit for that. 'Course, I did prod her a bit.” Clearing his throat, he pulled some papers from the envelope. “Your ma loved you, Bryan. Don't you ever forget that.”
The boy poked his finger into his sandwich, making a hole in the soft bread.
“After your parents passed on a few years ago, Paige, I sat Krissy down to have a long talk about Bryan.”
The boy looked up. “What'd you say?”
“Hang on a minute, son. I'm getting to that.” His hand shook as he took a sip of coffee. “The point is she wanted to make sure Bryan was well taken care of if something should happen to her.”
A band tightened around Paige's chest. Her little sister had actually worried about what would happen to her son if she had died prematurely. Grandpa must have been very persuasive. A swell of love for him and her sister filled her chest.
“She made arrangements for Bryan?” she asked.
“Yep.” Grandpa nodded and patted the papers he'd pulled out of the envelope. “She wrote out sort of a will, not that she had much money to leave to anyone. But she had her son. If worse came to worst, she wanted to be the one to name the person who'd raise her son. Be his guardian.”
Paige's breath lodged in her throat. Maybe Krissy had finally named the boy's father and wanted him to care for his son. Take responsibility at long last.
Grandpa shoved the papers toward Paige. “Krissy wanted you to raise him, child. Raise him like he was your own.”
Paige's mouth opened. Not a sound came out. She'd been named Bryan's
guardian
?
Why in the worldâ
She'd always assumed Grandpa would be there if anythingâ
She couldn't possiblyâ
Looking to the other end of the table, she realized Jay and Bryan were as shocked as she was. Both of them struck dumb.
As if the words Grandpa had spoken had finally registered, Bryan's eyes widened. His face turned red. He leaped to his feet.
“I don't want her to be my guardian!” he screamed. “I want my mom!” Knocking over his chair, Bryan raced from the room and out the back door.
Stunned, Paige sent up a heartfelt prayer.
Please, Lord, what am I supposed to do now?
Chapter Two
P
aige pushed back her chair. “I'd better go after him.”
“No, I'll go.” Jay stood, yanking Bryan's chair upright again. His brows and mouth drew into a disapproving scowl. “You and Henry need to talk.” Grabbing his hat on the way, Jay went out the back door. The screen slammed behind him.
She exhaled. Someone really needed to fix that door.
Turning to her grandfather, Paige shook her head. “Why on earth did Krissy want me to raise her son? She and I have never been close. I hardly know Bryan, or even his likes and dislikes. It seems to me you should be Bryan's guardian. You and Grandma took care of him from the time he was born.” More so than Krissy ever had, Paige suspected.
“Me and Krissy talked a lot about what to do if something happened to her. Since your folks were gone, we are the only blood relatives around.”
Paige had been stunned when her parents had sold the hardware store and moved to Arizona. Competition from big-box stores had finally driven them out of business. It turned out that decision, followed by a high-speed car crash, had been a fatal one.
“Thing is, I'm getting old,” Grandpa continued. “I don't have many years left. We both figured I might not be around long enough to see the boy through to being a man.”
Her heart lurched. “Are you ill?”
“No, child, not that I know about anyway. And the truth is, Krissy loved you more than you might've realized.” He took her hand, and she felt him tremble.
“I love...
loved
Krissy, too, Grandpa. We're sisters.” An ache rose in her chest. “But I didn't really
know
her. How could I? We haven't lived under the same roof for more than a dozen years.”
“I know this isn't something you expected. 'Course, Krissy didn't exactly expect to die young either, I don't suppose. But she was clear about her wishes. I told her she ought to talk to you. See if raising her boy the rest of the way would be all right with you.”
“That would have at least given me some warning.” Talk about being blindsided. This was as bad as a thousand good ol' boys in funny hats showing up at the hotel registration desk for a Shriners' convention that wasn't on her calendar.
If Krissy had asked, Paige would have told her right off that she wasn't prepared to be any child's parent. Certainly not a boy on the cusp of adolescence.
“I reckon she was afraid you'd say no,” Grandpa said.
“I would have, Grandpa.” That admission brought the heat of guilt to her cheeks. What kind of a rotten aunt did that make her? “What do I know about raising a boy? A boy who's about to be a teenager? I can't even imagine how I'd manage. And he sure wasn't keen on the idea. You saw that.”
He sipped his coffee, then took a bite of a chocolate-chip cookie. “He'll adjust to the idea, given enough time.”
“The way he acted, we'll both be old and decrepit before he's thrilled with the idea of me being his guardian. I'm practically a stranger to him.” Granted, she should have tried harder to get to know him. But given her life, her goals, she'd have to make huge adjustments in order to do a decent job of raising him. And Bryan would have to leave everything and everyone who was familiar to him. What in the world had Krissy been thinking?
“In those papers I gave you, there's a letter from Krissy. There's probably no law that says you have to take on the boy. But maybe there's something in there that'll make you change your mind.”
Paige sincerely doubted it. But could she actually walk away from her responsibility to Bryan, her only nephew, however ill-advised Krissy's wishes might be?
* * *
Finding Bryan right where he'd expected, Jay leaned over the railing of Bright Star's stall. A palomino gelding with a blaze on his forehead, the horse had been Bryan's personal mount and his responsibility since the boy's ninth birthday.
Archie, a border collie mix that hung around the stable, rested her nose on Bryan's thigh as though she sensed the boy's distress and wanted to help. Oddly enough, when the dog had shown up a year or so ago, Bryan had started calling her Archie before he realized the dog was a girl. The name had stuck.
“You okay?” Jay asked.
Bryan lifted his head, his eyes red rimmed. He wiped his nose with his forearm. “What's all this stuff about her being my guardian?”
Jay wondered about that, too. Paige Barclay seemed the least likely person he knew to take on a half-grown kid. She hadn't looked too happy about the idea, either. Which couldn't have made Bryan feel any better.
“Guess your mom wanted to be sure you had somebody to look after you.”
“Not Aunt Paige!” He tossed aside a bit of straw he'd been chewing. “She's weird. She dresses prissy and doesn't even know how to ride a horse.”
Jay wouldn't call the way Paige dressed prissy. More like citified and fancier than folks around Bear Lake dressed, that was for sure, but nice. Appealing to a man's eye.
“Lots of people don't know how to ride,” Jay said. Krissy had made a few snide comments about Paige's disinterest in horses. So why had she chosen her sister to be her son's guardian? A kid who lived and breathed horses? Made no sense.
“Why can't Grandpa be my guardian?” Bryan scratched Archie between her ears and got a lick of thanks in return.
“Your mom must've had her reasons.” Jay couldn't figure out what they were. But then, he'd never figured out what Krissy was all about, either. “Maybe she thought Henry was too old.”
“I know what we can do.” The boy pushed Archie away and jumped to his feet. “You can take care of me. You're not too old.”
Jay did a double take. His heart pounded in his ears. Him? The boy's guardian? Would that make sense?
“I'm not a blood relative, Bryan.”
“What difference does that make? You like me, don't you?”
The boy's agitation and raised voice caused Bright Star to shift away from him. Bryan patted the horse's rump to reassure him.
“Yeah, I like you fine. But it's your mom's decision, not mine.”
“Don't I get a say? I mean, isn't there somebody I can tell that I don't want prissy ol' Aunt Paige? They can't make me go off with her, can they?”
“I don't know, son.” Jay had no idea what the law was about guardianship, but it did seem like Bryan was old enough to speak his mind to a judge or somebody like that. “Tell you what, there's no reason to panic. Your aunt looked as surprised as you were about your mom's request. Let's give it some time, see how everything shakes out.”
“I can tell you one thing.” Bryan stuck out his chin like a prizefighter challenging his opponent. “For sure I'm not moving to Seattle, if that's what she or anybody else decides. I'm staying right here with you and Grandpa and Bright Star.”
Jay wasn't sure Bryan would have a choice, but he sympathized with the kid's situation. The boy's life was bound to change after his mother had tried to jump a gully that was too wide for the horse to make. She should've known better.
Even if Paige wasn't scared spitless of horses, he sensed she wouldn't ever do something that foolhardy.
* * *
A tear dropped on the letter Krissy had written to Paige. She'd brought the envelope with the letter to the room which had once been Grandma Lisbeth's sewing room. Now it served as a guest room with a narrow daybed.
Her fingers shook as she reread portions of Krissy's final message.
“I always wanted to be like you,” Krissy had written in her swirling, overly dramatic handwriting.
You were so perfect, never getting into trouble like I did. Even when I tried to be good, I messed up. Like the time I dumped all the nails in one bin at the store because I thought that would look neater.
I thought Mom and Dad would love me more if I did something good for a change like you did all the time.
Paige pressed her lips together and her chin trembled as she remembered how furious their father had been. Poor Krissy hadn't realized nails came in different sizes and were separated for a reason. Neither their mother nor father had given Krissy credit for trying.
Paige had done as usual and made herself invisible in the back room. Why in the world hadn't she helped Krissy?
Because you were a coward! You didn't want your parents to be angry with you.
Finally, as time passed, Paige had realized that Krissy had stopped trying.
Paige sniffed and wiped away her tears. “I'm so sorry, Krissy,” she whispered. “I should've helped you. I should've been a better sister.”
Blinking, Paige continued reading the letter.
I know I used to drive you crazy by following you around. But I wanted to see how you did it, how you never seemed to get into trouble.
That's what I want for Bryan. I haven't been a real good mom, but I love my son more than I can ever say.
It just seems like I always want to see what's around the next bend in the trail, thinking maybe I'll find the answer I'm looking for somewhere out there. Fact is, I've never figured out what the right question is.
If you're reading this, it means I took a wrong trail and now Bryan really needs you. He needs your stability, the way you have your head on straight, your ambition and your goodness.
I couldn't give him those things. I don't know how. But you can. Please, Paige, take care of my son for me. I love him more than anything in the world.
I love you, too.
I know Mom and Dad would want you to do this.
Kristine
Paige gulped down a whole bucket of guilt.
Mom and Dad would want you to do this.
She blew her nose and wiped her eyes. She slipped the letter back into the envelope, which also contained a copy of Krissy's handwritten will, Bryan's birth certificate and a record of his vaccinations up to three years ago.
She'd failed her sister. Like their parents, she'd ignored Krissy's efforts to fit in, to be loved despite the fact she sometimes messed up.
Leaving the envelope on the daybed, she stepped outside onto the side porch from the sewing room.
Her grandfather owned sixty or seventy acres of land, most of it undeveloped. Paige had only explored a small portion as a child.
In the late afternoon rays of sunlight, the new needles on the pine and fir trees glistened bright green. Aspen trees down by the lake, which had shed their leaves for the winter, with the arrival of spring shimmered iridescent flashes of green in the light breeze. Not far away, Paige could hear Moccasin Creek flowing with snowmelt from the mountains that rose above Bear Lake.
Springtime was a wonderful time to be alive and a lousy time to die.
Tears sprang to her eyes again, and her vision blurred. “Why didn't you tell me all this when you were alive?”
Paige would have tried harder to get to know Krissy. Understand her.
A painful laugh broke from her throat. What a joke! Krissy had recently celebrated her twenty-seventh birthday. Paige had had all that time to help her little sister and she'd done squat.
Now she had a second chance. With Bryan.
If
he'd let her try.
* * *
It was nearly dark and Grandpa was sleeping in his recliner when Bryan finally came in the house. He marched right past Paige, who was sitting on the couch reading, and went to his room. He slammed the door.
Patience, Paige.
The youngster was facing a big change in his life. Little wonder he was upset.
Grandpa mumbled something and went right back to sleep.
Sighing, Paige got up and walked down the hall. She knocked softly on Bryan's door. “It's me. Can I come in?”
“Go away!”
“I think we ought to talk, Bryan. This is all new to me, too.”
Her plea was met with silence.
“Could I at least give you a hug? I know you miss your mother.” She'd hugged Bryan when she had arrived yesterday, but his response had felt more perfunctory than loving. Understandable given the situation and the fact that she hadn't seen him in months.
She heard what sounded like a boot dropping to the floor in Bryan's room. A moment later, the other boot followed the first.
“Your mother loved you very much,” she said to the closed door. “When she picked me to be your guardian, she thought it was the right thing to do.” Paige intended to follow her sister's wishes as best she could. “Please, it won't hurt to talk, will it? I'm sure we can work things out together.” That, at least, was her prayer.
The knotty-pine door remained firmly closed, the boy's displeasure radiating through the wooden barrier without the need for words.
Paige hated confrontations. She had since she'd been a child. Although she'd learned how to deal with difficult situations in her position at the hotel, she didn't think now was the time to push her luck. She'd let Bryan sleep tonight. Hopefully he'd be better able to listen and understand the situation in the morning.
Returning to the living room, she stood looking at her grandfather. There were definite signs of aging. He didn't move as fast as he used to and she'd noticed he'd become breathless walking into the church for the funeral service. She feared the difficulty was more than the stress of losing his granddaughter.
Maybe Krissy had been right not to rely on their grandfather to see Bryan into adulthood. As much as Grandpa loved the boy, and Bryan loved him, the court might not even accept Grandpa as a viable candidate for guardian.
Too restless to read, and with no interest in checking what might be on the television, Paige decided to step outside for a breath of air and clear her head.
She retrieved her jacket from the sewing room and went out onto the front porch.
The spring air had a snap to it. She stepped off the porch and wrapped her arms around herself. The stars in the darkening sky twinkled in the clear air, a view rarely seen in Seattle. As she watched, more and more stars began to appear, each one filling its special place in the heavens.