Microsoft Word - At Last A Life Final Copy 16-03-09 (3 page)

away’. They go from one treatment to another, sometimes spending

a small fortune doing the exact opposite of what they should be

doing, which is allowing themselves to feel the way they do.

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Understanding Anxiety

A key point is to understand that our body can only take so much

stress and worry before it becomes run down, stressed, emotionally

drained and feels totally battered. In fact, in most cases, too much

continuous stress and worry is what brings on anxiety in the first

place. This could be caused by the loss of a loved one, personal

problems and working long hours without taking time out to relax. It

could be caused by stress at work or any number of the many daily

pressures with which we are often faced. Our body can only take so

much and this is where the word breakdown comes in. The trouble

then is that when we first feel the symptoms of anxiety, these

‘feelings’ can then become our new daily problem. Now, not only do

we feel stressed out, but we don’t understand why we feel like we

do. It may frighten us and we can feel like we are losing it or going

mad. Now we may worry daily about how we feel and question it

deeply. We may feel frustrated and fill ourselves with self pity. In our

attempts to find answers, we have exhausted every avenue and

nothing is helping, in fact we feel worse then ever. The way we feel

has now become us

This is a very common cycle and something I certainly did. The main

reason that we are trapped in this cycle is because we don’t

understand why we feel like we do. We become completely

bewildered and what else can we do but to blindly try and figure a

way out of this hell? In fact the worse we feel, the more we fight and

the more frustrated and bewildered we become. It’s a vicious cycle,

but one that is easy to reverse. The anxiety cycle is like pouring

petrol on a fire and it will never go out until we stop adding more fuel

to it. It’s a circle we need to break.

A very important element in discovering the key to recovery is

understanding
why we feel like we do.

“Why is it so important?” you may ask. “I just want it all to go away”.

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Well, it is so important because it takes the whole fear out of how

you feel, and fear, together with the lack of understanding of why

you feel like you do, keep you ill. If you fear something, it is bound to

dominate your life. If you don't understand what’s happening, you

will continue to go round in circles constantly thinking and worrying

about your symptoms and how you feel. What I aim to do is help you

to take the fear out of your illness, so that your day is not dominated

by the fear of how you feel. Fear is the main factor that is prolonging

your illness - fear of your disturbing symptoms, fear that you will

never recover and there is no hope for you. In most cases, all that is

really wrong with you is tired and over sensitised nerves causing you

to feel anxious and irritable. You may also have a tired mind that

gives you a feeling of detachment from the world around you. You

may have expected a more detailed explanation of the way you feel

- I know I did - but this is the reason you feel like you do.

There are many causes of tired nerves, but they are usually the

result of a build up of stress causing them to become sensitised.

Although sudden sensitisation can occur and it has been known to

happen after an accident or some other shock, in my experience, it

is usually caused by a build up of stress. Once our sensitised nerves

reach the point where they are on red alert, we can feel irritable for

no reason. Some people refer to it as feeling as if there is a constant

electric current running through their body - this is sensitised nerves.

They then begin to worry about how they feel and sensitise their

nerves even further. The result is that their heart may beat faster

and their hands may shake. They may feel as though they have to

gasp for air. Some people complain of feeling as if there is a lump in

their throat and they have trouble swallowing. Some may feel

unbalanced and light headed, or have the sensation of having a tight

band around their head. Panic comes easily to some people, and for

others, appears for no reason at all.

If I had to describe myself, I would say that I felt most of the

symptoms listed above and many others not mentioned. On the

anxiety scale, I registered very high, but no two people will

experience exactly the same symptoms. I had no trouble swallowing

and did not feel unbalanced, but I have heard of these symptoms so

often and feel that it is important to include them.

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The point is, no matter what symptoms you are experiencing or what

stage you feel you are at, they all come under the same umbrella

and recovery is possible for all of you. I am forever telling people not

to separate each symptom and worry about them individually. You

may feel many symptoms with anxiety and there is no need to feel

the need to unravel them all, just place them all under the same

umbrella of anxiety. The aim is to lessen the time you worry and

obsess about how you are feeling and just go about your daily life,

however you feel. When I recovered, all symptoms faded at the

same time. Think of it as flu, you have a few symptoms, but you

don’t worry about them all individually. Well, have the same attitude

towards anxiety.

Another symptom people often mention is a feeling of detachment

from the outside world, almost like they are living in a dream. One of

the main reasons people feel dull and unresponsive and unable to

connect with the outside world is because they are suffering from a

tired mind. They have thoughts running around in their head all day

and feel so emotionally spent. The tired mind comes from all the

“What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel like I do? What if it’s

something really serious?” Day in, day out, they continue this

constant battle with themselves as they mentally search for a way

out of this hell, longing to be the person they were before this terrible

thing came along and never giving their mind and body one minute’s

rest. No wonder their mind is fatigued when they are thrashing

themselves like this, day after day. The more they struggle with how

they feel, trying to be the person they were before all of this

happened, the more tension they add to their already over-

sensitised nerves and the more their mind tires.

Let me explain by going back to that statement: “You will not get

better until you stop trying to get better”.

What does it mean?

Well, let’s say that someone came to me and said "Paul I have these

strange feelings all day, like pins and needles, and I can't

concentrate. I feel unreal and I just don't know what to do. I feel

anxious all day. What should I do? "

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The answer is "Nothing"

“Nothing?”

“Yes, nothing. Just allow yourself to feel like this. By doing nothing

you will give your tired mind and nerves the chance to heal”.

"But surely I should fight it”, you say. “I must get the better of this

thing".

“Okay, go ahead then, but you have been doing this for years and it

has not helped”.

"What do you mean then?"

“I mean you can't control your body. Your
nerves and mind are tired

of you running around trying to find answers, worrying and

obsessing about how you are feeling. You are just keeping yourself

ill by adding fear and worry." Let me ask you a question. “When you

break your leg, what do you do?”

"Erm, well, it goes in a pot and I rest it and let it heal".

"Well, why on earth don't you do that with your nerves then? You

don't say, ‘my leg hurts, I must stop it hurting’ and then start running

around in your mind every day, trying to think of ways you can stop it

hurting and tensing against the pain.”

This is the key!

At first I feared my feelings because I did not know what they were

or why I felt the way I did, until I was told: “All that is wrong with you

is your mind is tired because of all the endless thinking you do, day

in, day out. It is receiving an overload of information and can't cope

with it, so it shuts down like a safety mechanism. That’s why you feel

odd at times, as if you are on another planet. Your mind is just very

tired. You are not going mad and these feelings will fade when you

stop this pointless daily pondering. All the strange feelings you

experience are caused by tired nerves, exhausted by the constant

pressure you put on them - all the ‘oh my Gods' and ‘what ifs?’

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These feelings cannot be controlled. There is no magic pill out there.

Your nerves need rest and will heal themselves if only you give them

the chance. Just like the rest of your body, your tired mind and

nerves will heal themselves”.

Even when I had been convinced that all these feelings I was

experiencing came from something as simple as tired nerves and a

tired mind, I still had to remind myself at times, but once I

understood what was wrong with me, a lot of the fear disappeared.

Oh, yes, it still felt awful, but not as bad as before because I had

stopped all the ‘What’s wrong with me’? Why do I feel like this?

There must be a way”. Finally, someone had explained to me what

the problem was. I lost a lot of the fear of my symptoms that day and

saw them in a different light. A lot of recovery is to do with losing

your fear of a symptom. While you still fear it, it is bound to

dominate your day. You need to take the fear out of how you feel, so

you can start to move towards your feelings instead of continually

running away from them, as you may have been doing up until now.

Look at it like this: If you have a cold, you don’t worry about it. It

does not bother you because you understand it and why it’s there,

so although it is a slight annoyance, you pay little attention to it and

don’t let it bother you too much. This is the stage I reached with my

feelings of anxiety. This change in attitude came through less fear

and a better understanding of my symptoms and was the reason my

body started to heal.

With understanding comes less fear and less adrenalin, the very

things that prolong your illness. I also stopped hiding away from how

I felt and the difference was amazing! If I felt bad, I felt bad! You

need to get up in the morning and say “However I feel, I feel, AND

MEAN IT. One of the reasons I recovered is because I did the very

thing I teach.
I stopped making it my daily aim to get better
. I may

repeat this often, but I want to really get my point across. You don’t

have to search for recovery, rather let recovery come to you. I used

to go to work and feel odd and anxious, but instead of worrying

about it and trying to make it right, I just got on with the task in hand.

I found it hard to concentrate at times and my attention kept

reverting back to me and how I was feeling, but I just got on with my

day. Anxiety was losing its hold on me. This is the way forward.

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When you realise that there is no outside miracle cure and recovery

comes from within, this can be a relief in itself. You no longer have

to go from one treatment to another, hoping that elusive cure, the

one you must have missed, is out there. This search for an instant

cure is the one thing that keeps people ill. I was one of those people,

certain that the quick answer must be out there somewhere. I now

know this is not true and I wasted a lot of time and money trying to

find it.

Several people have asked me and how long it took before I

recovered. The day I could say I recovered was the day that anxiety

and its symptoms did not bother me any more. I had lost my fear of

all my symptoms and knew it was only a matter of time until my body

found its balance again and my symptoms faded. I knew then that I

could never suffer again. At one point, the mere mention of the word

“anxiety” would send me into a panic, but I had learnt enough not to

be scared of it any more. Basically, I had de-sensitised. Some of my

symptoms still lingered, but they had lessened and just did not

bother me. Eventually my body just repaired itself and I have now