Meltdown of Mad Dog (Satan's Savages MC Novel #4) (16 page)

“Shut the fucking doors and drive, Chops,” I call out. Chops slams the door shut, as a darkness engulfs the area.

“Fuck you! I fucking hate you,” she yells, continuing her assault.

I don’t bother to defend myself, I just let her slap me because honestly she’s been through a lot because of me, and to be honest, I more than deserve this treatment.

Why?

Because I’m a cunt.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.

I’m a cunt, and I hurt people.

I hurt everyone I come into contact with.

I hurt the people I know.

I hurt the people I love.

I hurt the people I do business with.

I simply… cause hurt.

And Violet Dyson is no exception to that rule. So I’ll let her slap me, scream in my face, and abuse me for the cunt that I am, because really, it’s justified. 

She’s really getting herself worked up, and unfortunately, that’s only hurting herself in the long run, her lungs must be burning and her leg would be painful as fuck, so I choose to stop this.

“Boss, stop it! We’re not going to hurt you anymore.”

“I will be hurting for all eternity because of you, you fucking prick.” She spits in my face and cries hard.

“I know, I’m sorry, Boss. I like you, and I am genuinely sorry it had to be done this way. But you’re such a stubborn arse that it was the only way to make you do what we wanted,” I admit and she stops fighting and slumps her body.

“I don’t even know how someone could be as cruel as you are? Surely you have a family? Surely your parents wouldn’t be proud of the man you’ve become?” she asks finally sitting down next to me.

“My parents died when I was young. I had to make my own way through life, Violet. Things happen. We make bad choices and then we’re stuck with them for the rest of our lives. I bet there was a time in your life you never thought you’d turn into a woman whoring herself for cash? But things happen, and we change. It’s life. Some of us are good, the rest of us are evil. It’s in my blood to be bad, Boss. I don’t know any other way,” I admit honestly. I don’t know why but I feel like I can talk to her. There’s something about Violet that’s struck a chord with me. From the first moment I met her, I knew she’d have an impact on my life. Maybe now is that moment?

“Everyone has a choice, Mad Dog. You can choose to stop this lifestyle anytime you want. Not everything has to be done illegally you know?”

“Why do you think I’m trying to obtain a legitimate business, Violet? Cupiditas is not only a significant income for the Savages, but it’s also a way of going straight—”

“So you want to go straight, but you go about it by stealing the business and torturing the owner to get it? Yeah, really heroic, arsehole.”

“I didn’t say I was perfect, Boss, but I am trying. Habits are hard to break, you of all people should know that.”

“I still don’t understand you at all.”

Huffing out a laugh, I nod. “Boss, I don’t understand me either.”

She raises an eyebrow and shakes her head. “But seriously, why are you doing this? If you don’t like doing illegal things then why keep doing them? Are you scared of what people will think of you if you change?”

“Yes, that’s exactly it. How am I supposed to go from this tough leader of the most feared biker gang in all of South Australia to someone who doesn’t want the violence, greed, lust and anger? I don’t want any of it anymore, but because I have been so involved in doing things the wrong way for so long, how do I stop this behavior, Boss?”

“Wow, I don’t know how to go about changing behaviour. I’m really not the right one to ask about that, but… do you really want to change?”

I nod and rub the back of my neck. The truth is I’m sick of the trouble this club brings me. I want my wife—I want my kid. I can’t have that with the club. “I’ve wanted to for ages. I see the lives normal people have, family, friends, the love they share and I want all of that. Sure I have my brothers, but what good are they if all they want to do is torture the good people who have families that love them. I’m so jaded. I haven’t been loved by anyone for a very long time, and yes, I guess my brothers might care for me, but honestly if they had a chance to have Chops as their leader, they’d kick me to the curb in a heartbeat. I’m not stupid, I know my brothers are only in this for the money. That’s why I need Cupiditas, Boss, because if I don’t do something soon they’re going to start taking matters into their own hands, and things around here are going to get a hell of a lot worse than they are now. And trust me, it can get worse. Torture and stealing businesses are only minor compared to the things my brothers have in mind.” It’s true, Chops would do anything to get his way and take down anyone, and if he were in charge, this would go downhill faster than they are now.

“Mad Dog, I think if you want out, then maybe you should just leave the gang. You’re the president, surely you can step down?”

I huff and let out a laugh. “If it were that easy Boss, don’t you think I would have by now? One doesn’t simply leave an MC club. Once you’re in it, you’re in it for life. The only way I’m getting out is by being six foot under and, to be honest, the way my life is right now, I’d gladly welcome it. But if I can change things around with Cupiditas then it might make life bearable again. I don’t know, I shouldn’t even be telling you this. If you blab to the other guys, it could be the end of me, and after what I’ve done to you, I wouldn’t blame you. But if you do blab, I’ll be the first one with my hands around your neck, got it?” I state seriously.

“You don’t have to always talk that way, you can still change you know?”

Scoffing, I shake my head. “No Violet, I can’t. I can try to do things legitimately, but in the end, I’m a twisted fucker who gets his pleasures by pain. I’m sick in the head. I love the look of blood.”

She frowns and shakes her head. “You’re right, you
are
a twisted fucker.”

That gets my back up, and I flare my nostrils. “Right, that’s enough. Shut up now. You need to conserve your energy.”

“You just don’t want to admit that you’re just a scared little boy pretending to be this big tough macho dick. But I see through you, Mad Dog. You actually hate the violence. You hate this lifestyle, but most of all you hate yourself!”

I shake my head and reach out grabbing her by her hair. “Shut your mouth, little girl,” I grunt out and then shove her to the other side of the vehicle. She winces in pain, but her face then contorts like she’s completely pissed off.

“I’m not a girl, I’m all woman. Something you probably haven’t had in a very long time. Am I right? I bet you’re probably gay and trying to cover it up by pretending to be this big tough freak. But in reality, you’re nothing more than a weak as piss pansy arse!”

“Did you seriously just call me a fag?”

She nods with a smile. “You are, aren’t you?”

“Right, that’s it! Fuck you, Boss. I thought you were a nice girl, but I can see you’re nothing but the gutter trash you look like.”

Anger surges through her, and she rushes forward on her knees and starts to slap at me again. This time, I fight back, grabbing her arms and pulling them out to the sides. She smiles at me, and I raise an eyebrow as she leans forward and head butts me again. The pain sears through my temple as my scalp prickles with pins and needles.

Fuck, I fall for that every fucking time!

“Fuck, you bitch!” I throw her back across the other side of the cage, her head hits the steel hard as I crawl over on top of her. She tries to fight me off, but I’m fucking angry, so I slap her hard across her face. “Fuck taking you home the rest of the way, you can walk on your fucked up leg. And if you think for a second about running and not handing over the business, you know the body count will be on you! I’ll see you tomorrow at Cupiditas. Ten in the morning. Have the paperwork ready for me and if you don’t… I’ll hunt you down. And if you think the last three hours have been torture, that’s nothing like what I have planned for you next time, Violet Dyson,” I grit out in a menacing tone which forces her to halt her fight back.

I’m sick of this shit.

I’m probably not thinking properly.

My head’s a mess and my emotions are all over the place, but the woman has me all worked up and I just need her gone. So I pound on the side of the van, it’s my signal to Chops to let him know to pull over at any cost. The Crafter screeches to a halt, and I hear the tyres of the cars on the highway around us all squealing as I pick her up and pull her toward the back door.

“Not a word to the cops. See you tomorrow, Boss,” I say, then lean in kissing her fully on the lips just to freak her out. She pulls away, and I yank the hidden latch and then open the door throwing her out onto the bitumen. She hits the ground so harshly that she gasps as her skin scrapes along the pebbled surface. My chest is rising and falling dramatically, and I feel like I might be losing my mind.

This is a big mistake.

Letting her go in the middle of a highway–bad move. Shaking my head, I look out on the road to see a car has stopped, and a woman gets out and is now rushing to help Violet. Clenching my jaw, I look right at the woman who’s looking right at me.

Fuck!
I slam the door shut, rushing to the front of the cage and slam my fist into the wall to let Chops know to start driving again. He takes off with a start, so quickly I fall backward and stay on the floor in a heap, just breathing in and out hurriedly.

“Fuck,” I moan out.

Someone saw me. She got a very good look at me. My cut. The van. And the plates. I’m screwed.

For the first time in my life, I feel utterly helpless. I feel lost, and I feel like I’m losing everything. Actually, this feels like an utter meltdown, and as I pull my knees up to my chest, my bottom lip trembles as I think of Millie and how utterly disappointed she would be in me right now. I’ve failed her, as a husband, as a father to our children, and as a man. I’m an utter failure at everything, and I deserve what’s coming.  

Storming into the assembly room, my emotions are all over the shop. Chops has already yelled at me in the compound for throwing Violet out the back of the cage.

I know it was a dick move.

Trust me–I know!

My fucking head is all over the place. She fucking got to me. She forced me to think about things, made me regret my life. I got emotional and reacted before thinking.

Now, yeah now, I’m probably in deep shit.

Slamming the door shut, the timber creaks and moans with the abuse. I yell at the top of my lungs, venting my frustrations, as I pull at my hair. I’m so fucking angry, my blood is boiling so hot, I have sweat running down my temple as my muscles clench all over. Picking up an empty stein, I hurtle it across the room, and it smashes into pieces against the plasterboard wall, cascading into tiny shards all over the carpeted floor. My breathing is rushed and rough as I pace frantically trying to figure out my next move.

I don't have one.

I’m fucked!

I’ve fucked everything up, by letting Violet go early and being seen in the process. Everything she said to me in the van is hitting home.

I’m really am a cunt.

And as it hits home that only
I
have made myself this way and that everyone in my life has left me because of this fact, my bottom lip trembles, and I clench my eyes tight as they fill with hot salty water. My back hits the wall, and I slide down it to the floor in utter deflation.

I’m lost.

I’m melting down.

This is the meltdown of Mad Dog.

I’ve lost everything, everyone, and it’s all of my own doing.

My chest tightens so tightly I can’t breathe, I literally gasp for air as the salt water breaks free of my eyelids and runs down my cheeks. I’m supposed to be this big, tough, burly biker. The President of the Virginia Satan’s Savages, and right now I’m a sad, lonely, lost, little boy.

I need my Millie.

She would know what to do.

Thinking of her only makes my chest ache more. A sob escapes my mouth as I bring my hands up to my face and bury my head in my hands while I slowly cry for the first time since my twins died.

Bang. Bang.

The heavy knock on the assembly room door startles me, and I take a deep breath looking up and wipe my face. “What?”

“Prez, there’s cops here.”

My stomach sinks to the floor, and I clench my jaw tight.

This is it.

This is the moment my castle comes crashing down.

Sniffing, I stand up and make my way to the door. Taking a deep breath, I wipe my face and open it to see Blade standing there frowning.

I nod to him, and he swallows hard. “They say they have a warrant for your arrest, Prez.”

Nodding, I sigh, and walk out into the clubroom, then outside, toward the gate where Chops is busy arguing with the police that are there waiting for me.

“Frank McNamara?” one of the officers calls out.

Chops looks back at me and shakes his head. “No, that’s not him.”

“Chops, it’s fine.”

“Like fuck it’s fine!”

“Just let them take me.” It comes out more defeated than I’d planned.

“No fucking way, Mad Dog, you can fuck right off.”

“Chops, you’re in charge,” I say and put my hands out to the cops. They place their handcuffs around my wrists locking them in tight.

“Frank McNamara, I am Constable Chapman from the Elizabeth Police Station, and I have a warrant for your arrest.”

“Mad Dog,” Chops calls out.

“I understand,” I reply utterly defeated. The cop pulls me with him and drags me toward the patrol car.

“Mad Dog, fuck!”

“You’re in charge, Chops, take care of my club.” My head is lowered as I’m placed into the back of the cop car. Everyone else rushes out to watch. All their faces long and sad.

I can’t help but think I’ve let them down.

I’ve let everyone down.

I was taken to the station, fingerprinted and questioned, regarding the kidnapping and torture of Violet. I didn’t say much, so they put me in a cell, and now I’m lying on a hard bed while I stare at a peeling ceiling. What Violet said to me really hit a nerve. I’m sick of this life. It drove Amelia away, so maybe I should pay for my sins. Maybe I should break apart Virginia and be done with this life?

“McNamara, you have your one visitor.”

Turning my head, I huff and sit up on the bed thinking it’s probably Chops, who’s come in to see me. Standing up, I walk to the iron bars and a buzzer sounds. The door slides open, and I put my hands out for the cop to put my hands in cuffs.

“This way.”

Nodding, I drag my feet along the pale blue concrete floor as he walks me down to the visitation room. “You don’t have long, maybe five minutes, so say what you need to quickly.”

“Yes sir,” I reply.

He opens the door leading me in. I take a seat, and he locks the handcuffs to the circle on the desk so I can’t move. Rolling my eyes, I shake my head and huff, as he walks out of the room leaving me alone.

Taking a deep breath, I look around the room noticing the one-way mirror. Obviously, there’s a room behind there where cops sit to watch.

I’ll have to be careful what I say to Chops.

A buzz sounds, and the door opens. Gazing up, my head jolts back in shock when I see it’s not Chops at all.

It’s Steel.

My kid.

“Dylan?”

He huffs and shakes his head walking over to the other side of the table and sits down in the seat. “Jesus Christ, Dad.”

“What are you doing here?”

He frowns and grits his teeth. “Chops rang me. Which was bad enough in itself, but then when he told me you’d been arrested, well that took the fuckin’ cake, didn’t it. What the hell were you thinkin’, you idiot?”

Huffing, I shake my head. “What do you know?”

“Chief Thomas told me what you did to that Violet woman. What I don’t understand is why? Why the hell would you torture an owner of a brothel? I’m so disappointed in you, Dad. I never thought you’d stoop so low as to torture a bloody woman. I don’t… I don’t even know who you are anymore.” His frown is so large it makes me recoil away from him. The undeniable disgust in his face produces the need to want to throat punch myself.

“I don’t know who I am anymore either, kid.”

He shakes his head, and his nostrils flare as he breathes harshly out of his nose. “I just came to tell you, I hope you rot for this, Dad.” He stands so abruptly the chair legs grate on the floor making them squeal as he turns to walk out.

“Steel, wait…” he doesn’t stop walking, “…Kid…” he continues to the door, “…Dylan, please. Come back, let me explain,” I beg, the desperation in my voice clear as he reaches the door.

He pauses and my heart leaps into my throat. He turns around and exhales. “This better be good.”

“Sit, please.”

He huffs, walking back and sits down placing his fists on the table. “Talk.”

“It all started because of the Cartel…”

“You and that fuckin’ Cartel—”

“Just listen. They were going to go after your mother, Willow, and you, if I didn’t give up the guns and drugs. I needed to go legit and find a business. Yes, I did it the wrong way, but Violet was so stubborn, and my mind is all fucked up. This was the only way I could get her to sign over the business to me.”

“By torturin’ her? No, I can’t forgive that, no matter what. And nothin’ you do will make me understand why you’re throwin’ everythin’ away. You lost Mum, now you’ve lost me, too. I’m glad you gave everythin’ up for the Cartel, but what you did to that poor Violet woman was unreasonable, and I’m done, Dad.” He stands up again and turns walking toward the door once more.

“Dylan, c’mon, my head is all over the place. I know I should’ve found another way. I regret torturing her, I do. But kid, I can’t lose you.”

“You just did,” he counters without turning back to face me. He knocks on the door, there’s a buzz, the door opens, and he walks out taking all my self-worth with him. 

My kid’s disowned me…

Now, I have absolutely nothing left.

Not a thing in this world.

My chest tightens as I find it hard to breathe.

What’s the point? What’s the point to anything anymore? I need a way out of this life….

I’m sitting in the interview room. I requested a chat with Chief Thomas. I’ve already confessed to how we took Violet and tortured her. How Chops water tortured her. How Acid, Manson, and Blade were the ones to do the damage to Star and Sheila. I’ve given dirt on every club member that’s at the Virginia chapter at the moment. Not any of the past members, they’re out, they don’t need to go down, but the guys that are there now, they can suffer alongside me.

Yep, I’m officially a rat, and I don’t give a flying fuck!

“I have to say, Frank, I’m a little astounded by all this information you’re freely giving us. You’re basically giving up your entire club. You know this means all of them are going to go away for their crimes? It’ll basically disband the Virginia chapter, right?”

Nodding, I exhale. “The club isn’t what it used to be. If I can’t be there to run it, I don’t want anyone else running it either. The club gets disbanded… bring them all in, Chief.”

He nods. “Thank you for your candor. But I do warn you, your life is probably going to be in danger.”

Half smiling, I nod. “I know, but I have nothing left to live for anyway.”

The chief nods and exhales walking out of the room, and the other policeman unlocks my cuffs from the table. So, I stand up and he walks me back to my cell.

Lying down on the hard bed, I look back up to the peeling ceiling and think of Millie. I wonder how she would be taking the news of my arrest. I wish I could see her, just one last time. I fucking miss her, so bad. Bringing my arm up, I look at the tattoo of her name on my inner forearm and huff.

“I love you, Millie,” I murmur closing my eyes and dreaming of her adorable face.