Mickey Rourke (33 page)

T
HERAPY HELPED
M
ICKEY UNDERSTAND THAT ALL THE RAGE AND FRUSTRATION BUBBLING AWAY INSIDE OF HIM CAME FROM THE TRAUMAS HE SUFFERED IN CHILDHOOD.
T
HOSE SESSIONS WITH
S
TEVE ALSO REVEALED THAT HE HAD BEEN LIVING IN A “STATE OF SHAME,” THAT HE ALMOST WANTED TO BE INVISIBLE – FEELINGS SHARED AT TIMES BY HIS CHARACTER IN
THE WRESTLER
.

H
E ALSO LEARNED WHAT HE NEEDS TO DO FINALLY TO GET THAT EMOTIONAL BOULDER OFF HIS SHOULDER AND CONQUER THE DEMONS WITH WHICH HE HAS WRESTLED SINCE THOSE EARLY DAYS.
W
ITH SO MANY TROUBLING ISSUES IN HIS HEAD, THERAPY WAS CLEARLY GOING TO BE BENEFICIAL, AND
M
ICKEY IS TO BE CONGRATULATED FOR SEEKING THE KIND OF PROFESSIONAL HELP THAT MADE HIM COME TO TERMS WITH HIS PAST AND MOVE TOWARDS A BRIGHTER FUTURE.

* * *

I
N THE REST OF THIS CHAPTER, LEADING
L
OS
A
NGELES PSYCHOLOGIST
Y
VONNE
T
HOMAS GIVES HER EXPERT ASSESSMENT, SHOWING HOW A TROUBLED CHILDHOOD OF THE KIND
M
ICKEY EXPERIENCED CAN BRING ON ISSUES OF SHAME, SELF-SABOTAGE, DEPRESSION, AND DISTRUST, ALL OF WHICH CAN BE CARRIED THROUGHOUT LIFE.

D
R.
T
HOMAS HAS THREE PSYCHOLOGY DEGREES, A PRIVATE PRACTICE, AND IS A MEDIA EXPERT WHO HAS CONTRIBUTED TO BOOKS, MAJOR
TV
CHANNELS, AND MARKET-LEADING MAGAZINES, INCLUDING
COSMOPOLITAN
.
S
HE HAS NOT TREATED
M
ICKEY BUT DOES WORK WITH MANY
H
OLLYWOOD ACTORS, AND SUGGESTS WAYS FORWARD SO THAT
M
ICKEY CAN CONTINUE towards making the kind of spectacular comeback personally that he has achieved professionally.

D
R.
T
HOMAS DIVIDES HER ANALYSIS INTO FIVE SECTIONS – CHILDHOOD, RELATIONSHIPS, BAD BEHAVIOR, DEPRESSION, AND THE FUTURE.
S
HE STARTS BY SHOWING HOW THE SADNESS OF
M
ICKEY’S EARLY YEARS HAS IMPACTED HIS WHOLE LIFE SINCE.

Childhood

D
R.
T
HOMAS OBSERVES, “
T
HE WORLD MAY SEE
M
ICKEY
R
OURKE AS THAT OUT-OF-CONTROL, TOUGH, INSENSITIVE, DEVIL-MAY-CARE, BOXING BRUTE OF A MAN, BUT LEARNING ABOUT HIM AND HIS CHILDHOOD SHOWS THE POTENTIALLY REAL, INNER
M
ICKEY
R
OURKE.
T
HAT IS A
M
ICKEY WHO IS STILL SOMEWHAT A LITTLE BOY, IN PAIN, SCARED AND CONFUSED, ONE WHO IS DEEPLY LONGING FOR LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, ENDURING AND CONSISTENT CONNECTIONS, AS WELL AS A VISCERAL NEED FOR EMOTIONAL SAFETY AND SECURITY.

“
I
N WORKING WITH PATIENTS FOR ALMOST TWENTY-TWO YEARS,
I
LOOK AT UNDERSTANDING HOW A PERSON’S PAST CONNECTS TO THE PRESENT.
S
IGMUND
F
REUD, KNOWN AS THE ‘FATHER OF PSYCHOANALYSIS,’ STATED THAT THE MOST FORMATIVE TIME OF A PERSON’S DEVELOPING SELF-ESTEEM AND IDENTITY WAS IN THE EARLIEST YEARS OF LIFE.
T
HE TYPE OF ENVIRONMENT
M
ICKEY
R
OURKE WAS RAISED IN DIRECTLY SPAWNED PARTS OF THE MAN AND CAN EXPLAIN WHY HE TOOK THE PATH HE DID.

“
A
S A CHILD, HE WOULD LITERALLY RUN AWAY FROM THE EMOTIONAL PAIN AND ANGST HE EXPERIENCED UPON HEARING AND SEEING HIS PARENTS EMOTIONALLY HURT EACH OTHER AND GO SEEK REFUGE WITH HIS GRANDMOTHER.
H
IS LACK OF A LOVING, EMOTIONALLY-CONNECTED FAMILY HELPED BUILD A FOUNDATION FOR HIM THAT UNFORTUNATELY WAS BASED ON THE DIVISIVENESS AND ABUSE HE OBSERVED BETWEEN HIS PARENTS.
T
HEN, WHEN SIX-YEAR-OLD
M
ICKEY’S FAMILY SPLIT UP, HE EXPERIENCED EVEN MORE LOSS, CONFUSION AND TURMOIL, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE WAS PUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TUMULTUOUS SITUATION.

“
A
S WE KNOW, HIS MOTHER TOLD
M
ICKEY THAT HIS DAD WOULD BE JOINING THE FAMILY IN
F
LORIDA AFTER THEY WERE TO MOVE, WHILE
M
ICKEY’S DAD REFUTED THIS AND BLAMED
M
ICKEY’S MOTHER AS THE HOME-WRECKER.
H
IS DAD NEVER DID REUNITE WITH THE FAMILY, WHICH ALLOWED
M
ICKEY TO TARGET HIS MUM AS THE ‘BAD ONE’ WHILE IDEALIZING AND GLORIFYING HIS DAD.

“
T
HE COMPLETE EXTRACTION OF
M
ICKEY’S FATHER FROM HIS YOUTH PROBABLY FELT LIKE A GUT-WRENCHING EXPERIENCE TO HIM, REPLETE WITH HUGE FEELINGS OF REJECTION AND ABANDONMENT FROM HIS ORIGINAL PRIMARY MALE ROLE MODEL – ESPECIALLY BECAUSE HE WAS THE PARENT
M
ICKEY HAD FELT THE CLOSEST TO AND IDOLIZED.

“
I
T SEEMS THAT
M
ICKEY INNATELY WANTS AND LIKES CLOSENESS – AS EVIDENCED BY HIS LONG STANDING UPSET WHEN PEOPLE THAT MATTERED TO HIM IN HIS YOUNGER YEARS WERE EITHER NOT AVAILABLE PHYSICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY TO BOND AND CONNECT WITH.
T
HIS WAS EXEMPLIFIED WHEN HIS PARENTS DIVORCED AND
M
ICKEY DIDN’T SEE HIS DAD FOR AROUND TWENTY YEARS.
W
HEN HIS MOM REMARRIED, HE EXPERIENCED MORE LOSS, FEELING LEFT OUT, UNIMPORTANT AND FORGOTTEN BY THE ONE PARENT WHO STILL REMAINED IN HIS LIFE

“
Y
OUNG
M
ICKEY RECEIVED MANY NEGATIVE MESSAGES FROM THE MOST KEY PEOPLE IN HIS CHILDHOOD ABOUT HOW THEY SEEMED TO VIEW HIM AND HIS PLACE IN THEIR RESPECTIVE LIVES.
I
T WOULD SEEM TO
M
ICKEY THAT HIS MOTHER SAW HIM AS A BOY LESS LOVABLE OR LIKABLE FOR HER TO direct her time, attention or help towards in comparison to her new husband and his five sons upon whom she predominantly focused. Mickey’s dad apparently reflected to Mickey that he was so unimportant and valueless to him that he completely eliminated the boy from his life.

“
M
ICKEY’S STEPFATHER POSSIBLY INDICATED TO
M
ICKEY THAT HE WAS SO WORTHLESS THAT HE COULD BE HIS EMOTIONAL AND PERHAPS PHYSICAL PUNCHING BAG AT TIMES.
A
DDING TO ALL THIS UPSET,
M
ICKEY FELT HIS MOTHER DIDN’T PROTECT HIM FROM THIS ABUSE.

“
B
ECAUSE OF ENDURING AT SUCH FORMATIVE AGES SO MANY EXPERIENCES INVOLVING LOSS AND PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL ABANDONMENT, IT SEEMS QUITE CLEAR TO ME THAT
M
ICKEY CAME TO EXPECT THAT LOSS AND ABANDONMENT WERE NORMAL FOR HIM.
L
IKEWISE, WHEN HE WAS A BIT OLDER,
M
ICKEY WOULD FIND HIMSELF ZONING OUT FROM HIS NEW SURROUNDINGS IN
M
IAMI AND WAS OFTEN A MILLION MILES AWAY IN HIS HEAD, PRESUMABLY AS A WAY TO DEAL WITH HIS BURGEONING FEELINGS OF CONFUSION, ANGER, RESENTMENT AND DISAPPOINTMENT.

“
T
HIS SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN
M
ICKEY’S WAY, THOUGH NOT A HEALTHY ONE, OF COPING WITH HIS UPSET.
S
INCE HIS FATHER WAS NO LONGER IN HIS LIFE AND HIS MOTHER SEEMED UNRESPONSIVE,
M
ICKEY APPARENTLY DIDN’T FEEL HE COULD DEPEND ON ANYONE FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT OR COMFORT AND TRIED TO STUFF HIS FEELINGS INSIDE.

“
M
ICKEY PROBABLY FELT A GREAT DEAL OF HELPLESSNESS THROUGHOUT MUCH OF HIS YOUNGER LIFE – AND CERTAINLY DURING PARTS OF HIS ADULT LIFE.
E
VEN THOUGH HE MADE ATTEMPTS TO EXPRESS HIS FEELINGS AND ASK FOR ASSISTANCE, HIS NEEDS AND EMOTIONS REPEATEDLY WERE IGNORED BY OTHERS.
I
N HIS ATTEMPT TO FILL HIS NEED FOR PERSONAL CONNECTION,
M
ICKEY WAS DRAWN TOWARDS AND BONDED WITH OTHER LOST AND DISCONTENTED PEERS, UNKNOWINGLY CREATING A PSEUDO FAMILY FOR HIMSELF.

“
A
LSO, AS A TEENAGER AND ADULT, HE WOULD DRESS IN AVANT-GARDE, FEMININE GARB, PERHAPS AS A WAY TO HOLD ON TO HIS SOFTER SIDE AND PERHAPS AS A WAY TO FIT IN WITH THE MISFIT PEERS HE HAD FORMED CONNECTIONS WITH, WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY TOUGHENING UP HIS EXTERNAL SELF IN REACTION TO PREVENTING FURTHER PAIN OR UPSET FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD.

“
M
ICKEY REVERED HIS FATHER FOR HIS PHYSICAL STRENGTH AND PHYSIQUE, CONTINUALLY CHERISHING THE ONE PHOTOGRAPH HE HAD OF HIM – HENCE THE SHOCK
M
ICKEY FELT WHEN, AT HIS OWN INITIATIVE, HE CAME FACE-TO-FACE WITH HIS DAD TWO DECADES LATER AND IN THAT ONE-OF-A-KIND MOMENT, EXPERIENCED HIS FATHER’S FALL FROM GRACE, FROM MUSCLEMAN IDOL TO WEAK OLDER MAN.

“
I
BELIEVE THERE WAS ONE MAIN PATTERN OF REPEATED BEHAVIOR
M
ICKEY ADOPTED FROM HIS CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES THAT EXPLAINS MUCH OF WHY HE HAS GONE THROUGH SUCH A LOT OF HEARTACHE AND FAILURE, OFTEN BY HIS OWN HAND.
H
E HAS SUBCONSCIOUSLY REPLICATED EXPERIENCES INVOLVING LOSS AND ABANDONMENT.
M
ICKEY IS, NO DOUBT, ENTRENCHED IN THIS TYPE OF PATTERN AS HE EXPERIENCED SO MUCH TRAUMA RELATED TO LOSS AND ABANDONMENT DURING HIS MOST FORMATIVE, VULNERABLE YEARS.”

Relationships

M
ICKEY
R
OURKE’S RELATIONSHIPS SEEMED DOOMED TO FAILURE AS HE LACKED THE ABILITY TO TRUST ANYONE.
T
HAT WAS DUE,
D
R.
T
HOMAS ARGUES, TO THE TWO MOST INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE IN HIS CHILDHOOD – HIS parents – abandoning him in different ways; Mickey’s father by leaving the family and his mother by not being fully attentive to him while doting on her new husband and stepchildren. Mickey’s love life has gone badly wrong with two broken marriages behind him and no steady relationships for many years. Is Mickey just not cut out for marriage or close relationships?

D
R.
Y
VONNE
T
HOMAS OFFERS HER VERDICT, SAYING, “
P
ATTERNS LEARNED IN A PERSON’S CHILDHOOD CAN SHAPE AND DIRECT THE WAY THE REST OF ONE’S LIFE IS LIVED OUT, FOR GOOD OR BAD.
S
ADLY, FROM HIS EARLIEST MEMORIES,
M
ICKEY LEARNED THAT LOVED ONES CAN HURT EACH OTHER WITH WORDS AND ACTIONS.
H
E ALSO OSTENSIBLY LEARNED THAT FAMILIES DON’T STAY TOGETHER AND THAT SOMETIMES A SIGNIFICANT PERSON MAY DISAPPEAR FROM ONE’S LIFE ENTIRELY, LIKE
M
ICKEY’S FATHER DID FOR TWO DECADES.

“
I
F A CHILD GROWS UP WITH A PARENT WHO IS EMOTIONALLY DISTANT AND IS UNCOMFORTABLE BEING CLOSE PHYSICALLY OR VERBALLY, THE CHILD MAY NOT GET MANY HUGS, KISSES OR LOVING WORDS FROM THAT PARENT.
U
NFORTUNATELY, THIS YOUNGSTER MAY GROW UP ALSO FEELING AWKWARD WITH EXPRESSIONS OF WARMTH OR AFFECTION TOWARDS AND FROM OTHERS, AND MAY ACTUALLY INTERPRET THE WAY THE PARENT HOLDS BACK FROM HIM OR HER TO MEAN THAT THE CHILD IS UNLOVABLE AND UNLIKABLE – AND NOT JUST WITH THAT PARENT, BUT WITH PEOPLE IN GENERAL.

“
T
HE UNSPOKEN MESSAGE THE CHILD MAY TAKE FROM GROWING UP THIS WAY MIGHT BE IF
M
OM OR
D
AD DIDN’T LOVE HIM, THEN NO ONE ELSE COULD AND CERTAINLY NOT SOMEONE WHO ISN’T TIED TO THE CHILD BY BLOOD AS A RELATIVE IS.

“
I
N
M
ICKEY
R
OURKE’S SITUATION, THE EARLIEST MESSAGES HE APPARENTLY RECEIVED ABOUT HIS WORLD WERE THOSE OF TURMOIL, UNHAPPINESS AND LACK OF PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL SAFETY, GIVEN THE OVERT VOLATILITY AND TENUOUSNESS OF HIS PARENTS’ RELATIONSHIP.
I
T WAS A PATTERN HE WAS TO PLAY OUT LATER IN HIS OWN MOST SIGNIFICANT ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS.

“
W
ITH HIS FIRST MAJOR LOVE, HIS WIFE
D
EBRA
F
EUER, HE COULD NOT SUSTAIN THE CLOSENESS VERY LONG, EVEN THOUGH THINGS WERE GOING WELL FOR HIM IN HIS CAREER AND IN HIS MARRIAGE.

“
I
NSTEAD,
M
ICKEY SPENT INCREASINGLY MORE TIME ENGAGING IN ACTIVITIES APART FROM HIS WIFE, MANY OF WHICH WERE DESTRUCTIVE BOTH TO HIM AND TO HIS MARRIAGE, INCLUDING HANGING OUT WITH HIS MALE FRIENDS, DRINKING, POSSIBLY ABUSING DRUGS, SPENDING A LOT OF MONEY ON LUXURIOUS PURCHASES, AND ULTIMATELY GOING OUT WITH OTHER WOMEN.

“
F
URTHERMORE, HE DISPLAYED JEALOUS, OVER-CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR WITH
D
EBRA, PHOBIAS AND INSECURITIES THAT FURTHER ALIENATED THE COUPLE AND EVENTUALLY CULMINATED IN THEIR DIVORCE.

“
I
T SEEMS THAT
M
ICKEY DID ALMOST EVERYTHING HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO SABOTAGE THE RELATIONSHIP HE HAD, PROBABLY BECAUSE BEING IN SOMETHING LOVING AND FREE OF TURMOIL AND UNPREDICTABILITY WAS AN UNKNOWN ENTITY TO
M
ICKEY AND, IRONICALLY, PROBABLY FELT EVEN MORE SCARY AND UNCOMFORTABLE THAN THE TUMULT HE EVENTUALLY INJECTED INTO THE RELATIONSHIP.
M
ICKEY HAD NOT REALLY EXPERIENCED BEING IN ANY RELATIONSHIP THAT WAS HAPPY AND HEALTHY VERY LONG.
T
HUS,
I
DOUBT THAT HE HAD ANY IDEA WHAT HE WAS DOING OR WHY HE SYSTEMATICALLY WAS SABOTAGING HIS MARRIAGE.

“
A
GAIN,
M
ICKEY SUSTAINED LOSS AND ABANDONMENT WHEN
D
EBRA LEFT HIM AND HE SEEMED TO HAVE SUFFERED TREMENDOUSLY WITH HER DEPARTURE.
S
IMILARLY, IN HIS NEXT MEANINGFUL LOVE RELATIONSHIP with another actress, Terry Farrell, things couldn’t stay peaceful and stable for very long either. There was plenty of passion, apparently, but not just of the positive nature.

“
A
PPARENTLY,
M
ICKEY AND
T
ERRY WENT THROUGH MANY BREAKUPS AND EMOTIONAL HIGHS AND LOWS TOGETHER, PARTLY DUE TO
M
ICKEY HAVING TO HIDE HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH
T
ERRY FROM HIS ADORING FEMALE FANS WHO THOUGHT HE WAS SINGLE.
I
T SEEMS
M
ICKEY MAY HAVE BEEN TEMPTED BY PILLS AND ATTENTION FROM OTHER WOMEN IN THIS PERIOD.
S
O THIS TWO-YEAR RELATIONSHIP WAS TERMINATED AS WELL, CHALKING UP ANOTHER MARK IN THE ‘LOSS’ COLUMN FOR
M
ICKEY.