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Authors: Tom Grimes

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BOOK: Mentor: A Memoir
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To Frank ’s left, a list of his memorial speakers’ names. Marilynne Robinson and I would offer “Reflections.” Then John Irving and T. C. Boyle would read from their work. I’d taken two milligrams of a tranquilizer, but my hands still shook. Five feet from the podium, I sat in the first row beside Marilynne, who stood up to speak. She hadn’t written what she wanted to say and, at one point, her eyes moistened and her voice faltered. Terrified, I don’t remember a word she said. Once she finished, I walked to the podium and adjusted the microphone. I saw Maggie and the three boys seated in the second row, behind T.C. and John Irving, and, for a disorienting moment, I was a waiter again, watching writers gathered on Sam Lawrence’s deck. My life’s arc, from waiter to writer, and from cursing Frank to reading my eulogy at his memorial service, seemed improbable, and, in that respect, utterly like Frank’s. Returning to the present, I cleared my throat and said, “I dedicated my second novel to Frank. This is my final dedication to him.” Then I slipped on my glasses, looked down at my typed pages, and said:
Literature was Frank’s school, his salvation, and his joy. One can’t separate Frank the writer, from Frank the reader, from Frank the teacher. Each aspect of his personality was of a piece. Forget for a moment any one of them and you’ll remember and cherish him incompletely.
 
As a boy Frank read his manic-depressive father’s entire library, which became his refuge. “Safe in my room with milk and cookies,” he wrote in Stop-Time, “I disappeared into inner space. The real world dissolved and I was free to drift in fantasy, living a thousand lives, each one more powerful and more real than my own.”
 
Ultimately, reading turned him into a writer. As a genre, the memoir barely existed before Frank published Stop-Time, which, he once told me, was completely out of sync with its era. Yet the book became a classic because the purity of Frank’s perfect prose not only stops time, but renders time timeless.
 
Writing the book exorcised and, at the same time, celebrated his childhood; and by age thirty Frank had fulfilled what Susan Sontag deemed to be the sole responsibility of a writer—to write a masterpiece.
 
 
 
I paused for a moment, then continued:
People speak of great writers, but few people speak of great readers, and Frank was one of them, perhaps the best reader I’ve ever known. He took genuine pleasure in the act of reading and somehow he was able to retain his complete innocence as a reader, to read as the boy he once was, alone in his bedroom, keeping his anxiety about his complicated childhood at bay by turning the pages of a novel.
 
Yet for all of Frank’s innocence, he never failed to pluck from each great book a master’s lesson, which he then selflessly passed along to his students. Frank read great writers without any fear. He didn’t worry about imitating them; he didn’t worry about being overwhelmed by them. Instead he took pleasure in them and learned from them, and by doing so he elevated reading to the level of art, which Picasso described as “serious play,” a phrase that captures Frank’s relationship to reading literature and to teaching it.
 
Frank was also a generous reader. Recognizing that his escape from his own Dickensian childhood had depended on chance, unexpected benefactors, and good fortune, he repaid the pleasure and enlightenment Dickens had given him by writing Body & Soul, a novel that astonishes us because it’s a truly happy book. For a second time, Frank had composed a work that was completely out of sync with its age. Not a single word in the novel is tainted by cynicism, postmodern game-playing, or lyrical pyrotechnics. Over all of Frank’s prose, from the books right down to his essays, there hovers an Olympian calm. He could even write about seven days on a cruise ship and make the experience seem somehow sacred.
 
Yet the boy in Frank never entirely vanished. Last fall, when I called to ask him how his summer had been, he said, “I read a book a day. It was heaven.”
 
 
 
I turned a page.
 
His other heaven was Maggie and his three boys. In his life as a husband and a father, Frank composed yet another masterpiece.
 
“How odd it is,” he said to me in his car one morning, “to find the perfect woman just when you think the possibility is gone forever.” Wistful as he could sometimes be about the great bliss Maggie brought into his life, he was also proud of the fact that he’d picked her up on Nantucket while he was headed to the garbage dump. “Her face seemed to radiate vitality,” he wrote, “an almost shocking kind of aliveness that laser-beamed its way through the dirty windshield and my gloom-obsessed, three-quarters shutdown consciousness.” “Dickensian coincidence!” he gleefully shouted when he told me the story. But he was somewhat cooler on the page when he wrote about it. “She got in and sat in the backseat. ‘Hi,’ she said cheerfully” (using an adverb that in workshop he likely would have told one of us to cut). “I accelerated and glanced in the rearview mirror, tilting it.” (Good detail, the tilting it, he would have said.) “Yes indeed, I thought. Most particularly her eyes. Hope—like some glaciated mammoth slowly stirring in the heat of a miraculous arctic thaw—revived.” (I’d watch the “slowly stirring,” he would have warned the writer. “It’s a bit . . .”). And then he wouldn’t say anymore, yet every student in the room would know exactly what he meant, just as I knew exactly what he meant when, late one night, Frank and I were leaving his house, bound for the Foxhead, and he reached down and shook one of Maggie’s bare toes as she sat with her feet up on the couch, reading. I knew in an instant, by that simple gesture, how deeply he loved her.
 
In each of his boys, Frank was reborn, and the pleasure he took in each of them overflowed until their simple presence became for him a palpable joy.
 
One day, while Frank and I were talking on the phone, he said, “Tim just came into the room; he’s beautiful.” I told him that Tim had always been good-looking, and Frank said, “No, I don’t mean looks. I’m mean, he’s beautiful. Just him being there makes my heart leap.”
 
 
Silence.
 
Everything, by this point in Frank’s life, had become a gift, and through the final days all the gifts he’d been given were transmuted into an unexpected and unbidden sweetness. The disquiet Frank had carried in his heart ever since childhood had been stilled by the birth of his oldest son, Dan. Afterward, it was impossible for him to let his love for his boys remain unspoken.
 
Years ago, Frank and I were standing on the front lawn outside of his and Maggie’s old house. His son Will had just left, and we watched Will’s car drive away until it disappeared. Then Frank looked at me and said, “You know, it’s amazing when they’re here, unfathomable when they leave, and unbelievable how much you miss them once they’re gone.”
 
 
CODA
 
L
ast night in the woods, at dusk, as I walked through a dim, gray light, I knew I would finish the book tomorrow. I needed one or two more sentences and I realized that I would type them on August 28, the day Frank and I first met at Iowa, when he was fifty-four as I am now. I hadn’t expected to write this book, but, in a way, our memoirs form bookends. His about childhood, adolescence, and a lost father; mine about writing, teaching, and a father found. Our story has come full circle. The story’s meaning mystifies me, yet if Frank were alive he’d agree that neither of us would choose to live in a world that was unmarked by the passage of time, and anything other than inscrutable.
 
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
 
Deepest thanks to Jody Grimes, Charles D’Ambrosio, Connie Brothers, Janet Silver, and Lee Montgomery, who suggested that I write this book when I didn’t know there was a book about Frank Conroy and me waiting to be written, and to all the great people at Tin House Books—Deborah Jayne, Nanci McCloskey, Janet Parker, Tony Perez, and Meg Storey.
Copyright © 2010 Tom Grimes
 
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information, contact Tin House Books, 2617 NW Thurman St., Portland, OR 97210.
 
Published by Tin House Books, Portland, Oregon, and New York, New York
Distributed to the trade by Publishers Group West, 1700 Fourth St., Berkeley,
CA 94710,
www.pgw.com
 
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Grimes, Tom, 1954-
Mentor : a memoir / Tom Grimes.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
eISBN : 978-0-982-56910-8
1. Grimes, Tom, 1954- 2. Conroy, Frank, 1936-2005. 3. Authors, American—20th century—Biography. 4. Authorship. 5. Mentoring of authors—United States. 6.
Creative writing (Higher education)—United States. I. Title.
PS3557.R489985Z46 2010
813’.54—dc22
[B]
2010007124
First U.S. edition 2010
An excerpt from this work appeared in
Narrative Magazine
.
 
 
The publisher is grateful for permission to reproduce excerpts of Frank Conroy’s work from
Stop-Time
, Viking Penguin;
Body & Soul
and
Dogs Bark, but the Caravan Rolls On,
Houghton Mifflin Harcourt;
Time and Tide
, Crown Publishers; as well as Fritz McDonald for his essay that appeared in
The Workshop: Seven Decades from the Iowa Writers’ Workshop
, edited by Tom Grimes; Brady Udall for his introduction to “Buckeye the Elder,” which appeared in
The Workshop: Seven Decades from the Iowa Writers’ Workshop
, edited by Tom Grimes; e-mail from Neil Olson; and, with the author’s deepest gratitude, letters written to him by Will Conroy.
BOOK: Mentor: A Memoir
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