Marie Sexton - Between Sinners And Saints (19 page)

Caleb smiled, looking at him appraisingly, and Jaime felt himself color under the obvious scrutiny. “He really quit the club?”
“Yes.” Why did they keep asking him that? And, of course, he knew what was coming next. “No, I don’t know why,” he said, before Caleb could ask.
Caleb seemed to find his answer funny because he laughed. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
He clapped Jaime on the shoulder, a gesture that was somehow kind and fraternal, and although Jaime didn’t like to be touched, the contact was too brief to trigger his anxiety.
“I’m glad you’re here, Jaime,” Caleb said. “I hope you’ll be back for Christmas.”

Everybody was heading back to their respective homes on Sunday, and everybody trying to track down scattered possessions as they packed and said goodbye amplified the morning chaos. As a result, Jaime and Levi left Georgetown several hours later than they’d originally planned, which meant they’d arrive home late. Jaime offered to drive the first half because he knew he’d be too tired to drive at night.

They were less than an hour out of Georgetown when he looked down at the gas gauge and frowned. “Didn’t you fill it up in Charleston on the way up?”

“Yeah,” Levi said. “Why?”
“It’s almost empty.”
“That’s impossible.”

There was no way they could have burned an entire tank of gas already, but the gauge was frighteningly low. “Shit,” Jaime said. “How far is it to Charleston?”

“Ten more minutes. Will we make it?”
“Yeah, but we’ll be staying the night. There must be a leak somewhere in the gas line. We’ll have to take it in somewhere tomorrow and have it checked.”
“It was gonna be a long-ass drive home anyway,” Levi said with obvious relief.
They made it Charleston and filled the tank again. Even if it were leaking somewhere, they’d still need to be able to start it in the morning and get it to the service station.
“Now we need a hotel,” Jaime said. He glanced at Dolly sleeping in the back seat. “One that takes dogs.”
“Something by the beach,” Levi said.
They found a hotel and checked in. Jaime had to call all his Monday clients and change their appointments. “I’ve rescheduled everybody but you,” he said to Levi half an hour later. “Can you switch to later in the week?”
“I don’t know,” Levi said, smiling. “You already owe me one from the other day.”
“Now I guess I owe you two.”
They went out for dinner and lingered over dessert, then went back to the room to get Dolly and headed for the beach. It was a bit chilly, and they zipped their jackets as they walked. They stopped a few yards from the water and stared out at the ocean. The light was fading, but they could still see the waves crashing several yards offshore.
“It’s nice here,” Jaime said.
“I’ve always liked Charleston,” Levi said. “This is where I learned to surf.”
“Too bad it’s so cold. We could rent a couple of boards and go tomorrow while they fix the car.”
Levi smiled over at him. “I’ve converted you.”
Jaime laughed. “I guess so. But by the time it’s warm enough to go again, I’ll probably have forgotten how.”
Levi was watching him closely. His eyes were uncharacteristically intense, and Jaime found himself a bit disconcerted by what he saw in them. He couldn’t tell if Levi was laughing at him, or proud of him, or—
“I’ll just have to teach you again,” Levi said.
Jaime laughed, feeling uncomfortable for no reason he could put his finger on. “I’m sure you have better things to do with your time.”
Levi didn’t laugh. He stood there, looking gorgeous as he always did, and he continued to give Jaime that look. “Why would you think so?” he asked.
Jaime felt like they weren’t having the same conversation at all. He felt as if he was in a play, but only Levi had the script. His heart was suddenly hammering in his chest. “I was kidding,” he said, and was surprised to find his voice shook.
Levi hesitated, his head cocked to the side as if he was debating something. Then he seemed to make a decision. He reached over, very slowly so Jaime could pull away if he wanted to. But Jaime didn’t want to. He let Levi take his hand. Levi stepped closer. Jaime’s instinct was to back up, but Levi had anticipated him and used his grip on Jaime’s hand to keep him from stepping away. Jaime tried to stop shaking. He tried to make himself breathe.
Levi reached up with his other hand and brushed his finger down Jaime’s cheek. “I’ll always have time for you,” he said. He put his hand on the back of Jaime’s neck as he moved closer.
Was Levi going to kiss him? The very thought of it took his breath away. He closed his eyes and willed his heart to stop racing.
He was aware of everything. The surf pounded to his right. People laughed on his left. A cool breeze off the ocean ruffled his hair. He held Dolly’s leash in his left hand, and Levi still had hold of his right. His knees felt weak. Levi’s hand was warm and strong on the back of his neck. He had no idea what had come over Levi to prompt this moment, but he found he didn’t care.
He tried to make sense of what he was feeling. It was a bit like panic. It was a bit like joy. It felt like flying—giddiness and sheer, heart-stopping terror all rolled in one. It was the curve at the top of the big hill where the roller coaster train stops climbing, but gravity hasn’t quite pulled it down. It was the moment on top of the high board, knowing it was time to jump. It was a heartbeat of drawing breath, waiting to fall, waiting to scream. It was the most exhilarating moment of his life.
He wondered briefly how he’d manage to even go on living after this moment. He felt certain he’d never be able to think rationally again. He wondered how Levi would taste. He knew with sudden certainty he wanted to find out. He leaned a bit closer and heard Levi’s breath catch. He felt Levi’s breath against his lips.
“Jaime,” Levi said, his voice shaky. “I—”
“Hey!” yelled somebody to Jaime’s left, shattering their moment. “This is a public beach. People have families here you know!”
“Shit!” Levi said, and Jaime sighed. He didn’t open his eyes, but he felt Levi draw away from him. He felt the loss deep inside his chest. “Come on,” Levi said. “We should get back.”
Jaime didn’t know if the feeling flooding through him was disappointment or relief. It took him a moment to pull himself together. He had to assess each piece of himself, one step at a time. His heart was still beating a bit too fast. Air moved in and out of his lungs as it always had. His hands shook, and his knees felt like rubber.
He wondered if he’d lost his one and only chance to ever be kissed.
By the time he opened his eyes, Levi was halfway up the beach.
The worst part of it was, things between them over the next half hour were unusually awkward. Jaime was suddenly selfconscious of everything he said and everything he did, and Levi seemed unwilling to look at him. Jaime wondered if Levi regretted what had happened. And if he did, which part did he regret—the fact he’d almost kissed Jaime, or the fact they’d been interrupted?
When they got back to the hotel, Levi went in the bathroom to shower. Jaime checked the TV and was pleased to see Syfy was available. By the time Levi came out of the bathroom with a towel around his hips, beaded with water and looking unbelievably gorgeous, two coeds had been swallowed whole and Jaime felt marginally better. He felt more like himself again.
“There’s plenty of hot water left,” Levi told him, and Jaime was happy to see Levi’s normal smile again.
He took a ridiculously long shower. He wasn’t sure what had happened between them. Or almost happened. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to pursue it or if he wanted to maintain the status quo. In the end, the decision seemed to be moot. The only thing he could
really
do was get dressed and walk back out of the bathroom.
He put on his boxers and a T-shirt. When he emerged, Levi was wearing the shorts he usually wore to bed. His eyes were closed, but Jaime could tell he was awake by his breathing. He lay sideways across the bed, his feet hanging over the far edge. His head nearly hung off the near side. Dolly lay next to him, with her head across his stomach. Levi’s hand rested on her golden fur.
Jaime wasn’t sure what he wanted to happen, but he knew one thing—he wanted to touch Levi. There was a chair at the desk, and Jaime pulled it over next to the bed, so he could sit near Levi’s head, the same way he’d sit on the stool if Levi were on his massage table. He put his hands under Levi’s neck and pulled gently.
Levi didn’t open his eyes, but he smiled. “Should I take three deep breaths?”
“You can if you like,” Jaime said. He rubbed Levi’s scalp, running his fingers through his hair as he pulled it all up, away from his neck. He spent a long time doing it. He knew how much Levi liked this part of the massage. “How’s your back?” he asked as he worked.
“It was doing great until we spent three nights sleeping on the ground.”
Jaime laughed. “It’ll be nice to sleep in a bed again, won’t it?” He moved lower and began to work Levi’s neck. “Thank you for taking me to your parents’ house.”
“I’m glad you talked me into it.”
“It went well, didn’t it?”
“Better than I expected.” Levi sighed. “Better than it ever went before, that’s for sure.”
“You seemed reluctant to tell your family about quitting the club.”
“My job’s been a point of contention for a long time. I hate to let them think they won. It’s probably childish, but I didn’t want them to think I did it for them.”
“Why did you do it?”
“You keep asking me that.”
“You keep not answering.”
“I’m learning to be evasive.” Levi opened his eyes and tipped his head back to look up at him. “You taught me well.”
Jaime had to laugh. “Fine.”
They fell silent, and Jaime continued to work. He felt at peace. Massage allowed him to touch Levi and be close to him without feeling threatened. He rubbed Levi’s neck until he thought he’d done some good, then moved down and worked as much of his chest as he could reach from his position on the chair. When he was done, he smacked Levi playfully on the cheek to wake him up. “Why don’t you turn over now?”
Levi obediently rolled onto his stomach. Jaime hadn’t brought any oils, but he went in the bathroom and found the complimentary bottle of lotion. It wasn’t ideal, but it would work well enough. He climbed onto the bed and sat across Levi’s ass. He took the lid off the bottle and shook it over Levi’s back until a glop fell out and landed on Levi’s spine. Levi jumped, which made Jaime laugh.
“Fucking sadist,” Levi said.
“Do you want a massage or not?”
“Does it involve you torturing me?”
“Do you think that’s what I’m doing?” Jaime teased.
“You have no idea how much.”
“So you want me to stop?” he asked, trying not to laugh.
“Definitely not.”
“Okay then,” he said as he dropped more lotion onto Levi’s back, just to watch him jump. “Shut up and be good.”
“Yes, master.”
He started low on Levi’s back, which was extremely tight on one side, as it often was. He couldn’t make Levi do the movements that would help loosen it—not while sitting on him—so he settled for basic massage. Once the muscles had loosened a little, he moved up Levi’s spine. He’d massaged Levi many times, but only one other time had it been like this, straddling Levi as he lay on a bed, and as Jaime began to move higher on Levi’s back, he began to realize how arousing it was. Levi’s ass was soft underneath him, his crack cradling Jaime’s balls. He leaned forward to rub Levi’s neck and realized how good it felt to push against him. Levi’s hair was everywhere, covering his face, and Jaime pushed it up, off his face and his neck. He wanted to lean over and put his lips on the nape of his neck. He longed to lie on top of Levi, to see what it would feel like to be skin to skin with him.
He was becoming more and more aroused, his cock beginning to harden, and he wondered with embarrassment if Levi could tell. He’d certainly be able to tell if Jaime leaned too far forward, so he went back to Levi’s lower back. He rubbed his sciatica some, too, although only through Levi’s shorts. He worked and worked until Levi was limp and pliant beneath him, and until his own physical response was back under control.
“Better?” he asked.
It took Levi a moment to answer. He was so relaxed, Jaime thought he might have been half asleep. “Yes,” he finally said with a sigh.
“Good.” The movie was over, and Jaime started to reach for the remote, but Levi’s voice stopped him.
“Jaime?”
“Yes?”
“God, I love you so much.”
Jaime’s heart jumped in his chest. For one fraction of a second he thought Levi meant it. But then he realized Levi was talking about the massage. Jaime smiled. He leaned over and kissed Levi’s temple before rolling off him to grab the remote. “I know,” he said to Levi. “That’s what all my clients say.”

Their car was fixed by two o’clock on Monday afternoon, but even driving too fast and barely stopping on the way, it was after midnight by the time they got home. Levi was glad his interview with the nursery wasn’t until Thursday. That meant he’d have two more days to study. He’d found some of his old textbooks at his parents’ house and spent as much time as he could re-reading them during their stay in Georgetown and on the drive home. He’d forgotten far more than he liked to admit.

Jaime groaned as they climbed the stairs to Levi’s apartment. “I have to be awake again in three hours.”
“Your first appointment isn’t until nine-thirty.”
“I put one of the reschedules at eight.”
“Sleep until seven at least,” Levi urged, although he was sure Jaime wouldn’t listen. Once inside, Jaime crawled straight into Levi’s bed and fell fast asleep. Levi lay awake in bed, watching him sleep, as he seemed to do so often.
He thought about how close he’d come to kissing Jaime on the beach. He’d wanted to so much, but he’d been afraid of scaring Jaime away. He’d stood there, holding Jaime’s hand, wondering if he should do it, wondering if he was about to ruin everything, wishing Jaime would give him some kind of sign. And then…he had! He’d leaned forward, as if he was reaching for Levi, as if he longed for the kiss as much as Levi did, and Levi had known a moment of pure joy.
Until the asshole next to them had ruined it.
Back at the hotel, lying underneath Jaime had been a wonderful form of torture, especially for those few minutes when he could have sworn Jaime was as aroused as he was.
It had been surprisingly easy to confess his feelings to Jaime. Then again, he’d known when he said the words that Jaime wouldn’t believe him. It didn’t matter. Whether Jaime had believed them or not, Levi had meant them with all his heart. And by saying them aloud, he’d made them real, to himself at least. He loved Jaime. He loved him so much sometimes he thought he must certainly be losing his mind. It was hard to believe his heart could go on beating minute after minute, day after day, when it felt so distorted and huge and fragile. But go on beating it did. And he could only hope each beat brought him a second closer to being with Jaime.
He was unbelievably nervous for his job interview on Thursday. He was sure he didn’t remember enough to be of any benefit to the nursery, but it seemed they disagreed because he was offered the job. It was a part-time position and it paid very little. By some random stroke of luck, he received a second job offer the same day, this one for a bartender position at one of the local golf courses. He would have preferred the nursery, but the job at the golf course was full-time for better pay and it included tips. He swallowed his pride and accepted the fact that, for a little longer at least, he was to remain a bartender.
The position was for weekdays. Working Monday through Friday nine-thirty to six was going to be a big change from working weekend nights at the club, but he was looking forward to it, especially since it left his evenings and weekends free to be with Jaime. However, it also meant giving up his massage appointments.
He had a massage scheduled for that afternoon, and Jaime smiled when Levi told him it would have to be his last one.
“Your last appointment during my regular business hours maybe,” he said. “I’m sure we can make other arrangements.”
“You’re willing to torture me on the weekends?” Levi asked.
“Only because you’re such a willing victim.”
He sure couldn’t deny that. “So I get more massages like the one in Charleston?”
He was pleased to see Jaime blush. “Maybe,” Jaime said, smiling, but refusing to meet Levi’s eyes. “The truth is you don’t need to come as often as you do. We’ve had your psoas straightened out for a long time now. I should’ve moved you to every other week by now anyway.”
“Really? So why didn’t you?”
“Because I like taking your money.”
It was an obvious lie. Jaime had quit charging him for massages weeks earlier, arguing it was the least he could do in return for staying at Levi’s apartment every night. “I think it’s because you really are a bit of a sadist and you like torturing me.”
Jaime smiled. “How about on laundry day?” Laundry day was a new thing for them. Jaime had realized shortly before Thanksgiving that Levi still took his dirty clothes to a Laundromat. He offered to let him do his laundry at his house instead. Since Jaime was so seldom at his own house anymore, it had become a regular thing for them to spend Sunday afternoons together at Jaime’s house while the washer and dryer ran.
“It’s a deal,” Levi told him.
He was embarrassed when his mother called a few days later and he had to confess he was once again working at a bar. He hadn’t even wanted his family to know he’d left The Zone, but now they did know, he wanted to prove to them he could do better. And yet, maybe he couldn’t.
“Don’t worry about it a bit, honey,” his mother told him. “You may not have found the place you want to be quite yet, but it’s still better than where you were.”
Working the golf course bar was a strange change of pace from The Zone. Some days the place was completely dead. Some days it was unbelievably busy. His fellow bartender was a woman in high heels and a mini-skirt who told him, with a straight face, that her name was Candy Rose. She was about his age with fake breasts the size of small watermelons. The male golfers ignored Levi in favor of Candy, and for the first time in his life, Levi found himself dealing almost entirely with women. Not just any women, either. Most of them were older than he was, and not a bit shy about coming on to him. Their sexual aggression made him surprisingly uncomfortable.
“Just flirt with them,” Candy told him.
“I can’t,” Levi countered. At the club, there wasn’t much casual flirtation. Either you weren’t interested in the other guy or you went in the back room and fucked. There wasn’t much middle ground. “I don’t want any of them to think I’ll sleep with them.”
Candy laughed so hard, she almost fell off of her chair. “Look, loverboy, they don’t want to sleep with you. All they want is to flirt and feel sexy again. Then they can go home to their fat, inattentive husbands and their ungrateful kids, and they can think, ‘At least somebody still sees me as a woman.’ You’re not leading them on. You’re just reminding them they’ve still got it. That’s all they want.”
Levi still wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do, but a little bit of flirting with them did do wonders for his pay. His tips practically doubled. And he soon started to realize Candy was right. Most of the women he flirted with wanted nothing more to do with him.