Mia Found (Starting Fires Book 3) (34 page)

“
What is it?” Fontenot asked.

“
Nothing. Do your thinking so we can leave.”

We were silent. Whole minutes passed with nothing but the gentle sound of our breathing until finally he said, “Would you date me again? I mean, I don’t want you to date me. That’s not what I’m asking. But if, like, I don’t know, we never
had
dated and Paul wasn’t in the picture, would you?”

My shoulders jerked, completely aghast that he would even ask. “Are you kidding me?”

“
It’s just…” Fontenot sighed. “Never mind.”

While he thought, his hand curled over his mouth and he studied the water. Fontenot was troubled. Deeply troubled.

Seeing him this way reminded me of our time together. When we’d first met he’d been quiet and reserved, but also protective and strong. For the first few months, it had been perfection. He was devoted and utterly supportive of me. I’d fallen in love with him—as silly as that sounds. But then he’d just…changed.

It was around the time his father had passed away—unexpectedly and tragic. Nothing I said or did made him feel better. He disappeared further and further into himself. But I’d respected that. I’d let him have the privacy he needed, because I couldn’t even begin to fathom the depth of his pain.

But then three months later his mother remarried and moved away. That’s what broke him. Fontenot was never the same. He became angry. Mean. And then it was the drinking and constant parties and women. There was no telling how often he’d cheated on me. Most likely with every one of my friends and every woman I knew. I’d suspected. I could see the guilt in his eyes each time I gave him a sweet kiss. Stupidly, I’d thought having sex with him would help—that it would somehow save our failing relationship.

Stupid. So stupid.

It had been a long time since I’d thought about any of that. Had I buried it? Forgotten it? Or maybe Paul had washed it away? The pain of those months was gone. I didn’t even hate him anymore.

Fontenot still carried his past with him. It was in the eyes. They held a subtle pain, hidden, as if he desperately tried to conceal it.

“
What’s wrong?” I asked. He hadn’t looked this stoic in ages.

“
I…” His head hung and he looked down at his lap. “I met someone. But she…Ah hell. I’m whining like a little bitch.”

“
Is it Kristen?”

“
Who?”

I shrugged. “Fiona said you dated someone named Kristen.”

“
For like two minutes.”

“
Fine. It’s not Kristen.”

“
You know her, though.”

“
Ah,” I said, figuring it out. Nicole. I wasn’t going to say her name aloud. If he couldn’t, I wouldn’t.

“
I–I don’t know what to do, Mia.”

“
Well, what do you
want
to do?”

His breath was frustrated. “I tried. I tried to do it right. Not with her. She doesn’t even want to talk to me, not after…not after all this mess with Fiona.”

Yep. It was
Nicole.

“
But with someone else. Just to see if I could,” he continued. “That Kristen girl. I did it right. I didn’t mess around. I didn’t talk to other girls. I fucking did it right. What’s her face dumped me, but who cares. I would have just left her if Ni–the other girl came along.”

“
Does she know how you feel? This…other girl?”

He shrugged. “I’m afraid of her, Mia.”

My laugh was perplexed. “Why?”

With an unamused smile, he shook his head. “She just…she gets in my head. I feel crazy after I’m around her. Fucking insane. I don’t give a crap about the women in my life and I know what that says about me, but with her I do care and then I just mess everything up. I say stupid shit. I do stupid shit. Not my normal stupid shit.
New
stupid shit. I just want this to stop.”

What was it about tonight? Two relationships that had ignited and burned bright and vibrant, only to end in tears and anger, were rearing their heads.

I peeked out the window and spotted a full moon. She was toying with me and everyone else. Making us feel crazy. I had the strangest urge to howl. And then thought of Paul staring at the same moon. What would he think when he saw it? Me? I hoped so. I missed him. He might even be in NM by now—with Liza.

I sighed. “I don’t know Fontenot. I’ve known you for a long time and what I know isn’t good. I’ve seen you run through women like underwear.”

He chuckled. I couldn’t really blame him. The analogy was gross.

“
Anyway,
you’re kind of a jerk. If you say you’re willing to change for her, to be different, well, I haven’t seen that side of you in a very long time. Maybe she only knows this side too. Show her I guess. If it means all that much to you. Or don’t if you think it will only make you crazy. Do whatever you want. Just…take me home already.”

He didn’t even respond, only started the car and drove away. Fifteen minutes later, he pulled into his driveway and I got out, walking around to the driver side.

Fontenot was already at his door when he called my name, and I turned over my shoulder to acknowledge him. At first, he was looking at me, but then stared down at his keys as if embarrassed. “Take care of yourself, Little Mia,” he said.

This felt like a goodbye. A proper goodbye. “You too, Simon.” It had been ages since I’d used his first name. It was his father’s and hearing it only reminded him of the man he’d lost. But a long time ago he’d been Simon to me, and I’d been his Little Mia. An intuition told me that he needed me to say it, that it would somehow bring him closure and absolve him of the guilt he still carried for what had happened between us.

He gave me a sad smile, waved, and walked into his house. As I pulled out of his driveway, I had a feeling it would be a long time before I saw him again. A very long time. My heart hurt a little. Not because I wanted that relationship to remain open, but because I was closing a chapter of my youth.

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

PAUL CALLED ME AT 7 a.m. and I hastily grabbed the phone.

“
Hello,” I said, clearing the sleep from my voice.

“
I love you,” he said. “And I’m sorry. It’s completely understandable why you’re uncomfortable with this situation. Let me make it up to you.”

I smiled. “How?”

“
Once I finish up here, I only have to work one more weekend. I’m coming to see you and taking a few vacation days. I miss you.”

Even though that was three weeks away, my heart soared. “Yes. I mean, I miss you, too, and yes, you can make it up to me. I can’t think of a better way for you to make it up to me.”

“
Good. Forgive me?”

“
For what?”

“
For not calling. For not being considerate. For always being such a stupid idiot.”

I chuckled, but steeled myself. There was something I needed to get off my chest. “You’re not an idiot. This is weird for both of us. And I have something I need to tell you too.”

Paul patiently listened while I filled him in on the weeks of working with Fontenot. I tried to be as descriptive as possible, because I’d want the same thing. He hardly made a sound until I told him about the getaway in my car and the following conversation parked by the river dock. It was a painful inhalation of breath, full of jealousy and anger.

“
I’m a hypocrite,” I said.

“
Mia…” he groaned. “You should have told me. You realize that now it makes me feel like you were hiding something. Like there
might
have been something going on.”

“
I know how it looks but I also hope you know I’d
never
do something like that. I love you. You’re amazing. I wouldn’t throw it away for a fling with Fontenot. I mean…he’s Fontenot.”

His sigh was frustrated—equal parts disappointment and hurt. “It’s just…I always felt like he was waiting for me to be out of the picture and only dating Fiona to be around you.”

Given how he’d professed his feelings for Nicole, I doubted it, but I could see Paul’s perspective. Trying to reassure him, I said, “It hasn’t been like that for us in a very, very long time.”

“
But if you were willing, he’d want it to be.”

I knew he wouldn’t, but explaining that to Paul would be pointless. All I had was a feeling. Somewhere along the way, I think Fontenot stopped seeing me in that light and I became a sort of friend to him. Someone he wanted to protect, maybe because he felt guilty. But hearing that might make Paul feel worse. I would hate knowing that Marjorie still cared for Paul…even if it was in a platonic sense.

“
Maybe,” was all I said on the matter. “But I don’t think he’s going to be working at the bar anymore. Last night…he seemed different.”

“
That’s what I want to hear…that you’re so in tuned to Fontenot that you know when he’s ‘different.’ ” His voice was gruff and angry and I wasn’t making it any better.

“
I should have told you sooner. I just…I didn’t think about it because it wasn’t important. Because
he
isn’t important to me. You are.”

Paul sighed. “You can’t hold back things like that.”

“
I know,” I responded, my voice sounding small.

He took a deep breath. “All right…It’s done now. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

His voice lilted on the end, sounding more upbeat, but when we hung up, I felt awful. I was glad to have told him, but instead of being happy about his upcoming visit, I felt overwhelming guilt for everything I’d withheld, even if it hadn’t been intentional.

At Savage Noble, the bar was quiet. It would be another few hours before it opened and I needed to ensure the stage was prepared for the band I’d booked. They were an unusual choice, singing mostly jazz and I wasn’t sure how Tanya would receive them.

While I was setting up lighting on the stage, Tanya walked in, making a little squeak when she spotted me. “Mia!” she said. “I didn’t expect you to be here.”

“
Just setting up for the new band. I hope you like them. If they’re as good as their videos, it will really bring in some high end clientele.”
Just like you want,
I thought.

“
Oh. I’m sure they’ll be wonderful.” She smiled, the gesture not quite reaching her eyes. “It’s gonna be a rough night though. Fontenot called and told me he’s quitting. Quitting! No two week notice. Nothing. See if I give him a good reference.”

Savage Noble was different without Fontenot and I realized he had been what held the bar together. All of the waitresses and bartenders had looked to him for guidance. That night, it all fell apart. Drinks took longer to be made. Customers grew restless and left. The jazz music didn’t go over well and I stood in the corner feeling so very small.

I didn’t know how much longer I could stomach this. It paid the bills, but my heart was completely removed. I was young and needed to be doing what my heart wanted. Not this. It hadn’t ended being what I hoped it would.

Instead of stepping up and helping everyone out, Tanya disappeared to the back office. With no one to handle the patrons, I took a breath and made my way from table to table, helping when I could and stilling anger when it was needed.

For two weeks it was this way—Tanya getting drunk and everyone running around aimlessly. Most customers didn’t seem to mind, they were only there to have fun, but I could see it happening. The regular crowd that formed became more and more like the rowdy, obnoxious one from Cowboy’s.

Knowing we needed something special, I booked Hank’s band again, but not through him. I’d contacted his manager and wasn’t even sure they’d show, but they did and through the loud crowd, they played. Before long, people calmed, getting wrapped up in his voice. He really was hypnotic when he stood behind a microphone.