Maybe This Life (15 page)

Rick stilled.

She remembered.

He had to be careful, so not to frighten her away. He'd longed for this day. The moment he would share his memories of the woman who had taken hold of his soul so many years ago.

"As in, was my name Richard in...my past life?" he asked, cautious and slow, afraid of the direction the conversation could take.

Two nods. "Yes." Her answer, as uncertain as his question, informed him that she was equally as nervous.

"Yes. My name was Richard."

Her breaths appeared more labored as her chest began a rapid rise and fall. The sudden remoteness of her eyes frightened Rick, but he soon realized she was seeing something. Something not here... but in another time. Lena's expression mimicked what Rick had felt when he'd been traveling somewhere in another time. He'd read online that some would call it
Astral Travel
, but he knew it to be his own memory of his other life. Now…he watched Lena disappear into that world.

************

Angelina watched from across the street as the two men handed Richard's mother the letter. She didn't need to see the letter to know what it said. Neither did Richard's mother, who fell to her knees as she screamed a piercing, blood-curdling scream. The pain heard in the woman's cry, as well as the horror on her face, equaled Angelina's own heartache, now that she knew. Richard was gone; he'd never return.

Lena roused with a jolt. "You left Angelina," she declared with a grim voice full of grief.

"I did. I'm sorry."

Surprised that Rick admitted this so quickly, Lena could only stare at him.

"What do you remember, Lena?"

"No. I don't remember anything. I saw you with her, it was just...a dream or something.  My great-great grandmother...and you?"

"Your great-great grand...no, Lena...
you
were Angelina."

"No. I don't believe it. Why? How would I anyway...how would I come back as my own...no, it just doesn't make sense. That just doesn't happen," Lena said, frightened.

"Who says it doesn't happen?" Rick sounded a trifle annoyed. "From what I've read, souls tend to travel together. So people you've spent time with in one life, tend to find you... in the next."

Lena stood, still unable to grasp the concept of reincarnation. Her headache was coming back. "No, I don't believe any of this." She stormed over to the recliner and sat.

"Why is it that you can believe I was Richard, but not that you were Angelina?" Agitated, Rick stood and paced the room.

Lena mocked a chuckle. "That's another thing, people who are born again come back with the same names? That's crazy." She felt bad though, because Rick looked hurt.

"No, Lena. My name is Patrick. When I slowly began to remember who I was, I started calling myself Rick. It suited me better. And helped me get through...my revelation. I chose my new name. As for you, it's normal to be named after one of your ancestors."

This was just all too much.
Now she wanted Rick to leave and forget they ever had this conversation. Why it bothered her to think she could have been Angelina, she had no clue, but it bothered her nonetheless. Her sudden anger toward Rick was irrational too, yet here she was, mad as hell.

"Look, Rick, I'm tired now. I ...just...let yourself out, stay on the couch, I really don't care." She raced to her room and slammed the door, unable to understand what got her so upset. She couldn't deal with it now, not when she had this unwanted pregnancy to deal with.

As soon as her head hit her pillow, she cried. It wasn't like her to get this emotional and the last person she wanted to hurt was Rick. He just made her...furious...and helpless against the circumstances in her life.  Though her hostility had come from situations with Vince, she took the easy route and directed it toward Rick. He didn't scare her in the way that Vince did, so it felt safe to do so.

Exhausted and defeated, Lena's tears helped lull her to sleep. However, sometime during the night, she saw Angelina being beaten by that Agnes woman. When Angelina writhed in pain, Lena's own screaming startled her awake. The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes? Rick...seated on her bed, already positioned to take her in his arms.

"Shh," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her. "It's okay, you're awake now. It was only a dream."

It took Lena a moment to compose herself. "Rick."
He hadn't left.
"Why are you still here?" She asked between breaths, still tugging for air after her nightmare.

"Lena, nevermind that. Are you all right? What did you see?"

The tender tone of his voice turned her tumultuous temper to mush.

"Lena, tell me about your dream." His voice, soft and reassuring, made it hard to still be mad at him.

Bringing her knees up to her chest in her ever-favorite seated position, she shook her head. "I saw her again," Lena whispered, her voice so low, she barely heard it herself.

"Angelina?"

"Yes."

Rick's eyes focused on Lena's, but he didn't say a word. Instead, he appeared to be trying to speak to her on a deeper level. Oddly enough, Lena thought she could hear him, if hearing silent words made any sense.  She could
feel
his words. Their eyes continued to dive into each other's, until an electric collision of their souls transported them both back to 1917. A surreal moment, where Lena, apart from her current physical self, was standing next to her great-great grandmother, as a young girl. And with the young Angelina, was the boy who broke her heart by going off to war. It was the day they'd said their goodbyes. Lena remembered it from her dream. The one where they'd exchanged the broken locket so each would have a photo of the other. It played out exactly like her dream, only this time, Rick was in the picture, standing next to Richard.

As if lightning had struck, Lena was thrown back into her own time, back into her room. Her heart pounding, breaths quick, she jumped off the bed and panicked, pacing the floor in quick strides. "Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod."

"Lena," Rick stopped her mid-stride, placing his hands on her shoulders.

"Ohmigod, ohmigod..."

"Lena, stop," he yelled. "It's okay."

"Oh my...what just happened?" Her breaths even more rapid, Lena needed to scream and escape herself for the moment. The urge to run took over, and so, she did. Tearing out of the room, down the stairs, and out her front door, she ran out into the dark six a.m. dawn, to who knows where. She felt his steps behind her, but she didn't care. Her feet picked up speed trying to run from her own thoughts...trying to outrun the craziness that had become her life.

His footsteps were still behind her, but he hadn't called out to her. Hadn't tried to stop her. She continued on until she could no longer run at all. Lena dropped to the ground outside the old brick public school she attended in her youth.

"Lena, get up," Rick quietly commanded, while pulling her up by her hands. "It's not good for you to sit when you're so out of breath. C'mon, let's walk it off." Draping his arm around her shoulders, he led them behind the school. Once Lena's breathing returned to normal, Rick brought her to a set of bleachers that overlooked the baseball field.

Lena sat there listening to the sound of her chest expanding and compressing with each breath. Several minutes ticked by before either one of them spoke, but Lena was surprised, and impressed, that Rick would let her vent off steam like that without adding comment or judgment.  She'd have to remember that the next time she started to build irrational hostility toward him.

"Thank you," she finally blurted.

"For what?" His genuine uncertainty surprised her.

"For being here, for staying...for not stopping me."

"Now why would I do that? It was scary...what we...experienced... in your bedroom. I was frightened the first time it happened to me, too."

"The first time? You mean...that's happened to you before?"

His quiet titter melted more of the ice that had recently formed over her heart.

"Yes, it's happened to me before; the first time, when I was twelve."

"Twelve? What did you do?"
Run off like a fool, like her?

"I didn't do anything...at first. Eventually, though, I thought I was going crazy. My mom wanted to put me in a hospital at one point...that's when I ran away."

"You ran away from home?"

"Not for long. I actually met up with someone who proved I
wasn't
crazy."

"Who?"

"Andrew." Rick paused. "He was my younger brother...back then."

"Andrew can remember his past life, too?" She said, amazed.

Again, Rick's nervous laughter created a warm sensation beneath her chest.

"No. Andrew was Andrew in
my
past life. He is still in the same...life...though, I expect, not for long…" He trailed off.

Lena took a moment to think about that. "So, Andrew, as Andrew, was Richard's younger brother?"

"Yes."

"How do you know for sure?"

"Well for one, he owns the building we used to live in. Plus, his memories of Richard matched mine. He was only four when Richard left, but there were things...he remembered. And...he had some actual material things from my past."

"Really? Like what?" Impressed, Lena felt her eyes bug out of her head as she leaned forward to find out what one could actually keep from another lifetime.

"Well, pictures, my, well, Richard's mother's China and some of her jewelry that I can remember her wearing. Other things...anyway, even though there's this tremendous age difference now, he kind of became my...brother...all over again. We've gotten close over the years. I'm going to miss him." Tears pooled over Rick's eyes, but he blinked them away.

"Rick? How is this all possible? I mean, aside from reincarnation, which I'm still finding hard to believe, how did we...hop into the past?" It took all her will, but she was trying hard to open her mind.

"Well, I've read about Astral Travel or...Astral Projection. I'm not sure if that's what it is when it happens on its own, but I've actually learned to travel to the past on demand...but in your bedroom, I'm not that sure." Rick started squirming on the bench. "I felt an intense...connection, I guess, when we were...staring into each other's eyes...I don't know if you felt it, but it was like we were suddenly plugged in to some electrical charge or something."

"Yeah, I did feel that. I don't know, it's just so...crazy."

"Mmm. It is." He fidgeted again, alerting Lena to his unease.

"Oh, Rick, I wish I could just...shut down, disappear, until this all goes away and, like, wake up when it's all over."

The soft tickle of Rick's fingers caressing her back gave Lena both comfort and butterflies. If only she could be on a regular date...where only one life existed in her world...and no baby existed inside her.

"What is it specifically? The pregnancy or Richard and Angelina...or both?" Though she felt his compassion, she could tell he really wanted her to embrace their past history.

But she wouldn't lie to him. "Both."

His disappointment unmistakable, he smiled politely and pulled her close to his side anyway. "I will help you get through all of it. I promise."

Though Rick returned to work later that day, his thoughts were only on Lena and her consuming turmoil. He should have somehow switched the subject when Lena brought up Richard.  Overwhelmed with a new pregnancy to adjust to, Lena did not need to be burdened with a widely-controversial concept. Rick kicked himself for delving further into the subject of reincarnation with her. Right now her priority needed to be her baby, and Rick would keep any subject of their past lives in check. If Lena broached the topic, he would digress, so that her mind could be clear to focus on her immediate future.

Since Lena wasn't in work, he figured it'd be a good time to talk with Pete, the cable company's Director of Studio Operations.  It was time Lena got a taste of realizing one of her goals.  "Hey Pete, it's Rick," he said when Pete answered his phone.

"Hey Rick, how ya been?"

"Good. How 'bout you?"

"Not bad. What's up?"

"I was just wondering, ya got any positions open over there?"

Pete laughed, "Why, y'thinking ya had enough of managing a buncha techs?"

"Yeah." Rick laughed along with him, but only to keep the tone of the conversation light. "No, seriously, is anything open there?"

"Whatchya have in mind? I am losing one of my camera techs next month. She's enlisted herself in the Navy."

"Wow, cool," Rick thought, thinking how different things are now than when he was in the armed forces almost a hundred years ago. "A camera tech position is exactly what I'm looking for."

Pete let out a cynical chuckle this time. "You lost me, Rick. What do you want with a camera tech position?"

"Well," a more serious Rick began.."You know Dan's new girl, Lena?"

"Yeah, the PR rep?"

"Right, well, her degree is in television. She likes it here, but PR's not really her thing. I mean, she's good at it, and Dan'll have my head if he knows I'm doing this, but...her heart's in production."

"And what's in it for you?" The implications in Pete's tone were unmistakable.  How could Rick get around having his feelings found out?

"She's a friend, Pete, that's all...and I'd like to see her happy."

"Mmmm, a friend, huh?"

"Yeah, Pete."

"Right."

"Whaddya say, can she go for it?"

"Yeah, of course. Have her give me her resume. We'd have to go through proper channels, but if she wants it, I'll see what she can do."

"Great. Thanks."

"No problem, just have her talk to Dan before she does anything."

"Right, thanks again."

"See ya."

After the conversation ended, Rick spent most of the rest of the afternoon wondering how Lena'd take the fact that he pulled some strings for her. A timid girl a few months ago, he noticed lately a more feisty version of the girl he fell in love with. He'd hate for her to take his actions as an insult, but he would have to take that chance. She needed to know that she didn't have to toss her dreams aside just because she thought it was too late. One lifetime for that mistake was one too many.

This time, Rick would see to it that Lena did not settle. When Richard died, before his soul went to wherever it went, he recalled watching Angie from the sidelines. He watched her mother beat her senseless and he watched her run into the arms of that loathsome Timothy, who reminded Rick so much of Vince. Deceased, Richard could not help Angie realize a better life. But Rick certainly could come to Lena's rescue now. Would she appreciate his butting into her life? Though they shared the same soul, Lena was different than Angie...more evolved.

The longer he thought about it, the more he realized she'd probably take offense. For a man a few years away from forty, he sure felt like a love-struck teenager playing these little games. He had to call Pete. The receiver shook in his hand while it rang on the other end; he couldn't understand his own nervous emotions. "Hey, Pete, Rick again." He sighed.

"Hey guy, what's up?"

Betraying his now racing heart, he feigned laughter. "Um, would you mind calling Lena yourself and, um, asking her to apply for the position? I'm, um, thinking she may not like...my involvement too much."

"Friends, huh? Yeah, I believe that...how 'bout I call Dan first and tell him I heard about his new employee's degree and wanted to...enlist her myself? This way, I won't be stepping on anyone's toes."

"Good idea. I owe you one."

"Nah, what are friends for?"

The racing stopped. Calmness overcame Rick. Thank goodness. When he noticed time approaching four o'clock, he hustled to get some paperwork done, not wanting to fall too far behind. After work, he called Lena before heading home to Sparta. He desperately needed that shower. Fortunately, he'd had a spare shirt in his Jeep, but a good wash was essential. Lena would be having dinner with her parents and most likely, spending the night, so Rick had been instructed, kindly, to not bother coming down.
'Don't call me, I'll call you,'
implied.

From the center of his heart, he knew Lena would need time alone…knew she would retreat from Rick's presence, but disappointment still knocked the wind out of him. As much as he wanted Lena to need him, he had become much too obsessed with her well-being. His love, so deep and intense, he could no longer see beyond what mattered to her. Yes, it struck like a punch in the gut when she implied she would rather not see him, but her needs would always come first. If he could go back to 1917 and change things, he would take Angie and desert the country; escape America somehow, just to keep her near him. Hindsight meant nothing now. Angelina had already suffered that lifetime, because Richard had deserted her. In this lifetime, Rick would do whatever it took to stop her suffering. Her soul could not take much more. If staying away was what she needed, then Rick would stay away.

************

After a full week off from work, Lena reluctantly returned, ready to focus on something other than her problems but not ready to see Rick. She knew she should have never brushed him off the way she had, but seeing him prompted memories of their supernatural step back in time. Too freaky to accept, Lena would rather repress the memory. Her daily nausea helped her to do so, since most days, her churning stomach stopped her from thinking most anything else. Though mentally she needed to return to a regular work schedule, she hoped, physically, she could handle it.

The morning naturally flew by. Piles of paperwork kept her busy enough to skip lunch, and by mid-afternoon, she had finally made a dent when her in-house phone line lit up. "Hello, this is Lena."

"Lena Giordano?" Said a man's voice she didn't recognize.

"Yes. May I help you?"

"This is Pete Taylor, from Studio Ops."

"Oh, hi, what can I do for you?"

"Well, I hear you studied television production."

"Yes, I did. Why?" Confusion started to set in for Lena. What did this man want?

"Well, we have a camera tech position opening soon, would you like to apply?"

An unfamiliar thrill stirred deep in the center of her stomach. "Oh. Yes." She paused, not sure of protocol. "I would have to talk with Dan first, but yes, I'd love to. I can send you my resume." The rousing enthusiasm built so quickly that Lena, simultaneously, feared the crashing of another hope.

"Great. Send it inter-office mail, then make sure to see Human Resources. It won't be posted until tomorrow, though."

"Thank you so much." A grateful Lena hung up.

As soon as finishing the conversation, Lena ran to the ladies' room to throw up. Splashing water on her face afterwards, she wondered how she could make this work. It would be a dream come true to get behind a studio camera; God knew how hard she worked in college. But with a new baby on the way, would it be impossible? Jules would help, her mother had already assured her of that. Lena smiled in spite of herself, allowing the burning desire in the hollow of her stomach to stay ignited. If all went well, she could actually be working in a real television studio, just like she'd always imagined.