Mickey Rourke (34 page)

“
A
FTER THIS,
M
ICKEY GOT INVOLVED WITH
C
ARRÉ
O
TIS, IN A VERY INTENSE RELATIONSHIP.
C
ARRÉ WOULD LATER BECOME HIS SECOND WIFE AND WAS A WOMAN WITH WHOM HE WOULD EXPERIENCE EVEN MORE ANGUISH AND PAIN DUE TO THE DISASTROUS COMBINATION OF THEIR RESPECTIVE DEMONS AND ADDICTIONS.
T
HE UPS AND DOWNS OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP WERE PROPORTIONALLY MATCHED WITH AMAZING HIGHS AND HORRIBLE LOWS.
M
ICKEY AND
C
ARRÉ ALLEGEDLY WENT THROUGH PHYSICAL VIOLENCE AND DRUG ABUSE AND THE RELATIONSHIP ULTIMATELY ENDED UP WITH
M
ICKEY REPORTEDLY GOING INTO A PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL AFTER
C
ARRÉ LEFT HIM.

“
T
HIS LOSS MAY HAVE BEEN THE HARDEST ONE FOR
M
ICKEY TO COMPREHEND OR ACCEPT BECAUSE HE WAITED TEN YEARS FOR HER TO CHANGE HER MIND AND RECONCILE WITH HIM, WHICH NEVER DID HAPPEN.
A
LAS, BUT TRUE TO FORM,
M
ICKEY SUSTAINED ANOTHER EPISODE OF SIGNIFICANT LOSS AND ABANDONMENT TO ADD TO HIS PILE.

“
P
RESENTLY,
M
ICKEY ALSO REMAINS ESTRANGED FROM THE FIRST MOST SIGNIFICANT WOMAN IN HIS LIFE, HIS MOTHER, PARTLY BECAUSE SHE ASKED HIM TO BUY HER A HOUSE WHEN HE BECAME FINANCIALLY SUCCESSFUL AND LARGELY BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T SAFEGUARD OR EMOTIONALLY CARE FOR HIM WHEN, AS A CHILD, HE REACHED OUT TO HER.
I
N ADDITION,
M
ICKEY’S FATHER DIED OF ALCOHOLISM NOT LONG AFTER
M
ICKEY, AS AN ADULT, HAD REUNITED WITH HIS DAD FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ALMOST TWENTY YEARS.

”
I
N SUMMARY, IT IS NO WONDER, WITH THE ACCUMULATION OF ALL OF THESE GRUELING AND PAINFUL EXPERIENCES OF LOSS AND ABANDONMENT, THAT
M
ICKEY WOULD BECOME SO DISTRUSTING AND RELUCTANT TO HAVING CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS WITH NEW PEOPLE WHO COULD ALSO POTENTIALLY HURT HIM IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.”

Bad Behavior

W
HY HAS
M
ICKEY BEHAVED SO BADLY DOWN THE YEARS, INFLICTING HARM ON HIS CAREER IN THE PROCESS?
D
R.
T
HOMAS SAYS, “
M
ICKEY HAS A LONG HISTORY OF TORPEDOING HIS LIFE BY ENGAGING IN BEHAVIOR THAT HAS BEEN DAMAGING AND DESTRUCTIVE – OFTEN TO THOSE CAUSES THAT HAVE MATTERED TO HIM THE MOST.

“
H
E CREATED AN IRREPARABLE CHASM BETWEEN HIS FIRST WIFE,
D
EBRA
F
EUER, AND HIMSELF BY ACTING OUT IN A MULTITUDE OF EGREGIOUS WAYS, WAS ARRESTED FOR DOMESTIC BATTERY AGAINST HIS SECOND WIFE,
C
ARRÉ
O
TIS, AND WHILE NO CHARGES WERE BROUGHT THERE HE DID ENGAGE IN OTHER MISDEEDS AGAINST HER, AND OFTEN DEFIED AUTHORITY AND THE LAW, SABOTAGING HIS OWN PROGRESS WITH HIS SCHOOLING, BASEBALL, BOXING, PART-TIME JOBS, OFF-
B
ROADWAY SHOWS AND
H
OLLYWOOD BIGWIGS.

“
T
HROUGH HIS PRO BOXING CONTESTS,
M
ICKEY ALSO SUSTAINED SOME IRREVERSIBLE DAMAGE TO HIS BOX-OFFICE-APPEALING FACE.

“
L
ARGELY BECAUSE OF HIS BACKGROUND,
M
ICKEY UNWITTINGLY HAS BEEN UNDOING THE GOOD THINGS IN HIS LIFE OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

V
ARIOUS FACTORS HAVE CAUSED AND CONTRIBUTED TO THE STAR’S SELF-DESTRUCTIVE ACTIONS AND ROLLER-COASTER EXPERIENCES.
I
T SEEMS THAT HE WAS MOSTLY TAUGHT, DIRECTLY AND INDIRECTLY, TO BE DISTRUSTING THAT PEOPLE OR SITUATIONS COULD REMAIN CONSTANT AND TO NOT VALUE OR CARE MUCH ABOUT HIMSELF.
A
S A WHOLE,
M
ICKEY SEEMS TO HAVE LEARNED TO VIEW HIMSELF WITH DISDAIN AND NEGATIVITY AND CARRY SO MUCH SHAME WITH HIM THAT UNFORTUNATELY CAUSED HIM TO SUBCONSCIOUSLY CONTINUE TO PLAY OUT THESE FEELINGS IN NEW SITUATIONS THROUGHOUT HIS LIFE.

“
C
ERTAINLY,
M
ICKEY DID RECEIVE SOME POSITIVE MESSAGES ABOUT HIMSELF AND LOVING INTERACTIONS GROWING UP, SUCH AS WITH HIS MATERNAL GRANDMOTHER AND WITH SOME SCHOOL CHUMS BUT, OVERALL, THE INFLUENCES WERE NEGATIVE AND THAT HAD AN IMPACT.

“
W
HATEVER DEFENSE MECHANISMS SOMEONE MAY USE TO SHIELD THEMSELVES FROM REALITY, THE MONSTERS DON’T REALLY EVER GO AWAY.
T
HEY ARE THERE, EVEN IF FORGOTTEN AND OUT OF SIGHT, CAUSING HAVOC IN SOME FORM OR ANOTHER, DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY IN ONE’S LIFE.

“
I
OFFER SUGGESTIONS FOR SUSTAINABLE, HEALTHY CHANGES LATER IN THIS CHAPTER.
M
Y HOPE FROM ALL OF THIS IS THAT INSIGHT CAN BE GLEANED AND EMPOWERMENT GENUINELY FELT BY
M
ICKEY AND ANY OTHERS WHO SABOTAGE THEIR LIVES IN WHATEVER WAYS THEY DO.”

Depression

H
OW DID
M
ICKEY BECOME SUCH AN ISOLATED AND SAD FIGURE?
D
R.
T
HOMAS’S RESPONSE IS CLEAR. “
I
T SEEMS THAT THE AUTHENTIC
M
ICKEY
R
OURKE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A SENSITIVE PERSON, ONE WHO ACTUALLY FEELS MORE DEEPLY THAN OTHERS MAY READILY REALIZE AND ONE WHO CRAVES TO TAKE CARE OF OTHERS, ESPECIALLY THOSE IN NEED LIKE HIS PHYSICALLY ILL BROTHER, TROUBLED WOMEN OR ABUSED DOGS.
H
E ALSO HAS DEMONSTRATED HIS LOVING, WARM SIDE THAT CAN CONNECT WITH AND CARE FOR THOSE BEINGS THAT POSE NO THREAT TO HIM – SUCH AS THOSE DOGS AND HIS BROTHER,
J
OEY.

“
B
UT AS WE HAVE SEEN FROM
M
ICKEY
R
OURKE’S LIFE STORY, A PERSON OF SUCH INTELLIGENCE, HEART AND TALENT CAN SPIRAL DOWN TO ROCK BOTTOM IN HIS LOVE RELATIONSHIPS, CAREER AND LIFE AND EVEN SERIOUSLY ENTERTAIN THE IDEA MORE THAN ONCE THAT SUICIDE MIGHT BE THE BEST SOLUTION TO HIS TROUBLES.

“
M
ICKEY HAS EXPERIENCED SO MANY VERSIONS OF LOSS AND ABANDONMENT OVER THE YEARS – SUCH AS DEATH, DIVORCE, EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL REJECTION AND UNAVAILABILITY AND FAILURE.
T
HOSE EXPERIENCES BECAME FAMILIAR TO HIM AND CAUSED A LOT OF PAIN.
A
S TIME WENT ON AND
M
ICKEY HAD BEEN HURT ENOUGH TIMES IN HIS LIFE BY PEOPLE THAT HAD GREATLY MATTERED TO HIM, STARTING WITH HIS MOTHER AND FATHER, HE ISOLATED HIMSELF FROM ANY FURTHER DEEP HUMAN CLOSENESS.
W
HEN PEOPLE GOT TOO SCARY, ERRATIC OR DISAPPOINTING TO DEPEND ON, HE INSTEAD ALLOWED DOGS IN TO FILL HIS ENDURING, CORE NEED FOR COMPANIONSHIP, CLOSENESS AND EMOTIONAL SECURITY, BUT ON A SAFER, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE-TYPE OF BASIS, WHICH DOGS CAN OFTEN PROVIDE BETTER THAN HUMANS.

“
M
ICKEY HAD REGRESSED BACK TO A CHILDLIKE STATE WHEN HE WAS IN HIS CLOSET AND CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE BUT WAS CONVINCED HE SHOULDN’T GO THROUGH WITH IT BY HIS DOG’S CRIES TO NOT BE ABANDONED.
I
T WAS LIKE HIS OWN ABANDONMENT FEARS WHILE GROWING UP.

“
H
APPILY,
M
ICKEY ABANDONED THE IDEA OF DOING AWAY WITH HIMSELF AND SOUGHT THERAPY.

“
I
N SPITE OF ALL THE TRAUMA HE HAS SUFFERED, IT ACTUALLY IS A HEALTHY SIGN THAT THERE IS STILL A PART OF
M
ICKEY THAT YEARNS FOR CLOSENESS AND COMFORT AND WHICH HE HAS ALLOWED HIMSELF TO FIND THROUGH CONNECTING WITH AND CARING FOR HIS DOGS.
I
BELIEVE THESE RELATIONSHIPS HAVE BEEN VERY HEALING FOR
M
ICKEY, PROVIDING HIM THE SAFETY, SECURITY AND CONSISTENCY HE SO RARELY HAS EXPERIENCED WITH PEOPLE.

“
I
T WOULD BE EVEN BETTER IF
M
ICKEY COULD ALSO EXPERIENCE HOW HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS COULD PROVIDE SOME OF THESE COMFORTS AND
I
WILL SUGGEST HOW THAT MIGHT HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE.”

The Future

S
O, WILL
M
ICKEY
R
OURKE CONQUER HIS DEMONS AND FIND A HAPPY AND SETTLED FUTURE – OR IS HE GOING TO SCREW EVERYTHING UP AGAIN?
D
R.
Y
VONNE
T
HOMAS REMAINS POSITIVE. “
T
HERE IS HOPE FOR
M
ICKEY AS HIS CONTINUES HIS THERAPY.
G
REATER SELF-AWARENESS AND SELF-KNOWLEDGE CAN HOPEFULLY HELP PROVIDE ENOUGH COURAGE AND COMMITMENT TOWARDS HEALING WOUNDS AND ULTIMATELY FINDING TRUE INNER PEACE, HAPPINESS AND LOVE.

“
F
OR DURABLE, SUSTAINABLE, HEALTHY CHANGES TO OCCUR IN A PERSON, IT IS CRITICAL TO IDENTIFY AND UNDERSTAND THE VARIOUS FACTORS THAT HAVE LED TO THEIR UNHAPPINESS AND FAILURES SO THAT PATTERNS CAN BE TARGETED AND BROKEN, SELF-ESTEEM SABOTEURS CAN BE PINPOINTED AND ERADICATED, AND A PERSON CAN FEEL DESERVING OF AND WORKING TOWARDS SELF-LOVE AND LOVE FROM OTHERS.

“
F
IRSTLY, FOR ANYONE TO ATTAIN REAL SUCCESS IN BECOMING AN EMOTIONALLY HEALTHIER PERSON, ONE MUST BE ABLE TO ADMIT THAT YOU HAVE ISSUES THAT NEED TO CHANGE.
T
HE GOOD NEWS IS IT APPEARS THAT
M
ICKEY HAS ACCEPTED RESPONSIBILITY MORE THAN ONCE ABOUT BEING THE CAUSE OF MANY OF HIS OWN PROBLEMS.

“
T
HE NEXT STEP IS TO ACTIVELY BE WILLING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT ONE’S ISSUES, WHETHER THAT INVOLVES SEEKING THERAPY OR FINDING ANOTHER WAY TO RESOLVE ONE’S DYSFUNCTIONAL THOUGHTS, BEHAVIOR AND/OR FEELINGS.
A
GAIN,
M
ICKEY HAS DEFINITELY TAKEN THIS STEP, INITIALLY FIGHTING HIS FEARS ABOUT GOING TO THERAPY AND IN THE FOURTEEN YEARS OF SESSIONS SINCE THEN, APPARENTLY LEARNING TO FACE HIMSELF AND HIS ISSUES – WHICH USUALLY IS THE PART OF THERAPY OF WHICH A PERSON IS UNKNOWINGLY MOST AFRAID.

“
I
N FURTHERING EMOTIONAL GROWTH IT IS IMPERATIVE TO LOOK FOR WAYS TO REFUTE ONE’S OWN NEGATIVE, INACCURATE THOUGHTS, BELIEFS, FEELINGS AND ACTIONS THAT LIMIT, DIMINISH OR HARM ONESELF AND ONE’S LIFE EXPERIENCES.
O
NE POWERFUL WAY TO DO THIS IS BY VENTURING OUT INTO THE WORLD IN SMALL STEPS AND TRYING OUT LOW-RISK WAYS TO TEST THE WATERS.
T
HIS IS WHAT PSYCHOLOGISTS CALL ‘REALITY TESTING.’

“
F
OR
M
ICKEY, HIS FIRST STEP WITH REALITY TESTING MIGHT INVOLVE HIM CONNECTING WITH OTHER ANIMAL-LOVERS OR DOG OWNERS, BE IT AT A DOG PARK OR DOG-TRAINING CLASS, SINCE THERE IS ALREADY THAT BUILT-IN SAFE COMMONALITY OF EVERYONE OWNING AND CARING FOR THEIR DOGS.
E
XPERIENCING NON-THREATENING SOCIAL INTERACTIONS WITH PEOPLE THAT CAN ACTUALLY INVOLVE POSITIVE, BONDING EXPERIENCES AND CONTINUING TO BUILD FROM THERE WITH OTHER EXPERIENCES HOPEFULLY CAN PROVIDE
M
ICKEY THE SAFETY, SECURITY AND EVIDENCE THAT SOME PEOPLE CAN BE LOVING, CONSISTENT AND, MAYBE, EVEN WORTHY EVENTUALLY OF LETTING INTO HIS LIFE AT A PACE HE CAN TOLERATE.

“
C
ERTAINLY FOR
M
ICKEY TO HEAL EFFECTIVELY AND MOVE FORWARD in rebuilding a healthy self-esteem and self-image, he must be able fully and freely to grieve the losses and abandonments he has sustained in his life, whether self-created or through life’s circumstances.

“
T
HROUGH THE SAFETY OF HIS THERAPY AND, HOPEFULLY, WITH SOME SUPPORT SYSTEMS INCLUDING THE COMFORT OF HIS LOVING DOGS AND EVENTUALLY SOME TRUSTED HUMANS,
M
ICKEY CAN RELEASE IN PRODUCTIVE, HEALTHY WAYS THE BULK OF HIS PAIN, HURT, DISAPPOINTMENT, ANGER AND CONFUSION CONNECTED TO THE UPSETTING EVENTS HE HAS EXPERIENCED.

“
B
Y DOING THIS STEP,
M
ICKEY THEN CAN HAVE MORE EMOTIONAL SPACE TO HEAL THE WOUNDED LITTLE BOY WHO STILL LIVES WITHIN HIM.
F
ROM THERE, MAYBE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER,
M
ICKEY CAN LEARN HOW TO SEE HIMSELF FINALLY AS SOMEONE WHO IS TRULY WORTHY OF LOVE BOTH FROM HIMSELF AND FROM OTHERS, AS WELL AS HOW TO BE IN A MUTUALLY SUPPORTIVE, NURTURING RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHERS, AT LAST BEING FREE FROM THE SHAME, SELF-SABOTAGE, DEPRESSION AND MISTRUST THAT HAS CONTROLLED
M
ICKEY’S LIFE FOR FAR TOO LONG.

“
D
ESPITE EXPERIENCING A SUCCESSION OF LOSSES AND ABANDONMENT THROUGHOUT HIS LIFE, THIS IS A MAN WHO HAS CONTINUED TO SHOW HE STILL WANTS LOVE AND CERTAINLY HAS EXHIBITED THE ABILITY TO GIVE LOVE BACK.

“
I
COMMEND YOU,
M
ICKEY, ON HAVING THE COURAGE AND COMMITMENT TO CONTINUE ON YOUR JOURNEY TO FIND INNER PEACE, HAPPINESS AND LOVE.
Y
OU WILL FIND YOUR GOAL IS DEFINITELY WORTH IT.
A
S MUCH AS YOU HAVE IMPRESSED PEOPLE WITH YOUR ACTING ACHIEVEMENTS AND PROFESSIONAL RESURGENCE, YOUR EFFORTS TO HEAL AND LOVE YOURSELF ARE THE GREATEST INSPIRATION OF ALL.”

11
S
OUL
M
ATES

M
ACHO
M
ICKEY, WHO SO OFTEN PLAYS FEARLESS TOUGH GUYS ON SCREEN, CRIED HIS EYES OUT ON THE DAY HE GOT HIS LEFT EAR PIERCED.
I
N FACT, HE WAS FLINCHING WITH FEAR BEFORE THE NEEDLE EVEN TOUCHED HIM.

A
WITNESS TO THE COMICAL MOMENT WAS MAKE-UP ARTIST AND HAIR STYLIST
T
EDDY
A
NTOLIN, WHO BEFRIENDED
M
ICKEY DURING THE NINE YEARS HE PREPARED HIM FOR VARIOUS PHOTO SHOOTS.

T
EDDY RECALLS, “
W
E WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A PHOTO SHOOT IN 1986 WHEN
M
ICKEY SUDDENLY WANTED TO GET HIS EAR PIERCED.
T
HIS BIG LESBIAN, WHO LOOKED LIKE A MAN, SHOWED UP TO DO IT AND
M
ICKEY SAID HE ONLY WANTED HIS LEFT EAR PIERCED BECAUSE THE RIGHT IS GAY, OR SOMETHING.

“
A
NYWAY, SHE DIDN’T EVEN GET THE NEEDLE CLOSE BEFORE
M
ICKEY STARTED FLINCHING.
T
HE PIERCING STARTED,
M
ICKEY STARTED TO CRY AND HIS EAR GOT ALL PINK.
I
TOLD HIM, ‘
M
ICKEY, KEEP STILL, THE NEEDLE’S NOT THAT LONG, IT’S NOT GOING TO GO IN YOUR HEART.’
B
UT HE WAS LIKE ‘
A
AAARRGH!’