MEMORIAM (23 page)

When I exhaled, I was in a hallway. I heard voices, laughter. Those voices sounded familiar. I saw movement up ahead and walked down the hall, stopping when I reached the end. The same woman, my mother, was standing in a kitchen. James and Julia were seated at the table across from the kitchen coloring pictures.

“I’m making your favorite,” my mother said.

I held back tears. Was it strange that I could not remember my own favorite kind of soup?             “What kind?”

“Clam chowder.”

“Right,” I said, trying to keep a smile on my face. I came over to her and reached my arm out, hoping that I could rest my hand on her shoulder. My face fell when my hand went straight through. I could not touch her. All of these people, they were not real.

“Mother?” She did not turn around.

I made my way over to the table. I wondered if James and Julia could hear me, or if I was mute to them as well.

“Julia?” She kept coloring. I wanted to cry. My own family could not hear me. Out the window past the setting sun was the Head. He was crossing our lawn.
No, please. Don’t hurt them. Not my family.
They were all I had.

He reached the patio. I grabbed James and yanked him away from his chair, dragging him over to the hallway. I called out to Julia and my mother but they did not answer. I ran back, reaching for Julia. My hands went straight through her. I cursed and ran over to my mother, trying to grab her. Why could I grab James and not the others? The Head was opening the back door.

I scooped James up in my arms and ran out of the room. He started to cry. I hid his face in my shirt as I heard my mother scream. The Head must have gotten her, but there was nothing I could do. James was the only one I could save.

My eyes fluttered and I found myself staring at the ceiling of the Memoriam room again. Trent was next to me, his hand on my wrist.

“Sorry, your treatment was stopped.”

“What?”

“It stopped halfway. I don’t know why.”

It felt like the longest Memoriam session I had ever had. On top of that, I was reeling from the images I had just seen. So many of those things.....most of them were memories that the prison must have taken. They had to be.

Trent detached the cords from my body and I was released from the chair. He helped me get out and I stood next to the chair, holding it for support.
Your final mission will commence in fifteen minutes. Meet in the weaponry.
I frowned. Final mission? What was that supposed to mean?

“I have to go. I have another mission,” I let go of Trent and stumbled over to the door. I was trying to comprehend what I had just seen, which was, and most likely still is, my family.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

“We can fix those,” Sam said. “I can search the secretary’s office and figure out how to break in and activate the system. Vince, thanks again for all of this.”

“It is the least I can do for Violet. Both of you deserve freedom.”

“We all do.” Sam noticed Vi had stopped talking.

“What is it?” Vince asked.

“I have another Memoriam session.”

“When?” Sam asked.

“In fifteen minutes.”

“You can work on trying to find an alternate way other than the lift to get down to the weaponry, okay?” Vince said to Vi.

“Okay.”

Sam could tell she was nervous as she stood up to leave. He reached over and squeezed her hand. “You’ll be okay.”

She walked over to the door and stopped. “Wait for me, will you?”

Vince smiled. “Of course.”

Vi opened the door and shut it quietly behind her.

“She doesn’t look well,” Vince said.

Sam sighed. “She hasn’t for a while.” He leaned back against the wall. “This Memoriam is just torturing her. They should leave her alone.” Sam was quiet for a minute. “How long have you been a hunter, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Almost a year?” Hesitation was in Vince’s voice. “I have lost track of time. I do not believe it exists here.”

“Yeah.” Sam was worried about Vi. She seemed so scared when she left. He wished he could make it stop somehow but the only way was to get her out. At this point it didn’t matter if she remembered him or not. Sam still hadn’t told Vi about ‘them.’ It was painful enough to have her forget him the first time. He decided it was better to keep her alive without recollection of him than to have her dead. Sam didn’t want Vi to feel obligated to love him if she knew about their past relationship, but at the same time it was getting to the point where it didn’t matter; he was sure she was already in love with him.

“Are you worried about Vi?” Vince asked.

“I’m worried for a lot of reasons.”

“You can see fear in her eyes. I think it is because of Memoriam. You know how it works, right?”

“Not really. I mean, I’ve heard bits and pieces but she’s never explained its entirety to me.”

“It’s the cruelest form of brainwashing in my opinion. The program is designed to blur the lines between reality and dreams. It sorts through your memories and detects your fears. When combined they create new memories out of the two that could exist in another world-”

“-which can be confused with this one,” Sam finished. Vince nodded.

“She doesn’t deserve this, you know.” Sam thought of Vi and the day she was brought into the base. She was in hysterics. The base refused to let her see James, despite her begging. It took Sam a long time to calm her down. He never wanted to see her like that again.

“You know there’s something...I haven’t told her. About her past,” Sam said.

Vince raised his eyebrow. “You mean the memories that were taken from her?”

“Yeah. It’s been a battle for me to figure out what to do…” He let out a shaky breath. “How do I say this?” Sam paused. “Vi and I were going to be married.”

Vince’s eyes widened. It all made sense now. “How long have you two been together?”

“Almost a year. When the war broke out we went into hiding together.”

Everyone knew that getting married was a big deal. Most people did not marry throughout their life; they usually chose a partner. It made things easier if the relationship failed or the couple wanted to keep things casual. Being married was considered old-fashioned and most people did not believe in it anymore. 

“You’re the first person I’ve told,” Sam said. “I don’t have the courage to tell her. I don’t want to make her feel like she has to love me.”

“So she doesn’t know anything about your relationship?”

“No.”

“Do you plan to tell her?”

“I just don’t see the point anymore. I mean, my feelings haven’t changed. I don’t think hers have either.”

“No offense, but how can you be sure she feels the same way as she did before? She has no memories of you two, or of being in love.”

Sam had known this was coming. It was something that haunted him every time he woke up next to Vi. It killed him to picture her with someone else, but he knew it was always a possibility.

“Sam, correct me if I am wrong, but I believe it would be in your best interest, and hers, to tell her. You could help her piece her life together. It’s not fair for her to go along not knowing who she truly is.”

“But do you really think that’s the best thing for her? It will only make her depressed about the memories she’s lost. I mean, what if she never remembers her family? She doesn’t need that guilt.”

“You can’t be selfish here. I know you are only thinking of her, but I think she would like to know.”

“I’ll tell her, just not now.”

Vince folded his arms. “It must be rough being around her when she can’t remember you.”

“You have no idea. The first few weeks were the hardest. I kept wondering why she wouldn’t listen to me. It was like I was invisible....I got so angry because I wanted her to remember. I still get angry sometimes.”

“I’m sorry,” Vince said. “I do not envy you.”

Sam waved him off. “It’s been a secret until now. I count myself lucky that we ended up in the same base after all the shit we went through. I still have the ring I gave her.”   

Vi had given it back to him when they first came into the base, before she was forced in the tubes and
bullied by skryers
. She made Sam swear he would return it when they both escaped.

“So you were in hiding together?”

“Yeah. And her little brother.”

“What happened to the brother?”

“That’s...” His eyes stung. “That’s what kills me the most. Vi doesn’t remember. Two months ago we planned to escape. We’d almost made it, but we got caught. I told Vi to leave without me so that she could save James. The last time I saw him was when he climbed over the outer wall. I don’t think Vi remembers what happened to him. He could still be out there on his own for all I know.” Sam sniffed, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “I just hope he’s alive, and if he is I hope he can hold on until we find him.”

“Sam, I think there is something else you should know before you and Vi escape. If anything, tell her for me so that she can piece her story together.” Vince paused. “It was my combination that found Vi.”

Sam wasn’t sure whether he should be angry and or happy. His first instinct was to hit Vince. “You...you brought her in?”

“I want you to know that I would have fought for her freedom if I knew. When it comes down to it, none of us really has a choice. It’s the Head who decides.”

“And James? You didn’t...” Sam’s mouth went dry. He didn’t want to picture little James dead.

“No,” Vince said quickly, shaking his head. Sam let out a sigh of relief. “No, I never saw the boy. We were on the border of the woods when we found her, but she was alone. Trent was in our combination then.”

“Wait a second, Vi’s trainer?” Sam sat in disbelief.

“Yes, he was a new hunter at the time. He was struggling like Vi...Sev was really hard on him. Not as hard as he is with Vi, but there’s a reason for that. Sev was the one who caught Violet, but she fought back.” Vince smiled. “Trent actually defended her. Sev wanted to kill her on the spot, but Trent wouldn’t have it. He insisted that she be brought in and given a chance. So I guess, in a way, you owe Trent your thanks.”

“Is that why Sev hates Vi so much?”

“Among other reasons. I knew Sev when he was a new hunter. On one of our visits to the Head’s mansion, I saw a man who I am positive was Sev’s brother. My belief is that the Head forced Sev to kill his own brother. Since then his mind has been twisted and warped to the point where he can’t remember if he killed his brother or not. I think he envies anyone who gets to live, and on top of that, remember. Sev was so furious when Trent let Violet live that he turned him in. Trent was demoted and now works as a trainer.”  

Sam shook his head. “I would have never guessed that in a million years. This place is screwed up.”

“Indeed.”

“So you never saw James?”

“No. We cleared the area before going after Vi.”

Sam smiled to himself. At least he knew there was a chance that James could be alive.        “Thanks for telling me, Vince. It gives me peace of mind.”

Vince held up a finger. Sam waited as Vince sat there in silence. “We have another mission,” he said.

“What about Vi? She was going to meet us back here.”

“She can’t now. She’s bound to go to the weaponry. Something’s off, though. It was said this was our final mission.”

“What do you think that means?”

“I do not know.” He groaned as he got to his feet. “Sam, I may be wrong, but I believe this would be the time to go to the secretary’s office. She will most likely oversee our departure or be involved with this mission to say the least.”

“How much time do you think I will have?”

“Five minutes, tops. Don’t stay a minute longer.”

Sam opened the door and made sure the coast was clear. “Vince, are you sure about this?”

“No,” Vince replied.

“Right. I’ll see you later. And Vince,” Sam rested his hand on Vince’s shoulder, “I will make sure Vi knows about James.”

“Thank you.”

Sam left first. He took off down the spiral staircase. It was odd that the halls were so empty. Sam made his way to the other end of the dome where the secretary’s office was. Most people did not know who the secretary was or that she existed, but Sam knew. He had met her once when she came to survey the healing center when he was first brought in.

He rounded to the corner to the entrance of the secretary’s office when he ran into Trent.

“What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question. Isn’t this a restricted area to healers?”

“Last time I checked it wasn’t your job to enforce base rules. You train hunters.”

“Including Violet Hansen.”

Sam was surprised Trent was bringing up Violet. “What’s your point?”

“I know she’s planning something, and I’m assuming you’re part of it,” Trent said.

“That’s- ”

“I caught Vi stealing weapons the other day.”

Sam’s face fell. Vi never mentioned anything about getting caught to Sam. Was this true? If so, he had put her life in danger. Guilt swelled inside his chest. Sam stepped towards Trent.  

“Are you going to turn her in?”

“I’m saying that whatever you’re making her do is wrong. She’s been through enough and making her steal- ”

Sam cut him off. “I’m not making her do anything. Besides, what makes you think you have the right to threaten me? You’re nothing to her.”

“If she gets caught it will be on your head,” Trent spat.

Sam’s fists clenched. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I meant what I said.” Trent stepped back and turned away from Sam, striding down the hall. Sam was fuming. As much as he didn’t want to let Trent get to him, waves of guilt were washing over him. He couldn’t think about this anymore. He needed to focus on the task at hand, which was getting into the secretary’s office.

Sam went further down the hallway to the door leading to the office, scanning his tracker and walking through the entryway to the second door. He walked up the steps quietly, staying low. If she was here then there would be no turning back. Sam crouched down on the top steps, peering around the corner. The room was empty.