Manhattan Muse: A Contemporary Romance (10 page)

I stirred my simmering rice around the pan and set the spoon back in its holder. As I watched everything steam in front
of my face, my thoughts wandered back to Nate. I hadn’t spoken to him in days mostly because of his work schedule and this was the third day in a row that he had stood me up on our Skype call. Despite his efforts to stay in touch as much as possible, this was beginning to be harder than I first thought. I missed him tremendously, and the thought of the word “soon” only made me resentful.

He had
lied when he had said it, but who wouldn’t have? I know he didn’t want to break my heart, but I was still in my most fragile state of mind. I needed someone now more than ever. When he had flown to see me in the hospital, I was unconscious so there was no recollection of how long the days in between his visits were. I couldn’t help but be a little angered that, after I got better, his work came before me.

I need
you
, I texted before sitting down to eat another meal by myself.

Each bite I took in silence pierced another hole in my heart. After five weeks, there were now so many that it was becoming difficult to pretend everything was OK. So, when I heard music fill my ears from outside of my window, I felt an overwhelming amount of guilt.

As the acoustic chords wafted up to my floor, I set my fork on my plate and climbed into my circular balcony.

Below, Adam was strumming his guitar and looking straight at my window. Passersby were furiously snapping pictures while screaming, but as our eyes met I knew he wasn’t interested in pleasing them. For once, all of his attention was on me.

He stood up and sang each word with conviction, as if they were the last he would ever sing.

“Oh I had a lot to say,” Adam sang. Each one of his fingers plucked the strings gently as if he was touching the most fragile thing in this world. “Was thinking on my time
away. I missed you and things weren’t the same.”

His breath let the words linger in the chilling wind before being swept away down the avenues.

“I’m sorry I’m bad, I’m sorry your blue,” Adam sang. As his eyes glistened with purity, I couldn’t help myself. “I’m sorry about all the things I said to you and I know, I can’t take it back.”

He took a step towards me as he pushed fans out of the way.

“I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds, and baby the way you make my world go ‘round, and I just wanted to say…”

The guitar left his hands and swung behind him, leaving him with open arms. He blew me the most heartfelt kiss before his grand finale, complete with his signature high notes.

“I’m sorry.”

I pressed my hand to the window in recognition of his poured out heart on 7
th
Ave and watched him turn up the street. His hands filled his pockets as if their contents would be taken out from under him as well.

It took four days for me to cave. My heart lunged out of my chest as I hit send, and I felt the crippling vulnerability I had felt years prior until he responded.

I suppose I have been very rude to you, what with you helping me get back on my feet and everything.

When I didn’t receive a response, I sent another even though I knew his game through and through. He always did this – made me feel guilty so that I would come crawling back. However, this time it was my fault. I had seen his “anonymous” checks being deposited into my account despite our refusal to speak to each other, and I had never once thanked him.

Baby, I’m sorry. You know where to find me if you choose to give me a chance to explain.

I waited five minutes before throwing my phone in my bag and setting off for the dance studio.

Adam didn’t respond to me. In fact, I was almost positive he was ignoring me, and if there is one thing I hate, it is being ignored. The kicker is that he knows that.

This led me to booting up my laptop and researching him online. After his fiasco outside of my window, YouTube was blowing up with uploaded videos from every street angle possible. Scrolling past that nonsense, I made my way through the g
ossip sites. None of them were of particular interest – Adam sporting a certain brand, Adam eating here, Adam sighted there - but then one caught my eye.

“Adam sighted with new dancing beau,” the headline read. It was coupled with a photo of them walking through
Soho hand in hand.

As I scrolled through the slideshow, it showed them in their most intimate public moments kissing, cuddling, and admiring each other. My heart sank into my chest with envy
as I recognized her. How dare she.

Melanie, my biggest rival, was a dancer on my crew when I used to tour with Adam. She was always jealous and always trying to one-up me because I was the best. She had always had a crush on Adam, but I had once made it apparent that he was mine. In what I deemed respect, he had never pursued her. Until now, that is.

After everything I had been put through, this is how she repaid me. I hadn’t received a phone call, a gift, a visit, or even a death wish from her since the day I stepped into that hospital. Perhaps she was hoping I would rot in there so she could finally get what she wanted – Adam.

As I stewed in my seat, I stared a hole into my phone. Picking it up, I made it so that the playing field was even.

Adam, I need you
.

No one takes from Molly
Sharpiro without feeling her wrath. Game on, Melanie.

It only took two hours for Adam to find me. Dancing alone in the studio, I let the floor feel my fury. When I heard the double doors click back in place over the blasting music, I turned on my heel.

Staring at him while continuing my routine, I felt my tear ducts pull at my bottom lids. My madness spilled out before I had reached him across the dance floor and I watched as he outstretched his arms to meet my own.

Twirling me around him inches from the floor, I ended the song on my knees hugging his pant legs.

“Why?” I sighed as I peered up at him.

“Why what?”
Adam said, sternly.

“Why would you do that?” I said. “Melanie?
Really?”

“Because you were mean to me,” Adam said, angered.

“I know,” I said, crumbling like I knew I shouldn’t. “And I’m sorry.”

“Sorry is not good enough,” Adam said. “You can’t just say you are sorry and then everything will be OK. It’
s more complicated than that.”

I brought myself to my feet and took his hands in mine.

“I know,” I said, starting to cry more. “I want to fix it. Give me a chance to fix this.”

“I don’t know,” Adam said. “I don’t trust you. After everything-”

“I know!” I yelled before breaking down. “I feel like a horrible person.” I pushed myself into him and melted as I felt the one thing I had been longing for months – human touch. “I’m so selfish, but it’s only because I felt like the world had been taken out from under me. I’m trying to get back on my feet. I didn’t realize how much I was taking for granted.”

I felt his arms wrap around me and I sighed as he squeezed my delicate frame. His stubble brushed the side of my cheek and I could feel his lips graze my ear. The sensation sent me through the roof. My mind clouded as I felt myself winning. As if Adam was the prize. As if Mel
anie was a small feat compared to the battle I fought months prior.

“I want to be your Moo-Moo,” I said childishly. My shaky breath blew his tattered T-shirt collar which sent cascading shivers down Adam’
s body. I felt it ripple against mine.

“You always will be,” Adam said, cupping my bottom through my leggings to
hold me.

“She has an M-name too,” I reasoned. I felt Adam’s smile press against my cheek before turning into a light peck.

“Well, honestly, it would be Mimi,” Adam said, holding me tight. “And we know there’s only one me.” He set me down as we laughed at his ridiculous comment. “Let me know if you ever not think about only yourself in the coming days.”

I nodded before he left without saying goodbye. It was the end to his signature guilt trip, but I couldn’t help
but fall for it once again.

Two nights later, Adam and I had agreed to meet at a club in the Meat Packing District. I swiped mascara across my eyelashes as I listened to my heater hiss in the corner of my bathroom. Despite it giving me every hint that it was below freezing outside, I decided to ignore its pleas and gamble with my health.

I zipped up a rather risqué swoop neck cocktail dress. It housed neon on
black, and screamed “Look at me.”

Picking up my phone, I pressed its screen until I was brought to
Nate and I’s chain of messages. Well, more like one-sided string of messages. I saw my bubble line the entire side of the screen and decided to add another to it in hopes that this time, he would respond.

Hope you are doing OK. I haven’t heard from you in a while. You must be super busy!

I looked myself up and down in the mirror and brushed over my imperfections once more. Smoothing my dress down my curves, I checked my phone once more before leaving the apartment. When I saw that there was no response, I got passive aggressive.

You know, the point of engaging you in conversation centers around my hope that I won’t end up talking to myself.

I walked out of my front door feeling bullet proof. I had shown him, and I would show him again tonight with Adam by my side looking like a million bucks.

When he greeted me at the door of the club and like me in as his exclusive guest, I smiled evilly as I collected girls’ scowls. I was back in the game as paparazzi flashes danced across my bare skin, and I wasn’t going anywhere.

At this point, I didn’t realize the consequences of my actions.

“What are you drinking, Moo?” Adam said with a sinful grin.

“Something lethal,” I said. Adam ordered me a bright neon green drink that glowed with the spotlights before leading me back to his table. His hand stayed on the small of my back to show others that I was his. This made a jolt of energy travel to my region just like old times.

As Adam’s new hit blared from the speakers, screams erupted from the dance floor as dubstep was put behind it
for club effect. He pulled away from my side to take in the energy of his fame. As he sang the words with his signature dance atop of our platform, girls went wild below.

Some were almost crying. Most were drunk. Others flashed him their goods so that they could see his appreciation stretch across his perfect mouth. As it gleamed around his glistening skin, I saw that this is where he thrived. He was meant to be the center of attention, whether he was born this way or fame had turned him this way.

My mind got caught on that last thought, an expression of gloom casting over my face.

“Cheer up,” Adam’s band mate said, slapping my back with a little too much force. Its contact brought me back to the dance floor. “This is as high as you are going to get. Remember how much you loved this?”

Adam turned around and took my hand in his, pulling me to the edge of the platform. He pressed his lips into mine and let them linger a few extra moments for emphasis. Pulling away and handing me my drink, he smiled his infamous smile before turning me into him to dance.

This was memory I had in which each sequence of events happened in succession. The rest was a blur, jumping from one to another with who knows how many hours in between.

The door crashed in its frame as my back was slammed up against it. Adam’s lips cascaded across mine, entangling them in their plight. I felt his breath relay a laugh across my face and I saw once again that candid grin.

“Ah,” Adam said, pressing into me. “How I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” I tried to slur. My fingers entangled in his hair as he ripped off his shirt, buttons flying everywhere and driving me wild.
“So hot.”

I looked around the room to see where they
had scattered but when my eyes wouldn’t focus, I jumped him and landed us on the bed. Setting my clutch on the bedside table clumsily, I heard all of my things spill out of it. Adam broke away so that he could pick them all up, but I slapped his bare skin, turning a new tattoo that I had never seen before bright red.

“No,” I said. Adam looked at me like I was nuts before his body caught up to his shock and reacted positively from underneath me. I let out a drunken chuckle. “
Mmm, someone likes being slapped around.”

“I suppose you think I deserve it,” Adam said, watching my nails wrap around the edges of his new ink. Laying him back on the bed, I scanned the rest of his body and saw a few new outlines that hadn’t been there before. “You like?”

“Does it matter?” I slurred, shooting him a sarcastic glare. He pulled me down by the neckline of my dress. Kissing me furiously, he flipped us over and pressed me into the bed. I found it convenient that I blacked out once again.

A tri-tone brought me back to life. Looking around the room, I saw that I was being held against the bed frame, Adam on his knees devouring my neck with harsh bites. I winced with each one, which he mistook for pleasure. When I tried to push his head back, he fought me to stay.

With my screen still flashing its beam in my face, I turned my head to look. I stared at it for what felt like forever, praying to God to help my eyes focus. In and out, I saw my vision come closer to focus before blurring as it gave up expelling that much effort.

I felt Adam make his way down to my chest, each kiss becoming lighter as he got closer to my lady lumps. Despite the distraction, I didn’t take my eyes off of the phone’s screen.

I caught
Nate’s name before the screen cut off and Adam’s lips met my soft nipple. I thrust into him on contact in ecstasy. I felt the warm of his laughter on my chest making my nipples erect with arousal before he pulled them back into his mouth for another light suck.

My eyelids fluttered as my hands tugged his hair, guiding his
mouth where I wanted –
needed
– it to. When he pulled back and locked my arms behind my head, I became confused.

“You’ll get a little more after you give me what I deserve,” Adam said, continuing to grin. “You’ve put me through Hell, and frankly, I don’t appreciate feeling as if I have been taken advantage of.”

I felt my heart creep into my throat in fear at what I knew was coming next.

“Adam,” I tried to articulate, squirming underneath him. “No.”

He pressed me violently against the bed frame, making a jagged edge jab into my spine.

“I don’t ask for much,” Adam said. “You wanted rough earlier when you slapped me, so you will get rough.”

“No,” I said, fighting to get away. This only made his lock on me stronger. “No! Stop!”

It was at this point that I realized none of the words I had been saying were coming out right. I wasn’t saying another. In fact, all they came out as were immense giggles. I saw my phone light up again on the bedside table and a part of my brain registered
Nate once more.

Looking towards it, I saw the words
I’m worried
flash before my eyes.

Keeping me pinned to the bed with one arm, Adam proceeded to unbutton his pants with the other. I felt a scream bubble up from within my throat before I found the strength within me to throw him across the room.

He landed hard against the TV stand, his back hitting the corner, and its contents falling on top of him. I watched as he laid there as if nothing fazed him – no pain, no anger, and no emotion. His eyes glazed over as if on a different planet.

It was then I realized that I was tripping on PCP.

Getting up as fast as I could, I grabbed as many of my things that I could before tripping and falling over all the way out the door. I watched as the hallway twirled in front of my eyes. I remember making it to the elevator before disappearing from my memory once more.

I
walked down the sidewalk belting out lyrics, my dress aiding me in pulling a Tara Reid. As I pulled it back up I saw passersby staring at me.

“Just when things can’t get worse,” I shouted
, slurring and wobbling with every move. “I’ve had a shit day. You’ve had a shit day. We’ve had a shit day!”

The wind was crippling as it blew me over with every other step.

“Hey, stop it,” I heard someone say.

“I’m wide awake,”
I sang, picking myself back up. “I know it’s gonna be… I know it’s gonna be…”

I twirled to hit the high note with a high kick and ended up eating pavement.

“Molly!” the voice called before the set of perfect arms swept me off my feet and into the tye-dyed sunset on the back of a white horse.

“Sit down, baby, come on,” Nate said as he received horn honks with his brake dancing. “I’m not going to tell you again!”

His voice was stern. When I saw his finger pointed in my face, I lowered myself back into the seat.

“Put on your damn seat belt,” Nate yelled, shifting the car into a lower gear and jetting off through the lanes. “And shut your mouth.”

I felt my face scrunch up and I started to cry despite not having any emotions being sent to my brain.

“You are lucky you could even remember how to hit send,” Nate said. “Thank God for GPS tracking on smart phones. Hey, close your eyes. You’re freaking me out with that awakened REM.”

I did as I was told before losing myself in another fantasy, one where I was jetting off into space and free floating around the stars. As one erupted in my view, I reached out my hand and touched its burning warmth. I felt as it touched me back, lacing its ruminants with my fingers before we both fell from gravity’
s reign.

I heard the twist of a faucet and water hit my skin shortly after. Contracting as it hit me like needles, I saw Nate jump in with me and shield me from attack, drawing my body into his. With his lips pressed against my forehead, we stood in the water letting it drip and pool under us.

As my eyes focused on his chest within view, I saw ink splashed across his skin being washed away down the drain.

“I knew it,” I said, reaching out a finger to touch where it was. “It was temporary.”

Despite my high, I knew it was then that
Nate realized I had done what he had wished I hadn’t. This only made his grip tighter and his heart beat tattoo my eardrum with a new song.