Microsoft Word - At Last A Life Final Copy 16-03-09 (20 page)

I had known or been taught about D.P before I suffered then I would

have known the reason why it was happening and would not have

wasted years trying to figure it out or worrying about it daily, sinking

deeper and deeper into the condition.

That is why people with anxiety develop D.P. It is all the worrying

and deep thinking about the initial anxiety that brings it on. No

further explanation is needed. You are not unique and it just shows

how common this subject is and how many people who suffer

with anxiety go on to develop D.P. It is the number one topic

discussed on here and I receive more emails about it than any other

symptom.

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So how did I come through my own Depersonalisation?

Well before I give a list of the things that saw me through, I want to

be honest and say to everyone ……. It did take a while and there

are no quick fixes.

D.P left me when it realised that it was no longer needed. When

would this be? When I stopped the deep thinking, trying to figure it

all out, and when I stopped the daily worrying and feeling sorry for

myself. While I was in this cycle, nothing was going to change. It

makes complete sense that while I did worry and obsess, then my

body would carry on protecting me. The more I worried, the more I

needed to be protected. Only when this was reversed would it ease.

I had developed a lot of habits and, yes, worrying and obsessing

had become a habit, but I allowed it to be there. I did not add any

more worry and I stopped trying to figure it all out daily - what would

be would be. My attention was still on me for a while and D.P still

held its grip, but I decided, and I mean from the pit of my stomach, to

live with this for the time being, question it NO MORE and pay it NO

ATTENTION. I was determined not to do this just for a week and

then think ‘Oh it has not gone, I must try and fix it’ or start

questioning it all over again - ‘Oh, should I do something about it, it’s

still there, what if it’s something else’. I was not going to feel sorry for

myself - ‘Oh I hate this, why wont it go away?’ All this stopped and I

TRULY accepted this feeling and understood that it was my body’s

way of protecting me. I had no control over it, so it was better just to

get on with my life. The mistake a lot of people make is they accept

it for a week or so and then become frustrated once more. They

begin to question it all over again. They have never really accepted

this feeling but have just put up with it. I never even thought about

recovery. I just gave up and stopped worrying or fighting. I stopped

questioning the feeling and recovery came to me. Don’t go

searching for recovery, your body will bring it to you if you step out of

the way and let it.

Here is a list of other things that really helped me and I would

always recommend to those suffering with D.P

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Exercise

This is a great way of clearing the cobwebs, burning off excess

adrenalin and giving you another focus to your day. If you go

running outdoors, you are having a dose of nature and I found this

very beneficial.

Keep away from forums and studying the subject daily.

I run this blog as I think it is great for giving support and the odd bit

of advice. I don’t like forums, as people on there tend to wallow in

the subject and drown themselves in it, trying to find that miracle

cure. Mostly they end up feeling worse and the subject just takes

over their day. I took breaks from the subject all the time and

stopped doing the daily Google search. I realised that in order to feel

like my old self, I had to pack in as much normal living as possible.

Doing normal things makes you feel part of the outside world again.

I always tried to live as normal a life as possible and never let how I

felt stop me. Not always easy, I know, but I am so glad I did as in

time normality seemed to override my years of suffering.

Stop obsessing and worrying, trust in yourself.

Pay this feeling no attention and this means truly just getting on with

your day no matter how you feel. You are not going crazy and this

feeling will go when your body no longer needs it. No matter how

long you have suffered with this feeling, it will pass and does no long

term harm at all. Trust in what I say and trust in your own body’s

natural healing system. I know I keep saying it, but I was worse than

most people that come on here. My D.P was so bad that I could not

hold a conversation and I came through. I don’t have one symptom

now. My mind can feel a little tired at times, but I have no symptoms

of D.P at all and, trust me, EVERYONE’S body is the same and

reacts the same. I can only give advice, I cannot make people follow

it and that’s the sad thing. People do believe they have something

else and go down the worry cycle again. People do believe there

must be a quick fix somewhere and begin to go on their merry

search again. Someone once emailed me and said “I have read your

book but my D.P is still there”. Did they read the same book that told

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them it would take time? No, again they wanted the quick answer,

the miracle cure that does not exist.

I hope the above helps people but please make a special effort to

really absorb it and take it on board.

Below is a post from Steven who accepted and understood what I

said and he was eventually able to come through his own D.P.

Over the past few days I have let it be there and not

questioned it. I have felt better and done so much the past

couple of days. I even played golf today and even though I

was thinking about my condition a bit, I didn’t care and I

actually enjoyed playing the golf. I understand that I will feel

strange talking to people for a while and I really don’t care.

It’s amazing how much more I have been able to connect

with my family, girlfriend and friends just in the past couple of

days since reading your info. I am at Uni now and I’m going

to watch the football in my local pub tonight and again I really

couldn’t care less how I feel! The thing I now know I did

wrong was, if the feelings were still there, then somehow I

felt I was failing myself and I had to find a way to get rid of

them. I now know just how much this held me back and I am

just getting on with my life.

Never has a truer word been said, Steven. Don’t expect miracles,

just live alongside the strangeness for as long as it takes and in time

the old you will re-surface.

Paul

And finally, this is from a lady who read the book and posted this on

my blog for others to read.

Hi everyone,

I have been making huge strides with anxiety/D.P and the

pieces of the puzzle are truly falling into place. I went from

waking up feeling fear all around me, trying to figure these

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feelings out, to the point where I am now which is truly

shrugging my shoulders with a whatever attitude and going

on with my day. I want to share tips that truly helped me

make HUGE strides with this anxiety condition.

Tips that helped me:

I stay busy, I read, I go outside and look at nature, I keep my

focus outward and, as Paul says, I pack in as much normal

living as possible.

When I feel anxious (tingling, high heart rate) I have learned

to shrug my shoulders in a ‘whatever’ attitude and go on with

my tasks, knowing that this condition is normal for the

circumstances I have been in.

I do not try to justify irrational scary thoughts. I just let them

flow in and literally ignore them; pay them no respect and

kind of laugh them off :)

When my attention reverts back to me (such as when I am

out and conversing or doing any task) I allow it to be there

and move on with whatever I’m doing. This is very important

because trying to figure out this reverting back feeling makes

us fight our condition.

FAITH - that what you are doing is right – PATIENCE.

Most Important
: I moved towards my feelings of fear. I

would sometimes have a feeling of not being able to breathe

or just sudden fear that brought me to a point where I wanted

to leave. This is the point where I invited these feelings. I let

my body rage inside of me and continued on with my tasks,

paying these feelings no respect. This means not questioning

them or running away. This is truly the “water to take out the

anxiety fire”; the most important behaviour.

These behaviours that I have taught myself have led me to a

point where I almost feel 100% normal, I do have setbacks,

however I now know how to deal with them and they do not

scare me., As time passes, things fall into place and the

anxiety fire dies out as we face our feelings of fear and allow

them to be there:)

I hope this helps. Its all about Faith and Patience

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FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Below are some common questions I have been asked over the

years. Some are detailed in my website also, but for anyone who

may not have read them or would like to keep them for reference

here they are again.

Q.1 Why do I feel better in certain situations and not in others?

This is a very common one and it all comes down to how you think in

other situations.

For example, you may feel better in the safety of your own home

rather than at a family gathering. There is no difference in either of

these situations; the only difference is in the way you think. You are

the same person and it is not the situation that makes you feel

worse, it is your thought pattern.

You may spend the day worrying about going to a particular

function, setting your body up to be anxious on arrival and then

blame it on the situation you are in, rather than the thought pattern

you have created during the day while at home. You may get there

and then also worry about making a fool of yourself, spending the

whole time tensing against how you feel and creating more anxiety.

Do you see how we do this to ourselves? It is not the situation, but

our perception of the situation that causes us to feel worse in certain

situations. You are merely doing it to yourself with your thoughts.

You must just accept how you feel wherever you are and in

whatever situation you find yourself. Just allow yourself to feel

anything. Sometimes a place may hold certain memories, which may

make us feel anxious, but this soon passes when we learn to accept

how we feel and let go of that tension. We begin to densitise to

different places and situations. How are we ever going to know we

are fine and that anxiety can do us no harm unless we go towards it,

allow ourselves to feel it and see for ourselves?

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If you truly allow yourself to feel anything and stop all the "what ifs"

and other negative thoughts that just increase anxiety, you will find

that although you may feel uncomfortable at times, nothing is going

to happen to you and in time your reactions lessen until you feel

more able to cope, day by day. Anxiety loves avoidance, so take its

power away, move forward and embrace these feelings of fear, even

if you're in a situation where you feel you have failed in the past.

Avoiding symptoms just does not work, as you have no doubt

realised by now. Let all feelings be there. Don’t avoid them, but go

through them. Don’t see them as the enemy. This worked for me, I

had faced the demons head on and realised that the only way to

stop fearing them was to feel them. At one time it did matter to me if

I felt anxious or panicky. I would go to places wishing and hoping I