Maybe This Life (19 page)

One more night of lying to Jackie, and to himself, was going to drive Rick over the edge. He couldn't do it anymore. Poor Jackie, involved in a dishonest relationship with Rick. He didn't have the heart to tell her that his heart still beat for Lena. Hurting Jackie again killed him. Tonight, he had to tell her the truth...before it went any further. After his set at The Tavern, he would take her home and tell her. But until then, he'd at least make their last date a pleasant one.

Rick picked up Jackie for an early dinner at Portobello's and then made way for The Tavern before Rick's performance. It was busier than usual, folks lining up against the back walls. The Tavern was packed. Some 80s songs were on Rick's set list tonight. He played for nearly two hours. When the crowd cheered for an encore, Rick performed a sweet ballad about losing sight of the important things, like love. A song appropriate of where things stood with Lena.

While up on stage, Rick could have sworn he saw Lena against the back wall, but his mind must have been playing tricks on him. Scanning the room several times while singing, proved the female figure had to be just an illusion. Lena was nowhere in sight. Disappointment affected him deeply. Oh, how he longed to see Lena again.

"Ladies and gentlemen." Rick tried his best to sound upbeat. "Thanks for coming tonight. I'm done for the evening, but as you saw on the marquee outside, I'm playing again tomorrow night for a special Saturday evening performance, thanks to Jack, our great host and owner of The Tavern." Rick paused to allow for some applause. "So come on back tomorrow and have a good night." Rick said his goodbyes and jumped off his stool.

"Ricky," Jackie exclaimed, the irony posing a sarcastic sting to Rick's emotions. What was that song from long ago?
Love Stinks?
  Rick was putting his equipment away when Jackie hopped up on stage. "You were awesome tonight," she sang, jumping at him and wrapping her arms around his neck.

Not quite ready to break her spirits, he wrapped his arms around her waist and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "Thanks, Jackie, that's sweet of you to say."

She kissed him again, holding him in the embrace a while longer. Rick allowed the kiss...though the twinge in his heart reminded him he'd be shattering hers tonight.

Breaking their embrace so he could finish packing up, he realized, though the crowd was dispersing, there were still people lingering and watching. When he turned to grab his guitar case, he halted. He hadn't been hallucinating. Facing him, with a huge tear running down her cheek, was the one person who should never have seen him in the arms of another woman.

"Lee, Lena," he stammered, when trying to speak. "It's not what it looks like. She's not my..."

But Lena had not let him finish, she turned on her heel and ran out, leaving Rick standing with his heart in his throat. Here he was, afraid to break the heart of a girl he didn't love, while crushing the heart of the girl he did. Right there, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, Lena showed up tonight to make amends. And now...he blew it.

When he finally turned back to gather his stuff, Jackie'd been crying her own tears.

"Jackie," Rick breathed.

"No. Don't. I understand. Uh...I was going to tell you anyway."

"What?" Rick asked.

"Yeah, I've been trying to figure out how to tell you this, but now...it seems you probably won't really mind."

Bewildered and impatient, Rick wanted to run after Lena, but he shook his head and stayed put. "I...don't understand."

"Luke...and me. We thought...we wanted to give it a shot. Ya know, see if there was something between us and all...anyway, now you can go to that P.R. chick and well, I don't have to feel bad for breaking your heart."

Rick knew Jackie wasn't telling the truth, but whether she intended to save his dignity or her own, he wouldn't push it. "If that's what you want," he said.

"It is," Jackie answered, much too quickly for Rick to believe she'd meant it, but he couldn't do anything about that. She knew where Rick stood now regarding his emotions; he'd let her lead him to believe she wanted out. It was the best he could do under the circumstances.

***********

Saturday morning, Rick rushed down to Haledon. The minute he woke, he'd brushed his teeth, put on a cap and took off in his Jeep.

When he'd pulled up to her house, she was there. Sitting on the wrap-around front porch, with her hair tied back in a ponytail and covered with a glittery baseball hat, Lena was feeding her baby. He noticed her fidget when he moved up the sidewalk. Overcome by frenzied emotions, Rick barely ascended the front steps, dropping to his knees at the top, he cried.

"I need you," he wept.

She sat there, baby in hand, crying herself. "No."

"Lena, please." Rick rose and sat on the railing across from her. "It wasn't what it looked like." Cringing at his own words, he knew Lena wouldn't buy it.

"You
weren't
kissing somebody? What was it Rick, mouth to mouth?"

Damn, she had become much too sassy. "Yes, I was kissing somebody, but...I'm not in love with her."

"You mustn't really love me like you'd said you did, not if you can be with someone else."

"Lena, you're not a guy. Guys can be with someone they don't love." Oh, he was batting a thousand with his comments this morning.

"Goodbye, Rick."

"Lena, please," he pleaded. After a few seconds of silence, Rick stood up and, staring into the eyes of her little boy, decided to change course. "What's his name?"

"Sam."

"He's cute."

"Thanks."

Rick kept his gaze on Sam, falling deeper in love with him by the second. "Can I hold him?"

"I need to burp him," Lena frowned.

"I can burp him."

She let out an audible sigh.

Rick looked her in the eyes. "Please, Lena? I need to hold him."

After another sigh, she stood to hand the baby over. "Okay."

Rick took Sam from Lena's arms and sat on the wicker chair next to her. A feeling of amazement and serenity washed over him. Holding Sam felt as natural as breathing. Inhaling Sam's soft powdery scent, Rick kissed his velvety forehead. "I love him already," Rick choked.

"You do?" a surprised Lena inquired.

"I do."

"Why?" she asked, furrowing her brow.

Turning to look at Lena square in the eyes, he poured out his heart. "Because I love you. I always have and I always will. Not even death could prevent my loving you, Lena. No matter what shape or form you may come back as, I will
always
love you. You may want to push me away, but you cannot hold me back. I will keep returning." He took a deep breath and continued the dialogue he'd gone over in his mind time and again, hoping for the chance to finally declare his feelings to her. "So you can do what you want, push all you'd like, but I can't give up. I will not give up. And this little boy," Rick pulled Sammy tighter to his chest, "he's part of you. How could I
not
love him?"

Moisture welled up in Lena's big brown eyes, but she blinked them away. "If you'd never give up, why were you with that girl last night?"

He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Because I was lonely."

"You should have tried harder."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Tried harder?" Now he'd become incensed. "
You
kept pushing me away." At first, his voice raised, but quickly he softened it, so not to alarm Sam. "How much harder did you want me to try?"

"You said you'd keep returning, right?"

"And here I am. What more do you want?"

"You wouldn't be here if I hadn't caught you last night."

Close to losing it, he fisted his hands.  "Ooh, you are incorrigible...for God's sake, Lena, I was on my knees a few moments ago. I don't know what it is you want me to do here."

She gave him one of her stone-cold expressions, before her lips parted. "I want you to leave."

"Uggh. Fine." He stood up and delicately handed over Sam. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a small gold box, which he had wrapped in a red satin ribbon. Placing it on the wicker table next to Lena, he said, "This is for Sam. A keepsake." Then he turned and went toward his car.

Rick knew he'd regret leaving and he knew it contradicted what he'd just declared to Lena, but God help him, he could not lose it in front of the baby. He wanted that little boy to love him like a father, and he'd be damned if he were going to yell in front of him. Maybe tomorrow she'd be calmer...and hopefully, more level-headed.

*****************

Shoot. She should have stopped herself before getting so carried away. Watching him hold her little boy, tugged at her heart so hard, she wanted to grab Rick and never let him go. Why she reacted the way she did, she couldn't say. Well, she could, but it wouldn't be a valid excuse. Jealousy. Plain and simple. It reared its ugly head and made her gruesome. Seeing Rick kissing that girl, tore at her insides, tearing piece by piece, the very thing that held her heart together. Rick's love. Not that she'd known that before, but when Lena stood gaping at another woman in a passionate embrace with Rick, she had crumbled. His love is what had kept her going all this time; a sub-conscious effort she hadn't been aware of. A love that journeyed a century, carrying her through an abusive life, is what kept her afloat. Somehow, deeply rooted inside the very depths of her soul, Lena knew Rick existed. Loving her. Waiting for her.

Then... that kiss. When she'd witnessed it, she thought she'd lost him forever. Even though he'd all but thrown himself at her feet, Lena couldn't wipe the image of him kissing another woman from her mind. It drove her crazy.

In the not-so-long-ago past, Lena could suppress her emotions, allowing no one to know her true feelings. Now she found it impossible to hide them. Walking away from Vince seemed to change something in her, and she's not convinced it was for the better. Poor Rick, receiving the brunt of her wrath. She could not wrap her head around why she'd built this wall around herself. It was natural, she knew, to be wary of entering a new relationship after leaving an abusive one, but she did not want to be apprehensive with Rick. He'd never hurt her. She knew it with every fiber of her being.

Since Sammy's birth, her visions had stopped. If she were to be honest, after recalling her entire past life, the nightmares had slowly faded, until there was nothing left to remember. Lena surmised that her subconscious had been trying to divulge her story slowly, in order to heal. Once her past had entered her conscious mind, healing had been inevitable. No longer that poor little Angelina Mancini, beaten by her mother, Angelina Giordano had kind and respectful parents who encouraged her individuality. And no longer the Angelina who'd endured a loveless and abusive marriage, new millennia Angelina was able to walk away from her abuser and embrace what real love could be. These were different times and Lena, a different person. Her soul may have been shared with her predecessor, but she had evolved. Lena Giordano had grown from her past experiences.

So why wouldn't she allow Rick access to her heart? Why couldn't she just hand over the key, so he could unlock the love she'd held prisoner inside of it. She kissed the little baby in her arms, "Sammy, what am I going to do?"

With Sammy dozing in her arms, Lena picked up the ribbon-adorned box that Rick left for Sam. Curious, Lena slowly unraveled the bow and set the ribbon aside. She lifted the gold lid off the box, revealing a square of pressed white cotton. Placing the lid next to the red ribbon on the table, Lena turned up the corner of the cotton to uncover Rick's gift to Sam. Shaking as she lifted the keepsake out of the box, Lena could not believe her eyes. Every question she had. Every doubt in her mind. Melted away.

She held up the keepsake, examining the fragile gold. Her heart clenched as she held in her hand, material proof that Richard and Angelina did indeed exist.

The locket.

The faded image of the girl in her dreams stared back at her in yellowed black and white.

Lena's stomach fluttered. Her throat, constricted. With a trembling hand, she cupped the broken locket and carried Sam into the house. After placing him in his bassinet, Lena dropped to the couch and unclasped the chain that hung around her neck. Though the frail locket was old, the hinge still clicked in place next to its other half.

A perfect match.

The perfect symbol... of a love a century old.

Richard and Angelina, together again. This time, maybe they had a chance to see their love through. Lena wouldn't waste another moment contemplating this. Tonight, she would make things right.

Lena slipped into The Tavern trying to remain unseen, not sure yet if she wanted Rick to see her. Her body trembled with anticipation, excited to see Rick but afraid he'd reject her. After all, how many times will a man be asked to leave, before he's just not interested anymore? But fear would not hinder Lena any longer. She had a purpose for being here tonight. Lena needed to make things right and finally declare her love to Rick.

The three-foot stool up on stage held the most wonderful man she had ever known. Half-sitting on the stool, with one foot on the floor and one foot on the rung, Rick strummed the guitar laying across his lap. In the middle of a familiar song, Rick's deep velvet voice reached beyond her ears and to her soul. Closing her eyes, Lena let the sound enter her veins and spread like warm honey throughout her body. Never did she want someone so much. The easy grin on his face in between verses was sexy and inviting, and she didn't know how she could have even turned him away in the first place. As his fingers titillated the strings and coaxed the chords into fluid music, Lena felt the walls of her heart melt with every note.

His song ended and Rick, ready to begin his next riff, caught Lena standing at the back of the bar. A smile ear to ear spread across his face, leaving Lena with a mix of gratitude and a ripple of ripe anticipation. Immediately, Rick stopped playing and gazed at the woman who stood behind the crowd. All eyes turned to see what could cause Rick Murphy to halt his performance. Tempted to leave, Lena stood strong, holding her gaze upon his. She swallowed the lump that sat in her throat and managed a tight smile.

Not taking his eyes off Lena, Rick reached for his microphone. "Ladies and Gentleman, I'd like to play you a song I wrote." Rick hesitated, clearly anxious himself. "I've never sang this in public before." He seemed to swallow a lump that caught in his own throat, while his gaze never left Lena. "I wrote this for the only woman I've ever loved. I hope you like it."

After blending a few melodic chords on his guitar, Rick began to sing.

I've traveled far, I've traveled long

To find just where I might belong

I've searched the sky

I've searched the ground,

Feeling lost, never to be found

Then right where I saw you, standing alone

I saw my life, I saw my home.

In your brown eyes, I saw my heart

In my heart, I held your soul

Sometimes you find what you're looking for,

If you're lucky enough,

She'll be at your front door.

Sometimes she may be harder to find,

But in the end,

It was worth my time.

I'm asking now and I'm asking forever

To trust my heart,

'Cause we belong together.

So take that leap, babe, be with me,

Trust in my love,

See how great we can be.

Sometimes you find what you're looking for,

If you're lucky enough,

She'll be at your front door.

Sometimes she may be harder to find,

But in the end,

It was worth my time.

I'm asking now and I'm asking forever

To trust my heart,

'Cause we belong....together.

Her heart pounded, her breath wavered. Rick wrote that song for her; Lena knew it. How on Earth, could she have doubted his love?

Rick finished the song but left his fingers to parade the guitar. Slowly, his rhythmic short turned into a conflux of notes that sounded like a familiar song. A song about being in love forever and always, but what was he doing? She grabbed hold of her no longer broken locket and brought it to her lips. Rick continued to sing the lyrics when he stood from his stool. Walking through the crowd, inching closer to the back of the room, Rick's voice grew larger. He began the next verse of the song, flowing forth words about making vows and wearing white as he reached Lena. While lifting a hand off his guitar, he sang a cappella. Rick held out his hand for Lena to take. As he recited more of the lyrics, he led her to a nearby table. Sitting her down, still reciting the song
,
Rick's foot deliberately kicked out a chair, so he could sit. "Marry me," he sang. "Please.” He stopped singing, set the guitar and microphone down, and took Lena's hands. Dropping down to one knee, he looked up into her eyes. "Lena, let's cut all the crap. Marry me. Right now, say yes."

Blocked by another knot in her throat, Lena couldn't speak.

"Please, Lena. I know you love me. I love you, I love Sam. We can be a family. Please, say yes." His eyes watered while they pleaded for her assent. He took hold of the locket in her hand and kissed it himself. "Proof, Lena. You wanted proof."

The crowd stood silent, awaiting, along with Rick, Lena's response.

Taking a deep breath, she found the courage to open her mouth, though she wasn't sure her voice could be heard. "Rick," she whispered. "Yes…I'll marry you."

Rick beamed.

The crowd cheered.

Lena leaned in closer, so only Rick could hear her, "But can we go on a few more dates first? Like where I'm not throwing up or anything?" She giggled.

Laughing, Rick picked her up and spun her around. "Whatever you want, babe. Whatever you want."

Then, putting her back down on the floor, he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed Lena with all the passion that a man who had waited a century to do so, could possibly do.