Moho (Part One: Rise of a Symbol) (11 page)

My Meditosis therapy with Ravi increases exponentially in boredom and provides absolutely no benefit besides a happy Maya who is still concerned about my ‘sickness’. I'm stuck in the meditation part because Ravi thinks I haven't understood the absurdity of violence yet and so we can't move on to the hypnosis part. That is actually fair criticism and I don't support his efforts by sneaking out to Crystal Cave with Vijay on most nights. The Meditosis sessions offer a dearly needed break in my busy daily schedule and I tend to doze off once in a while. Sometimes I sleep until Ravi ends the session. The first time that happened I was really embarrassed and started blushing but Ravi couldn't have been more understanding. He told me that I had expanded into a deeper level of meditation and he considered that great progress. He even apologized for disrupting me. That was such a dumb comment from such a smart guy that I didn't bother to correct him. So once in a while I just sleep through a therapy session
, which makes both of us happy.

Pure happiness is also what my nights with the Anonymous Sickos give me. I do realize that I sabotage any potential benefit Meditosis could give me by constantly satisfying my need for revenge, but it's so much fun and I'm getting really good at it. It also sort of fulfills the promise Aleeya made to Xerxes about teaching me how to control my abilities because I’ve never seen her since that night when I attacked Pax.

In the first weeks, I felt Pax all around me, like she was going to find out about AS or like she was about to launch her announced attack. But I haven't seen or heard of her since Xerxes' announcement, which lets the threat she theoretically poses fade. Still, I secretly wonder if Ravi and Maya followed through with their plan to remove Pax from Cosmo's Islands. Such a deed would be contradictory to their moral values but their intense fear of Pax further harming the reputation of Cosmo's Islands and by extension their own ‘elite standing in naveekind’ may have compromised their character. Either way, I'm not going to voice my thoughts because the relationship I have with Maya is great as it is. I agree with Vijay that there are things in a relationship that are best not said out loud. I'm also afraid that Maya knows more about me than she lets me know and I don't want to give her a reason to put my secrets into words and our relationship to an end.

If Maya isn't tutoring me or learning one of the very few things left for her to learn, she spends her time campaigning to increase her chances of getting summoned. The campaign is an endless series of small parties at the different departments, organizations
, and clubs of Cosmo's Islands. Leila, Vera, and Skyler, the other nominees, usually show up by themselves but Maya often asks me to join her. I like to think that she asks me because she wants to spend time with me, which may actually be one reason but the possibility that my presence gets her more attention has certainly crossed her mind. People are still excited to meet me because of my mysterious selection but that topic of conversation always exhausts itself rapidly because I know just as little about it as they do.

The whole idea of a campaign that consists of flattering people that apparently have no say in The Spring's eventual decision seems absurd. And yet
, everyone involved loves it. It's one of their core traditions. And at times it can be fun. I get to meet pretty much every single mentor in person. They tend to be very unique characters. Nouvel, the Head of the Department for Inter Mind Connectivity and mentor of the practical session 'Predictions about Future Predictions', doesn't talk at all and instead uses TNOP and INOP to share his thoughts and mental images. Sookee, the Head of the Department for Essence-Body Connectivity and mentor of the practical session 'Dream Creation', is possibly half my size. When she runs around at parties late at night, I feel the urge to pick her up and bring her to bed. However, she is a genius and was a central figure in the creation of CEBOS. She is fun to talk to but mostly because what she says is so incredibly difficult to follow that talking to her is like talking to an alien. She probably knows what happened to Pax because Pax was her assistant and sometimes I want to ask her but I don't feel like I can talk to her about the real world.

All in all, Maya and I spend a lot of time together but without really getting to know each other. The most intimate moments we had, were our first meeting which is available on MNOP for everyone to see and our first and only date night on the Red Island which isn't publicly available because both Maya and I put it behind our Wall
of Secrets. Sometimes, when the moment feels right, I try to deepen our relationship. We haven't even kissed once yet. But the world of physical contact is foreign to her. Considering the fact that handshakes and hugs had been foreign to her until she met me, I guess I have to take things very slowly. However, I did manage to show her the benefits of holding hands and sometimes she even takes the initiative and grabs my hand. Like on this warm and clear evening after another of her campaign parties. We walk from the Green Island, where we attended the cyclical ‘Emanation Bash’ of the Visual Aura Club, over to our favorite spot nearby the Springtreegrove on Center Island. We sit down in the long, soft grass under an old tree, overlooking Bird Beach, the setting sun and The Spring. A slight breeze keeps messing up Maya's perfectly straight hair but she keeps straightening it. She still does that. She still cares. That's cute.

But something is off with her tonight. I immediately noticed that when I picked her up at her dorm on Element Islands on our way to the party. It's like she has made a conscious decision to tear down her emotional barriers. I can literally watch how she is working hard to replace her partially adorable uptightness with
appealing lax playfulness. She spends most of the evening on my side and is uncharacteristically chatty. I want to ask her what is going on but the old Maya would have retreated into her shell immediately if I had and I don’t entirely trust the authenticity of the new Maya yet.

She is sitting next to me and talks about how Aco, a member of the Visual Aura Club, told her that her aura is visibly enlarged tonight. I know all of that. I was there with her. And she knows that I know. We also both know that there's obviously nothing visible about her aura. Or any other aura. But I like looking at her and so I just let her go on. When she starts repeating Aco's advice on how to maintain and further enlarge an aura, I spread my legs and signal her to sit down in between them. She stops talking and gives me her ‘What are you doing, Moho? I’m Maya and I’m innocent’-look but she eventually stands up and sits down in front of me with her back towards me. She leaves space between us and so I scoot towards her until my belly and her back touch. I feel the tension in her body and hug her belly from behind. Then she continues talking and after a while she puts her hands on mine and plays with my thumbs. She leans back and rests her body on mine. I smell her hair
and it smells like cherry, vanilla, and something else. Just like it did on our date night many months ago. That something else brings back memories of Victor whom I still think about frequently. I can feel how Maya's body pushes my little, warm Springstone into my chest. She must feel it but she doesn't complain.

We just relax like this on the grass for some time. The sun is setting rapidly and the moons and the distant glow of The Spring start lighting the scene. I don’t hear what she is saying and I don’t know what I’m saying but I see her and she feels good. And so
, hours fly by as we are falling out of persona and into love.

Late at night, when both of us yawn simultaneously, she turns around to look straight into my eyes. She is smiling but she is also working hard to keep this new version of herself going. Then she takes a deep breath before she asks me something that ends our time together - and not only for tonight.

“Moho,” she says seriously.

“Maya,” I repeat jokingly.

“I have been thinking about us lately… and I have to go home tomorrow. What do you think about coming with me?”

"This morning, when I woke up, I had this feeling that Maya would come home today. I felt like she wanted to spend this day with us, just as we used to," one of the two teenage girls tells slowly. The middle-aged man on her left side reaches out his arm and gently strokes her left cheek.

"Maya has made her decision a long time ago. She hasn't returned for any of the finales during any of the cycles since her selection," the middle-aged woman claims.

"But this cycle is different. It's her last chance," the middle-aged man argues. "She loved our tradition."

"Maya has moved on to better things. We can't compete with Cosmo," the woman concludes. It takes a while until I realize that I'd seen that woman in Maya's INOP during our date night.

The four are roasting exotic fruits on a pile of Hotstones. There are so many fruits that they are arranged in layers. A few
had fallen off the Hotstones and lie on the ground. It looks delicious, though. The sea breeze carries the smell of tofu, onions, pepper, and soy across the backyard all the way up to their little airy cottage on top of a hill overlooking the ocean. If it wasn’t for the six bed-sized Nightstones loosely arranged between the curvy, skewed walls under the shelter of the roof, the cottage wouldn’t be identifiable as one. The wind freely flows through the holes in the walls and the roof, and there are even a few palm trees peeking through the roof. Their home is far, far away from Cosmo's Islands but the golden-white glow of The Spring is still visible under the two full moons in the starry sky.

A young man and a stunning young woman appear out of the darkness when they are passing the innumerable colorful Glowing Stones scattered in the long grass of the backyard. They greet and hongi the two girls, Maha and Enyo, the man, Yo-Yo, and the woman, Lee. Then the young man, Kai, and the young woman, Reem, sit down on the last two remaining Nightstones.

"Smells delicious," Reem notices correctly.

"Even after all this time, this pre-finale dinner still reminds me of Maya." Kai sighs. "I have been thinking about her lately and I’m still hoping that she will let us celebrate her creationday with her one last time."

"Me too. I haven't even met her yet," Reem sighs.

"This morning, Reem and I created a 'Happy Creationday' memory for Maya and published it on MNOP. We were hoping she would let us know that she saw it," Kai says.

"She won't," Lee snaps.

Ma
ya and I are standing by the cottage but no one notices us. At first she wanted to interrupt their conversation the moment we arrived but when the conversation turned to Maya, she held me back and we started to eavesdrop from afar.

"What is creationday?"
I think to Maya.

"It's the day in the cycle when The Spring created you. Some navees celebrate it each cycle,"
Maya thinks to me.

"Happy Creationday, then!"

"Thanks."

"I think my creationday was the day before Springday."

"That's correct. I've checked it."

Silence. Then Reem tries to revitalize the conversation.

"Once in a while, Kai and I watch her on MNOP," Reem explains.

"She is barely recognizable any more… Did you guys know that she spends every single moment with Moho?" Kai asks.

"I'm not surprised. She has always been drawn to fame," Lee responds.

Maya is getting more impatient by the minute, and now that their truth becomes too painful for
her to bear, she tries to make herself heard.

"Hey," she says
, but only I can hear her.

"Come on," I encourage her, but she hesitates. I walk down the hill, towards the group until I step on something sharp hidden under the long grass. It’s one of the innumerable pieces of basalt sprinkled around the area. Lee and Yo-Yo live nearby several volcanoes, most of them active. One is so scarily close to the ocean and their home that I can see lava crawling into the ocean right from their backyard.

Maya is still hesitating and so I go back, grab her hand and we make our way down the hill together. Her hand is sweaty and she is walking even slower than she usually does. They hear our steps in the grass and turn around before we reach them. Their chatter stops immediately but their mouths stay wide open. Everyone looks flabbergasted.

"Hey
…" Maya repeats shyly.

Their mouths open even further. They look so dumbfounded. And a little dumb to be entirely honest. I’m not even sure if we’re welcome.

Yo-Yo, the middle-aged man, collects himself first and hongis Maya.

"You are here. You are actually here. Right here," he says, more to himself than to her.

"Yeah, I guess," Maya agrees with only slightly less disbelief. "You know Moho."

"Sure," Yo-Yo says and we hongi.

One after the other, Kai, Reem, and Maha stand up and hongi us. Lee, the middle-aged woman doesn't bother to move and neither does Enyo, the younger of the two girls. Maya is very happy to see them again and so are they. Kai and Reem are very likable and warm. Yo-Yo and Maha are nice but something about my presence irritates them.

After we're done hongiing, they all take their seats again. Maya observes Lee who simply stares at
a pile of Hotstones in front of her. Then Lee stands up and walks away. Enyo plays with a dark-red Glowing Stone about the size of her fist. It's a Cherrystone. I wonder why she would touch it because a Cherrystone actually sucks heat out of anything that’s warmer than itself. And it doesn’t emit any light.

There are three small Nightstones lined up next to Kai that I hadn't seen from the cottage. I walk towards them to sit down but before I can bend my knees, Kai puts his arm on my back and shakes his head.

"Lee brought you two seats," Kai says and points towards Lee who drops two small Sunsetstones nearby the Hotstones. Sunsetstones are orange-red and while they aren't hot, they emit way too much heat to sit on in this tropical climate.

"I'm sure we have two bigger and cooler Glowing Stones for our guests," Yo-Yo says to Lee.

"No. Just as we don’t have enough food," Lee says and sits down on her big, soft, cool Nightstone.

Lee's statement feels like an insult in light of the abundance of food in front of us and the abundance of Glowing Stones all around us. The backyard is littered with the largest Glowing Stone collection I've ever seen, illuminating the lawn in every imaginable color. It's dizzying. There are white Icestones, orange-red Sunrisestones, blue Skystones, purple Lavenderstones, pink Peonystones, peach Palashstones, multicolored Rainbowstones
, and dozens of other kinds of Glowing Stones. And there are several more dark Nightstones like the ones everyone else is sitting on. Maya simply sits down on her Sunsetstone without saying a word. So I feel like I can't say anything either and just sit down on mine. It's uncomfortably warm and uncomfortably hard.

"I'm glad you could take time out of your busy schedule to grant us a visit," Yo-Yo says. "That's just great."

"Yeah, awesome!" Kai agrees.

"Wonderful!" Reem says.

"Huge!" Maha adds before all heads turn to Lee.

"Terrific," Lee says reluctantly.

Now all heads turn to Enyo but she doesn't participate. She doesn't even look up but keeps turning the small Cherrystone in her hands instead.

"Good," Yo-Yo says in an attempt to change the course of conversation. That intention is lost on everyone else and so the listing continues.

"Cool," Kai says.

"Marvelous," Reem says.

"Super," Maha says before all heads turn to Lee once more. She remains silent this time.

"Ok, I'm not that busy," Maya clarifies to some laughter from the group.

The friendly faces of everyone except Lee and Enyo are staring at us. I don't really know what to say and Maya isn't making any attempts either. So we all quietly smile at each other until Reem breaks the silence.

"This is your first cycle as
a tutor, isn't it? You must be really excited. How is it going?" Reem asks Maya.

"I'm not sure. I'm doing my best," Maya answers.

"She's amazing," I say and put my right hand on her left knee. For a split-second, everyone, including Lee and Enyo, stares at my hand on her knee. So I take my hand off her knee just as suddenly.

"You had quite a special selection. Kai and I were wondering why that happened," Reem asks.

"I'm still wondering this myself," I admit.

"Moho didn't even have to try out in a previous cycle," Maya says proudly.

"Look at that. Isn't that curious?" Yo-Yo says in a slightly accusatory tone. "Maya, you know, had to hone her skills for cycles until Cosmo selected her. And he made her try out at three different selections."

"Well, it all turned out all right, didn't it?" I say to Yo-Yo. "And I wasn't aware that you went through so much trouble," I say to Maya. She merely waves her hand and smiles as if she hadn't tried that hard to get selected.

"She gave her childhood for Cosmo's Islands," Yo-Yo says to me.

"What a determined Maya you have," I remark.

"Had," Yo-Yo corrects me.

"Her determination certainly hasn't faded," I argue.

"No, certainly not," Yo-Yo replies and the conversation pauses again. His eyes don’t linger on me but his resentment is palpable nonetheless. The fear of being considered unworthy of my selection was on my mind in the beginning of my time at Cosmo’s Islands. I expected to be hit by jealousy the moment I first saw all the other learners in the Springtreegrove on my very first day. Now, however, I feel treated unfairly, especially since the remark eventually came from an outsider like Yo-Yo and not from a fellow Islander. And while I still understand his feelings to some degree, his resentment is somehow unjustified because I didn’t turn out to be the failure that I had anticipated to be. I’m no Maya, I know that, but who is? There is a lot left to learn but I think I’ve done alright so far. Then Reem interrupts my thoughts.

"Are you two excited for the finale tomorrow?" she asks us.

I don’t know what she is talking about and look to Maya for help. She bites off a big chunk off her fruit and chews it slowly until she finally swallows it. Somehow she is trying to avoid an answer but everyone is still waiting for hers when her mouth is empty again.

"I’m not going. I think I will watch it at home," Maya says.

"Don't be silly. Why would you watch it on MNOP at the cottage if you can watch it live at the arena?" Kai asks Maya.

"I meant I will watch it on MNOP at Cosmo's Islands," Maya clarifies.

"Oh, I see," Kai responds. The fact that Maya considers Cosmo's Islands her home now is like a slap in the face - and not just for Kai but for everyone.

"Moho, you are coming, right?" Reem asks. I'm not sure how to react here. I guess I would like to find out what this tournament is about but that won't go over well with Maya. I look over to her but she keeps eating her fruit without looking at me.

"Well, then I guess, yes?" I sort of ask Maya.

"I'm sure you know what you are doing," Maya says to me but without looking at me.

My level of comfort is declining rapidly and not just because of Maya's attitude. Lee dropped our seats really close to the pile of Hotstones, mine closer than Maya's, and I didn't dare to move it away from the Hotstones under Lee's strict eyes. So I'm sitting on a warm Sunsetstone in front of a pile of scalding Hotstones in the sweltering heat of the night. The jungle on the Red Island was chilly compared to this. Making matters much worse, Maya and I are trapped in our heavy Cosmo's Islands uniforms that are fine at home but cause severe perspiration here. Everyone else is wearing airy, almost absent apparel adequate for the tropical climate. That fact isn't lost on Kai.

"I see the weight of your 'elite standing in naveekind' has carried all the way over to our humble place," Kai jokes to mock our uniform.

"Cosmo wants us to represent his institution in dignity whenever we leave," Maya explains.

"In sweat is more like it," Kai chuckles. "But that’s the price of pride, isn’t it?"

"You can mock us all you want but our uniforms are an essential part of our tradition. We are a proud part of Cosmo’s community," Maya counters.

Thanks for the defense but speak for yourself. I still don’t know who Cosmo is. I can comprehend Kai’s envy but I have to admit that the uniform, while uncomfortable at first, has somehow become a part of me. I’m not wearing it to remind anyone of Cosmo’s fame but it does remind me that I’m part of a community. It feels secure. I feel protected.

In another moment of silence during our slowly dripping conversation, I screen the Hotstones to pick another fruit. There is a deliciously looking golden-brown roasted fruit with vegetables sticking out at one end. It resembles a spring roll. Unfortunately, it is too far away to grab it. Lee, whose hard eyes are still staring at the pile of Hotstones, sits right in front of it but I don’t dare to ask her. So I use Essenchi instead.

"Look at that. Fancy," Kai says to me.