Mistaken Identities (25 page)

“Stasia, is that you?” Her mother didn’t wait for an answer. She pulled Stasia into a hug and it surprised her so much that she stood stiff.

She cleared her throat. “Um, yeah, Mama, it’s me. How are you?”

“Dear God, I never thought I’d see you again. I didn’t know if you were dead or alive.” Her mother hugged her again and Stasia patted her back uncomfortably.

Stasia hardened her heart to the show of affection. The mother she knew didn’t dispense hugs, which meant there must be a motive behind it now.

“As you can see, I’m fine, Mama. I don’t have any money, just so you know,” Stasia said coldly.

Her mother pulled back and searched her face before giving a sad murmur and shaking her head. “I guess I deserve that. I was a horrible mother to you, child. Come in, please, and sit down so we can talk.”

Stasia nodded stiffly and stepped inside. Looking around, she saw a lot of things she remembered. The armoire that was her grandmother’s, the coffee table and the lamps she remembered her mother buying and subsequently telling her if she put one mark on them she’d break her fingers.
Yeah, good times
, but now there was a baby in the house and the lamps held the wear and tear of long use.

“This is Malika’s youngest. Stacy is one,” her mother said. “She’s your namesake.”

The baby looked up and smiled at her and she saw only three teeth.

“She’s cute. Where is Kiki?” Stasia asked using her sister’s nickname.

“She had work and then school right after. She’s trying to become a nurse so I watch the kids,” her mother said. “We want to move out of here and get a place with a backyard for the kids.”

“At least y’all are trying to move,” Stasia said. “Glad Kiki is doing something for herself and the babies.”

“She’s engaged to a nice man from Monroe. They want to buy me a house close to theirs so they can watch out for me,” her mother went on. “I’d miss these grandkids too much any other way.”

“Well, your golden child has done right by you.” Stasia couldn’t help the acid that entered her voice.

“How about you? Any grandbabies I should meet?” Her mother teased, choosing to ignore the harshness of her words.

“No, and not likely to be any,” Stasia answered.

“She wasn’t my golden child. I had a lot of her hurt in me, Stasia.” Her mother took her hand. “Sit. The rest of the kids won’t be home for a little bit. We’ll talk.”

“Okay, talk.” Stasia sat down and the baby crawled over to use her legs as her new standing place.

Her mother sat down in front of her and leaned forward. “Your father was the only man I loved and it hurt when he left. I didn’t even care enough to love Kiki’s father and it was easier to see her as just my child. Stasia, I could see your daddy in you every day and I transferred my anger and hurt from him to you. I was such an evil woman to you and that night you left I saw something in you shatter. I saw the hate in your eyes. I went to bed that night and before I did I looked at myself in the mirror and I knew I had done that to you. I went out looking for you the next day but you were already gone. Do the police know you’re here? We can get you a lawyer and clear your name.”

“Bryce McDowell cleared me.” Stasia cleared her throat. “I lived in Arizona for a long time. That’s after I lived a few other places. I didn’t contact anyone because you never wanted me to. I did it all alone.”

“I loved you, I always have, but I let so much of my own hurt stop me from being a mother.” Stasia stiffened when her mother reached forward and took her hands. “I want to earn your forgiveness, not ask for it, but earn it. Kiki’s husband-to-be is a therapist and he helped us work through a lot of things. I promised if I ever saw you again I would tell you how sorry I am and hope you’d let me be in your life to make up for lost time. I also have to understand if you say no and curse me for who I used to be.”

“I came here to tell you I didn’t break, Mama, not once,” Stasia said quietly. “Every night I longed for home, for a mother who cared. The nights I was terrified because there was nowhere safe to sleep so I’d find a dark corner to call my own for the night, but I wanted my mama. Even when, once in a while, a kind stranger would reach out, I still wanted my mama. I realized I never had one and I started to harden my heart to so many things. But deep down, I only wanted you. I wanted to come home until wishing hurt too much and I pushed that away with everything else.”

Her mother was crying and nodding as she spoke. Stasia never thought she’d see the woman cry and here she was doing it now and it was for her.

“Did you ever wonder where I was, if I had food or a place to sleep?” Stasia asked.

Her mother nodded. “Every night. Don’t think I didn’t love you, Stasia. I did and I do now and I hurt when I sent you away. Kiki pitched a fit and left for a time too because I sent you away. She used to put ads in the papers around North Carolina hoping you’d see it and read it. We didn’t know you got all the way to Arizona. Give me a chance to be your mother, the one you needed then and now.”

Stasia shook her head. “I don’t need—”

Her mother cut her off. “No, don’t say that. Everyone in this world needs someone and I need you because a piece of me feels whole because you are here again. God is giving me a second chance. Let me be your mama. I’ll make up for the past. I promise I will.”

Stasia was still hesitant but nodded. “We can talk and stuff, but I can’t make promises, Mama.”

Her mother smiled. “That’s all I can ask for. Please stay for dinner and meet your nieces and nephews. I’ll call Kiki. I know she’ll come right home and skip a day of school.”

“No, it’s fine. I don’t want her to miss out on her classes because of me,” Stasia said.

“She has one class today and she can make it up. Her schedule is flexible,” her mother explained. “If she comes home and knows she didn’t get to see you, she’d be as mad as a hen when she got here.”

“Um, okay, I need to make a call then. I’ll just step outside.”

She had been expecting a fight, a confrontation to validate all the anger in her life. Instead, her mother welcomed her with open arms. It was so confusing she didn’t know how to feel about it. She closed the door lightly behind her and pressed the number to Bryce’s cell phone.

“Hey,” he said when he answered. “I’ll be done in about an hour.”

“Hey, Bryce. Can you go without me? I left the list next to the computer,” Stasia said. “I’m at my…my mom’s.”

“Do you need me to come get you?” he asked instantly on alert.

“No, it’s actually good.” Stasia gave an amazed laugh. “My mother was happy to see me and even apologized. I don’t know how to feel. She explained about my childhood and why she was so cruel and asked me to let her earn my forgiveness and to be in my life.”

“Well, that’s great,” Bryce said, sounding genuinely pleased.

“Is it?” she asked. “I came here expecting a fight and now I don’t know what to do or how to react.”

“Not every step forward has to be a battle, and I’m glad this is not one of them,” he said. “Cole and I can check out the places and I’ll pick you up after.”

“No, stay out as long as you need. Kim is a high priority, Bryce,” Stasia said firmly. “I’ll get a cab to your place and wait for you there. I have the spare key.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive. See you tonight,” Stasia answered. “Good luck with finding Kim.”

“This is a good thing, Stasia, embrace the change without too much reservation, okay? It’s okay for something to be easy in this process. If we have something positive happen let’s take it for the win column.”

“I’ll take it under advisement,” Stasia said.

“Stubborn,” he teased.

“Would you have me any other way?” Stasia asked saucily.

“Not at all. See you later, Stace.”

“Bye.”

She hung up and looked at the phone, contemplating what he said. Stasia turned and went inside hoping for the best but still expecting the worst. But it ended up being a very nice evening. She got to meet two nieces and one nephew who were born after she left. Her sister’s fiancé, who seemed to be a good man and good to the kids, ended up taking them all out to eat. For the first time in her entire life, she actually had a meal in the family setting she had always pictured. Sticky fingers of children trying to grab her hair or offering her bits of smooshed food between tiny chubby fingers was not part of the family setting she always pictured, but it was nice nonetheless.

It was fun finding out what she’d missed in the last twelve years and reconnecting with her little sister. Every now and again her mother’s eyes would meet hers and she’d see so much emotion in their depths. Stasia was floored by the thought that her mother really cared and, still, while she didn’t know how to react, it gave her a warmth that was unexpected and something she had never felt before.

She kept Bryce’s words in her mind and tried not to be defensive. She was genuinely happy for her sister and the new path to happiness she’d found. Stasia decided not to look at the past twelve year as a burden. She too was starting a new path to happiness and this was part of it—family. In the end, no cab was necessary because they dropped her off at Bryce’s condo after dinner. She promised that after they found Kim she’d come back to visit. She had a promise to Bryce to keep and before she could move on with her life, Bryce, too, needed to find peace with his and it was going to be with her help.

As soon as she unlocked the door, the warmth of his house invited her in. He’d decorated his condo completely opposite of where he grew up. The McDowell house was a museum dedicated to the lineage of his father. In Bryce’s house, she saw only one picture of him and Kim together. It was as if he cut his father and mother completely out of his life. And, unfortunately, she could understand why. There were brightly-colored, warm Afghans thrown over the back of the sofa and the two recliners, stacks of magazines on a natural, cherry wood coffee table. The side tables, also made of cherry wood, held contemporary lamps and coasters stacked neatly. He’d left the walls beige but accented them with mirror art and metal sculptures. It felt like home to her. She liked the feel of the entire condo.

Stasia was sitting on the sofa watching TV with her feet curled up under her when she heard the door being unlocked and Bryce stepped inside. His face looked haggard and she could tell by his eyes that they’d had no luck.

“Nothing?” she asked anyway.

Bryce sat heavily next to her. “No, and I’m starting to lose hope, Stace. Can it be that we’re going to find her body washed up on the Catawba River or somewhere in Virginia?”

“Dear God, Bryce, don’t say things like that,” Stasia gasped and pulled him into her arms. “She’s not dead. I refuse to believe that.”

“How can you be so sure?” Bryce looked at her with despair in his eyes.

“Because in all the time she was being abused, she never said I’m going to take my life and be done with it,” Stasia said and emotion made her clear her throat. “She’d say one day she’d be free of your father or one day she’d kill him or she’d run away. She said we’d travel the world and go see Europe and drink four o’clock tea in London. The point is, she had dreams and he may have taken her body but never her spirit.”

“That could’ve changed. It went on for four years after you left, and she had no one to confide in. Certainly not me,” Bryce said brokenly. “Dear God, if she’s dead I failed her in so many ways. It’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s that sick pervert’s fault.” Stasia grabbed his face and kissed him hard. “She is not dead, do you hear me? I may have been gone, but she wasn’t the type of person to give up and I refuse to believe it.”

“I wish I had your faith,” he said.

“I have enough for both of us, Bryce,” Stasia said and kissed him again. “I’ll believe until I see otherwise. And in the worst case scenario, we’ll grieve for her together. You’re not alone.”

He heaved a sigh. “Look at you being my rock.”

“You’ve been mine, too, even when I wasn’t here,” Stasia admitted. “I’d picture you in my head, imagine you coming in at the last minute to save me from the hurt, the loneliness that I constantly faced. You did save me in a way.”

“How about we saved each other, you stubborn woman?” he murmured and cupped her cheek. “I’m glad you are here, so very glad.”

Stasia opened her mouth to speak, but he swooped in for a kiss, filling her mouth with his tongue and lifting her off her feet. “I’m going to show you exactly what having you in my life means to me. No holding back this time. I’m going to take it all. Understand?”

She could only nod as he pulled her T-shirt over her head and pulled her skirt down to her ankles so she could step out of it. She reached down to take off the strapped stiletto heels, and he ordered, “Leave them on.” He stripped off his clothes, and his cock sprang out of his boxers hard and ready.

He pulled her naked body to him, and the contact of skin on skin made her gasp in pleasure.

“You are worth more to me than you think, Stasia. You’re my world,” Bryce said. “I hope you know that.”

“I’m learning to,” Stasia admitted.

All thought was lost when he got to his knees and held the voluptuous globes of her breasts together. Stasia bit her lip as he pressed his face between them and his moan was muffled. He began laving her nipples with his tongue and she whimpered in pleasure. Stasia was rewarded when he took a nipple deep into his mouth, one after the other. His hands traveled down her body, while his mouth played at her breasts. He cupped her pussy and she was already wet for him. Without any pretense, he slid two fingers deep inside her, and her body bucked as need coursed through her.

“I can’t stand it, my legs feel like water,” she gasped.

“Come down here with me,” he coaxed.

She did as he asked and they knelt in front of each other. “We never seem to make it to a bedroom, do we?”

“Bedroom? Who needs them except for sleep?” Bryce murmured. “I want to enjoy you anywhere and everywhere. Spread your legs, sweetheart.”

Stasia moaned as she felt his fingers delve deeper inside her. He took her to the heights of need and just as she was going to fall off the precipice he teased her until she was begging for release.