Microsoft Word - At Last A Life Final Copy 16-03-09 (24 page)

very little to make me feel panicky. I accepted this and because of

this attitude, I gradually began to de-sensitise.

I was looking in your "friends" section of the website. I

noticed people on there talking about how they battled this

thing and recovered years ago and they are now back

stronger than before, etc. Is that something I need to accept

also? That this could come back? I suppose if I really didn't

fear it, it wouldn't.

Matt, one thing I would not do is look at other people's

circumstances as each one of us is different. Don't put any pressure

on yourself to feel perfect for me, just be happier that you are having

good days and take things day by day. In fact, don't even use the

word recovery. I never did this and believe that the fact that I did not

put any pressure on myself to achieve this was one of the reasons

that I did recover.

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I'm really working on this Paul. I feel SO good at times and

these feelings extend for a day or more sometimes. I feel

horrible at times too. I am just keeping it real and realising

that "there's nothing to fight here" and allowing will be better

for me.

That's great! Remember that at one period you felt bad all the time,

so celebrate the fact you are having some good days. This is

because you are physically and mentally letting go. You are not

trying to 'control' how you feel and just easing some of that anxiety.

You are so right, there is nothing to fight here. That should become

etched in your memory as it is so, so true and covers everything I

teach. Please never be one of those people that has good days and

then hates the bad ones even more because they felt good the day

before. The bad are just as important as the good for your recovery.

They also give you the chance to practice the 'so what' attitude.

What do you think? I realise that I can't create a deadline

and expect recovery at such and such a date. I had a friend

come to see me today. He offered me a lucrative opportunity

running a couple of his business offices for him. He doesn't

know the situation. This felt great, but also sort of stressed

me out. I just kept thinking of the pressure it would put on

me. I immediately realized that I don't have to do it at this

time. I don't want to put stress on myself to "perform" at a

certain capacity just because I once did.

Matt

My reply was:

No NEVER put a deadline on recovery – never - even if you just feel

much better, just accept this. Forget the word recovery and just use

the word progress. Putting pressure on yourself to recover is

something I don't advise.
Always let recovery come to you
and

don't go searching for it. There is one other point I would like to

make concerning the situation with your friend and the job offer. As

you will now realise, without our health, life can be a struggle.

Nothing is more important. My attitude to life has changed so much

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and I now realise what is important. Matt, from now on, always put

yourself and how you feel first. You have actually listened to your

body and are not over-done things again. If a lot of sufferers had

listened in the first place, then the problem would not be so big. So,

yes, I totally think you did the right thing. There will be loads of

opportunities in your life, but for now you need to put yourself and

your health first.

I really want to MAKE SURE that I "get it" so I can get myself

out of the way and let my body heal.

That’s it Matt, it’s like learning another subject. The more your

knowledge builds up, the easier it is for things to become automatic.

I suggest you do as before. Take this information away and try to

soak it up, then just come back to me when you feel you need to.

You know where I am and I hope the above helps you.

Paul

And finally here is one from Mike who struggled thinking anxiety was

something else.

Hi Paul, I have a problem in that sometimes I think this is

more than anxiety and maybe I am going crazy. I think odd

thoughts at times and start ‘googling’ again. I understand it’s

stress orientated, but even though it is irrational, I still think I

may one day get taken away somewhere - silly, hey?

Mike

Not at all Mike; this is very common. People suffering anxiety

generally think they are going crazy due to the endless ‘mind

chatter’. I worried that I might start hearing and seeing things as

well, but again this is anxiety playing tricks on you. You can deal

with the anxiety, YOU ARE NOT GOING CRAZY. Get yourself out

and about, chatting to other people and doing normal everyday stuff.

Thanks Paul for that I truly understand that to feel normal I

have to live normally. I am a waiter and I suppose I get

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frustrated that I can’t think as clearly as I once did and that I

do get a bit of mind chatter.

It’s great that you have a job. Being a waiter is an excellent way of

mixing with other people and taking your mind off the irrational

thoughts. Let the thoughts be in the background as you work, don’t

give them any attention and don’t analyse them. Just say ‘as if’ and

get on with other things. Do this each time a scary thought of any

nature comes into your head. It takes time, but gradually when you

are able to stop analysing your thoughts and remain in the present

moment, you will gain lots of confidence. A thought only has as

much power as you give it, so please trust in what I say.

Regards Paul

Thanks for that Paul. I did what you said and it helped a lot. I

just gave them no attention and they seemed far less

important. I suppose I also feel my life has been restricted

somewhat and that I put off doing certain things. I try not to

let anxiety rule the choices I make, but sometimes I do. I also

think maybe I will be the one who does not recover, even

though I have made big strides.

Everyone thinks that they may be the only one who doesn’t recover,

it’s part of the self-doubt that we all have when suffering. Just follow

my advice, live your normal life alongside anxiety, accept the

thoughts and face any fears that you may have head on. Try not to

avoid doing things and going places that you would have done

before the anxiety, even if you feel strange. You are changing

behaviour and to do this you need to live alongside the old

behaviour for a while, until the new behaviour takes over. I promise

you this works and you just need to have the faith that it will. Too

many go around in circles because they are not willing to live along

side all the strangeness anxiety can bring for a while until a new

behaviour is born.

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SUMMARY

When I speak about allowing yourself to have anxiety, this translates

to just getting on with your day and giving less and less respect to

how you feel. It is not a case of ‘I must accept the way I feel’ it’s

more an attitude of acceptance. What I teach just means ‘letting go’,

letting feelings be there and carrying on with your day with them in

the background. Avoid trying to ‘do something about it’. The way you

may be feeling has been explained in this book. It is only natural in

the circumstances and this is why I say let them be there. You

cannot control how you feel and all the worrying, self-pity and

fighting is keeping you in the cycle. All this thrashing of yourself is

just tiring your body and mind even more and feeding the symptoms

of anxiety you feel. Does this make sense? If your body could

speak, it would say: ‘please leave me alone, I so want a break from

all this’

I was asked by someone I helped a while ago who is now fully

recovered if he could write a piece for this book and here it is below:

Firstly here is what Paul teaches:

“No matter how bad I feel, I accept it and will move on with

my day accordingly”

This stance puts absolutely no emphasis on recovery or

anxious thoughts because it takes away the significance of

the sensations we are feeling. No matter how bad they are, I

accept them and will move on.

Let’s look at Paul’s second piece of advice

“Come if you will, I am ready for you. Show me you’re worst.

I want more. Is that really all you got? huh?”

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Paul’s second piece of advice is also all or nothing since;

once again, it places no emphasis on anxiety or recovery.

This time you are willing the fear on you, demanding it. No

matter how bad it is, you want to feel it, you want it to bring

its worst. The aspect of recovery doesn’t matter. This advice

is 100% stimulating. Once again, the stigma of the coin

cannot have an effect since you have taken it entirely out of

the equation.

So I guess the point of all this is that recovery from anxiety

really involves taking away our incentive to recover. The

more we think about recovery, the stronger the thought of

anxiety will be. Essentially we must look straight ahead; not

into the future and not back, but live in the now. The more we

stop thinking about it, the less of an impact it will have on us.

But it is vital that we do not impose this style of thinking on

ourselves. This will only make those thoughts stay. We need

to think beyond the sense of recovery and naturally it comes

to us.

The above words sum up a lot of what I am trying to get across. If

my anxiety tried to persuade me not to do something, I would do it

even more, I wanted to see what it had and the truth is it held

nothing but a few uncomfortable feelings. I thought to myself, I have

been avoiding for so long and that’s all you have. It is the anxiety

that tries to persuade us we can’t do things ‘Don’t go there, you will

feel awful. Feel sorry for yourself, you will always feel like this. Here

is the neighbour coming for a chat, hide away quick because you will

feel uncomfortable” Do you see that all we are running away from is

a feeling. If we go towards these feelings and feel anything,
then its

power has gone
. I began to do this and, yes, I still felt

uncomfortable for a while, but it was just a feeling and nothing that

could stop me doing anything I wanted to. In time it was this very

living that brought back the old me. Old fears diminished when I

went out. The anxiety said ‘don’t go, you will feel uncomfortable’ but

it held no power over me any longer and my reply was: “I have done

it many times now and got through fine, and every time it gets

easier”. Do you see how once you have gone through it, it holds no

fear any more. We also begin to desensitise to places and

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situations, our confidence grows and we break the cycle of

avoidance.

So go towards your feelings of anxiety and panic and don’t see them

as the enemy. I found that the very action of doing this stopped me

from noticing my feelings and they held less power over me. I began

to realise that by letting them come, they didn’t turn into anything

else. I knew that nothing was going to happen to me and I was still

in control. I did not add any more worry or fear to these feelings, so

they died down. Do you see how embracing how you feel helps free

you from the constant stress and tension you have being adding to

your feelings of anxiety? Also, by allowing yourself to feel anything,

you stop all the constant platitudes. “Will I be okay? What if I lose

control”? This leads to less fear, less adrenalin and less feelings of

panic. By accepting, embracing and welcoming every symptom of

anxiety, you step out of your body’s way and open the door to

recovery rather than hindering it. There is no need to analyse how