Maybe This Life (14 page)

Rick was adamant about his declaration.  Lena would not go through this pregnancy alone. Whatever she decided to do about it, he'd be there right by her side.  Rick would raise and love her baby as his own...because any part of Lena, was a part of him.  It didn't matter that his mere presence made her angry. The world made her angry, and he didn't blame her.  For so long she tried to be nice, seeing the good in that evil excuse for a human being she called her fiancé. And this is how she's repaid? No, Rick did not blame her one bit for being angry.

He
was
scared for her though.  Lena had already formed a hard shell around her heart. A shell that hadn't been there before.  Circumstances like this could definitely change people, and he feared for Lena, her childlike nature.  One could only endure so much in one lifetime, before the heart hardened.  In Lena's case, her soul had already suffered through an entire lifetime, and history had now begun to repeat itself.  One soul can only take so much before it shows signs of wear and tear.  Her recent, bitter derision was one of those signs. Though against her character to be disparaging, Rick understood why she had suddenly fallen prey to cynicism.  Vince insensitively stole something so precious from her – her virtue – and now, she would have to live with that reminder for the rest of her life.  No, Rick could not blame her for building a wall.  He'd be damned, though, if he didn't attempt to knock it down.  He would not leave her alone again.  Not anymore.

Fighting the urge to come on too strong again, Rick sat silently as he watched another tear drop from her left eye.  He could tell she attempted to suppress them, but more tears would follow.  Of that, he was sure.  Sullen and ill-tempered, Lena seemed to prefer silence over Rick's company, so Rick decided to give her some time to sulk. He went into the kitchen and made two cups of coffee...using her fancy coffee machine. Taking his mug with him, he sat at her tiny table for two, leaving Lena alone for a few moments. Rick hated to alienate her; it wasn't his intention to do so when he came knocking at her door. But the moment he'd opened his mouth, Lena had taken offense to him. He wouldn't take it personally, though. She just needed some time.

"Why are you sitting in here?" Lena uttered softly from the kitchen doorway.

"I'm giving you space," he answered quietly as well. Rick could see the thoughts forming in Lena's head while she stood there apparently puzzled.

"Then why not leave?" Though her hands were placed dramatically on her hips, Rick heard uncertainty in her voice.

"Now why would I do that?" Attempting to refrain from jumping out of his seat to hug her, knowing she needed one, he sipped his coffee while awaiting her response. Though
Rick
knew Lena needed a warm embrace,
Lena
didn't know it yet, being so angry and all. He would just wait until she was ready.

"Because... I told you I didn't want you here," she sassed, yet remained in the doorway, a clear indication of actions speaking louder than words.

"However," Rick began slowly. "I think you could use a friend."

He didn't think her shoulders could slump any lower than they already were, but he was wrong. Her facial expression had drooped right along with them.

"I don't need anybody." Her words were inaudible, but Rick knew exactly what Lena said and knew exactly what she meant. She was ready for that hug.

"Lena." Pushing his chair from the table, Rick stood. "Everybody needs somebody." He took two steps to the doorway, put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her close.  Holding her while she cried against his chest, his heart picked up speed rapidly.  With his chin on her head, Rick closed his eyes and let Lena weep while he smoothed her tresses with the palm of his hand.

After several minutes of hugging in the kitchen doorway, Lena broke the embrace.  "What am I going to do, Rick?"

He took her by the hand and brought her to the table.  Pulling the chair out for her, Rick motioned for her to sit, then set a cup of coffee in front of her.  "It might be a little cool by now," he said, before sitting down himself.

Lena's head, cradled in her hands, caused her words to sound mumbled, so Rick almost missed it when she cried, "I've gotten myself into such a mess."

"You
did no such thing.  This whole thing is
not
your fault at all.  You need to remember that, sweetheart."

"But I should have walked away...the first time I knew what he was capable of," she said in admonishment. "I'm just so..."

"Stop," he bade. "You're beating yourself up and it's not going to do you any good.  We'll get through this...together."

Rick knew he was oversimplifying her whole ordeal, but he wanted to put her at ease and really did not know what else to do.  As old as he was, he lacked experience in actually dealing with serious issues, while Lena's poor soul seemed to be a magnet to them.

"Why? Why do you want to help? I...I just don't understand."

"What don't you understand, Lena?  I love you. You may think it's too soon, but I do, nevertheless.  I cannot just turn away from you and...what? Forget you ever existed?" Rick couldn't understand how Lena could not see that.

She just stared at him, then at the table...and shook her head.

"Lena." Noticing Lena's hands on the table, Rick gently tugged at them. "If you want to keep this baby, I will help you raise it. If you don't, I will be there through that as well.  I promise."

He could tell by the look in her eyes that she wasn't sure if she should trust him. "Lena, I know I have to earn your trust. I wouldn't expect anything less.  But in time, I'm sure you will see that I am a man of my word."

But he still saw doubt on her face, and when he looked deep into her eyes, where he could catch a glimpse of her soul, he knew somewhere deep within her, Lena knew that Rick was
not
a man of his word.  He had failed her once before. And it would not be easy to earn her trust.

"Are you done with your coffee?" Rick digressed.

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry. I...kinda just went off into another world there for a second."

He laughed, got up, and put their mugs in the sink.  "Let's see if there's a movie we can watch."

Lena could not explain what she had felt when Rick advocated being a man of his word. Oddly and for no reason at all, she did not believe him.  The strange thing was, he had always been nothing but a gentleman and never gave her any reason not to be able to trust him.

"How's this?" Rick asked of the channel he landed on while flicking. "
It Could Happen to You.
It's one of my favorite movies."

A stunned Lena chuckled. "
This
is one of your favorite movies? Isn't it a chick-flick?" She giggled, surprising herself of being able to feel anything other than dread.

"Yes, it
is
one of my favorite movies...and who said it's a chick-flick?"

She shrugged. "Well, I like it too."

"Good. Then we'll watch it."

Rick sat at the opposite end of the couch, but Lena wanted to be closer to him. Despite the curious feeling she'd had before, she did like him. And she longed to be near him regardless.  Inch by inch she maneuvered closer, but Rick reached for her and pulled her close before she had even made it to the other side of the couch. "C'mere," he'd said.

Lena blushed.

Nestled between the crook of his arm and his shoulder, Lena drifted off while watching the movie. During her sleep, though, a different scene unfolded in her mind

"Angelina. You come inside right this minute," Agnes shrieked. "Proper ladies do not sit on their front steps leering at boys.  You get inside now. Otherwise, I will beat the living daylights out of you."

"Yes, Mother," Angelina answered, but thought,
proper ladies do not beat the living daylights out of their daughters.
Angelina did not want to go inside. Content to sit out on the steps and watch Richard set the pop out on the curb, Angelina took her time going upstairs.  It made her happy to watch Richard take the pop cases off the hand truck and stack them out on the sidewalk.  On lucky days, Angelina's mother would get so drunk, she would have no clue what Angelina was up to.  She'd sit outside until dusk just to get a glimpse of Richard putting the unsold cases back on the hand truck to bring in before his father closed up shop.

"Angelina," came another bellow from her mother, today not being one of those fortunate nights for Angelina. Tonight her mother was just drunk enough to be wicked.  Angelina caught Richard looking back at her as she reluctantly stood to go inside.  She knew what Richard was thinking;
he knew what was about to happen.
Everyone knew what happened in the Mancini home, yet no one did anything to stop it.  The whole town turned a blind eye to crazy drunken Agnes.

Angelina, one slow step at a time, ascended the stairs to her apartment. An inebriated Agnes stood at the top, a wooden ruler in her hand.

"Mama, please, I am so sorry. I just wanted to finish the chapter I was reading?" Angelina pleaded – in vain, she knew, but attempted to stop her mother anyway.

"Who are you fooling, Angelina? You were gawking at that delivery boy. Whores do that. You are turning into a whore, child."

"No, Mama, no, I am not." Holding back her tears felt like glass crumbling in her throat.

But it was too late. Angelina knew Agnes' mind was set. She held the ruler sideways and started slicing her daughter's arm with it.

"Mama," Angelina winced, no longer able to hold back the tears. "Please."

Agnes whipped her with the ruler again. Though Angelina attempted to run, Agnes caught her and wrapped her again, this time slashing the back of her daughter's neck.  Going at her again, Agnes struck her daughter's cheekbone, slicing the corner of Angelina's eye and leaving a bleeding gash across her face. "Now get in your room and do not come out." Agnes staggered away, leaving Angelina to care for her own wounds.

The next day, Angelina escaped for school before her mother woke up.  Already outside arranging the soda pop cases, Richard called out to Angelina, "Hey, Angie," he yelled from across the street.

Embarrassed by her appearance, Lena only waved, leaving her head down.  Her face even worse this morning than last night, she couldn't bear for Richard to see her, so she kept walking, hoping to dissuade him from coming over.  It hadn't helped. 

"Angelina?" Crossing the street to greet her, his voice held concern.

Her gaze remained downward while she fussed with her bonnet, in another attempt to thwart conversation. "Umm...I am running late this morning, I have to go." She picked up her walking pace, hating every minute of deceiving the boy she loved. The tug on her sleeve slowed her down.

"Agnes hit you again," Richard remarked. "I will kill her." Gently touching his hand to her marred face, he positioned himself in front of her.

"She was drinking again," Angelina whispered, her head still down. "She did not mean it."

"You are always defending her, Angelina. She should not be hurting you like this." The back of his fingers caressed her wounds.

"I know, but it really is not that bad."

"Yes, Angie, it is that bad."

"Really, Richard, I can handle her. Please, do not spend any more time worrying about this...please." But Angelina knew he would not stop until he could put an end to the beatings.  Which she knew was an impossible feat.

"Well, I will worry. We need to get married, Angelina. I can take you away from her," Richard said with conviction.

Angelina scoffed, "She will never allow it, I'm only thirteen, Richard."

"So, we will do it without her consent. I am sure my father knows someone who would marry us."

"Again, I am only
thirteen
, Richard. Thirteen."

"No matter. We love each other. What does your age have to do with it?"

But age had
everything
to do with it. Lena knew this, because, before waking fully from her dream, she had caught a different glimpse. Their goodbye... on the front steps. Richard was old enough to be drafted into the war, not long after his proposal of marriage. He left. And Angelina, unmarried yet, would never see him again.

"Hey, sleepyhead," Lena heard upon waking.

"Sorry I fell asleep," she murmured, sitting upright, trying to shake herself out of her sleepy stupor.

"Oh, don't apologize, you needed it." Rick stroked the back of Lena's hair.

"What time is it?"

"After two."

"In the morning? Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry. And you have to go to work tomorrow...today..." Lena stood, figuring Rick would want to leave. He just sat there, elbow on the sidearm, chin resting on his knuckles. "Don't you need to leave?" she wondered.

"Would you like me to leave?"

"Umm." No, she did not want him to leave. It was comfortable with him near. "I...guess not." She furrowed her brow, surprised she just told a man she really hadn't known long, that she'd like him to stay...the night. "But what about work?"

"I'll go in late. I'm the manager, it'll be fine. What about you? Are you missing again?"

"Yeah, I called out for the week. I know it's bad. I haven't even had the job long, I'm sure it doesn't look good. I just...there's just too much going on." Lena sat back down on the couch, the opposite end from Rick, and put her feet up, wrapping her arms around her knees. "Everything is so messed up, Rick." Trying her best to suppress her tears again, she couldn't help it. A stray tear tickled her cheek.

"What's messed up, Lena? You're pregnant. Obviously...you want to keep it." Lena heard the question in his voice, even though he seemed to try to keep it a statement.

The pull in her chest reminded her that she was not one-hundred percent sure about her decision to keep the baby. "I...I think so. It's just...this is not where I wanted to be. I wanted so much more," she cried.

"Like what, sweetheart?" Rick still sat at his end of the couch, cool and collected, while Lena sat frazzled, admiring his self-possession. She'd seen his temper just that once with Vince, yet he otherwise always seemed contained. Lena admired that.

As her foot rhythmically tapped on the couch, she thought about Rick's question. Not that she didn't know the answer. She knew it well. Lena had just not said it out loud to anyone. Not since before she'd turned down her first production job. "I...just...I wanted so badly to work in television...not here...in P.R...I could have started y'know. If I only put my foot down and stood up to Vince. Now…with a baby...a child to raise...now I'll never get there." Lena looked at Rick, who'd been watching her. Listening to her. He seemed so interested in what she had to say that she continued her rambling. "I know this seems so selfish, but I'm only twenty-five. I'm not ready to be a mother. I wanted to...I don't know, make music videos, movies, television shows...something...like that." Lena trailed off, tired of complaining.

For about a whole sixty-seconds, Lena and Rick sat silent, staring at each other. She, on one end of the couch, he, with one foot on the floor, one leg bent on the seat cushion, sitting on the other end. Lena figured Rick was waiting to see if she was done talking, before he responded to her rambling pity-party.

"Well," he finally started. "You can't go back and do it over, we all wish we could. But you're
only
twenty-five. A baby doesn't have to be the end. Take one day at a time, Lena. First things first. If being in television is what you want, you'll get there…if
you
make it happen. Right now though, let's get you through this ordeal. Decisions do not have to be made overnight."

Lena shook her head. "You make it seem so simple."

"No I don't. I just want you to face what's in front of you without boggling your mind with what could've been. When...it still can be."

Lena took a moment to respond, "Were you always this smart?"

Rick laughed. "I am not smart. I'm just able to see your life objectively...sort of,...which you can't.  That's all...look, it's getting late. Why don't you get me a  pillow and a blanket? I'll sleep on your couch, and you can go to bed and get some sleep."

Lena just then remembered her nightmare and did not want to go to sleep. "Oh, um, sure, I'll get you a pillow and...Rick? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," a smiling Rick answered.

"Was your name...um...Richard?"