Memoirs of an Immortal (The Immortal Series) (40 page)

I finally found Hephaistos on the shore of Halia. The air was cool and crisp. The sun that once was bright and warm was now covered by grey clouds. Herakles had walked over to me and began to look around us.

“I honestly don’t know when the sun will come back or when winter will end.” He said warily. My eyes finally saw Hephaistos.

“Is he ok?” I asked softly. I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

“No, no, he’s not.” Herakles patted my shoulder and left us alone.

I could hear the waves crashing on the rock cliffs, the cold mist spraying my face. The water felt cold and callous at it began wetting my feet. I took off my sandals allowing my feet to melt into the sand. I began to walk over to Hephaistos. My arms ached to hold him. He stood close to the wave, allowing the water to hit him, as though he wanted his feelings to be washed away.

“Look at you all bloody” I said softly, as I tried to reach for his hands that seemed broken and bludgeoned. He quietly yanked his hands away from me, not letting me see them. I pressed my lips together and took a deep breath. I tore at my dress and dunked the fabric into the water. I took his hand by force and began to wash it clean.

“I didn’t realize that you were such I fighter. At least try not to get too hurt or I’ll worry.” I whispered. Unshed tears began to swell up in my eyes. He still wouldn’t look at me. I continued to clean his hands until I finally started to get angry. Why should he be so upset? This is happening to me too. I’m the one that is in the middle of this. Every thought I had began to boil over.

“Are you going to talk to me or simply ignore me?” I bit out, as I put my hands around his face and turned him to face me. His jaw was hard and tight, his beautiful green eyes were now the colour molten lava. I could feel his muscle were tense.

As he looked at me for a moment, his body relaxed and his eyes began to softening. He shook his head holding back his words.

“What?” That was his only word, I stood astounded.

“You found out that Leonidas is alive. You just got into a huge brawl with Apollon and your only words to me is…What?” I fired back. He left my eyes and began to stare at the ocean again.

“He’s just a copy Hephaistos, a ploy to use against me. Don’t you understand? It’s their way to gain a foot over us.” I said softly, trying to reassure him. Hephaistos hissed and growled low in his throat.

“Why? Why is it I have to stand here and make you feel better? What about me? Have you any idea what this is doing to me?” I screamed letting my hands fall to my hips. I began to pace back and forth throwing my hands up into the air. “He’s not Leonidas. He’s just a copy.” I yelled, stopping in front of him. Hephaistos broke from his trance.

“A copy? A copy with the face of the man you loved. You loved him so much, you mourned for him to the point that it nearly broke you. You loved him so much, that you denied me and your feelings for me.” He barked, his eyes brimming with tears. To see him like this brought a shooting pain to my heart, like someone had sliced it with a searing hot knife.

“You will leave me.” He whispered, his eyes burning right through me, his tears finally falling, “I can’t wait for that Psykhe. I can’t watch you with someone else. I can’t.” His arms now crossed, like he was cutting me off. “So before you destroy me, I’ll leave you. I’ll walk away.” His voice broke with each word he spoke. “What are you saying? You don’t mean that now, so stop it.” I sobbed, my face hot with anger and hurt.

“I won’t stand by and watch you slowly fall away from me and fall for him again. I can’t so it Psykhe.” He said grimly.

“Hephaistos, you haven’t even given me a chance to show you how much I love you, I can….”

He moved in closer and stood above me. “Your love for him was so strong that you loved his ghost. You can’t imagine how it hurt to know that a ghost could have more importance than me.” The way he said it pricked me, like slow little needles jabbing me.

He uncrossed his arms and reached for my face, the crashing waves had become stronger and the wind was blowing harder.

“I saw you fall for him the first time.” He said ruefully. My head began to spin. What did he just say?

“I still remember the first time I saw your face. I was sent by Zeus to check on your progress and to prepare your weapons. He wanted to know how well you girls were at fighting. He had sent Akhilles and Herakles too. I remember watching you fight and train. You enjoyed it so much, that I was catching myself coming by more often. I watched you as you smiled and laughed without fear or hesitation. It drew me to you, like I was a blind man finally seeing the sun. You awoke something in me that had never existed. It was the graceful way you used your father’s weapons, your drive to be the best, your resilience. I fell in love with you ages ago Psykhe. I have followed you since… waiting, hoping and dreaming. Now I will have to be put aside, for the very man I couldn’t stand. The way he touched you, the way he held you, I had to stop myself from coming to Sparta and taking you with me. It nearly broke me to see you with him. I would only come when I knew you’d be alone. It pained me to see you lose him, even though I wanted you. I never wanted you to feel like that.” He began to stroke me face and hair.

He’s loved me since I was with my parents, since before I was an immortal, since before Leonidas. My mind stopped. My heart felt like it was going to burst, hearing him tell me that he loved me since forever, how could I not love him.

“When you finally came to Olympos, I waited and tried slowly to win you over. When I finally did, I would stay up at night watching you sleep, just to make sure you weren’t a dream. The connection I feel with you. I know you are the one for me.” His hands fell from my face, he leaned in and our foreheads met. “But I can’t lose you now. Psykhe, it will break me completely. I can’t watch you be taking away.” He said sorrowfully. His were eyes closed and his voice was full of sadness and regret.

“So don’t leave me.” I pleaded with him. “You can’t leave me, I need you now, now is the time that I need you the most.” I quietly begged.

I was losing ground. I could feel him slipping away from me and I didn’t know what to do anymore. He took two steps back breaking our embrace.

“I can’t.” He kept saying over and over again.

“Hephaistos please don’t do this, not now.” I begged as hot tears streamed down my face. His body grew ridged, as he watched me.

“If you leave me now, I will never forgive you. Do you hear me?” I warned.

He closed his eyes. “Good bye Psykhe.” Hephaistos turned his back and left me.

At that moment, I felt worse than the day that Leonidas died. I was left half a person now. My body went numb, the only feeling I felt was the waves caressing my feet and the wind embracing my body.

My Next Step

My days and nights were filled with the thoughts of everyone’s, but my own. I was a shell of who I was. How my life changed so much in such a short time, I still couldn’t understand.

A small knock came at my door. “Are you going to eat?” Anthousai was the only one who dared to talk to me, even my sisters kept their distance. She walked in, but I didn’t bother to move from my sit at the window sill.

“It’s been days and you need your strength, please eat.” She implored. She glided into my room and left some fruit and water for me.

I could sense her presence hovering over me, but after a long moment she left. I reached for the cup of water and was about to drink, when a whirl of images came to my mind. The cup fell from my hand and shattered, the water spilled everywhere.

Eirene’s awaken eye had shown me that our battle was about to begin. My insides began to brew. I wanted something to kill, something to hurt instead of me and then the final image appeared. Leonidas stood triumphantly over the ridge, looking down at the Diavolis as he trained them and I was beside him looking down at his achievements. The image of Leonidas, how different he looked, but how similar he was, had frightened me. Could this be my new path? My heart missed him, but it now belonged to another. I had to face this, I had to know. Within that moment I found my resolve. I decided to go and see him.

I found myself near Laconia, near our old home. I knew he’d be here so I waited. The sky was blue and clear, the air warm and inviting, the rustling of the grass was the only sound I could hear.

“You came.” His voice was just as I remembered it, deep and commanding, but affectionate and loving.

“You knew I would.” I said softly, my back was still turned. I was afraid that seeing him would undo me. How was it possible that I reached a point, that I didn’t even know my own self anymore?

“I thought you’d be here sooner.” He reached for my shoulder “I missed you so much.” He breathed.

I could still feel a strong connection with him, even though so much time had passed.

I moved forward so as not to be touched. I swallowed whatever fear I had and turned around. His eyes were as blue as ever, his smile was just as I remembered it. I wanted to stretch my hand and touch him, but I couldn’t, I wouldn’t.

“Why are you hesitating? I know you must be happy to see me. I’m back and I will not break my promise again. I will stay with you forever.” He took two steps forward and grabbed me. He held me close, looking deep into my eyes. It was him it was completely him. I felt my resolve fading. He finally embraced me and I melted into his arms, my Leonidas. Tears streamed from my eyes. I never thought I would be able to hold him again, to feel him in my arms. The only sound I could hear was my heart beating, it was so loud, that it echoed in my ears. I found myself nestling into his chest wanting to hear his heart, but I heard nothing, I pushed it out of my mind, he was here now and only right now was important.

As I took a deep breath, I realized how wrong I was, this was not the smell of the man that I loved. He smelled of death. I closed my eyes coming to my quiet realization. I pushed myself away, needing distance from him.

“We….we are enemies now, there’s nothing that will change that. You and I existed long ago, but now…” I began to say, but he stopped me.

“But nothing can erase what we were to each other nothing. You are mine and I will always be yours.” His face was calm, but there was a hint of anger. He reached for my arm and I let him, his touch no longer bringing me warm, but more uneasiness. I couldn’t hear his thoughts or feel his warmth.

“Here this is what I am offering you.” He waved his hand and below the ridge hundreds of Diavolis appeared, each of them fighting, practising.

My instincts kicked in, but I was completely outnumbered, I held my breath, watching him thrilled in his accomplishments. He continued to hold my hand, but this time much tighter than before.

“I will get back all that I lost, everything single damn thing. My kingdom, wife and my world.” His voice trembled with anger. I finally freed my hand.

“This was a mistake” I said trying to lower my voice. “I shouldn’t be here.” I turned to leave

“What?!” He cried. “You are exactly where you are supposed to be.” He latched onto my arm and yanked me back.

Just then Akhilles appeared with Agape and Eirene. Akhilles reached for his kopis and attacked him. Leonidas launched himself into the air to avoid his assault, both men now staring at each other, with weapons drawn.

“Why are you here?” I asked my sisters.

“Do you think that I can’t see where you’re going or what you might do?” Eirene spat out.

“We were worried” Agape added. “I can sense…”

“Agape don’t? Don’t you dare do anything. I need to feel this, I need to know!” I yelled and she nodded in agreement.

I could hear Akhilles attacking him, in his mind he had decided to end it, to finish this all. I felt anxious and upset when I saw them fighting, just when Akhilles was going to give a final blow, my heart hurt and without thinking I yanked my blades out and deflected his sword.

I stood watching my blades swinging back to my side, waiting for whatever my thoughts decided.

“What are you doing? He needs to die!” Akhilles yelled. “I could easily finish this and we can all go back to the way things were!”

I shook my head not being able to answer him. He was right. He could have finished this and I could have just forgotten what had happened. But my soul knew that this was wrong somehow, that there was more to this story and I needed to find out what it was.

“Leave him” My voice low and hard.

“What about my brother?” Akhilles was getting angrier by the second.

“What about your brother? He is the one who doesn’t trust me. He is the one who walked away.” I barked.

“Can you blame him? He had to.” Akhilles glared at me. Of course I couldn’t blame him, but my heart was broken and pained.

“Can you blame me?” I screamed. “What am I to do? What?”

Leonidas stepped in and stood behind me. “I’m her husband. She is mine so tell your brother to stay away from her.” He growled.

Akhilles’ nose was flaring and his eyes brimming with his famous wrath. “This is making me sick.” He seethed, as he threw his sword at me narrowly missing me.

The portal opened up in front of them, all three walked through it. I picked up Akhilles’ sword and began to follow.

“Where are you going?” Leonidas asked in a panic.

“Home.” I murmured.

He looked lost “You are home.” He said baffled at my comment. “No, no I’m not.” I said, as I walked away.

As we arrived back home, I could feel the contempt and confusion of everyone or maybe it was my own. I didn’t know what to do, but just move forward. I sat under our now bare olive tree. The night was filled with stillness, sky filling with stars, the ground cold and hard.

“Well?” asked Akhilles.

“Well” I repeated.