Marked. Part II: Becoming Noah Baxter (13 page)

My jaw drops, “
You two live here
,
together
?”

“
Yes, but he sleeps on the couch.”

“
Ben doesn't care?”

She laughs, “No, at this point he's unable to say no to me.”

Oh, really...

“
Not like that. I'm not interested in that anymore, with him or any man. I just mean he feels so bad about what happened that I think he'd give me his villa in Italy if I asked.”

“
Ooh, you should,” I joke.

“
I agree.” She winks at me, “Maybe his beach house in Hawaii, too.”

“
How long have you known Ben?” I try to casually ask, finding it a good time to weasel it in, desperately wanting the juicy gossip.

“
My whole life.” She points to the ingredients she pulled out, “Grilled cheese okay?”

“
Yup.”

She gets to work making them, “I'm sure you want to know more; I would.” The bread gets placed on the counter and she spreads butter over it, “He's fourteen years older than me, but from the moment I saw him I was hooked. Can't really blame me, he's gorgeous.” She licks her lips, stopping her cheese slicing to dreamily sigh, “My parents noticed how eager I always was to go to San Fransisco and they knew the reason why. I had thought they were being nice when they allowed me to go to this bank with them. It wasn't until I was at an age my parents thought was appropriate for me to be sexually active – fifteen I might add,” she says with disgust, “that I found out the real reason they liked to flaunt me around him. Basically, they wanted to sell my virginity.”

I unintentionally gasp, “Your freaking parents?”

“
I know. It's sick, but I've only ever been a money maker to them; another way to con people.”

Jesus, that's horrible. I try to hide my revulsion, “Did Ben try to buy it?”

She looks mortified, “God no! He was pissed they even put the offer out there.”

That's a relief.

“Anyway, they made Vault promise to not ever touch me after he refused, afraid I would get attached to him and want to stay in San Fransisco. At that point I had become a valuable asset to them.”

“
That's fucked up.”

“
That's my parents.”

“
I thought Jay was your first?” I seriously doubt Jay would pay for someone's virginity.

“
He was. I had been crying...do you want to know this or is it too weird?”

“
I want to know everything about Jay.”

“
Okay. So, I was crying, telling Jay how my dad had just informed me about selling myself. I was terrified. I hadn't even kissed a boy yet.
Then Jay told me to just pick a guy and have sex. Even though I wasn't ready, I liked the idea of it being my choice. I remember looking at Jay and thinking how I loved that he never watched me like other men did. Even being that young I had men of all ages ogling me, and it always made me uncomfortable. I liked that Jay looked at me like any other person in the room. I wanted it over and done with, and at the moment he seemed like my best option, which sadly he was. So I...” she looks down in shame, “I stripped down naked and kissed him. It was pretty hard for a boy to say no to that.”

I don't even know how to digest the way these people grew up. It makes me even more grateful for  the constant affection and love my parents have given to me.

“Crapnugget!” Arianna cries, flipping over the burnt sandwiches with her fingers and sticking her middle finger in her mouth. “I don't think I'll ever be able to cook something without burning it or myself.”

Her obvious disappointment makes me smile, thinking of my mom.

I come closer to rest my arms on the counter, “Why are you trying to cook?”

She looks at the pan like it's the source of all her troubles and she's ready to kick it's ass.

“I'm trying to...” she crosses her arms and her eyes squint even harder before looking at me, “I really don't know what the hell I'm trying to do. I just know I can't go back to my old life.” She shrugs, now looking vulnerable and lost, “I always thought I was an independent woman who could take care of herself, and in some ways I was, but I depended on others' success to get what I wanted. I want to depend solely on me now. Does that even make sense?”

“
It sure does.”

I don't like the look that is currently crossing her face, like things are about to get personal – and not in a way that's in my favor.

“I need to confess something.”

Yup, there it is. I hate it when I'm right.

“I've never had a friend before, and I need to get this off my chest before the guilt kills me.”

I want to tell her not to; I'm not sure I like the expression she's wearing. I have a sinking suspicion that whatever is about to leave her lips will forever change me and my relationship to Jay.

“I wish I knew how to explain my frame of mind when Jay brought me home – I assume he told you about it?”

I nod.

“I figured. When I was in that dark slit underground I hated him, but at the same time I knew he would find me, I knew I would survive. When we got back to his place, I had convinced myself to believe he rescued me because he cared for me on a deeper level. I desperately needed to believe somebody out there cared about me,” she looks down at her hands, unable to look at me, “I came on to him. I'm so sorry. I'm incredibly ashamed and embarrassed about the whole thing.”

“
It's okay,” I reassure her, placing my hands over hers. “Jay already told me about what happened. Neither one of us holds it against you, we understand you were working through a lot.”

She peers at me from under her long lashes, “
Really?”

I give her hands a squeeze before bringing my arms back to cross them over the counter, “
Yes. I'm not going to lie, I still have insecurities when it comes to you. You're so beautiful–”

“
He has no interest in me, Lily,” she quickly cuts in. “He never has. The only reason he kept coming back to me is because I knew his past and he didn't have to worry about making conversation, he could just get the sex he needed out of his system. He used me and I let him. There was never any form of passion between us.” She shakes her head, “I'm making him sound like an ass. I'm just trying to let you know that whatever you think we might have had between us was nothing. I really want to be your friend, and I don't want Jay to be any sort of issue between us.

“
Be patient with him, Lily. He's still so much the child he never got to be and his love for you confuses him, sometimes making his emotions all over the place, not always handling it in the best ways. I think if Jay Lincoln ever has the chance to be the man he was meant to be, it will be because you are by his side, offering your love and support.”

I jump off the bar stool to go around the island and hug her, “That was beautiful, thank you. Of course we can be friends! Besides, you need someone to introduce you to pop culture.”

“Don't I know it!” She laughs, hugging me back, “Charlie was just
as appalled that I didn't know any music, movies, or shows. The only things I know are what I needed to woo whoever I was conning. He's been educating me.”

I go to the fridge to see if I can find something to whip together since our grilled cheese is burnt, “
Yeah? With what?”

Arianna counts off on her fingers, “
So far, we've watched Braveheart and The Godfather trilogy.”

I roll my eyes, “Give me a piece of paper and pen.”

She opens a drawer and pulls them out for me.

I begin writing while I talk, “Those movies are awesome, but you need a broader range than your stereotypical male favorites. Make him show you these.” I slide the paper over to her.

She reads them with curiosity while I make us a salad.

“
If you see a name, it means you should just go ahead and watch anything that person has made.”

“
Great, thanks!”

After we eat the salad we head to the couch to get nice and comfy for our gossip session, spending the next few hours giggling and sharing about ourselves.

Chapter 20

6:21pm

I'm watching a rerun of Friends, waiting for Jay to return, when the front door slams shut and an agitated Jay starts pacing around the kitchen and dining table.

I sit up straighter and twist my body to view him better, “Everything all right?”

He ignores me, and the more he paces the redder his skin becomes. His eyebrows pull together as he grinds his jaw.

Normally I let him pace because it's how he thinks, but this is different. This seems like he's doing it to stop from letting the rage take over.

I try thinking up ways to help him, but when he's like this he always ignores me. What would I want if I had a bad day and needed to de-stress? That's easy, I'd want someone to listen to me vent and then help take my mind off my troubles.

Jay's not like me though; he has a hard time unleashing verbally what's bothering him, but he needs to know all the bad shit he experiences isn't for him to deal with alone.

“
Jay,” I say, trying to capture his attention.

Nothing.

“Jay!” I shout.

Nada.
             

An idea pops in my head and I decide to roll with it.

I rise from the couch and hurry over to him, jumping into his arms and smacking my mouth to his. He stumbles back in surprise. I slip my tongue through to meet his. After a few playful strokes, his mood slightly shifts and he draws me in closer. I know the moment he lets himself connect to our kiss and forget everything else. I mold myself into him until I know he's a hundred percent with me and then I let go.

Without saying a word, I take him by the hand and lead him to the couch. I push his shoulders – or at least give enough pressure that he gets what I want– so the bottom couch cushion frames his exquisite derrière. Curiosity and intrigue are broadcasting from his features, wondering what the hell I'm up to. I give him a quick peck before leaving to retrieve the essentials I'll need to hopefully get him to relax and open up to me. 

First stop is the bathroom to get body lotion, second is the fridge where I pull out two beers, popping the caps off with a bottle opener. 

Jay is watching me, a curious expression on his face. Whether this distracts him or not, at least I have his full attention for the time being.

I stop in front of him, “Remove your shirt.”

Both brows lift in question before complying to my request. I do my best to not get lost in admiration of his naked chest and abs. I can't stop my tongue from licking my lips though, he's just too damn sexy.

I hand him a beer, clink it with mine, and take a swig, keeping my eyes to his, making sure he does the same. He does, still confused with what I'm doing.

“
Scoot forward a tad,” I request.

Jay immediately follows my orders and I can't stop myself from smiling, knowing I'm the only person he puts this much trust into.

He sees my smile and his eyes shine in a way that will never make me doubt the love he has for me, making me feel like there is no separation between our two bodies; that despite our separate forms we still remain a whole, and no amount of distance can change that.

Reminding myself to stay on task, I climb behind his back, letting my bent legs hit his sides, my bottom resting on the top of the couch. I gulp down more of my beer and encourage Jay to do the same. I place my bottle between cushions to keep it from spilling over.

I turn the program's volume up before squirting lotion into my hands. I rub them together, smoothing it over his shoulders and upper back, stopping only to get more lotion. My fingers and hands start kneading and massaging. His muscles are rock hard and I doubt he feels my small hands. I apply more pressure, paying extra attention to his neck and shoulder blades. I travel down his spine, placing my forehead on the back of his head to reach down, his back automatically bending to my touch to allow me more access.

I'm half listening to the show, half focused on what I'm doing. Whenever Jay chuckles and takes a swig of beer my heart soars. Halfway through the show his tension releases. When I concentrate on his neck, it rolls back and rests on my chest. He lifts his beer up for me and tilts it into my mouth so I can have a drink. I kiss his forehead as a thank you and have never felt more content when his eyes close, his lips curving enough to show how my kiss affected him.

I love the sound of us laughing simultaneously during funny parts of the show. When his beer is finished I grab mine, gulp down half and hand it to him. He kisses my knee, and although the fabric of my pajama bottoms is between us, it still makes me hyper aware that he's between my legs, his top half naked. 

During the commercial break, before the next show starts, I bring my lips to his ear, my hands still massaging, “You hungry, baby? I can get you something to eat?”

“Yeah,” he gruffly responds. This noise is different than the previous gruffness I used to loath. This one is the sound of a relaxed man.

My hands place extra pressure on his shoulders to help hoist myself up. I swing a leg over his head to jump off the back of the couch. I put an extra sway into my hips as I walk to the kitchen, sensing his eyes on me, making me feel girly and seductive.

Jay's fridge doesn't have much in it, so I have to settle on a turkey and avocado sandwich. I bring the plate of food over with two new beers. I place them on the table in front of the couch.

Jay gives me a crooked grin before taking the plate and beer. I lay on my back, placing my feet on his lap, drinking my beer and watching the next show.

When Jay finishes he delicately moves my legs to get up, placing them gently back down on the couch like I'm fragile and might break. This sweetness has me glowing from the inside. He takes my empty bottle, kissing my forehead, and heads to the kitchen, coming back with three new bottles. He gives one to me, sets one in front of him on the table, sits down, and drinks the other. I eye the one on the table before briefly meeting his gaze. He winks and continues watching the show, keeping a hand absentmindedly running back and forth along my legs.

By the end of the show I have a buzz going and I feel relaxed. Jay takes away our empty bottles and I'm glad when he comes back empty handed. Instead of sitting back down, he lays his body over mine. A forearm resting above my head, his other hand trails up my body. He dips his face, tickling the sensitive skin of my neck with his scruff. His wet lips and tongue fondle the area, working their way along my neck. His fingers glide up my sides and I love that he can still make me shiver from his touch.

While his fingers glide his thumb pushes up my top, one hand circling around to support my back and lift me up enough so I can remove my shirt. 

His lips circle around my nipple and my lips part to breathe out a sigh, my hand taking hold of the nape of his neck as my back arches into it. His hand travels down to slip under my panties. His mouth connects to mine, wanting the sound of my moan to transfer into his mouth when he plays between my folds. The more he works it the more I pant and squirm underneath him.

“I want you inside me,” I declare as I get closer, wanting to share this with him.

He pulls back to remove his pants and I lift up my hips so he can do the same to me. He lays back on top, eyes finding mine as he moves the hair from my shoulders and tucks it behind my ear. He softly kisses me before taking my hands and holding them above my head, entwining our fingers. Our eyes stay locked together as he enters me. He rocks his hips, making the movements slow and torturous, deliberately taking his time, sending us to the brink of pleasure but never giving enough to send us over.

Being brought to the brink while staring into Jay's eyes that are so full of love is almost too much. It has me overwhelmed, not knowing how to handle this extreme of an emotion, but I can't seem to look away. This raw connection we're sharing makes me feel incredibly vulnerable and terrified with how much this man owns me, body and soul. Someone having this kind of power over you is painful in a way, because it makes you aware of how they can shatter and destroy you like no one else ever could.

Jay's brows pull together as though he's experiencing the same painful knowledge that I am.

“Oh, Lily,” he sighs, low and deep, his head falling down as though it weighs too much and he can't support it any longer. It meets the cushion and the crook of my neck, his lips and warm breath hitting my skin. Both our hips start picking up speed and I turn my head so half my face is covering his, my cheek pressed against his temple. I desperately want to touch him, but at the same time not being in control and allowing him to dominate my body is thrilling me in a way I never imagined.

I wrap my legs around him, digging my heels into his ass, pushing him in further and scrunching my lower abs to raise me up, bringing him even deeper. We stay like this, rocking and circling, neither of us ready to take the plunge that will send us over the edge.

“Come with me, Lily. Let's do this together,” he whispers into my neck, an unspoken promise that we're in this together, no matter how terrifying and overwhelming it is.

The fact that I'm not alone, that he wants to dive in together, has me nodding my head and breathing into his ear, “Don't let me do this alone.”

My eyes squeeze together as he grips my hands even tighter and starts slowly thrusting in and out.

“
I'm right there with you,” Jay swears. “Lily,” he moans, our hips rocking and thrusting in unison.

“
Now, Jay. I'm ready,” I breathe close to his ear.

One final plunge and we're both leaving the ground together, letting it take us to immeasurable heights. We land in the ripples of our pleasure, gasping for air. Neither of us can move while we recover from our breathtaking climax.

Jay's the first to move, getting the remote to change from some late night drama to an old episode of How I Met Your Mother.              

He sees my smile, “What?”

“This is one of my favorite shows.”

He grins, “Mine too.”

Jay pecks my lips before twisting his body to my side. I scoot over to give him more room. Half his body drapes over me and he rests his head on my chest. I play with his soft hair, twisting it between my fingers.

“
Rough day?” I take a chance and ask, hoping he'll feel he can open up and let me in.

“
Yeah,” he exhales with his whole body. “Figuring out all the ways he can get into here is exhausting. The security system in this place is one of the best, but I know he'll find a way in and I haven't a clue how. How am I supposed to prepare if I don't even know where to begin? And then there's Asswipe always breathing down my neck, getting in my business. He thinks because he's family it gives him the right to interfere, and after today I don't want him anywhere near me. There is no way in hell I'm letting him help on this. Then Vault keeps having me take part in things, like I'm his fucking employee. I can't say no, considering he's letting me use his place, putting his own life at risk. He knows it too. I think he's enjoying watching me do shit he knows I hate, teaming me with Asswipe just to see me having to force myself to not hurt him. I have to hold in my rage all day. When I got home I didn't want to lose it, but I was so close to exploding.”

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to give him words of comfort, advice, or just keep stroking his back. This is new territory for me. We still have so much to learn about ourselves as a couple and as individuals, but I look forward to figuring it out together.

“Is this what normal is?” Jay asks as we continue to watch the show.

“
What part?”

“
All of it. Having a shitty day and coming home to someone who takes care of you. Making love to that person. Sharing your day. Realizing every day can suck if it means your evenings end like this.”

“
I don't know,” I answer truthfully, “My parents either avoided each other or argued.”

Jay doesn't respond, just cuddles more of me under him.

“I hope this is our normal,” he quietly confides after a few more minutes.

“
It'll be better,” I promise.

“
Yeah,” he agrees, turning off the TV. He lifts me into his arms and carries me to his bed, where we make love once again. This time the slowness of it doesn't scare us, but fuses us together even more.