Man Up Stepbrother (12 page)

Chapter 13

Jagger

I toss a blanket over us and pull Allie into my arms as I stare up at the starry sky. Although she keeps denying it, I can tell she's worn out. She's yawned three times in the last five minutes, but I don't call her on it because I don't want to let her go. I'm not sure where she stands on us, and I don't want this to be a one-time deal.

I'm not used to this feeling. A fullness I've never experienced expands in my chest. I'm content and happy. Seriously. Fucking. Happy. I look up at the stars in the inky sky and wish this feeling would never end.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Yes," she answers with a yawn.

I laugh. "I think I worked you over. We should probably get going."

She rolls off me and leans on her elbow, resting her head in her hand, staring at me. "Thank you. Tonight is one of my all-time favorite nights."

I'm not sure if I should broach the subject, but there's no time like the present.

"What do you say to us having more nights like this? I mean a lot more."

She traces her pointer finger along my chest, following the lines etched in my skin from hours of physical training.

"I'd like that. A lot."

"Me too." I turn on my side, mirroring her position. "You know they'll be home soon," I say, referring to our parents.

"I know." Her eyes drop, right along with her smile.

I crook my finger under her chin and lift her face until her eyes meet mine again. "Nothing has to change."

"Right. Our parents will be absolutely fine with us screwing in the room down the hall from them."

"We could screw at my place," I wiggle my eyebrows.

"You know what I mean."

"So we're not blatant about it. We ease them into it."

"I don't think it will matter. Besides, it'll be hard to sneak around together. We know too many people, someone will see us, and then it's too easy to slip up."

I cradle her face in my hand. She needs to understand that while tonight was fantastic, for me, it's not just about having fun. It's about feeling things for her I've never felt before. It's about being with her and wanting to kick the ever-loving shit out of anyone who even thinks of touching her. It's about waking to her soft, peaceful breathing in the middle of the night and knowing I'm where I should be. It's about being able to leave the nightmares of my past there, where they belong.

"I don't know if you're embarrassed or what your deal is. All I can tell you is whatever this is between us is real. And it matters to me. You matter to me."

Her soft gray eyes puddle with tears, and it guts me. She doesn't want more than this.

"Every time I think I have you figured out, you shock me. You're this big, pig-headed bull of a man, but then you go and say something or do something so sweet I can't help but fall harder for you."

I reach in front of her for her free hand and entwine our fingers.

"Since we're both falling, let’s hold on tight. This way when we land it'll be together and in one piece."

*

Four days pass of peaceful bliss. Four days of coming home to cooked dinners and the greatest sex of my life. Four days of Allie being the last thing I see before going to bed at night and the first thing I see in the morning.

This is a new shot at life for me. This is the life I want. Simple. Sweet. While sparks crackle and ignite in the air around us when we're near, our time together is peaceful. Devoid of bombs and bullets. But I still can't bring myself to make it official. It feels like I'm betraying Austin's memory by not going back. I'm running out of time. I need to make a decision - discharge or reenlist.

"Looks like things are going well," Noah says, bringing me back to the moment.

"Yeah," I smile, looking back at the kitchen. "Really good." I grin like a five year old on his birthday. It's nice to be around people and not have to keep my hands and lips off her.

"That's great," Noah says, patting me on the shoulder. "Troy still giving you shit about being a better brother to her?"

"He's so fucking dense."

Noah laughs. "Don't be so hard on him. He's a good guy. He tries to do the right the thing, that's all."

"Right thing or not, I'm never going to look at Allie like a sister. Ever. I hope I got that through to him. Because if this doesn't work..." I shake my head, unable to finish the sentence. Mostly because I don't want to consider it falling apart.

"I hear you. Which is why you should tell him. If you get him on board, it might help when you tell your parents." A long moment goes by before either of us speak. "You are planning on telling your parents, aren't you?"

"Yeah, of course," I answer, interrupted by the girls giggling.

"You boys are awfully quiet," Lexi says, carrying a tray of cups, saucers, and sugar and cream. Allie's a step behind her, carrying a carafe of coffee in one hand and a teakettle in the other.

"Just telling Noah more of your secrets," I tease as the girls pour.

Lexi's smile disappears. Her color pales.

"There's more?" Noah asks with raised brows.

"Go on, Lex. Tell him," I taunt, taking a sip of my coffee.

"I swear, Jagger. I hate you," she says through narrowed eyes.

"Are you fucking kidding me? There's more?" Noah eyes us both with a dark look. 

Lexi squeezes her eyes shut. "It's really not a big deal." She takes a sip of tea to buy herself some time.

"Then cut to it and tell me."

"Okay fine." Lexi throws an angry look my way before continuing. "Do you remember that really big girl, Coleen?"

"How can I forget? She wouldn't leave me alone. The crazy chick stalked me my entire senior year. She followed me everywhere, including the bathroom, and spread rumors that we were fucking."

Lexi nods with a sheepish look in her eyes. "Um. I guess that's because I said I heard you tell Cooper that you were in love with her and masturbated to thoughts of her in the shower," Lexi's voice drops lower with each word.

Now the color's drained from Noah's face.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I thought you said I was fat and disgusting...do we really need to rehash this again?"

I can't keep my laughter contained any longer. It erupts in my chest.

"Shut up, Jagger!" Lexi warns. "How did you even find out?"

"I had no idea," I say, trying to hide my shit-eating grin.

Noah shakes his head. "Do you have any idea what kind of hell you put me through?" he asks.

Lexi shrugs her shoulders. "Sorry?" she says as more of a question than a statement. "Speaking of sorry, Jagger, you better watch your ass. Payback is a bitch."

"Calm down there, tiger," I say, reaching for Allie's hand. It's our last night alone together, and I plan to give her a record number of orgasms. "You'll need to wait until next time. Allie and I are running late for a hot date with her mattress."

*

"What
is
the deal with you and Lexi?"

"Told you, there's no deal."

"There's more than you're letting on. If anyone else caused so much shit between her and Noah, she'd kick their ass if Noah didn't do it first. But she lets you off the hook. And you're different with her."

"Like I told Noah, we're just friends, that's all we've ever been. I don't have to be guarded around her because no matter what I say, she's not going to take me too seriously. And Lexi's my safe person."

"Safe person?"

"She's the only person that ever truly accepted me without trying to get me to be more like Troy. She's a good sounding board. If I go to her for advice, she'll give it to me straight, whether it's what I want to hear or not. And she's always been crazy about Noah. So if I give her a compliment and tell her she's hot, I've never had to worry about her wanting more from me."

"More is a problem?"

"It was. More was out of the question. Before you."

Silence falls between us again.

"Jagger, I need to ask you a question."

"Shoot."

She takes a deep breath before continuing, and I know whatever her question is, it's serious.

"Are you going back?"

My gut twists. Fuck. I still have a few days left to decide. I don't want to think about this. Not when I can focus on how good it feels to be with Allie.

"To Noah and Lexi's, yeah, sure. I thought we had a good time tonight."

"You know that's not what I mean," she pulls her hand out of mine. Fine, but that doesn't mean I'm letting her go anywhere. I rest my hand on her thigh and move it up and down. I know how she responds to me, and I don't mind using physical persuasion to end this conversation.

"I'm not sure," I admit.

"Oh." She turns and looks out the window.

"Would it bother you if I did?"

She shrugs. "You need to do what you need to do."

I reach for the back of her neck and thread my fingers through her hair. "The truth is, I haven't made my decision yet. I guess what I need to know before I do is, do I have a reason to stay?"

She turns her tear-filled eyes my way. "And I need to know that there is a possibility of a future between us. If not, what are we doing?"

I shrug. "Having fun."

I know it's the wrong thing to say before the words spill out of my mouth. I know she's looking for assurances, and she deserves them. I'm just not sure if I could give them. Is she the best thing to happen to me? No question. Do I feel more for her than I've ever felt toward any woman that isn't either my mother or my niece? Absolutely. Is that enough for me to forgive myself for what went down, enough to keep me here at home and out of the line of fire? That's what I've yet to decide.

My answer is met with silence. A long, deep silence.

The cab of my truck feels like a meat locker from the shift in energy between us. I didn't want to lie to her, but I don't want this to end either. I just want to stop time and freeze it to see if I could really let go of the past.

"Don't shut down on me, Allie," I say, parking the car. I kill the engine and reach for her hand. "You accused me of running away. Maybe you're right. Maybe that's my MO. I'm trying not to this time."

"You're still running away. Only this time you're running away from me."

I cradle her face in my hands and speak earnestly. "No. I'm not. If anything, I'm running toward you. I want to do the right thing. I want to be someone worthy of your heart. Someone you might be able to love someday."

"Jagger, please don't. Don't go back there." Her bottom lip trembles, and all I want is to kiss away her fears. "You're not a coward. You have a choice. Choose not to go."

I can't help myself, I lean in and skim my lips over hers. Warm, sweet lips. I lean my forehead against hers and close my eyes.

"People died because of me. My unit. My best friend." I squeeze my eyes closed, pushing the images back where they belong. "How can I get on with my life and pretend it never happened?"

"So you're going back."

I turn away and lean my head against the headrest, realizing I made my decision. "I guess so."

I hear the passenger door slam as Allie jumps out of the truck. Four days of bliss is apparently all I'm going to get.

Chapter 14

Allie

My throat burns as shrill, ear-splitting screams fill the air. My screams. Screams of fear and disbelief. Tears stream from my eyes. My stomach churns. I'm fighting to hold its contents in place, but I know already this is a fight I'm going to lose.

The smell alone is enough to knock me off my feet. Add the sight to it, and I don't know how I'm still standing. Blood and guts are pooled around the carcass of something mid-sized and furry. I don't know what it is. A dog? A large cat? A raccoon?

The sickening part is this unrecognizable thing didn't just die, it was killed and sliced open, its insides pulled out. I know I shouldn't look, but I can't help myself. The back of my throat burns as bile and half-digested food in my stomach come spilling out of my mouth.

"Shh. It's okay," Jagger soothes as he appears beside me at the front door. He turns me away from the atrocity and pulls my hair back away from my face. I retch, and then retch some more. My stomach keeps forcing up whatever is left in it until I'm dry heaving.

"It's okay, Aleena. You’re safe. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

When I've emptied my stomach completely and I'm standing up straight, Jagger pulls his shirt off and uses it to wipe around my mouth. Before I could turn back to look at the blood and guts spilled on the ground before me, Jagger's hands rest on either side of my head and stop me.

My eyes dart down to the ground, but he moves so he's blocking my view. His face is inches from mine, and all I see are those dark eyes that have become so familiar. The dark eyes I've learned to turn to and trust.

"Don't," he orders, his face deadly serious, his eyes unwavering. I nod. He doesn't have to tell me twice. "We're going to get back in my truck. Understand?"

"Yes," I utter.

"Good. We're going back to my place, and once I get you settled, I'll come back and take care of this. Got it?"

I nod and let him lead the way. As soon as we speed away, Jagger starts making calls. My mind isn't able to processing anything. I'm numb, or in shock. Things like this don't just happen. This wasn't a random case of vandalism. Someone did this on purpose.

Who would do something like that?

Between my tires and the accident, Jagger's been insisting someone's out to hurt me. I didn't believe him. Now, I have to agree. And I'm terrified.

Jagger parks his truck and orders me to stay put. He gets out and takes a quick call as he looks around the area while getting me out. A still-shirtless Jagger has me tucked into his side as we move swiftly to his front door where a large, hulking figure waits.

My trembling body refuses to move as I shrink further into Jagger.

"It's okay, Allie. Ox is a friend."

I take a good look at the large man standing in front of us. Ox. The name fits the behemoth blond man.

"Hi, Allie," he says as we approach. I don't respond. Instead, I look this massive man over and gasp in horror when I see the firearm in his hand.

"No!" I dig in my heels and pull Jagger back. He must not see it. He must not realize this Ox isn't someone we can trust.

Jagger's eyes follow my line of sight.

"It's okay. He's not going to hurt you. I promise." Jagger takes a step, but my feet are glued to the cement beneath them. "Trust me, Aleena. You know I'd never let anything happen to you. Just get inside and I'll explain."

I don't want to go. I don't want to take the chance, but I trust Jagger. I go against my better judgment and follow. Once we're past the door, Ox leaves us and searches the rooms with his pistol up and at the ready.

"All clear," he calls out. Jagger leads me into the bedroom and sits me on the bed.

I feel like I'm in the middle of a bad movie that just took an unthinkable turn.
What the fuck is going on?
  One minute we were having fun, and the next, it all came crumbling down around us. I watch Jagger pull a shirt over his head, and I'm met with remorse. I know what it means. He's going back. And he's going to leave me behind. I don't want to be away from him for a minute.

Jagger kneels at the side of the bed and reaches underneath. When he emerges, he has a gun in either hand. My mouth is dry as I watch him slam a magazine into one and holster it around his ankle.

Jagger's eyes are dead serious when he turns his attention back to me. He reaches for my hand and places the second gun in it. It's heavy and I'm shaking so bad, I'm afraid I'm going to drop it and set it off.

"No!" Sometime in the last five minutes, my pulse rate spiked and my heart decided it wants to bail on me and is trying to burst through my chest.

"It's not loaded."

"I don't care. I hate guns. They kill people."

"Look at me, Aleena." His face is serious, stern. He's not giving me a choice. "Guns don't kill people. People kill people. And I'm not about to give someone the chance to hurt you. This is just a precaution. That's all. You should be safe here. And Ox is staying to protect you, but I want you armed just in case."

"I can't." A stream of hot, salty tears falls from my eyes. "I don't know how to use it, and I'm so scarred. Please, no."

Jagger's hands cradle my face as he steps in, bringing us chest to chest, stroking his thumbs over my skin. "Look at me." He doesn't move, doesn't speak again until I do as I'm told. "You got this. All you’re going to do is make sure you're ready in case an uninvited guest walks through this door. Understand?"

"Jagger," I try to protest, but he's having none of it.

"You're not going to sit back and let someone hurt you, are you?"

"No."

"Good. If someone gets by Ox, which is doubtful, and comes in here, they mean to hurt you. The only thing you do if that happens is stop them. Understand?"

I nod.

"You don't ask questions. You don't hesitate. You're not out to get anyone, but if someone busts into my apartment uninvited, they came looking for trouble. Right?"

"Right."

Jagger holds my rapt attention as he goes through the motions of showing me what to do, how to hold the gun sideways with my elbows pointing in opposite directions, and pull the slide back. How to hold the weapon up and look through the sight to take aim.

We go through the motions, again and again and again. I don't complain about the repetition because as long as he's instructing me, he's with me.

"Don't forget. You're going to aim for center mass. Right here," Jagger says, patting his chest for emphasis.

"Jagger, please don't leave me."

"Come here, sunshine." He takes the weapon out of my hands and wraps me up in his embrace. "Believe me, the last thing I want to do right now is leave you, but our parents are coming home tomorrow. I need to go clean that up and make sure the house is safe."

"What if it's not?"

I feel his chest rumble as he chuckles. "You don't need to worry your pretty little head about that. As long as I know I have you here waiting for me, I'll be fine."

"I'll always wait for you." I squeeze my eyes tight, and it's painful to say the words, but I need to say them, and I think he needs to hear them. "Even when you reenlist. I'll be here waiting for every phone call, every letter. Every minute, until you come home to me."

Jagger's mouth meets mine and my lips part, inviting him in. Our tongues crash then swirl in rhythm with one another. His arms tighten around me, and one hand reaches up to the back of my neck and holds my head to his as he deepens the kiss. I feel every stroke of his tongue on my heart. I don't want this kiss to end, because I'm terrified of what will happen when it does.