MisStaked (11 page)

Needless to say, Stud was banished from the mall immediately, along with Breathred. There was also some talk of ritual castration by the storeowner, but after Breathred reimbursed the man for the cost of the gorilla, all was forgiven. Forgiven but not forgotten was the motto of mall security, whenever the pair walked through the mall's glass doors.

It was still the case, as they entered the mall just as dusk was falling. Two guards started dogging their steps almost within seconds of them entering the food court. Breathred chose to ignore them while Stud made imaginary grabs for his butt whenever they got too close. Breathred knew better than to try to stop him.

Breathred scanned the empty food court for Luna. He spotted her near the Corn Dog Cavalcade. She waved a foot long corn-wrapped weenie, when she caught sight of him. Breathred grabbed Stud by the hand and made for her.

"Hey, guys.” Luna chirped through a mouth full of the corndog. “I thought you weren't gonna make it."

"I had to run some errands and got a late start,” Breathred explained, the thought of his missing comics bringing a tremble to his voice.

"That's okay. I needed a bite before we headed out, anyway,” she mumbled between bites of corn meal and pig by-products. “There's a couple more coming up for you two. I figured you'd be ravenous."

"You guessed right, Toots.” Stud gave Breathred a dirty look. “Lame brain wouldn't let me eat before we left. Gave me some bull crap about it violating my parole."

"I did not. He wouldn't get out of the bathroom.” Breathred hastened to explain.

"Come on guys, cool it. We're here to have some fun and do some shopping. If you can't behave, you can just go home,” Luna warned them with a shake of her corn dog.

"Yes, ma'am,” they answered in unison.

"Now, we should get you both some hard-wearing outfits. You want something that won't tear easily, and some good boots. They're a must."

Breathred tuned her out. Not to say her voice wasn't especially pleasant this evening, but he had no interest in clothes. To him clothes were a t-shirt and a pair of jeans and nothing more. He would follow her lead. He could walk behind her without having to listen to the running discourse. He was a man, after all.

Over the span of the next three hours they hit every clothing store the feeble mall contained. He couldn't be sure, but he thought some of them were more for her benefit than his. No matter how nice they looked, Breathred could see no possible way Luna could think she was going to be able to wear a wedding dress in the forests of Canada.

Lewis was growing bored. He had been following the trio all night. They were making him sick with their honey-coated relationship. The boy was whipped. The way he let a slip of a girl lead him around like a sick puppy, made Lewis glad he was a vampire and beyond all that bullshit. He was beginning to think he was going to go crazy before his lunkheaded associates got their asses in gear.

Oh my God, not another shoe store. Pick out a pair already. Lewis plopped down on a bench. This was not worth the aggravation. He should have let Leo handle this. Where were those idiots? On cue they saddled up behind them.

"What took you so long?” Lewis demanded, sensing them behind him.

"We got lost.” The top dog smarted off.

"Make sure that condition doesn't become permanent,” Lewis hissed. “Now get to work, before I get to work on you."

Lewis sat back without giving them a second glance. The young vamps blended into the crowd, such as it was. Lewis watched with satisfaction. If the young vamps lived through this, they might be of use to him later.

Once they were nearly to the shoe store, Lewis got up. He had his own part to play in this little charade. The vampire slid past a gaggle of grannies with relative ease, making it a point to tip his hat, as he passed. No sense in antagonizing the old biddies. He didn't want them following him around later.

He took up point, just beyond Shoes-N-More. His newbies advanced to the right of the store. Lewis shuffled behind a floating jewelry booth. From his new position he could see his prey while still keeping an eye on his men.

Luna looked up from an incredible pair of pumps to see some youths stagger into the shoe store. Instantly, something about them didn't feel right. Darkness surrounded them. She sensed it close enough to touch. The presence of it hit her like a fist to the gut. Breathred was rubbing his temples, but didn't seem to know why. He was feeling it too, she was glad to see. There was hope for him yet.

They looked a few years younger than her, but Luna knew looks could be deceiving. They were the undead. She could smell the grave all over them. Even the rip-off Polo they had bathed themselves in couldn't hide the scent.

The losers tried to look nonchalant, but from the way they kept peeping at her and Breathred, they weren't here looking for a pair of open-toed sandals. They were after Breathred, just like the vamp from the night before last. But why? Surely, he wasn't a real threat to them yet. Maybe they were trying to eliminate him before he became a threat. Luna blanched at the possibility of her Breathy-poo at the hands of killer vamps.

Either way, she had to get them out of here before things got nasty. Luna gave the store a quick once-over. Three customers were grouped around the cross-trainers. Behind the sale's counter the cashier was popping her bubble gum, trying not to fall asleep. So, all Luna had to do was get the customers and the girl out of the way. The girl was easy.

Luna held a purple sneaker aloft. “Hey, miss. Do you have these in a size eight?"

"I'll have to check in the back.” The cashier yawned before slipping through the curtain that separated the showroom floor from the back.

One down, three to go.

"You know Barclay's is having a fifty percent off sale. Maybe we should try there next,” she said loud enough for the other customers to hear.

The customers looked around to make sure they heard right. Slapping down their choices, they headed for the door. Luna smiled. Now, it was just them and the vamps.

Sizing them up, Luna had them pegged from the start. They were good—not quite pros, but a few more years should give them the edge they needed. If she let them leave here alive, that was. She was in a good mood, so a few broken bones should be enough to get her point across.

The thought hadn't left her brain when the vamps made their move. The taller of the two sailed over the discount table, his leather jacket flapping like bat wings. Why did they always go for the Fonzi on acid look? In one smooth kick, Luna upended the table directly into the vamp's path. The vampire made a dull thud, as he slammed into the particleboard tabletop. His impact sent a shower of cut-rate Nikes into the air.

Luna didn't have time to think. Things were going full tilt. The second vamp skirted the table, going straight for Breathred and Stud. Before she could move to intercept him, Breathred whirled around.

Breathred turned just as the vamp slammed into his body. The impact tossed him into the wall with a bone rattling bang. Sliding down the wall, the air rushed out of him like a tidal wave. His vision turned to black as he hit the floor, but Breathred held onto consciousness, barely. Through the sprinkling of stars that populated his vision, he saw Luna battling with another attacker. What was going on?

His head was killing him. Some freak was trying to take him out in a run-down Foot Locker and if he wasn't mistaken a pair of Nikes had just violated him. This was not the shopping trip he'd planned on. All he wanted was to buy a pair of shoes and get the heck home before the ten o'clock news came on. Was that too much to ask?

The vamp made another lunge for him. Breathred deftly moved to his left, dodging the attack. Anticipating the vamp's next move, he fell to the ground and swept his foot under his attacker's leading leg. The vampire pitched forward, its arms flailing in an attempt to keep itself upright. Breathred pressed his advantage. Before the vamp could regain his balance, he kicked up, nailing it in the solar plexus. The undead fiend went back into the air, doing an unintentional back-flip in the process. It landed amid the wreckage of the shoe-strewn floor.

Breathred smiled smugly. He offered a silent thanks to the
Ti Beau Correspondence School of Kung Fu and Aerobic Fitness. Lesson Eight
, for those who want to learn it for themselves.

A flash of agony shot through his chest. He doubled over, falling to the floor. Breathred's fingers brushed against his pounding chest. Fire raced through his hand. He drew back singed fingers. Sweat poured from his forehead. He was dying. This was the end.

Despite the pain, he grabbed his chest and pulled out the source of the heat. It was his crucifix—the one he picked up online at the Vatican rummage sale on EBAY. The normally-pale gold was aflame. From the looks of it, the sight didn't mean the cross was reflecting the light around it. The holy relic was actually on fire. Amber flames were licking off its surface.

Confused, he looked up. Through the orange haze surrounding the crucifix, he saw Stud pounding his former attacker in the head. The chimp's furry little arms were a brown blur, as they slammed into the kid. When the boy opened his mouth to scream, Breathred saw inch long canines protruding from the screeching maw.

Vampire! The word hung in his throat. They were not human, not even a big scary cat for that matter. The crucifix was burning because of them. Breathred thought back. His head didn't start hurting until they walked in. The crucifix hadn't started burning until he got close to the one who had come after him. Everything suddenly fell into place. The lessons were coming true. Once you attuned yourself to the unbelievable, it became believable.

The sound of Luna howling, forced Breathred's attention away from Stud onto her. She was backed against the wall by the other vamp. The creature was sliding her up the wall by the neck. The vampire had her dangling about a foot above the floor. Her eyes pleaded with Breathred for help.

Without thinking, he drove his foot into the shoebox shaped rack behind him. An explosion of plywood and splintered two by fours showered over him. From the waterfall of debris, he snagged a ragged piece of wood out of the air.

He shot a quick look to make sure Stud was still okay. The monkey had the vampire's head pulled back and was riding the undead creature around the store like a horse. An idea formed in Breathred's head.

"Stud!” He smiled when he saw the chimp's head snap up. “Bring him over here."

When Stud nodded, Breathred got ready. He watched as the chimp hooked an opposable thumb/toe in the vampire's ear, and with a devious twist he jerked down on the vamp's pointed ear, turning the vamp right straight for him. Breathred muttered a prayer hoping this would work.

He held his breath and slowly counted to three. At three he leapt. Ripping the crucifix from his neck, he planted the golden icon in the vampire's face. Stud jumped from his perch, as the undead flesh began to smolder and burst into flame. Breathred kept his momentum going. He pushed off from the writhing vamp somersaulting toward Luna.

Breathred hit the ground running. Not missing a beat, he slammed into the vampire holding Luna aloft. The thug dropped the girl, and turned to face Breathred with an evil hiss. Breathred didn't give him a chance to strike. In one smooth motion he flipped the makeshift stake into the air. The movement distracted the vamp long enough for Breathred to catch it and shove the foot-long sliver of wood through its chest.

The vampire gasped in disbelief. This was not what was supposed to happen. Lewis hadn't said anything about it being dangerous. It was a cake-walk. That was what the older vampire had said. Distract the girl, and Lewis would handle the rest. So, where was Lewis?

A fountain of black blood flowed from its mouth. It stared blankly toward the plate-glass storefront. A shadow shook its head before hurrying on its way. The dying vampire stared after the shadow in disbelief.

He was immortal. How could he be dying? He was to live forever, not die in some low-rate shopping center. Who was this human to kill him?

The vampire stared defiantly into Breathred's face, searching for the answer. Cold fire met his gaze. The vampire flinched, trying to tear his eyes away. Something lurked within those eyes, a thing that did not belong to a human soul.

A flickering shade crossed the human's pupil. At first the vampire thought he must be imagining it, but the dark thing returned his glare from the recesses of the man's eye. In the blackness, the shade smiled back at the vamp. Too late he saw his doom for what it was, and was afraid. The dying vampire screamed, as it evaporated into a whirlwind of ash, his fate painted on the stagnant air.

Breathred barely even noticed. His concern was wrapped up in Luna. She lay deathly still on the floor. He fell to her side. She couldn't be dead. He needed her. More than that, he couldn't make it without her. Breathred sensed the other vampire flee through the door, but didn't care. All that mattered was Luna.

"Come on, Luna. You gotta be all right. I don't know what I'd do, if you weren't,” Breathred said, as he brushed the hair from her face. Then, in a whisper so low even he couldn't hear it, he said, “I think I love you."

Her eyelids flickered open. The panic left him, and he let out a sigh of relief. She looked up at him and smiled. Breathred melted in her gaze. Sensing his revealing expression, he pulled back into himself. His emotions no longer painted his face, yet the feeling still welled within his heart. She was all right.

"Can't take it back now, Sweetie,” Luna said, leaning up and planting a kiss on his confused lips.

Stud fell back against a cardboard cutout of some basketball player or another. A huge grin spread across his face. If he'd known all it took was a vampire attack to get things moving along, he would've hired them himself.

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